Bottle Kill Ch. 03

"But you're the one that figured that out." said Tanya. "You're the one who called Mary Carson a 'black widow', and had her take Pete's shield in there." I nodded sadly.

Teresa said "What pisses me off is that not only did Bettina edit the Chief's statement, but she made her usual spiel about you not giving comment sound like you're refusing to give praise to the Team... when that's all you been doing, praising them."

"And that's something to show the Team," I said, "to show them the dishonesty and corruption of the American Mainstream Media."

Have I mentioned that I despise the American Mainstream Media?

Teresa wasn't done: "And what about Miriam Walters giving Savannah Fineman praise like that, when Savannah didn't do damn thing but almost fuck up the whole thing?"

"Fortunatelyyyyy," drawled the Chief, "Miriam relented and let Claire, Mis-ter Crowbarrrr, and Paulina finish it off. She was fully plan-ninnnng to blame Mister Crowbarrr for not helping Savannah succeed."

"It's not my job to be Savannah's life preserver." I said.

"We'll dis-cussss that lay-terrrrrr." drawled the Chief sternly. Hoo boy, I thought to myself...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

3:00pm, Thursday, February 11th. Teresa, Shane O'Brady, and I were in the Courtroom of Superior Court Judge Rodney K. Watts, watching the proceedings as the plea deals were shepherded through the legal process. Miriam Walters herself was handling the Prosecution's duties, while Gwen Munson handled Mary's hearing.

Judge Watts agreed that the inheritance could go to the Tiffany Barclay Foundation, provided that the Inquest results survived legal challenges... and there already were some. But that would be litigation for a future time.

As we were leaving to walk across Courthouse Square to Police Headquarters, Shane O'Brady said "I talked to the Pottsville D.A.'s Office about prosecuting Marty McMillan for Charlene Conway's murder. They're going to look at it again, but they tend to be more like your Savannah Fineman than your Paulina Patterson, so they might just let it go for now."

"That might not be a bad idea." I said. "If for any reason McMillan's plea deal is overturned, we might need to go after him for Charlene's death."

"So tell me, Don," said O'Brady, "I admit I was thrown by McMillan's seemingly good alibi. How did you see through that, and him?"

I said "From the moment we heard of Boone and Tiffany's deaths, I had him in mind. He'd just shown up in the room while we were talking to the Boone entourage. Teresa here was all over him from the minute he walked in, asking who he was." Teresa nodded vigorously in agreement.

I continued: "I also lived, ate, slept, and breathed 'Consultant of Crime' for years until we took Westboro down. So when I heard about the Charlene Conway murder, the idea that Westboro was involved was like a neon sign to me. And I subsequently considered that the killer would get help to get Tiffany and Boone this time around, as well."

Me: "That led to two observations. First, that someone might've helped McMillan by using the key to his room at a time very close to McMillan killing his victims. And second, that there indeed was someone who helped Peter Paulson and Mary Carson, someone who expected a big payday... either from Mary's inheritance, or getting McMillan's new research and selling it to the 'big boy' companies."

"And like you said last night," Teresa said, "we have a 'New Consultant' out there. And I'm still not over the physical and psychological damage the first Consultant inflicted upon us."

"Neither am I, mon ami." I said solemnly. "Neither am I..."

Part 19 - The Scotch Game

4:00pm, Thursday, February 11th. I was at the Hyatt Hotel, in a small conference room that had been rented by the Whiskey Convention. They'd allowed us to use it for a special event.

Grandmaster Gabriel Schwartzmann was also in the room, as was Timmy Austin, on the verge of getting his final International Master norm in chess. With us was GM Schwartzmann's wife and three-year-old son Peter, and Chief Deputy Sheriff Cindy Ross and Sheriff Griswold. Cindy's baby Benjamin Antonio Jenkins was being cared for by Cindy's mother Maggie Ross and the baby's father, FBI Special Agent Tim Jenkins, and Cindy was taking a few hours to socialize with us.

