Breaking Barriers Ch. 10

10://Beta_Test

---------------------

As work took over his life again, Vale felt like he was floating down from the crescendo of his first time with Kip. Even though he had to ink and illustrate the final versions of his drafts before the book would be reviewed for publication, his mind kept drifting. Every dip of the pen to create a tapered stroke of ink was another curve he had followed on Kip's body with his tongue. Every broad stroke of color was a gentle caress across a tight, youthful patch of pale skin. A highlight in the scene was the same highlight that played across Kip's blond tussles.

Vale's days melted together in a warm bliss, and it took him more than a week to realize that Kip's responses to his texts were trite and distant. Sure, they both were in critical parts of their work as their respective projects moved along, Vale realized, but even he could set aside some time to see each other again. Kip, on the other hand, sometimes went a full day before responding. He usually couldn't go a few minutes.

It's okay, Vale told himself. We're both busy. Our relationship is maturing. Isn't that what comes after the step they took? Settling into a routine where everything isn't fervent, puppy love. But it seemed too soon for that, and Kip too cold, too dismissive. After two weeks of similar interactions, Vale started to think he might have done something wrong, and Kip was truly trying to pull away.

His blissful balloon deflated sadly into a swirl of negative thoughts as his work suffered, and one night before his deadline review, he found himself sitting in front of a pile of unfinished illustrations, and an unanswered text from Kip asking if everything was okay. As the sun started to fall and stars started to appear across the sky, Vale shook himself and stood up, scattering a pile of pens from his couch. He paced around his apartment for a bit, looking out his window over the limited view of the city skylines. He knew deep down that he was too distracted to get any work done, and the work insomnia he knew too well was starting to creep into his nervous system.

With one last look at his unfinished work and a glance at his planner detailing tomorrow's review, he grabbed his jacket and headed out the door. A walk may not solve all his problems, but it was a good place to start. Or so he told himself, not quite convincingly.

He didn't really have a destination in mind, so his feet carried him forward on the lit streets while his mind wandered. He was a little surprised as he stopped suddenly in front of a club, noticing for the first time the crowd of people that had progressively gotten bigger the closer he'd gotten. He chuckled a little bit at the familiar neon name flashing above the awning. Had it been habit that he'd wound up at his and Kent's usual stomping ground? This wasn't the club he had brought Kip too, but he knew Kent still frequented it. A long line tapered around the building, but the bouncer caught his eye.

"Are you with that redhead tonight?" the gruff answer came as the guy crossed his muscled arms. Vale admired him, and perhaps in a different life he'd have gone for him, but twinks were more his thing. Like Kip.

"You mean Kent?" Vale asked, moving closer to hear him over the background din of the impatient queuers.

"Yeah, sure," the guy said, half-rolling his eyes. "He's inside, and you can join him if you wish." He moved out of the way to usher him through, while solidly blocking the way of the line of scantily-clad dressed men, who swayed as a group, pushing towards the front. Vale could feel the outrage and tension, and he didn't want to stay in it a moment longer.

"You sure?" Vale asked as he tentatively moved forward toward the door's arched opening.

The bouncer shrugged. "It generally serves the club well to let in that ginger's friends, if you know what I mean."

Without questioning it further, Vale nodded and walked through, escaping the shouts of protest from the queued-up queers. He couldn't help but smirk a little bit at Kent's popularity though. His personality was a large net, and of course the club would want to take advantage of everyone caught in it. Even if he wasn't exactly of the persuasion of Kent's usual fans like the bouncer must have assumed, he figured it would do him good to have the ear of a friend handy.

Provided he wasn't too far gone yet tonight, of course.

Kent wasn't hard to find (Vale just followed the sound of cheers), and he managed to catch the elbow of the gangly young man as he swirled off the dance floor. Recognizing Vale, he clapped him on the back and followed him to a table to sit down, and waved off some stragglers.

"Give me a minute!" Kent shouted through cupped hands towards some onlookers, and Vale arched an eyebrow. When Kent saw his expression, he just flashed his cheesy, Cheshire grin. "Sorry, you know how they are."

"Where's your beau from the Emerald Isles?" Vale asked, vaguely recalling the man he'd danced with the last time they were at the club. Kent took a minute to look away, taking in a breath uncharacteristically. For a heartbeat, Vale almost would have guessed he looked sad. But as he turned back, his face was set back into his usual smirk.

