Birthday Treats

Hi guys, Lil here.

Here's another short tale. Please rate this tale when you're done reading and provide feedback. Constructive criticism is very much needed and appreciated.

I self edit and I'm struggling most times. I'll take advantage of the authors on here who can help me. I apologise for any errors.

Thank you.

During the course of this tale the characters can be seen switching between normal English and Nigerian Pidgin English.

*** All parties engaging in sexual activities are over eighteen ***

*************************

What do you get when you mix lack of sleep for twenty four hours, pot cookies and alcohol?

There are different answers to that question, but most likely, you'll hear people say they'll never try it again. I am one of those people, even though this morning had me eating some more pot cookies. My swearing off doesn't count if two out of three factors are absent. For the time being, I'm swearing off anything alcoholic. Anything that isn't beer, plus no concoctions either.

So how did I get to this point? Why am I making these changes now? That is what I intend to tell you. This is the story, and it began the previous day. It is, pause for dramatic effect, the story of yesterday.

*****************************

Looking at the screen, I checked the time and saw that it was four minutes after midnight.

"Hey, I'll be right back. Gotta do something," I said to the girl on the phone. She hummed her consent, and I dropped the phone on the bed and jumped out. I found my way to my roommate's bedroom and knocked on his door.

I've been living with the same guy for five years. We've known each other for six years. Way back when we were both freshmen at the university. The same age, we were just months apart. Iyke was six feet tall, while I (Timothy) was five feet ten. He was dark skinned, with a full beard, whereas I was light skinned with an immature moustache and strands of hair growing on my chin. He was fully Igbo while I was mixed. Igbo and Efik. Somehow we'd stuck together all these years.

Somehow we'd stuck together all these years.

"Nwanem, happy birthday!" I said with a smile on my face when he opened the door. He came out of the room and closed the door. His girlfriend was inside, probably in a state of undress, so I guess that's why he didn't let me in.

"Thanks bro for the birthday wish," he said, patting my shoulder with his right hand.

"So how we dey run am?" I asked, switching to Nigerian pidgin.

"We suppose make cookies yesterday, but we no see the weed. Na you we been dey wait for."

"No be my fault na." I defended myself "I been ask you weda your babe go come house early, you say no, say na around 8 pm she go come. Na why I no bother again."

He nodded his head in understanding as I continued,

"Anyhow sef, I go waka with Jeme go buy for where she dey buy her own. Based on say the guy wey I buy from last time, e own no too plenty."

"Okay. Issue no dey," he said.

"Yeah."

"Which time wey una dey go?"

"She say make I come meet am by 6 am. Apparently, the guy dey always dey available any time."

"Ah, even better." he said. "Me and babe dey plan make pancake for morning before we make the cookies and the spaghetti."

"You dey plan put weed inside the pancake?" I asked, with an incredulous look on my face.

"Yup," he said, proceeding then to do a weird dance that reminded me of Chandler Bing. Chuckling and shaking my head, I watched him crazy dance his way into his room before I went back into mine.

I picked up my phone as I plopped into bed. Taking it to my ear, I asked,

"Still here?"

"Yeah," she replied.

"Oh good," I said, "So where was I?"

"You were telling me a story about a girl you went to high school with."

"Ah yes, Ella."

And so I continued telling her the story of how I met Ella, how we were really close friends until something happened and we broke apart. We did eventually become friends again, but we were still patching things up. We are trying to get back to the level we were at before.

Who was I telling this story to? Who was the girl on the phone? Tiana. Christiana, if you weren't me. She was my girlfriend for two years and broke up with me a few months back. It wasn't me; it was her. She had broken up with me after moving to Croatia. It wasn't me; it was her. Cliche, I know. She was sorry and hoped we would still be friends. In truth, the distance was the deciding factor, besides the fact that it's not like I could just pack up and move with her. In a fairytale, sure, but not in my reality. She was a really good friend, and I didn't want to lose her anyway, so I accepted. It's been difficult sometimes, but that's a story for another day. Back to this one.

So yeah, maybe when I go back to Calabar we will work things out, " I finished my drawn out tale.

She yawned, and that caused me to yawn as well.

"Did I bore you?" I asked.

"Oh no no," she replied quickly, "I'm just a bit tired."

I checked the time; it was two a.m., three in Croatia because of Daylight Savings. What had I been saying for hours? Damn.

"You should sleep," I advised.

"Yeah, I guess I should." she said, sounding a bit reluctant. "What about you?"

