Boundaries Sometimes Blur

This is my first submission, so be kind but honest. The events in this story are based on truth, with artistic licence in places. I hope you enjoy it

Chapter 1

My name is Alison. I am 30, female and married with 2 young children. I have a busy professional working life as does my husband, which was impacted significantly by the pandemic. I was on maternity leave with my 6 month old when the pandemic started and this led to also homeschooling my eldest while my doctor husband, Michael, worked often and long hours. It was, needless to say, a challenging time.

As time went on with the pandemic, my husbands and my own mental health began to take a hit, probably bordering on depression. The lack of being able to see family and friends was taking its toll and we knew that we weren't the only ones. Seeing our friends virtually provided a welcome relief but it wasn't the same as the social interaction we were used to. Before long, we started somewhat illegally, seeing more of a couple of close friends. I should mention that our friends, Dan and Louise, were close to us prior to the pandemic but the situation, and our agreement that we would only see each other during the restrictions, brought us closer. As a bit of background, we would have frequently had dinner parties, evening drinks and spent time together as couples and also individually. Essentially, we are comfortable and enjoy each other company. Given that social contact with anyone else was prohibited and we saw it as a way of preventing mental breakdown of all 4 of us; the benefits outweighed the illegality! We called it our mental health support bubble.

It was pre-Christmas 2020 and a 2nd, or perhaps it was the 3rd lockdown, was in enforcement, preventing our regular pre-christmas gatherings with friends and family. As a compromise to this, we had arranged a virtual night of cocktail tasting with friends but Dan and Louise came to our house.

"Make sure you inconspicuously come up", Michael had said on WhatsApp. "Perhaps come in the back door in case the neighbours are watching! I've left it open for you"

"On our way" Louise had replied.

Our choice to gather inside, I should add, was met with obvious disagreement from some of the virtual attendees who were trying to keep to the rules. But others had already voiced their flouting of the guidelines meaning we weren't too heavily scrutinised to be sitting together on the Zoom call. After several rounds, we were fairly merry and not concerned about anyone's opinions of our choice to be a support bubble for each other.

"I feel much better for having a 'normal' evening" I said "it's nice to be able to see people and just have company"

"Us too" said Louise, "I haven't felt this normal for ages, it's really nice to have actual social contact as well as seeing people on Zoom". She smiled at me and then at Michael.

I was sat next to Louise on the sofa and I could see that she was sitting close on the other side to Michael. We continued to chat with our friends on Zoom but on occasion out of the corner of my eye, I could see their hands intermittently touching.

"Is anyone cold?" Michael asked, and got a blanket, throwing it over himself, Louise and me. I could tell after a while that the movements of the blanket were their hands touching and Michaels hands ran up the inside of Louise's thigh.

I've never been a jealous type of person but I started to feel heat rising up inside me. Were my husband and best friend having feelings for each other? Were they seriously touching each other when I was sitting right next to them? Through my drunken state, all sorts of feelings coursed through me and I battled with what to say. Glancing at Dan, who was on the other side of room, I could see he hadn't noticed. Through lack of inhibition and wanting to bring attention to what I had clearly noted I decided to say something.

"Michael, why are you touching Louise's leg?" I asked

"I'm not" he stammered, but looks of guilt all over his face mixed with what was obviously extreme inebriation.

Not much was said between any of us after that and before long, Louise and Dan left.

"I cannot believe you were touching her, Michael" I shouted after the front door was closed. "Do you have feelings for her?"

"Obviously not, I love you" he returned, but his drunken state was not allowing him to even speak clearly and I quickly realised arguing about it now was futile

"You can sleep in the spare bed, I'm going to our room. We will talk about it in the morning".

