Big Loss, Big Gain Pt. 01

Part 1, the Loss

Laura's view

My discussion with Kathy was over. As far I as I was concerned the decision was made. I was out. Totally out. The account, the profile, the e-mails, the fake ID, and all traces of my involvement with this whole damn thing would be closed and/or deleted within the hour. We agreed that it would never be discussed ever again, and the details of the clandestine meetings would taken to our graves. After pulling into the driveway, it felt good to be home. I was more than ready to put this dark chapter of my life behind me. My 'good feeling', however, was short lived, for soon after I had made my way to the side entrance, I discovered that my key no longer turned in the lock. All of a sudden I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, and wondered if my incredible stupidity was about to cost me...everything.

Jim's view,

I remember once, during my high school football days, getting blindsided with a vicious block from a guy nearly twice my size. Never saw it coming. I laid on the turf, racked with pain, desperately trying to catch my breath. I guess that you could say that finding out that your wife has been unfaithful to you is just about the psychological equivalent as getting the wind knocked out of you, but it's worse, far worse, as the feeling of 'back to normal' never returns. The roller-coaster of emotions that follow this knowledge I wouldn't wish on anyone except for the worst of enemies. Feelings of disbelieve, sadness, denial, anger, inadequacy all float around in your mind like ingredients of a bad soup making you ill. For awhile you're numb, useless, unable to concentrate or perform any meaningful work. You keep asking yourself, why? What could I have possibly done wrong? Why has she done this? How long has it been going on?

***************

It all started with a call from Kathy's husband, Ron. Kathy is one of my wife's good friends. Ron is a good guy, although we are not close friends as his interests are quite different than mine. He's a quiet, soft spoken man whose interests include fly fishing and bowling, while I'm a little more talkative with basketball and golf as my favorite activities. When he asked me to meet him for a drink to discuss a serious matter while specifically asking me to not mention our meeting to my wife Laura, I readily agreed. Since Kathy and Laura spent a fair amount of time together, I have to admit that his call really piqued my curiosity. I left work a little early to meet him.

Jim: "Hi Ron, what's this all about?"

Ron: "You're good with computers, right?"

Jim: "Well, I'd like to think so. I deal with them all day long at work."

Ron: "I'd like for you to put some 'spy' software on my home computer. I'll gladly pay you for your time. Kathy's been acting a little different lately. I think she might be 'stepping out' on me. I'm not sure, but I have to find out one way or another. I thought I might learn something from her computer activity. She uses the machine a lot now."

Jim: "I'm sorry you're going through this, Ron. Of course I'll help you, and you don't have to pay me. Do you know if the girl's are still going out tomorrow night? If they are, I can do it then. Just call me after Kathy leaves the house."

************************

Well, that following night I installed a bunch of spyware on his machine. Stuff to track all keystrokes, websites visited, etc. I also set-up the hard drive to be sharable and gave Ron and old laptop from which he could access the main machine remotely and pull the various log files that the spy software created. I set him up with a new e-mail account and suggested that he e-mail the logs to me each night, because I would know what to look for and would be able to analyze them faster. I also gave him instructions on setting up GPS tracking on Kathy's IPhone, so we could now verify if she was indeed where she was supposed to be.

