Boss Nanny Ch. 18

* * * * *

Matt grabbed a super happy and chatty Aidan up from daycare. He was talking more and more, even if Matt couldn't figure out what he was saying. It was cute. Now that Aidan wasn't ripping his face off with jealousy, Matt could claim this as his favorite phase so far. He loved all the chatter.

Aidan didn't know it, but they stopped at Dough Guppies to surprise Seamus with dinner. It was truly his favorite pizza and he rarely indulged.

The crew perked up when they arrived. Aidan was kind of famous. He'd gone to work with Seamus almost every day for over a year. Every single employee knew him and loved him.

The brunette behind the counter could hardly contain her excitement. "Hey Aidan, long time no see."

"Yeah, he's been in daycare more."

"Well, he's been missed." She reached out and bopped Aidan on the nose. He wiggled and giggled in Matt's arms at the attention. "What can I get you guys?"

"A large Guppy combo to go?"

"Of course." She put the order in the computer then yelled behind the counter to get it started. Matt wasn't as well-known as Aidan. He was prepared to pay. He definitely didn't expect special treatment so he was surprised when he wasn't charged. The woman came back and leaned against the counter. She looked at him with a knowing sympathy. "How are you doing? Seamus told me how you came to have Aidan. Don't worry, it's not something he goes around sharing, but I lost my mother when I was young."

"We're doing good. It's hard but we're both adjusting as well as we can."

"I get it. My dad was out of the picture before I was born. When I lost my mom, I went to live with my uncle. He was amazing, a lot like you. He always did a good job at keeping my mom's memory alive. He talked about her all the time, even when I was as young as Aidan. We went to her memorial spot all the time to celebrate her life and he had pictures hung around the house. Even though I don't have a single memory of her, I always felt like I knew her."

Matt held Aidan a little tighter. He didn't know what to say. He was still trying to figure this whole thing out for himself and for Aidan. Going to his mom's gravesite was the last thing on his mind. But he wasn't going to tell her that.

"Absolutely, it's important, you know, for the kid."

She continued to share more of her life and what it was like to grow up without her mom. On one hand, it was really informative. On the other, it was overwhelming. Another day, he would've participated in the conversation but all he wanted to do was go to Seamus. His boyfriend had been confronted by Mike and Matt needed to be there for him.

Matt took his pizza and left with a sincere goodbye.

Aidan perked up when they pulled into Seamus's attached parking garage. He knew exactly where they were and was overly excited about it. When they got to the lobby, Aidan was squirming so much Matt had to set him down or risk dropping him and the pizza. Aidan looked at Matt and grinned brightly. It was of pure and unbridled joy. A thank you for bringing him here. A promise of good behavior. Well, not so much the last one though Matt could wish.

With his new freedom, Aidan decided to enable his new warp speed power. Aidan thought he was super fast. The fastest of all twenty-month-olds in the whole world. Contrary to his personal belief, Aidan most definitely had not mastered the art of running. It was only a few yards into the lobby, he tripped.

It happened so fast that Matt couldn't react yet so slow that it would forever be a scar in his memory. Aidan was running, so happy to see his Moose, his toe caught and suddenly he went down like a rock. Matt watched in slow motion as he fell forward. Aidan's poor face collided with the tile. His head hit so hard it bounced.

There was a second of silence before all hell broke loose. The screams that pierced the air were nightmare inducing. Matt threw the pizza to the side and rushed to his brother's side. He was hesitant. He hit so hard, what if there was damage? Should he pick him up?

Then Matt saw the blood and he couldn't not do anything. He picked his brother up and did a once over as he screamed bloody murder. His forehead had a gash and his nose was bleeding.

The doorman was right there, rubbing Aidan's back and checking him over. "Head wounds bleed," he said as he tried to calm a panicky Matt. "It will look worse than it is."

Matt wasn't so sure, it looked pretty terrible. He didn't know what to do. Was a head gash and a bloody nose worth an ambulance ride? Was it worth an ER visit? What if his nose was broken? Concussion? Self-doubt tried to take purchase but Matt wouldn't let it. He was taking his brother to the hospital. That was final.

With the pizza forgotten, a screaming toddler in his arms, and blood everywhere, Matt left the lobby and headed straight for the local hospital. He could hardly compose himself as he drove. Aidan's poor screams ripped at the deepest threads of his soul.