I couldn't actually get to sleep however. I was mad at him, I felt our trust was broken, both for my husband but also in my friend who had similarly overstepped a boundary that shouldn't have needed to have been made explicit. What was more, I was thinking about him feeling her thigh and thinking about whether he had touched more than her leg under that blanket. She was wearing a skirt. Had he lifted it and touched bare skin? Had he felt further up her leg? The thoughts were maddening and making me angry but I realised that after a time, they were turning me on. The thought that my husband was touching another woman whilst I sat on the other side of her and her husband sat only meters away. It was blatant, it was exhibitionist and wrong. Which should have continued to encourage my feelings of anger, hurt and suspicion but it was rousing other feelings that I had not previously allowed myself to feel. I was realising that I actually didn't feel as upset with his actions as perhaps I told myself I should. In fact, I was starting to feel that he had opened a door that had previously been closed. An opportunity that would not have been there before he acted the way he had. He had presented the possibility that within our marriage, we could have feelings and thoughts towards others which, perhaps we had done previously, but they had never been voiced, or certainly, acted upon. I had been aware for some time that I was attracted to other people but would never have discussed this with my husband or anyone else for fear of being seen as unfaithful or ungrateful for our lives together. I wouldn't have wanted to jeopardise our family, our children. But this gave an opening where I could discuss my feelings, knowing that he had been the one in the 'wrong' first. I fell asleep knowing that lots more conversations were needed to iron out tonight's incident, but I knew that I would be able to use this to present an opportunity for us to communicate honestly and perhaps liven up our sex lives.

The next day, apologies came in droves from my husband, ashamed of his actions and committing to our marriage.

"Nothing was meant by it at all, we all had too much to drink. I'm not sure what I was thinking" he said

"I know, we all do things when we're drunk" I said, "but all that alcohol does is lower our inhibitions, we don't do things we don't want to do. Perhaps if you are really honest with yourself, you would admit that you wanted to touch her?"

"I didn't want to, I don't have feelings for her" he continued to protest "I was just drunk and she was too"

"Look, I'm not mad at you anymore, I think I should be more upset, but I realised that it's normal to have feelings for other people, to find other people attractive" I explained, "so, I'm not mad at you, I just think you need to be honest too"

"I think...it's because we have spent so much time together recently. We're together all the time, as much as you and I are" Michael said, "I guess, we, we just got carried away, but it didn't mean anything, it doesn't change how I feel about you"

"I know, and I think recently, despite everything, we have been in a good place, I'm not saying that anything more has to happen between you and Louise but I'm not as upset as I was last night, I guess I understand that when you spend a lot of time together, these things happen and I'm willing to move on...

"and, I find it quite hot to think about you touching another woman -- what does that make me?"

"Quite depraved!" Michael said as he walked closer to me "I find it quite hot to think about you with another woman too!"

As we kissed, a new thought came into my head, me with another woman, specifically Louise. There was something I hadn't ever considered before, but for now I parked that thought for future consideration.

Later apologies also came from Louise via text.

"Hey, hope you're ok? I'm really sorry about Friday night"

"It's actually fine, I'm not upset. I was to start with but on reflection I realise there is nothing to be worried about. I think it's easy to get carried away with people you spend a lot of time with when you're feeling stressed. Michael and I are in a good place at the moment, so no harm done. I hope you are Dan are ok?"

"I'm glad. We're ok. Probably better than before to be honest!"

"I'm pleased, is it just that you've been able to talk a bit more?"

"Yeah I think so, is Michael ok?

Better than before? Able to talk a bit more? These revelations were only a snippet of what had passed between them, but I couldn't help but wonder if the same conversations had passed between them as had between Michael and I. Were they too considering that feeling up each others partners wasn't the worst thing that could happen?

"Yes I think so" I continued to text "I think he is stressed and the thought that he had hurt me, and you and Dan was upsetting him. Too much alcohol and too little sleep isn't helping!"

"Dan was way more upset with me than he was with Michael if that helps"

"I hope he's still not upset with you? I've come around to seeing it as harmless and I hope Dan has too? We see you guys as our closest friends, boundaries sometimes blur, especially through beer goggles!"