"It wasn't meant to last. We knew that." Vale noticed that he kept his smile, but his fingers traced the edges of a napkin mindlessly as the flashing lights played across his ruby hair. "Didn't exactly expect to see you here on a work night."

"Work wasn't working out," Vale said simply. He wanted to ask more about his guy, but if Kent didn't want to offer any details, he knew him better by now than to press. "I can't stop thinking about Kip. I think I messed up. Big time."

"The little ragamuffin?" Kent pursed his lips together, his facsimile of being deep in thought. "It can't be that bad. What happened?"

"I'm not sure," Vale confessed. "We took our relationship to the next step, and then he cooled off. I thought everything was fine, but he hasn't wanted to meet again, and our text sessions are weird."

"That is weird," Kent admitted. "But I always suspected you were bad in bed. Glad I dodged that bullet."

Vale picked up a nearby discarded straw from the table and launched it at Kent, who flailed and screamed like a little girl at the weakly twirling plastic. The fiery redhead glared back at him.

"What? It was no filthier than you," Vale said sweetly, batting his eyelashes playfully as Kent smoothed his sparkling shirt back into place, showing off his thin frame.

"You're lucky you missed," Kent hissed. He crossed his arms indignantly. "So, what are you going to do about the munchkin?"

"I'm not sure." Vale's mirth disappeared. "I think I did something wrong, or said something." He wanted so badly to tell Kent everything, but he had a feeling that Kip wouldn't appreciate divulging his Trans status to a mutual friend (acquaintance?), even if he was Vale's best friend. It made it harder, but he would honor that. He didn't want to mess up their relationship any more than he might already have.

"Hmm." Kent fidgeted with the napkin again, folding the corners in. "Well, you need to talk to him obviously. Maybe he's shy about something, or self-conscious about his height. Or lack of inches in some other department, I dunno..." Kent's thought trailed off in an off-hand way, his not-so-subtle way of bringing up his past suspicions. Oh, if only he knew, Vale thought. But it might not be far off the mark.

"Perhaps," Vale said. "But I thought everything had been great between us. I mean, it was for me. He didn't seem too put out at the time either." Unless..., Vale racked his brain for the details of their intimate encounter. What exactly had he done? Had he taken care of Kip?

Kent shrugged. "Well, if things don't work out, there's plenty more." He waved his arm in a sweeping motion to the thriving dance floor, and Vale followed his gaze. Oh, simpler days. He remembered having his pick of any of the throbbing mass of young men as he and Kent had raved through the night, but now all his mind could focus on was Kip. His shy smile. His sweet smell. His gentle touch.

Vale shook his head. Amidst the flash of memories of lovers past, he admitted he'd had some hot encounters. Even as a top, he tried to play to the bottoms' wants. The dirty talk they'd wanted. How some men just loved feeling used, or emasculated. He vividly remembered one man, and how hard he had rutted, and how the young man had taken it brilliantly, even begging Vale to fuck his man-pussy harder. How Vale had clutched him and given it his all, leaning his torso against the man's bucking back as he thrust, and how he had whispered into his ear...

"Do you like it when I fuck your -"

Kent jumped as Vale slapped a hand to his own forehead, his breath quickening. Oh, how could he had been so stupid? The gravity of his mistake crashed into him like the tide breaking on a rocky shore. Chaotic. Brutal. His fingers were already flying over his text keyboard as Kent shouted, "What?"

"I have to go. I have work to do. Thanks for the help, Kent." Vale stood up and nearly raced out the door while still forming the text as Kent waved weakly.

"Anytime. Happy to help." Kent's words were nearly drowned by the music as Vale turned and headed back onto the street. In the pale light of the street lamp, he hit send and watched as his message popped up into his conversation with Kip.

Vale: We need to talk.

* * *

What was once a surge of ecstasy at seeing his screen flash with a new message from Vale became a strain of anxiety at every message. Even though he didn't know a millennial alive today that could hide behind the claim that they didn't have their phone glued in their hand, he feigned being caught up in work too much to respond right away.