He fumbled for his phone and called Seamus.

"What is going on? What's wrong?" Seamus hurried as Aidan's cries filled the phone.

"Aidan tripped in your lobby. I think he broke his nose. We're heading to the hospital now. I'm totally freaking out, Seamus. I don't know what to do!"

"It will be fine. I'm on my way, okay? I'll meet you there."

"Okay, hurry please," he pleaded.

* * * * *

Matt didn't remember parking, just grabbing Aidan from the car seat and rushing to the ER entrance. A team swooped in, stripped him down, checked him out, and cleaned him up. The whole while Matt was right there by his side. Aidan had stopped crying, however, he was teetering dangerously close to meltdown mode and remained on edge even while the staff did their best to distract him with cheerful smiles and a teddy bear of his very own.

The initial findings were good. No broken nose. Concussion unlikely but he would require close observation at home just to be sure.

Aidan was on his lap; sniffling and clinging to Matt in his little baby hospital gown. He looked so pitiful. His hair was a mess from the sweat of stress and there was a little smeared blood on his face. They'd tried putting some cotton in his nose but he wanted nothing to do with that.

The nurse peaked through the curtain. "There's a Seamus Ryan in the waiting room? He said he's with you?"

"Yes, of course."

She smiled. "Perfect, I'll bring him back."

A moment later Seamus peeled back the curtain. "Hey," he said softly as his eyes went straight to Aidan and his shoulders dropped as relief flooded him.

Aidan startled and started crying when he saw Seamus.

He scooped up the little man and held him against his chest, gently bouncing him the way he had done when Aidan was little. "I heard you had a fall and I came right over." Seamus kissed Aidan's head and looked at Matt. "How are you holding up?"

Matt let out a breath. He had all this pent-up emotion and adrenaline that he hadn't had a chance to deal with. He put his head in his hands. "Not good. I can't get it out of my head. It was terrible."

"What did the doctor say? Is he okay? I was in the lobby forever trying to get in but they wouldn't let me since I'm not a parent."

A nurse came in before Matt could respond. She held a little bag and some papers. "Well, everything looks good. He's going to have a whopper of a headache for the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours. Feel free to rotate through Tylenol and Motrin as needed. He'll probably be a bit clingy from the trauma. I'd plan on staying home this weekend if you can help it. It's unlikely he has a concussion but keep an eye out and call us if he seems nauseous, dizzy, or if he throws up. I won't tell you to wake him up every few hours which is good, he'll be grumpy enough as it is. If you have any questions, make sure you call his general doctor and schedule a follow up for next week."

She went over a few more things then gave Matt the bag with the instructions and told them they were free to leave. Aidan was passed out on Seamus's chest so Matt grabbed his clothes and shoved them in the bag then used his jacket as a blanket to keep him warm. Seamus carried the sleeping beauty through the hospital, toward the parking lot.

Seamus left his car there and drove Matt and Aidan back to the loft. Aidan's sleep was restless which was understandable and Seamus had no problem snuggling him.

Matt collapsed on the couch. He tried to keep it together but every time he heard his brother fussing, he could feel the emotion rising. Eventually, Seamus got Matt to bed. "I want to sleep with Aidan tonight," Seamus said as he continued to hold Aidan to his chest. God, the kid was starting to weigh a lot. "I can do it on the couch or the spare room so you can rest."

"If you think I'm leaving Aidan after what happened tonight, you're crazy. We can all sleep together."

Aidan barely slept. He tossed and turned and woke in a panic, making sure Matt and Seamus were there. Sleep didn't come much for the older men. Matt must've dozed at some point because he woke to Aidan snuggling Seamus. Both of them had their mouths open and Aidan's leg was draped over Seamus's stomach. God that was a sight he missed.

They had a lazy day. Aidan didn't seem to want to do much besides watching movies on the sofa. They kept a regular cycle of medication to help with his discomfort. The worst part was his poor face. There was bruising forming under both eyes. It made it hard to pretend like he was fine. Every time they looked at him, even when he was smiling, they were reminded that he'd been beat up by the lobby floor.

"What do you want for dinner Aido-Potato?"

Aidan brightened up and started chattering away at his brother. Matt cringed; he had no clue what the kid was saying. "Nuggets?"

No.

"Mac and cheese?'

No.

"Cheerios?"