It's amazing how fast a motivated learner can be. Ron paid close attention and took excellent notes. We agreed to do the monitoring for no more than two weeks, and if we didn't find anything by then, we drop the whole matter, remove the spyware, etc. However, after getting the first batch of logs from Ron, it didn't take long to figure out something was definitely going on. I searched through the keystroke history and found out she had been logging on to a rather obscure e-mail service with two different user accounts. In addition, she appeared to have an account one of those adult 'friend finder' sites. By studying the history more closely, I was able to pluck out the exact log-ins for these accounts, including the one for the 'friend finder'. I opened the first of the 'secret' e-mail accounts, and from its' history, was able to determine she had been meeting some guy named Ed for awhile and they were meeting usually on Thursday nights at the Easy Breeze Motel about 15 miles away. My heart began to sink now, because in addition to having to tell Ron all about this, I knew that Laura had to have known about this as well. Thursday night was usually 'girls night out', so at a minimum, Laura was at least providing an alibi for Kathy. The more I thought about it, the sicker I felt. I then exited out of the e-mail and went to the 'friend finder' site, I was able to log-on to her account and see her profile which included a partial nude picture, a body shot with no visible face showing, sitting on a green sofa. Most of the details seemed reasonable and accurate except for the name on the account was Katie, not Kathy. The profile had been added about 2 months ago. I went back into the emails and then noticed that I had missed the fact the the e-mails were signed Katie, not Kathy. It was evident that she was using an alias for these meetings. I then decided to do a search for all women 40+ with a 50 mile radius of our zip code. BAM! AND THERE IT WAS. THE BLINDSIDE HIT AGAIN. Right to Kathy's/Katie's was a picture of another women on the exact same green sofa, except this was of a nude body that I was intimately familiar with. The shape of her body, her breasts, right down to the small mole right above the hip, and the faint scar near the knee cap. It was definitely Laura, except she was 'Lisa G' for her profile. Laura's/Lisa's profile had only been opened for about 3 weeks. I went back to e-mail again, to access the second e-mail account I found, and sure enough, it was the one that Laura/Lisa was using. Apparently, last nights' date was with a 'Jeremy' and was at the same motel & room as Kathy, but for an hour and 20 minutes later.

Laura was in the house while I was doing all this work, but I wasn't concerned that she'd walk in, because she rarely came to see me in my finished basement office. It was not unusual for me to be at work 'remotely'. What I was concerned about was my lack of confidence in my ability to hide my emotions. What I wanted to do was march right up to her and read her the riot act, but I knew that I had to keep my cool. If I confronted her too soon, I was bound to be on the losing end from a legal standpoint. I needed to get better evidence for the inevitable divorce, so what I did do was to text Ron, "WE NEED TO MEET IMMEDIATELY!".

Laura had been lying to me, so the first time ever, I started lying to her. I left the house without telling her and just sent her a text saying that I had to leave immediately to deal with a work emergency. I knew she really wouldn't care about the details, and I could later make almost anything up and she would believe it.

Ron and I were pretty somber for a few minutes after I gave him the news.

Ron: "What do we do now?"

Jim: "I think we need to pay a visit to the Easy Breeze Motel."

Ron: "When?"

Jim: "Right now."

Ron: "Ok."

I explained to Ron that when we got there, I was to do the talking. He agreed.

As I expected, the Easy Breeze was a third rate motel, privately owned, and in all likelihood a family owned business. Upon arrival I asked to see the owner. When the guy behind the counter baulked, I mentioned the fact that my associate, Ron, was indeed in the employ of the county courthouse, and with one phone call he could have the whole place crawling with cops and investigators. Front desk guy decided to make a quick phone call. Apparently, the owner, Joe, lived a half mile away, and was there within five minutes. We met shortly thereafter in a back room.

Joe: "OK, what's this all about?"

Jim: "We believe that our wives are cheating on us with men that they meeting for sex at your establishment here."

Joe: "So?"

Jim: "Well, we know that they come here on Thursday nights. I want to set-up some recorders and get proof of their infidelity."

I saw the look that the two men gave each other. I knew now that they were both aware of what had been going on.

Joe: "And what if I say no."

Jim: "Well, that that would be very foolish on your part. First, you would be missing out on some easy money, and secondly, if you refuse, several things are going to happen. The first is that you are most of your staff will be called as witnesses for both our cases. That's multiple days for two separate cases. Can you run your business here without all this staff? And let's not forget Eric Smithson."

Joe: "Who the fuck is Eric Smithson?"

Jim: "Eric is a friend of mine, and if you don't believe me, I'll give you his address and phone number. He also happens to work for the Internal Revenue Service. I guess you have nothing to worry about if you haven't been pocketing any of the cash you've been getting for rooms. You see, we know that the girls have been here and we know the alias names that they've been using. We know that they must have used cash. What do think, Ron? Do you think an IRS audit is reasonable in this situation?"

Ron: "Absolutely."

Jim: "I'm sure that all your workers here are either American citizens or have legal 'green cards', are are paid on a strict W2 basis and are all covered by workers compensation insurance. Believe me, Joe, I can arrange to have this audited as well."

Joe: "OK. OK, OK. I give! What is it exactly you want?"