A bit of background: years before, I'd volunteered to be the area's Merit Badge Counselor for the Boy Scouts's Chess Merit Badge, as well as the Chemistry, Crime Prevention, Dog Care, Fingerprinting, Pets, Rifle Shooting, Safety, Shotgun Shooting, Signaling (now Signs, Signals, and Codes), and Traffic Safety Merit Badges.

As part of the Chess Merit Badge counseling, I became a US Chess Federation affiliate, and got qualified to be a Tournament Director, first at the club level, and then a Local level TD.

GM Schwartzmann had agreed to play Timmy Austin two games, which would be rated, with one hour per side for each game, and I would direct the match and submit the results.

In the first game, GM Schwartzmann had the White pieces, and played a fine attack to defeat Timmy's strong Benkö Gambit, an opening named after GM Pal Benkö, who was a contemporary of Bobby Fischer. And then Timmy had the White pieces...

Town & County Two-Game Special Match
White: NM Timmy Austin
Black: GM Gabe Schwartzmann
Scotch Game, Mieses Variation.

1.e4 e5 2.Nf3 Nc6 3.d4 exd4 4.Nxd4 Nf6 5.Nxc6 bxc6 6.e5 Qe7 7.Qe2 Nd5 8.c4 Nb6 9.Nd2 Qe6 10.b3 a5 11.Bb2 Bb4 12.a3 Bxd2+ 13.Qxd2 d5 14.cxd5 cxd5 15.Rc1 O-O 16.Rxc7 Qg6 17.f3 Bf5 18.g4 Bb1 19.Bb5 Rac8 20.Rxc8 Rxc8 21.O-O

I was stunned as I watched. Timmy had a great game going! Of course GM Schwartzmann played a tough, dogged defense but Timmy kept up the initiative.

21... h5 22.h3 hxg4 23.hxg4 Bc2 24.Qd4 Qe6 25.Rf2 Rc7 26.Rh2 Nd7 27.b4 axb4 28.axb4 Nf8 29.Bf1 Bb3 30.Bd3 Bc4 31.Bf5 Qe7 32.Qd2 Rc6 33.Bd4 Ra6 34.Bb1 Ra3 35.Rh3 Rb3 36.Bc2 Qxb4 37.Qf2 Ng6 38.e6 Rb1+ 39.Bxb1 Qxb1+ 40.Kh2 fxe6 41.Qb2

Timmy forces the trade of Queens. Now it's just a matter of holding on and grinding it out.

41... Qxb2+ 42.Bxb2 Nf4 43.Rh4 Nd3 44.Bc3 e5 45.Kg3 d4 46.Bd2 Bd5 47.Rh5 Kf7 48.Ba5 Ke6 49.Rh8 Nb2 50.Re8+ Kd6 51.Bb4+ Kc6 52.Rc8+ Kd7 53.Rc5 Ke6 54.Rc7 g6 55.Re7+ Kf6 56.Rd7 Ba2 57.Ra7 Bc4 58.Ba5 Bd3 59.f4 exf4 60.Kxf4 Bc2 61.Ra6+ Kf7 62.Ke5 Nd3+ 63.Kxd4 Nf2 64.g5 Bf5 65.Bd2 Ke7 66.Kd5 Ne4 67.Ra7+ Ke8 68.Be3 Nc3+ 69.Ke5 Kd8 70.Bb6+ Ke8 71.Rc7 Ne4 72.Be3 Ng3 73.Bf4 Nh5 74.Ra7 Kf8 75.Bh2 Ng7 76.Bg1 Nh5 77.Bc5+ Kg8 78.Kd6 Kf8 79.Bd4 Bg4 80.Be5 Bf5 81.Rh7 Kg8 82.Rc7 Kf8 83.Kc6 Kg8 84.Re7 Kf8 85.Bd6 Kg8 86.Re8+ Kf7 87.Re7+ Kg8 88.Be5 Kf8 89.Ra7 Bg4 90.Kd6 Bh3 91.Ra3 Bg4 92.Re3 Bf5 93.Kc7 Kf7 94.Kd8 Bg4 95.Bb2 Be6 96.Bc3 Bf5 97.Re7+ Kf8 98.Be5 Bd3 99.Ra7 Be4 100.Rc7 Bb1 101.Bd6+ Kg8 102.Ke7 1-0