"It was harmless, we both knew nothing was going to happen, although my memory of the whole thing is slightly fuzzy. We see you the same, would never do anything to screw that up. I'm not very good about talking about stuff, I'm trying to get better at it! And no, Dan is not upset, we're all good"

"Good, very much looking forward to Christmas still"

"Yes me too"

Over the next 24 hours, the erotic idea that our friendship with Dan and Alison might evolve into something uncharted grew and Michael continued to press the idea that my interest in the situation might involve thoughts of Louise and I being intimate. Prior to this past 24 hours, I had considered myself heterosexual, never imagined being with a woman. But the more thoughts I had, the more I wondered what it would be like to kiss her, to touch her the way Michael had, secretly under the blanket. How would it feel to have a woman touch me? The thoughts were continuous, and I found myself feeling wet and aroused with the thoughts of the possibilities that had suddenly presented themselves. Michael and I had discussed Louise's and mine text conversation and decided that the only discussion that could have passed between Louise and Dan, the one that made them better than before, would have to be them talking about similar things to us. They were curious about openly acknowledging that they found other people attractive. I don't think at this point, any of us were aware of really what we were asking of each other. There was certainly no explicit request for us all to become swingers! But there was an unspoken and unwritten feeling between us all that our relationship had been dramatically altered. In reality, only a conspicuous touch of the leg had actually happened, but there was knowledge between us all that the boundaries that were previously clear, were no longer so obvious. After a lot of rewriting and indecision, I decided that I would make mine, and mine and Michael's as a couple, feelings explicit to Louise.

"In the spirit of not having an awkward Christmas day, I thought I should approach the subject...I wanted to reassure you that a lot of my thoughts are in my head only but I think that's why I wasn't too upset with Friday, I don't mind some blurred lines. I don't think I would feel that way generally but I feel very comfortable with you and Dan and I've gotten the impression over time that it's not just me. Michael and I have been very open about it, and I feel maybe its normal to be attracted to other people, it's just taboo to mention it.

"I feel better for having been open about it and I do find this sort of thing quite erotic to think about. So, I've said it, sorry if its awkward anyway. I know it can't be unsaid"

It took a while for her to respond, leaving me uncertain about whether saying anything was the right thing to do but once the response came, I knew we would be ok, even if nothing further passed between us or between us as couples.

"It's not awkward. I think you're right, its normal to be attracted to other people of either gender. I'm not sure how I feel about it, surprised and flattered I guess. I'm not offended and yes, it is quite erotic to think about. As I said, I'm really crap at talking about this stuff but being in the open is best. Dan's head might explode when he finds out about this though!"

"That's what Michael said about Dan's head!" I replied.

"He's not quite in the same place...said he was happy for us to fool around in the hot tub though!"

"I'm sorry if he feels awkward about any of it. Not my intention. I really can't believe this came out of Michael feeling you up. To be honest though, if the only thing that comes out of this is better monogamous activity all around, I would see that as a positive!"

"Very true. I think Dan is ok. He did ask at one point over the weekend how I would feel about him touching me with you guys there/watching!"

"Oh my! Maybe his head wouldn't explode, he seems as into this idea as us! Everyone is secretly depraved! I think if we ever had any boundaries, we appear to have overstepped!"

"Apparently so, I'm not sure how serious he was but anyway. I like your term blurred boundaries"

"I'm not sure blurred boundaries is the right term now...rather moved boundaries! Anyway, I'm not suggesting anything will actually happen rather should the situation evolve organically, I guess we know where we stand. I don't think forcing anything is right. I've said that to Michael too"

"I think that's very fair"

With it being just before Christmas and the rules relaxed, I decided to spend a couple of days with my family leaving Michael at home to work but of course the revelations of the last few days weren't far from our minds. One evening a WhatsApp conversation started between us all, innocently, but before long several innuendos and 'double entendrés' were suggested. I think the unsaid sexual chemistry and tension was obvious for all but remained unsaid. The various individual conversations we had all had, had not been made explicit for the whole group. Exactly where we all stood with the idea of being open sexually with each other, If only in discussion along, had not really been made clear.

