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The moment you finally do, while you're both naked in bed and you've been allowed to kiss her chest, she pats you on the head and asks, "Do you want your balls back?"
And you shake your head so hard you motorboat her tits, and get really hard, and then start to feel paralyzed as she presses the cold metal of your key against your forehead. With her legs wrapped around you, you've got nowhere to go. And that's why you have no use for your balls. And you know that.
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Oh my go-osh! Ha-ah! I've never seen you happier. Seriously. This is picturesque. I really can't believe the look on your face just now. You just told me you'd be really excited if she came home, period. Ha-ha.
But you weren't expecting her to show up with brand new Uggs.
Gosh, you're so fucking pathetic.
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She got you to buy her four different fur coats, and then showed you your social media account where you used to be an animal rights activist. Funny, right?
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