Aidan was growing frustrated that Matt was tracking him. The blue-eyed boy started to get snappy and whiny. Matt looked at Seamus for help.

"He wants pizza."

"There's no way that's what he was saying!"

Except Aidan started clapping and dancing, letting Matt know how right Seamus was. Aidan wanted the pizza he never got the night before. Not being able to say no to Rocky 'Potato' Balboa, Seamus ordered pizza.

"Do you want to pick it up?" Seamus asked. "They don't do delivery."

"Or you could pick it up."

"I want to stay with Aidan."

Aidan had been pretty clingy to Seamus since the hospital, which was fine. Matt understood that Seamus and Aidan had missed each other. But he didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay and snuggle his brother so he could regain a little of what they'd built over the last two weeks. "I also want to stay with Aidan."

Seamus was annoyed that Matt had no intentions of letting Seamus have this moment with Aidan and conveyed as much with a deadpan stare.

Matt stared back. "I don't know why you're looking at me like that, you're the one that suggested the separation."

"I'm not upset about the separation. I'm just confused why you won't let me have twenty minutes."

"Not only have you had him nonstop since last night but you've forgotten what the whole separation thing we just did was for. Aidan and I made so much progress. I don't think it's unreasonable for me to want to be the one who stays with him given what happened last night."

Seamus's brows shot up and he looked at Matt. "You think I've forgotten that he's your kid?"

"No, I didn't say that, but I think you're used to being top dog in charge when it comes to him and that should be my role."

"Fine." Seamus stood up and grabbed Matt's keys. "I'll get the pizza then." The door closed a little too hard and Aidan started crying. The kid had been on an emotional teeter since the accident. Matt didn't know if it was from the door slamming or Seamus leaving.

Matt picked Aidan up and sat on the couch. He thought Aidan would push Matt away like he did before but that wasn't the case. He did look at the door and whined that Seamus was gone, but he stayed in Matt's arms and laid his head on Matt's chest as he stared at the door.

Seamus came in quietly and went straight to the kitchen. He pulled down plates for everyone, dished himself, and sat in front of the television, leaving Matt to fend for him and Aidan.

Matt went to the kitchen to get their food ready. Seamus had gotten Aidan his own little pizza. It was perfectly cooked and cut into little pieces. Perfect for a two-year-old. While he prepared the plates, Aidan crawled into Seamus's lap and tried to eat his pizza. Matt watched as Seamus smiled and broke a little piece off for the crazy-haired beggar.

"Aidan," Matt held the plate of toddler pizza. "I have your pizza."

His brother watched Matt for a moment then turned back to Seamus, opened his mouth, and waited for Seamus to feed him another piece. Seamus chuckled and fed him one more piece before picking him up and walking him to the table. He started to put him in the highchair but paused, then handed him to Matt.

Matt rolled his eyes and fed his brother dinner. It wasn't long after dinner that Aidan's eyes got heavy. The last twenty-four hours had been long and it was catching up with him. By eight, he was out cold.

"Where should I put him? Do you think he's good to sleep in his crib or do you think he should sleep with us again?"

Seamus shrugged. "Whatever you want to do."

Matt watched Seamus for a minute. This wasn't how he thought their first weekend together would go and it wasn't how he wanted it to end. He decided to put Aidan in the crib so he could spend a few hours with Seamus, just the two of them.

When he came out from laying his brother down, Seamus got up and handed Matt the remote. "I'm tired. I'll see you in the morning."

Not 'I'm tired, come to bed with me?'. Not 'I miss you, let's go to bed'. Just a straight good night, see you on the other side. Matt stayed up for a little longer. He let the TV run in the background but his thoughts were on Seamus. He knew his boyfriend was stressed so he wasn't going to force anything tonight. Tomorrow would be a different story. They were going to talk.

* * * * *

Matt didn't mean to but he slept in. When he woke, it was light out and Seamus was gone. He could hear them in the living room so he got up and joined them. Half-eaten breakfast plates were on the counter and Aidan was at Seamus's feet in the kitchen as he cleaned. Seamus glanced at Matt. "Sorry."

"For what?"

"You were sleeping so I made Aidan breakfast. I didn't mean to step on your toes."

Matt stopped and stared at Seamus. He felt like he'd been doing a lot of that. "What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you being passive aggressive?"