It was Timmy's first win against a Grandmaster, but it would not be his last. GM Schwartzmann wasn't upset; indeed, he congratulated Timmy's skill and fighting spirit in both games, and spent time discussing them with Timmy.

Meanwhile, Cindy had taken a photo of me holding little Peter Schwartzmann. He was laughing and his little hands were on my red crowbar, making it look like he was holding it up, though I had a grip on the end of it which prevented him from dropping it.

Cindy would later develop and frame a couple of copies of that photo, sending one to the Schwartzmanns and giving me the other one. And I had no idea at the time, but that photo would one day have special and significant relevance for me...

Part 20 - Dad Jokes with Dan and Julie

7:30pm, Thursday, February 11th. A good number of Police Detectives were at the World Whiskey Tasting Championships. Julia Rodriguez's cousin Adriana was one of the 24 contestants in the final heat.

Dan Love had won the heat the night before, and now he and his wife Julie were helping Adriana run her fundraiser for Alzheimer's research. The Loves and Adriana were on the stage, and their livestream was being shown on YouTube as well as the big screens in the room.

Dan Love was well-built and athletic, and was wearing a tight t-shirt that was getting comments in the comment section about his 'guns'. Julie was wearing a form-fitting shirt that said 'BADASS'. The shirt looked good on her excellent form, but we all knew she was one of the sweetest and most generous 'badasses' anyone could hope to meet.

"Okay," said Dan, "we always have dad jokes in our comments section, and I see we're getting some now. But tonight, we're going to have some kids from Eastside Elementary School and Euharlee Middle School compete for these blue ribbons, which were donated by Sheriff Griswold and Police Commander Donald Troy." Everyone applauded.

When twelve-year-old Susie Haskins came out, she was first invited to sit with Dan and Julie. Susie said "We had a nail drive to raise money for Adriana's fundraiser."

"How does that nail drive work?" asked Dan.

Susie said "We ask for five dollars per nail. We buy the nails and give the rest to charity, in this case the Alzheimer's charity. We take the nails to Town High School and they make crowbars out of them for our Police Officers, mostly the Iron Crowbar himself, Commander Troy. He says his crowbar is like the Lone Ranger's mask; it stands for the Law."

"How much did you raise for the Alzheimer's fundraiser?" Julie asked.

Susie said "We raised eleven hundred and twenty dollars." She handed Adriana the check as everyone in the audience stood and applauded.

"The folks in this Town are very generous." Dan said. "We really appreciate it. So, lead us off with the dad jokes."

Susie went to the microphone and said "What do you get when you cross a whale and a seal? A whale." Everyone applauded politely.

Davie Marsden came out and said: "Did you hear that the bakery burned down last night? Now their business is toast." That earned a few groans.

Ross Troy was next: "This is for my dad, the Iron Crowbar: before crowbars were created, crows had to drink at home." That got some applause from the whiskey drinking audience.

Jim Troy's contribution was: "How do we keep Whiskey lovers in suspense? I'll tell you later." There were some jeers amongst the polite applause.

Carole's classmate Jameis was next. "I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. And then it hit me." That one got surprisingly good applause.

Frieda Franklin came up: "What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers." Some laughter and mild applause ensued.

Timmy Austin had a chess-related theme, sort of: "Who was the knight no one expected on the battlefield? Sir Prise!" That got some good laughter.

Marie Steele came up and said "My mom's an astronomer, so my joke is: how do you organize a party in space? You planet!" That got laughs.

