Bi to Who You Think You Are

'Do you have handcuffs?'

'Several pairs.'

'Why didn't you tell me this?' I asked curiously.

'I don't know. Because it's weird to pull out toys you used with old lovers with a new one?'

'But you've had sex with other people since we've been together,' I argued. 'That's more intimate than using a pair of handcuffs you might have put on someone else.'

My lover shook his head. 'No. The random sex is meaningless. The sex I had with some of my partners was more than some pointless physical act. The handcuffs are part of that.'

I mulled that over.

'I don't have a problem using the handcuffs if you don't,' I said eventually.

'I have no issue with it.'

I thought back to Samara telling me that Brent was technically a switch, not a submissive.

'Would you be willing to submit to me?' I asked.

'Sure.'

'Really?'

'Mmm,' he agreed. 'Seeing Valery tonight made me a bit jealous. Submitting is incredibly liberating. I'd love you to take control.'

My heart quickened. Things were taking an unexpected, but quite welcomed, turn.

'How would I know what to do with you?' I asked.

'Do whatever you want. I don't like anything beyond mild pain, I don't want you to leave any marks that'll still be there on Monday, and I'm not into watersports or scat but other than that, I'm pretty free and open to whatever you might want.'

'Watersports or scat?'

'Piss and shit.'

I laughed. 'People really do that? It's not just a joke?'

As I've said, I was sheltered and repressed. Brett just smiled wryly at my innocence, and finished driving us back to his place.

We went to one of the spare rooms where he dug out a plastic crate filled with bondage gear. I picked through and found handcuffs, a collar and what I thought might be a blindfold but was actually a gag. I put the latter back, not interested in having his mouth out of action.

'You don't have a blindfold,' I said.

'No, the only time I ever bought one was that time you, me and Samara were at her hotel.'

'Why?'

'I wanted to see if you'd touch me or get involved if you knew I wasn't watching you.'

I thought back to that night. 'She said I could fuck you,' I said. 'She said you wouldn't have cared if either of us had fucked you.'

'I wouldn't have cared if both of you had fucked me.' He paused. 'Although not at the same time. I don't think I'm equipped to cope with that.'

The mind boggled.

Nonetheless, during the drive home I'd thought about what I wanted to do with him, so rather than stuff around any longer, I just got started. The first thing I did was bathe him. I ran hot water, dumped him in the bathtub, and cleaned him.

When he was clean and dry I put the collar around his neck and handcuffed his hands behind his back.

'Now you're ready to serve me,' I told him.

'Yes Sir.'

I was surprised by how compliant his was, and decided to test him. What I wanted to know was 'how submissive will he remain if he's highly aroused?', so I took him into his bedroom and sat him on the edge of the bed.

My mouth found his cock, and I took him right up until to the point where he was about to climax before stopping. I knew he was horny. His cock was straining and his balls were full. But when I took the stimulation away, Brent didn't ask me to continue. He just accepted the fun was over.

I checked to see if he was angry or annoyed, but he was neither. In fact, he looked rather peaceful, as if he were happy to accept whatever I might offer. His body was mine. I reached behind him and removed the handcuffs, finding them to be unnecessary and, if anything, an inconvenience. I wanted to be able to move him from one position to another without worrying about hurting him.

The collar was what truly turned me on, that and his complete and utter submission. I turned him onto his belly and without thinking, slapped his rear with the palm of my hand. I don't know what was driving me, just that I wanted to hit him, again and again, to see how he'd react.

Brent grunted into the bed but didn't complain. His cheeks grew pink. Still nothing, no complaints, no asking me to stop. I was incredibly aroused, and it occurred to me that I could now use him in any way I wanted to satisfy my needs.

But if I wanted to push him, if I really, truly wanted to test him - and I did, I desperately did - then what I needed to do was orgasm without him.

Brent has always had sex toys. He's made no secret of the fact that he thinks Fleshlight's are a gift to man. He has several, and he's never been coy enough to hide them. I reached into his bedside table, retrieved one of his toys and a tube of lubricant.

I made him watch me fuck it. I made him sit by idly, his talents unused, while I fucked a hundred dollar man made invention. He didn't utter a word of protest. He just accepted that I wasn't deigning to have him involved in my climax.

After a few minutes I came, hard, into the Fleshlight. It didn't take me too long to come; I was so turned on from what I'd been doing to him that it had been impossible to drag it out.