At least it wasn't too far from the truth. Leo had been on his ass more and more as they were ironing out the main features to submit for beta testing. The team's game was getting closer to launch-ready, and every step of the process from here on out had to be flawless. As Leo's passive-aggressive post-it note reminders weighed on his mind, he often wondered if his coworker were gay himself, closeted or otherwise, given how anal he was.

It was one night after late hours that he trudged through the door, tossed his briefcase and jacket on the couch and dragged himself to his bed to collapse. He kicked off his shoes without moving his upper body and just deflated, wondering vaguely how to get out of his uncomfortable work pants with minimal movement. He deigned to dig through his pocket enough to grasp his phone and toss it onto the pillow near his face. He'd been too tired and one-track-minded to get home instead of getting food, so he was starting to feel the guttural punishment of a rumbling tummy.

"Shut up," he mumbled to himself in the pillow. Sleep first, takeout later, he told himself, despite the logic that most everything would be closed by then. He mentally went through his kitchen's inventory, but he'd been putting off the grocery shopping lately and anything satisfyingly edible had dwindled.

The screen near his face flashed with an incoming message, so he peeked into the darkness and saw Vale's name briefly appear before the screen turned black again. His stomach clutched, but he hoisted himself up on his elbows and opened the conversation.

Vale: We need to talk.

Fear and panic tugged at Kip's heartstrings, but he knew the sentiment was more than fair.

Kip: I know... tomorrow? I have the day off.

Vale: I have a deadline review in the early afternoon, but I can't work and I can't sleep. I just need to see you.

Kip: It can wait. Work is important.

Vale: You're more important to me.

Kip wasn't sold on the idea of shirking work, but it didn't sound like Vale was in the productive mindset anyways, and he could sympathize at least that far. They chitchatted a little more and eventually decided that Vale would come over to Kip's apartment, provided he bring food.

He must have been motivated, because Kip's anxiety didn't have long to swell before the lights over his door flashed as the doorbell. He quickly moved to open the door and stepped back to let the larger man in.

"Hey," Kip greeted, gesturing to the living room. "You brought your art stuff with you?" He pointed to the telltale messenger bag strung across his chest. Vale looked down, almost in surprise himself.

"I guess so. I was out walking around, but I headed back to my apartment to freshen up quickly and grabbed it on the way out. Basically habit at this point." Kip could tell he looked a little dazed, and his raven black locks of hair were tussled and teased upwards. He couldn't help but smile, but Vale didn't seem to notice as he shucked his bag and coat off, and then placed a few bags of greasy fast food on the coffee table. With them now both fully in the living room, they regarded each other with an uneasy silence until Vale spoke up.

"I'm so sorry, Kip." Tears shone in his eyes, and it broke Kip's heart anew. Panic and anxiety battered against his rib cage like a caged and frightened rhinoceros. "I know what I did now - at least I think I do. And I promise I didn't mean it. Can I hug you?"

"Yeah, sure," Kip said, not sure he was really following Vale's following, but he welcomed the comforting embrace just the same. Tucked against his collarbone, he wasn't sure why he had fought his presence for so long. Vale nuzzled him and whispered in his ear against the hearing aid's microphone.

"I didn't say that word because of your Trans status." Kip stiffened and Vale rubbed up and down his arm while still holding him. "Honestly, it was basically by habit. I've used that word so much with cisguys, it just became a little ingrained."

Kip pulled back just enough to look up at him, his youthful face askew in puzzlement. "You've used the P-word with cisguys?"

"Yeah, it's quite common, actually." Vale gave him a quick, chaste kiss on his forehead. "Usually for the more submissive or kinky types that need that extra oomph in their dirty talk. I should have known better that you wouldn't appreciate it in quite the same way."

They held each other tightly for a few moments, feeling the gentle rise and fall of Vale's chest against his, or listening to Kip's slowly relaxing breathing finding harmony with his own. Kip moved to hug him tighter, infinitely appreciating how Vale didn't make him say the word.

"I'm sorry too." Kip sniffled. He hadn't cried much since starting testosterone, just assuming that the hormone blocked the tear ducts, but he was fighting tears now, feeling the heat well up in his face. "I'm sorry I couldn't just say what bothered me, and I'm sorry I put you through the silent treatment. I wanted to talk to you, but I had no idea what to say. Most of the time, I just felt silly for feeling how I felt."