"Neh, I'm not gonna sleep."

"Why not?"

"I gotta be up at six a.m. Gonna meet up with Jeme to get the weed for the cookies."

She burst out laughing.

"What?" I said I felt self-conscious.

"Who goes to buy weed at six in the morning?" She was still laughing as she teased me. "I can understand, say five a.m., then it would mean the guy probably didn't sleep, but six seems wrong."

"Yeah, well, Jeme says he's gonna be there, so it doesn't matter."

"Uh huh," her laugh still stings my ears.

I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"Just stop," I pleaded.

"Fine, fine," her laughter eventually fades, "I'll stop."

"Thank you," I said, "Now weren't you about to go to sleep?"

"Yeah, yeah. Don't rush me. Geez"

"I'm not," I said.

She yawned again, and I couldn't stop myself from joining her.

"Can you stop yawning?" I said, in the middle of my own yawn.

She yawned again, and I couldn't stop myself from joining her.

"Hey, it's not my fault," she countered.

"You're tired. Go to sleep. "

"Fine. I will, " she said it in a tone that made her seem like a little kid who couldn't win an argument with a parent.

"Good"

"Goodnight, daddy. Sweet dreams."

"Really?" I groaned as I felt my dick stir.

"What?" she giggled.

"You know what."

"No, I don't." She feigned ignorance. "I love you."

"Oh, is that so?" Two can play that game, I thought.

"Yup," she said. I could feel her smirk over the phone.

"Goodnight, little girl," I said with a smirk of my own. It grew even wider when I heard her groan as I added. "Dream of daddy's cock"

"Noooo," she cried out.

"What?" I asked.

"You know what happens when you do that" Her voice was mellow now.

She would be turned on now. I was sure of it.

"When I do what?" It was my turn to feign ignorance.

"You're evil," she said, "Now I'm wide awake."

"Oops," I said, chuckling, "Thinking about daddy's cock already, hmm?"

She hummed her assent.

"You want it in your mouth, hmm?" I asked, my voice getting deeper, "You want me to fuck your mouth and cum in it you slut."

"Oh god..." she moaned softly, "This isn't fair."

"Oh? Why?"

"You know how I haven't been getting degraded because no one wants to do it to me."

"Yeah?"

Well, you're the only one who does it to me, and it's like my brain short circuits every time."

"Uh huh." I didn't have anything to say about that. Was there something I could've said? I didn't know.

"Yeah... now I'm horny and wet."

"Ah, interesting... Do you want to cum for daddy?" I suggested, adding a wink even though I knew she couldn't see it.

"Already on it," she said.

"That was fast."

"You had me at slut," she said with a laugh.

"Naughty little minx," I chuckled, "I should spank you until your ass is red."

"Yes, sir, you should," she teased, "I've been bad."

This exchange had me hard as well, and I let her know.

"Now you've got me all hard and excited," I said with mock annoyance.

"It's all your fault, Tim. You started it."

"Is that so?" I said, my left hand finding its way into my sweatpants and fishing out my cock. "Well, I've got my hand in my sweatpants stroking myself thinking about you."

"Oh..."

The call quickly descended into a long-distance masturbation session. We went at it for as long as we could. Occasionally, she would take a break, saying she was tired and weak, and I would stop at my end. We would resume after a while. She got frustrated every time she reached a peak but couldn't crossover.

"Ugh," she let out a frustrated sigh,

"What?" I asked.

"Every time I get so close, that's when I feel sleepy and my fingers slow down."

"Aww, babygirl," I said, comforting her, "It's okay."

"No," she cried out, "it isn't fair. Why did you start this when you knew I was tired?

"Eh... no reason," I lied.

"Don't believe you," she said, matter of factly.

"Uh huh... well, I've got a really hard problem that I need to take care of. Wanna help?"

"Obviously," she said, and I could picture her eye rolling.

I got back to giving myself a hand job, picturing her as she talked. Her perky breasts, nipples hard from being aroused. Her flat tummy, a heart shaped ass that jiggled when she bounced. I thought about her neatly trimmed pussy, wet and ready for my cock. She must've gotten back to playing with herself because she had stopped talking at some point and I could hear soft moans instead. I tried talking to egg her on, but with all the blood leaving my brain to keep my cock erect, I couldn't come up with anything comprehensible. I could feel the orgasm building up. I was going to cum really soon and I told her.

"Hey baby, I'm gon... nn... nna..."