"I think oversharing might be our thing now" I responded to a relatively innocuous comment about people weeing in their own gardens. It was clear my intention was to highlight that we had done a lot of sharing in the last few days.

Michael affirmed that we were talking about the passing comments of the last few days too "Alison, I'm not sure you can do much more oversharing!"

Everyone had been concerned that Dan was not on the same page as everyone else, and for 5 minutes WhatsApp confirmed he was writing a message, leaving us all to wonder what conclusions he had drawn by our various admissions of depravity.

"I'm going to make this easier, I know what discussions have been going on over the last few days and I am honestly ok with it, especially the honesty and openness.

"I'm sorry for the way I responded on Saturday morning. I wasn't angry. Angry is what I thought I should be but on reflection I was scared. Scared of losing Louise, scared I'd lose you guys too. Once I realised this wasn't happening I felt much better about the whole thing. Sorry to bring this up, it was quite a revelation to me and I wanted to put us all on the same page"

After several more insincere and half joking, half serious remarks on the topic including Michael asking "when are you two getting it on so we can watch then?", I decided to be explicit about my feelings too

"I'm very pleased, following realising I felt ok about it, I've worried that someone might not be on the same page and end up being hurt or pressured and that would be awful. I want everyone to be happy and feel that if you are attracted to other people the best way of dealing with it is just being honest. This avoids cheating and dishonesty which I can't stand and it's something that Michael and I haven't been that good at in the past.

"I wouldn't have thought this would have happened from the events of Friday but I think it has created more openness and honesty all round which can never be bad. I keep waking up at 2am wondering how to phrase everything so I hope I sleep better tonight"

Our discussions were honest and open but at no point did anyone say that anything would happen between us. However, it still felt taboo to be talking about even the possibility with our friends. Thoughts of what would happen if we ended up in bed together crossed my mind. Michael and I, and I later learned Dan and Louise, discussed what physical boundaries we would have which essentially prohibited intercourse between non-spouses. Those agreements of boundaries did not seem to apply to Louise and myself, in fact Michael and Dan seemed enthralled with the idea that their wives would consider having sex. Thoughts of being able to openly explore another woman in the company of our partners swirled through my mind. I was wet with desire, the thought and of the anticipation of what might happen. Even though I knew what I liked, I found myself searching how to lick pussy and videos of lesbians rubbing themselves on each other. The more I saw, the more depraved I felt at considering I could do this with my best friend but it turned me on so much. My swollen pussy was pulsing and dripping wet by the time I returned home a few day later.

"I need you inside me", I growled at Michael waiting in the kitchen, not long after the kids were in bed.

He was obviously as turned on as I was as I felt his hard length pressing through his jeans. "Are you wet at the thought of licking Louise?" he whispered in my ear while rubbing himself on my backside

"Maybe" I smiled "Would that be so bad? Maybe we could lick her at the same time?"

He smiled wickedly at me and pulled my jeans down to my knees. We were so heated up with desire that he just pulled my thong to the side, brought his cock out of the waistband of his jeans and thrust inside me from behind. I felt instantly satisfied, not knowing how much the feeling of having him inside me was what I needed.

"God, you're so wet" as he continued to quickly move, unable to slow down.

I could tell he was harder than I had ever felt him. As we moved to get into another position, I noticed his cock was purple and at least an inch longer than I had seen it before. It was obvious all the talk had turned him on as much as me.

"Do you want to fuck her while I watch you?" I whispered as he lifted me up and placed my leg on the kitchen table and the other on the floor. My back pressed against the wall.

"Hmmm..." he growled, "Would you like to watch that?" He pushed his fingers into me, curling them where he knows I like to be touched.

"Um, I think I would..." he started to move faster, knowing how to touch me to make me cum "oh, fuck Michael...I'm going to...fuck". I pressed against him and the wall to steady myself

Until I had the kids, I hadn't ever been one for vaginal orgasms. But whether it was something physical or that over the years I had become more relaxed with sex, I would now be able to squirt if the mood was right and I was touched like Michael was touching me now.