When I was finished, I handed it to him and asked him to clean out as much of the mess as he could with his mouth. His head bowed and his face flushed, he did as I ordered. He did what he could, and handed it back.

'When you're with other men and women, do you expect an orgasm?' I asked him, placing the used toy on the bedside table.

'Yes Sir.'

'Would you hook up with them if they didn't let you cum?'

'No Sir.'

I put the Fleshlight on the bedside table. 'Am I different to the other people you sleep with?'

'Yes Sir,' he replied firmly.

'Why?'

'Because I love you, Sir,' he said, smiling wistfully at me. 'I'll always love you, Sir. More than anything or anyone. You're the love of my life.'

I pulled him close, into a hug. He rested his head against my shoulder, entirely content.

'You're not going to cum tonight,' I told him gently.

'I guessed as much, Sir.'

'Lie down. Lie down and let me turn off the light. I'll give you a massage.'

I took off his collar and switched off the light. We lay together in the dark, my hands moving over his body. I wanted him to know that I loved him, and that I was still prepared to offer him an intimate act.

'I love you,' I whispered.

'I love you, too.'

I kissed his shoulder. 'Are you sure you're happy about me moving with you?'

'Yes, but I'm scared you'll get cold feet and wont' actually move in,' he confessed. 'I'm scared it'll be a step too far for you.'

'That won't happen. I love you. I have no issues with my sexuality. I just hate media attention. I'm not playing any more. I just want to be left alone and lead a regular life.'

'I know, I'm just a bit insecure. I love you too much to lose you.'

I smiled softly in the dark. I understand his fears. They were the same ones I had about his non-monogamy. 'I was thinking about inviting my family around after I've moved in. I want to tell them who you are to me. I know they won't gossip. I just want them to know I've found someone special.'

Brent didn't reply.

'Is that okay?' I asked.

'Perfect,' he whispered. 'Perfect.'

Sometimes I, too, make the same mistake as other people make, and fall into the trap of thinking Brent has no insecurities or fears. But he does. He's like everyone else; there are issues and concerns that keep him awake at night. When I'd repeatedly told him 'I'm not prepared to come out' what I meant was 'I'm not prepared to come out to the general public' but he heard it as 'you'll be my dirty secret, and my family and friends will never know about you'.

Brent's never been my dirty secret. And I was grateful that that night, I could assuage a few of his fears.

~~~~~~~~~~

It's been over three years since Brent and I became a couple. There have been moments of angst but I can honestly say I have never known a person who is as supportive and caring as him. I love him more with each passing day. I can't imagine a life without him in it.

As time's gone on, fewer and fewer people recognise me. I like it this way. I like leading a normal life, out of the limelight, never being talked about. I don't play rugby, not even at club level, save for the odd occasion where the team my neighbour plays on is a player short, or there's a commemorative match or fundraiser.

I keep myself physically fit and I've lost none of my skills so when I am out on the field I still excel. I often get asked why I don't play 'for fun', but with Brent travelling as much as he does I hate the idea of having to head out to training, or to a game, when I could be spending time with him. And at any rate, rugby is something I have already dedicated enough of my life to. I am someone different these days.

My white collar career has stagnated. Brent's mother sold the family farm, which meant Brent's dog came back to live with us. Arnie is thirteen years old and incontinent, but I love him as much as Brent does. And as for Samara, she is someone who has drifted in and out of our lives. Her relationship with Valery ended after less than a year, and for a while she seemed quite depressed. Her business was doing well but she couldn't find the submissive man she was yearning for. Maybe, she said, Toowoomba was just not the right place to find what she was after.

Brent and I lost touch with her for a while, but she resurfaced just after she met Kyle. She found him not in Toowoomba City but on a farm outside of town, and in him she's met her perfect match. I'm happy for both of them.

On the day of their wedding, Brent and I sit together, listening to them exchange vows. His hand reaches for mine and I know what he's thinking. Me, I've never thought much about marriage. My parents still aren't married and they've been together for nearly forty years. Frankly, I don't know why anyone bothers with it. But Brent wants to get married.

At the time of my writing this story, same sex marriage isn't legal in Australia, although I think most of us believe that will soon change. And when it does, I know Brent will ask, and I know I will say 'yes' and I suspect that someone, somewhere, will remember me, learn about the wedding, and tell everyone.

It's a thought that scares me, but not as much as it would have a few years ago. As I've said, I love him. And when you love someone as much as I love Brent, you'd be surprised at the things you're willing to do for them.