At the very least, I attempted to tell her. The feeling I got whenever I did this with her was really intense. It was way better than doing it alone. It would've been best if she was here, but hey, we don't always get what we want.

"I'm offering cleaning services, you know," she said with a laugh.

"Mmhmm. I'd take you up on that offer if you were here" I laughed with her before adding, "I'll be right back."

I muted the call, got out of bed and cleaned myself up. I got back in bed and unmuted the call just in time to hear her have an orgasm. A big one, if the way she sounded was any indication. I could hear her trying to catch her breath.

When she was able to talk, she said, "This is where you go to get me a damp towel,"

I said, "I'm offering cleaning services too, you know." I used her line on her.

"And you know, I'd take you up on that offer if you were here,"

We both laughed. She then muted the call to go clean herself up. After a few minutes, she was back.

"I'm back."

"Uh huh."

We talked for a few minutes about our plans for the day. She already knew mine, so she told me hers. I could hear the tiredness in her voice, so I wasn't surprised when she told me.

"I'm really tired now," she said, a yawn escaping her lips as if proving a point.

"Okay, babygirl."

"Good night, Tim," she said with a sleepy voice.

"Good night, princess."

I could feel her smile when I said that. She loved it whenever I called her princess. I liked calling her princess. Maybe one day, if we never got back together, I'd be calling someone else 'princess' but for now, she was my princess.

"Sweet dreams, Tiana. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Don't forget the kisses," I added before hanging up the phone.

Almost immediately, I got the kisses via text. I replied with kisses of my own, and with that, she went offline.

I checked the time and saw that it was almost a quarter past four a.m. I had to do something so I wouldn't fall asleep. If I fell asleep now, I wouldn't be awake by six a.m. I thought about starting a new series on Netflix, but I shut down that idea just as quickly as it had been brought up. I settled for reading a story I found online. It was pretty long and interesting. Occasionally, I dozed off, but I'd wake up minutes later and shake my head to chase away the sleep. I kept this up until it was six a.m.

At six a.m. I got up, freshened up, and called Jeme. She picked me up and told me to come over to her house. I did. I waited for a few minutes outside her house until she came out, and then we left. It took us about thirty minutes to get to where we were going and back to her house. We walked all the way. I didn't complain because I got what I wanted to get. She also ended up coming with me to my apartment. No, we didn't do anything frisky.

Iyke came out with his girlfriend, Sarah, and we all gathered in the kitchen. It was time to make the pancakes.

"Sausages!" Jeme screamed as she spotted a wrap of sausages on the counter.

"What?" I asked, wondering why she was screaming.

"It's been a while since I ate sausages," she said "I dey go now but make una keep my own for me."

"Take it now while you're going," Sarah suggested.

"No, I don't know how to prepare it," Jeme said.

"Prepare?" I asked.

"Just take it and fry it," Sarah said, "it's pretty simple."

Jeme wasn't listening, apparently, because she still insisted that she didn't know how to prepare it.

"I've got a sausage that you don't need to prepare," I winked at Jeme.

Everyone laughed while Jeme rolled her eyes.

"I don't want that sausage."

"You sure?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure."

"Fine, when we're done here, I'll bring it to you along with the spaghetti," I offered.

"No wahala," she replied.

She left the apartment while Iyke, Sarah, and I got to work making the pancakes. While Sarah mixed, I got the weed and we put a decent amount in the mix. We made the pancakes, saved some for Jeme and Sarah's friends, and ate the rest. After eating the pancakes and resting for a while, we got to making the pot cookies, and after that, we made the spaghetti.

You see, this wasn't the first time I had put weed in food I was going to eat, and technically, it wasn't for Iyke either. The last time we did that, it didn't have the desired effect on Iyke, so he assumed this one would be the same. It was not. Our calculations estimated that we had about three to five hours after eating the pancakes before the effects kicked in. It turns out we were wrong and we started feeling the effects merely an hour and a half after eating.

Another thing we noticed was that, smoking weed usually got us high really quickly, but the effects sort of faded quickly as well, but putting it in food and eating it wasn't that way. It took longer for the effects to completely wash away. If you eat food with weed in it for breakfast, trust me, your day has already ended.

So after an hour and a half, Iyke and I were pretty sure we were on a different level. Sarah didn't eat much of the pancakes, but the amount she ate was enough to send her to sleep. Meanwhile, Iyke and I were playing FIFA on the PS4.