Tasha Troy-Patterson somehow had gotten involved: "This is for my mom, who is a lawyer. What do lawyers like to drink? Subpoena coladas!" Everyone cheered for that one, probably because of the drink connection.

Carole Troy came up. She was wearing her Auxiliary Detective badge, and Dan and Julie Love had her sit down in the chair Susie had sat in.

"So you helped the Police make a big drug bust?" asked Dan Love.

"Yes sir." Carole said politely. (Author's note: 'Schoolhouse Rock'.)

Julie Love held up a framed citation and said to everyone: "Carole received this citation from her State Legislature, for helping the Police bust a four-hundred-million dollar drug ring. That's amazing!" The audience gave Carole an ovation.

"Okay, Carole," Dan Love said as the applause died down, "tell us your dad joke."

Carole got up and said into the microphone: "What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common? Icy Dead People." The Loves broke out laughing at that one, and the audience laughed and applauded, as well.

Next was Peter D. Feeley, who said: "When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent!" That got some applause. Most importantly, Dan Love laughed out loud.

After all the kids had told their jokes, Dan said "I think Pete's joke was my favorite."

Julie said "I liked Carole's joke best."

"Okay then, we have two blue ribbons." Dan said. "Carole and Pete, you're the winners." Carole and Pete came out and were applauded as they received their blue ribbons. Pete was blushing a little bit, not quite used to crowds like that, nor being applauded. Carole had no such issues, nor any fear...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was nearing the time for the competition, so Adriana was wrapping up. "And the winner of the auction for the bottle of Pappy Van Winkle 23-year is Dr. Richard Searles, a cardiologist at University Hospital! He bid $5100 for it!" Everyone cheered strongly.

"The second place bid was just turned into a donation by Todd Burke, CEO of BOW Enterprises." said Adriana. "His donation was for $5000 even." More applause.

"And we've raised over $21,000 total, and more will be coming in on the GoFundMe site." Adriana. "I am really grateful to everyone!"

"Sheriff Griswold, please come up to the stage." Dan Love said. Sheriff Griswold came up, and Julie said "Sheriff Griswold lost his wife to Alzheimer's, so we are pleased to be giving everything we raise tonight to the Alzheimer's Foundation in your wife's memory."

The Sheriff's mustaches twitched with great emotion as the audience that was a family of very generous WhiskeyTubers stood and delivered a sustained ovation...

Part 21 - The Championship

"This is Bettina Wurtzburg, KXTC Channel Two News!" shouted the redheaded MILF reporterette at 7:00am, Friday, February 12th, from the parking lot of the Hyatt Hotel. "The Town & County Police do nothing as children are allowed into the Whiskey Convention!"

After the hard-charging intro music, Bettina began: "Children as young as four years old were at the Whiskey Convention last night, participating in one of the competitions at the site. The Town & County Police made no move to stop the competition nor to remove the children from the site, where whiskey and related merchandise are being sold."

Bettina: "Social justice groups were outraged, as were several members of the Town & County Council. Roll tape."

Tape rolled, showing Chaplain Steven Ikea. The chyron at the bottom of the screen told viewers that he was with the State Right to Life Committee as he said "It is insulting and horrifying that our children are being subjected to the filth of alcohol consumption in this manner. I urge there be a full investigation by the Department of Family and Children's Services of the parents that allowed their children to be in that den of vice and wickedness."

Tape then showed Town & County Councilwoman Kelly Carnes all but screaming "I demand there be investigations of whoever is running that event as well as the parents of those children. One of the girls there was adopted by Councilman Edward Steele, and she should be removed from that home of Republican wickedness by DFACS!"

Carnes: "And four of the children were the illegitimate sons and daughters of Police Commander Donald Troy! What kind of example is he setting for our children, our Peace Officers that he is supposed to be leading, and our Citizens by letting his children be at a whiskey convention?"

Bettina: "The Federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives as well as the FBI have been asked by local Government officials to investigate the incident and especially the TCPD's role in doing nothing about it. There has been no response by them to KXTC's multiple requests for comment."