"You made it clear that Aidan is your kid. I know my role. I'm staying in my lane."

Matt frowned, his brain slowly digesting what Seamus was saying. "Aidan is my kid. He's also my brother and I'm still trying to figure out that fine line between parent and sibling. I wasn't saying you couldn't do anything. I'm just trying to define my role."

"Consider it defined." Seamus pursed his lips. To prove his point, he picked Aidan up and set him by Matt. Like a rubber band he was, Aidan went right back to Seamus. The redhead set Aidan back at Matt's feet only for him to come right back again. Aidan smiled at the game. Matt did not.

"You're only proving my point, Seamus. Two weeks we spent apart so I could improve how Aidan sees me. Two seconds back in his life and you're the center of his world, just like that," he snapped his fingers. "Honestly, I didn't care that much but now you're being an asshole and it's starting to piss me off. It sucks to sit here and watch you have what I want. You make it look so easy. It's not fair."

"You think I've had it easy?"

"I don't know what to think anymore. Aidan always wants you. You know everything about him, you know what he's trying to say, what he wants, what he's going to do. You've been in Aidan's good graces since day one. I can't even fucking figure out if he wants pizza or chicken nuggets! I can't stand knowing that he hates me."

Seamus's arms shot out. "Are you kidding me, Matt? What the fuck? Do you think I don't know what it's like to have my family hate me? Do you listen to anything I say or are you stuck in your own world? And easy? What has been easy? Do you know how hard it was to juggle feedings and naptime while trying to run my businesses? Do you think it was easy for me to tote him everywhere? And before you get snappy, I'm not saying I didn't love my time with him, but it wasn't easy. If you think it sucks to feel like Aidan hates you, then imagine what it was like to be on the other side. How do you think it feels to be the reason you felt that way? It's not all sunshine and rainbows having a needy kid who won't let you take a piss without screaming outside the door or attaching himself to your leg like an octopus! It's exhausting, Matt! Exhausting!"

Matt took a deep breath. Seamus had never given any indication that caring for Aidan was so exhausting. He should have said something, but didn't. How was Matt supposed to fix something when he had no idea it was broken? He was irritated with Seamus for never saying anything.

"Well then, why didn't you say something? You were the one who came to me. You volunteered. Every time I tried to do something that would shift some of the responsibility back to me, you shut it down and acted all butthurt. I tried to put him in daycare more often, I tried to quit the Coffee Bar, I tried to give you a break last summer and learn how to do things on my own. Now you're mad at me because you were doing too much? That's not fair Seamus."

"I'm mad that you don't seem to understand or appreciate what I've done. And you're right, it's not fair. It's not fair that you're fine with me doing whatever I can with Aidan until you get insecure, then you yank him away. I know you're Aidan's parent. I know this. For fuck's sake I couldn't even get past the front desk at the hospital because I'm not his parent or guardian!!! But I'm important too. I deserve to be included every step of the way but that's not how it goes. What happens if things move forward with us? Will I ever be treated as an equal? Or will I always have it thrown in my face that you're Aidan's parent and I'm the nanny? Will I always have to stress and worry when Aidan does something to hurt your feelings, like favoring me? News flash. It's not my fault."

Matt knew that this conversation was deteriorating quickly and if he didn't leave it would probably escalate into something they might not be able to recover from. So he did the only thing that he was ever good at. He scooped up a startled Aidan, the little boy had never heard his people argue before, and turned back to Seamus, "I'm sorry that caring for Aidan has been such an exhausting burden for you. I never realized how hard it was being perfect and having everyone, especially Aidan, fawn all over you. Congratulations, you get a break and won't have to worry about it anymore. C'mon Aidan." Matt was seething and knew he probably should've kept his mouth shut, but just couldn't help it.

"Typical Matt. Run away when you feel insecure. Heaven forbid anyone else might have shit going on in their life or dealing with struggles of their own. Nope, you have to be the king of that. Your life has to be worse than everyone else. Poor Matt." Seamus called out after them, the snark in his voice loud and clear.

Matt clenched his jaw and glared at Seamus. Fuck him. He wanted to keep going, he had more things he wanted to say, instead, he turned on his heels and left the apartment with Aidan on his hip. If having Aidan was such a fucking burden, then Seamus could consider himself relieved. He no longer needed to concern himself with the almost two-year-old.