"Guy you dey feel am?" I asked after a soothing wave had washed over me.

"Omoooo," Iyke said, "I been dey think say this thing go reach like four, five hours before e start but I dey feel am too."

We laughed at each other for a while before he asked.

"Why we dey laugh?"

I thought about it and couldn't remember why we were laughing.

"I no sabi"

We burst out laughing again.

*************** Few Hours Later **************

It had been more than four hours since we had pancakes for breakfast. We were stoned, Iyke and I. Sarah, not so much. She was awake and getting ready to go to her apartment. She had baked a cake earlier the day before and planned to surprise Iyke with it. When she left, Iyke and I began cleaning up the house and preparing the place for the party. It was going to be a small party with just our close group of friends. We set up a table and some cups for some beer pong, but we weren't going to use beer. We were using whisky, a wrong move, but we didn't know it at the time.

After setting up, Sarah called and asked that I come over to her apartment. I wondered why. I had forgotten about the cake. I didn't want to go, but Iyke said I should.

"Guy you need go. I get the feeling say she bake cake for me and she no want make I see am," he said.

"Omo as I dey like this I no fit enter bike dey go there oh," I grumbled

"Abeg na, just go," he pleaded.

I grumbled but got dressed to go out.

I left the apartment and safely navigated my way to Sarah's apartment. When I got there, she had already packaged the cake and was ready to leave. There was only one problem. I was stoned, and walking with the cake to my apartment was a daunting task. It was the longest walk of my life, but I did it. We got to the apartment and finished setting everything up. Time for the invited friends to start showing up.

The first to show up was Ossy. We met her earlier in the year. Well, I met her, and as we became friends, she got to meet Iyke as well. Ossy is about five feet, six inches tall. She has brown eyes, a nose that fits her face, and very inviting lips. She had her hair in braids, and she looked really pretty. She has breasts that look a little big on her somewhat small frame, and she has a nice, tight ass. Plus, she has a boyfriend, so she is technically off limits, and I could only do her in my thoughts and dreams.

When Ossy showed up, we began the party. It was the four of us. Cookies were munched, music was playing, and shots of whiskey were drunk. Then came the whiskey pong. Iyke and I began our friendly game of pong, and I got him to drink the first cup. I got him to drink two more times before Sarah stepped up and got me to drink twice. Our version of Pong had dares under each cup, so whenever the ball got in the cup, the person did a dare. Ossy got to drink three times. The fourth time, she begged me to drink it for her. The whiskey was a lot stronger than we thought.

About an hour later, Jenny and Tega showed up. I didn't know Tega, but Iyke did. They were both Sarah's friends. We were drunk and stoned, and they knew it. I didn't really take a look at Tega because I couldn't somehow focus on her, so I can't describe her, but I knew what Jenny looked like. Jenny is a curvy girl who stands at five feet, four inches. She also has brown eyes, a somewhat pointed nose, and pouty lips. She has a really nice round ass that is firm but jiggles a little when she walks. Her breasts fit her frame perfectly, and I'm sure they looked nice. I wouldn't know. I liked Jenny as well, but she was just out of a relationship and it was super complicated.

With Jenny and Tega here, we sang the happy birthday song to Iyke, and he cut the cake. Everyone got a piece of the cake, and there were enough cookies and booze to go around. We resumed whiskey pong and soon everyone was either tipsy or drunk. Everyone except Tega. She was staying sober so she could take Jenny home. I was the one who would take Ossy home, and I was already a danger to myself. Ha! I tried to convince her to just sleep over. It wouldn't be the first time she did that.

"Do you have to go home tonight?" I asked her.

"Yeah, I do." She was having a hard time keeping herself standing, so she went and plopped down on the nearest couch.

"Are you sure?" I asked again. I didn't doubt that she had something to do at home. No, I was doubting my ability to take her there.

"Yes, yes," she said, her eyes drooping, her words slurred.

Fuck. I couldn't change her mind.

"Okay" I said. "Just tell me when you want to go."

As I left her, I heard her groan, "David would be so mad."

I was going to go back and comfort her, but I didn't. I chose to go play some more pong.

Sometime during the night, Jeme came over and joined in the fun. She didn't drink much because she, too, had to go home later. I went over to her and engaged her in a conversation. We were talking about random stuff and had been at it for a while when we were interrupted by Ossy, who stumbled towards us and told me she wanted to go. I said okay, and I told Jeme I'd be back soon.