Bettina: "And in other news, several lawsuits have been filed against the Town & County Coroner's Office over the autopsies and the Coroner's Inquest Jury findings that Theodore 'Tex' Boone preceded his fiancée Tiffany in death. Among the entities filing suit is the Federal IRS, on behalf of the Intelligence Community."

Bettina: "Per the findings, Tiffany Westgate and then Mary Carson stand to inherit the Boone fortune, valued at well over 100 million dollars. As part of her plea deal, Ms. Carson insisted that the inheritance be given to the Tiffany Barclay Foundation for Battered and Sexually Abused Women at Eastern State University, and Judge Rodney K. Watts agreed to that. But the lawsuits put all of that on hold..."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Wow." said Teresa. "Are we really in trouble over that? Or is that just the Media making a lot of noise?"

"Oh, they're not kidding about wanting to take Marie away from Edward and Stephanie." I replied. "But it's not like the kids were given nor drinking any adult beverages, and it was all over YouTube that the competition was telling dad jokes, so I'm not really worried about it."

Tanya said "I noticed Bettina did not say her usual crap about you not being available for comment, Don."

"Damn right she didn't." I said. "You know how she likes to call at 5:00am, when no one is here? Well, she called this morning and I answered the phone. She couldn't hang up fast enough."

It took five full minutes for the laughter to stop and the spewed coffee to be cleaned up...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

7:30pm, Friday, February 12th. The Whiskey Convention Hall was full of Whiskey enthusiasts, as the Championship round of blind flights was set to begin. The 'Elite Eight' of tasters were introduced, and of course Teresa and I and the other locals cheered loudly for Our Sheriff.

"I can't believe I lost my heat." Adriana Rodriguez complained as she stood next to her cousin, my Detective Julia Rodriguez. "I just knew Matt Beverly was going to put rye whiskeys in the blind flight."

"There was only one rye." said Julia. "And it was Knob Creek Rye. And he had Knob Creek 9 Year Small Batch in the flight, and that's your favorite."

"And I missed on both!" Adriana said. "I thought the Knob Creek rye was just Jim Beam rye. And I can't believe I missed on the 9-year!"

Teresa said "The Sheriff told me that Matt Beverly can be sneaky about his flights. The Whiskey Wrench's favorite is Maker's Mark wheated bourbons, and Dan Love's favorite is Old Granddad 114, and Matt had them in their respective flights. And wouldn't you know it, the one that Whiskey Wrench got wrong was the Maker's Mark. But he still advanced."

I said "Well, Adriana, at least you raised over $25,000 for Alzheimer's, after the late donations came in last night. That's amazing work. Congratulations!"

"Thanks." Adriana replied. "By the way, do those kids really sell nails to make crowbars for you?" Adriana asked.

"They sure do." I said, holding up my red crowbar. "And this is one of them."

"It's his 'Palladium'." Teresa said. There was no way Adriana could know what that was about.

Adriana said "And Commander, I'm grateful for that bottle of Pappy your wife donated, but when we looked at it we realized that that bottling hasn't been officially released to the Public yet. How'd she get it?"

"Ask no questions you don't want the answer to." Teresa muttered.

I grinned and said "I have no idea where she gets them from. And I don't want to know, if you get my drift..."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

10:30pm, Thursday, February 12th. The final heat was 'ovah', and the final scores were tallied. Then from 8th to 1st, names were named.

Matt Beverly announced "And in fourth place... Sheriff Antonio Griswold!" When the Sheriff went up to get his plaque and the glass coin that was used to cover Glen Cairn glasses with poured drams, Matt Beverly said "Sheriff, you did a great job. And we want to thank you and the Town & County for your hospitality this week. I'll be looking forward to coming back here for future competitions."

"We'll be glad to have you again!" the Sheriff said, his cheeks rosy and his mustaches twitching. "It's been a great week, you've been a great group to have here. Please do come back!" He was given a long ovation of thunderous applause.