Jim: "Joe, I'm a reasonable man and I'm willing to pay a little for being an inconvenience to you. First, I want you to immediately share whatever information you have already. Secondly, I've give you $100 cash right now. I'll need you to guarantee that you'll have them use the same room we're going to have bugged for both audio and video. If we get the information we need, well remove the equipment, and then give you an additional $400. However, if you fuck this up, tip them off, or their dates off some how, as to the surveillance , then the IRS man arrives. Agreed?"

Joe: "Agreed."

I handed him $100 and told him we'd be back.

When Ron and I got back into the car, he talked.

Ron: "Wow, that was very impressive how you pulled that off. I never could have done that. So, what now?"

Jim: "Now, we go shopping. Let's call Jerry."

Jerry is my best friend, and I trust him explicitly. I called him from the car and thoroughly explained the whole situation. Being an electronics wizard, he knew exactly what we'd need. The next morning he placed a rush order that would arrive on Monday, and he put it on his personal account and informed me that I wouldn't have to pay him for a few months. He felt very bad about what was happening, and when I stopped to think about it more, so did I.

Before dropping Ron off, I told him how important it was for him to act normal so we could follow though on the plan. He understood. The situation was equally as bad for him, but looking back on it, I think he was more mentally prepared for it than I was. I just gave him the confirmation of something he already knew.

Of all the emotions that were swimming around in my head, it became apparent to me that 'anger' was winning out, and to carry out my plans, I realized that this was the best feeling to have. So I needed a plan to stay away from Laura, so my next stop was to stop at the pharmacy. I purchased a small bottle of ipecac syrup, which is a vomit inducing medicine, then went to the McDonald's drive thru and got a box of 20 Chicken McNuggets. I ate all the nuggets in about 10 minutes, then about five minutes before getting to the house I downed a dose of the ipecac. When I got into the house I told Laura that I was sick and to 'stay the hell away from me', and then, right on plan, the ipecac kicked in. I barely made it to the bathroom where I puked my guts out. Hell, I was sick. The McNuggets were just about as horrid as the medicine, but in any case, my scene was quite believable. After I was done throwing up, I made it to one of the spare bedrooms and got into bed where I collapsed both physically and mentally. The enormity of the situation was really hitting me now and I couldn't stop the flow of tears. My wonderful life was coming to an end and I wasn't sure if ever I was going to be truly happy ever again. Wow, I thought, 'nearly 20 years of marriage down the drain'. As I slowly drifted off to sleep, my mind began to wander, back to happier times.

****************************

Laura and I had met soon after I graduated college. I had seen a small "fender bender" accident and had stopped to make sure that everyone involved was alright. When she got out of the car I was immediately attracted to her. About 5' 6", slender build, perfect complexion, shoulder length hair sandy blond hair, and with a pair of green eyes that just sparkled, I knew I just had to make a move. So when I didn't see a wedding ring, I turned on the charm, and by some miracle she was not currently seeing anyone. We hit it off big time and we were married within a year and within another year, our daughter Sarah was born. Life was good, very good. We were happily married for the longest time, or at least I thought so. My career was going very well, and we had moved into what was my grandparents house, so we also enjoyed a mortgage free lifestyle.

If you had asked me to describe Laura before this mess happened. I would have used words like classy, demure, sophisticated, and beautiful. She wasn't only my wife, but my best friend as well. My relationship with her was the important thing in my life, so I treasured it, guarded it, and nurtured it the best I could. We had our together time, of course, but she certainly had the freedom to pursue personal hobbies and activities. I assumed that it was all good, especially our sex life, which I thought had been a highly rewarding. We made love on a regular basis, and thru the years kept on working to keep it fresh. As far as I was concerned, having her arms wrapped around me while I came inside her pussy was one of the things that made life worth living. Never in my wildest nightmares could I have ever thought that Laura would want to be with someone else. I had always been faithful to her and had expected the same from her. If perhaps Laura had come to me and had explained her unhappiness, we could have talked it out and maybe have come up with a workable solution, like controlled, swing/wife swap thing. By her going the cheating route and lying to me, the outcome was inevitable. Not including my daughter Sarah, there is only one person in this whole world that I love more than I did Laura, and that is myself. I had thought for a second, 'should I just ignore it and let it run its course?', 'maybe it's just a phase?' or 'should I just tell her that I know and give her a chance to make amends?'. No, no, and hell no. I deserve better that that. I knew that I could never look at her in the same way ever again, and knowing what I knew now would just eat away at me forever if I tried to 'work it out'. I had to accept the fact that the Laura I once knew was gone, replaced by 'Lisa G', a cancerous growth that needed to cut off, no matter how painful.