"No, your feelings are valid." Vale jostled him lightly. "I should have been more thoughtful. However, a heads up on your feelings if I miss a cue is always a plus. I'm not going to pretend I don't need a reminder or nudge in the right direction sometimes."

Kip considered that for a moment. "Same goes for you," he added. "I haven't messed up yet, but it's imminent."

"Nah, I'm sure we'll be fine." Vale hugged him tightly and then swung him onto the couch, causing a surprised yelp to pop out of the smaller man. They got situated easily and cuddled for a second, nuzzling each other and laughing lightly. Kip was surprised at how easily the weeks of anxiety had slid off and melted, and all it took was a fair shot at communication. Who knew?

As much as he loved feeling Vale's firm body against his own, there was only one thing that could lure him away at that moment. He dipped his lips towards Vale's ear and whispered, "Is that a seafood pizza I smell?" Vale chuckled deeply, and Kip could feel the rumbling against himself.

"Just as requested, but I'm not sure how it'd work out, so I got a plain pepperoni personal pizza for myself."

"Now that's the kind of thing I like to hear," Kip said, and they laughed while they heaved themselves up into a sitting position. While they each dug into their own little pizza boxes, Kip couldn't help but glance at Vale and smile to himself.

Maybe this would be different.

* * *

After eating, they had lazed around some more in each other's arms, until Kip had eventually gone to bed, and Vale had gone to work at the freshly cleaned coffee table. It wasn't exactly comfortable, but as an on-the-fly artist, Vale had worked with worse. As the twilight hours faded into a rosy dawn, Vale remained hard at work, but with a newfound fervor that carried him through the neglected workload.

He almost wondered what the struggle had been for weeks as the finished work piled up. By the time Kip woke up and stumbled out of bed with his pajamas hanging low around his flat hips, Vale was greeting him with a smile and tucking the last of his work away. Kip regarded him as he started brewing some tea.

"Are you all done? I thought you had a lot of work to do. It's not even noon yet." Kip glanced at the clock over the stove while he thumbed through his tea collection.

"It was easy once I had my muse back," Vale said. His goofy smile was infectious, Kip noted as he plucked a couple green tea bags and set them aside on the counter. "At least it means I can hand it in early and be done for the day. It's your day off, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah," Kip said, checking his phone. "Aren't you exhausted?"

"Nope!" Vale chirped as he sprang up and threw on his coat and neatly-packed bag. "I've caught my third wind. Once I get back from work, what do you say we go on a date? Your choice. I shouldn't be longer than a couple of hours at the most."

"Uh, it sounds nice," Kip said, glancing at the clock again. "But wouldn't you rather sleep after work?"

"Nah, that's what my fourth wind is for."

"Well, at least have some breakfast first." Kip moved to start taking out some eggs, but Vale came up behind him and grasped him lovingly, twirling him softly before planting a kiss on him. Kip's cheeks reddened at the sudden burst of romantic energy.

"Sooner I'm gone, sooner I'm back. Just let me know what you decide for a date. I'll grab a bagel and iced coffee on the way in to work." Vale moved to the door with a lighter step than he'd had in weeks, and Kip watched him with a gentle smile on his face, blowing a kiss as he waved him out the door.

Kip let a relieved sigh escape when he was alone, and the warm tingles faded into a productive strive. He finished a quick breakfast for himself, and then checked the weather forecast on his phone. Upon seeing the sunny and partly cloudy prediction, he knew exactly what he wanted to do, and especially in a certain park by a certain fountain. He cleaned up from breakfast and then went digging in his closet until he found it - bingo!

He pulled out the hand-crafted wicker picnic basket with leather and metal clasp. He set it proudly on the counter - one of his little-known pride possessions. He turned the clasp and unlocked it, opening it up to inspect the pristine plaid-lined interior. Classic. Today would be a perfect day for a picnic, and he had just the right amount of time to go grocery shopping and whip something up. Finally, he also had the right motivation.

Before he headed out, he went to his bedroom with a final thought to add a finishing touch to their date. He plucked his special STP packer with the erection rod adjustment in its special silken carrying pouch and tucked it away in the basket for later. Whichever place they ended up at for the night, he wanted to be ready.

A mischievous smile spread across his face as he texted Vale where to meet him for the picnic. Perhaps it was time for some sweet and spicy revenge, he thought, patting the sizable packer with pride.