Laura's view

Kathy and I had known each other for a long time, so when I was over at her house, just the two of us, having coffee one day, I sensed that something was going on.

Laura: "You seem excited, almost jumpy today. What's going on?"

Kathy: "Can I trust you? I mean really trust you."

Laura: "I've known you a long time Kathy, and let's face it, eventually you're going tell me anyway. And yes, you can trust me."

Kathy: "OK, then. I having an affair."

Laura: "Oh my god, Kathy! Why? Are things bad at home?"

Kathy: "No. Not at all. Everything with Ron is fine and I don't want to change anything with regard to my life with him. I still love him. I'm not shutting him off in any way sexually either, I'm just having I guess what you could call... some supplemental activities. Things had gotten a little stale over the last year or so, so I just wanted..you know...to try something a little different. I've been seeing this guy, Ed, once a week. Ron will never find out, I'm being extremely careful. This is just a little something special that I'm doing...just for me."

Laura: "Gee, Kathy. I don't know if I could ever do anything like that. I think I would be too guilt ridden over it, and if Jim ever found out he'd explode."

Kathy: "I felt a little guilty at first too, but my desire to follow through on it just overpowered my hesitation."

Laura: "How did this all start?"

Kathy: "I stumbled upon a web site that specializes in discreet affairs, so I posted a profile using a fake name and a photo of my body, but not my face. Ron rarely uses our home commuter, and the e-mail account I use is different from our normal Verizon e-mail and I make sure to delete all browser history after every use. Like I said, I'm extremely careful and am positive I'll never be discovered. That is how I met Ed, I got a few more responses from other guys, but Ed and I 'click' sexually so to speak. So we've come to an agreement to not see anyone else other than our spouses. Last week, I let him fuck me without a condom and it was great. Look, this type of arrangement is not for everybody and I'm not in any way advocating that you should try it, especially with the handsome man you have at home. I know it is not right, but I can't help it, it's so damn exciting. Each week, by the time I make it over to the hotel to meet him, my panties are already damp."

Laura: "Oh my God, I just could never get away with it. Jim's an IT guy and monitors all our home computers, he would find out."

Kathy: "Well, if by some strange miracle you decide you want to try it too, we'll just set you up using my machine. Think it over carefully though, if something does go wrong I don't want you blaming me."

Laura: "OK."

Over the course of the next few days I couldn't stop thinking about the conversation with Kathy. When I was 'out and about', I started looking at men in a way that I had never done so before, or at least since before I was married. I had been with the same man for over 21 years, and started to fantasize what it would be like to be with another man. I knew it was wrong, but I was so envious of Kathy's free spirit and her willingness to push her boundaries, so a few days later I agreed to give it a try. My new secret identity would be 'Lisa G'.

Thursday night was usually girls night out, so the guys never expected us to be home until 11:30 or so, depending on what we where doing. Kathy or Ed would book a room at the Easy Breeze Motel. It was about 15 miles away and took about 20-25 minutes to get there. They had a parking lot out back so our cars could not be seen from the street. We agreed that Kathy/Ed would have the room from 7:00-8:25 and 'Lisa G' and her date would have 8:30 to 09:55 with the girls doing the key exchange and the guys never meeting.

Although I seemed to be calm and collected on the outside, by the time Thursday rolled around I was a nervous wreck. My first date was with a man named Jeremy, but I wound up sitting in the room for 45 minutes waiting for a knock on the door that never came. Jeremy had been a no-show. Part of me was disappointed, but as I thought about more, a bigger part of me was actually relieved. When I talked to Kathy about it later, she sounded more upset than I was about it. Frankly, I was ready to bag the whole thing when she quickly talked me out of it. 'Why punk out now after spending all this time getting you set up?' she said. I knew I was being manipulated, but I let it happen anyway. By Monday night, knowing that Jim was out of town, she had already set me up with a 'John" on Tuesday night and a 'Peter' on the usual Thursday night.