Breaking the Ice Ch. 06

"Don't put words in my mouth. I just said I still want to do this, I haven't even accepted his offer yet! Seriously Shane, what the hell is your problem?"

He pushed his hand through his thick hair, pushing his stool back loudly. "My problem is I thought we were on the same page and clearly I was wrong. But whatever, Tess. Do whatever the fuck you want without thinkin' about other people, that's what you always do anyway."

I slammed my coffee mug on the counter, the aggressive gesture making Shane jump a little. I leaned forward and pointed my finger in his face. "Look, Mr. Thomas. I don't know what is going on with you but you need to curve your attitude and you need to curve it now. If I change my mind about having a baby it has nothing to do with how busy I may be and everything to do with the fact that you think you can sit there and pick fights with me whenever you want to act like an asshole."

His eyes tightened as his jaw set firmly. "You better watch your fuckin' mouth, lil' girl."

"No, you better watch yours. I am a grown ass woman and despite the fact you think I'm so irrevocably broken that I couldn't possibly handle having a career and a baby without dissolving into a big puddle of crazy, it's my body and my decision. And I'm going to take my body to school because I can't stand the way you're acting right now." I left the kitchen, snatched up my messenger bag off the couch and stormed out, slamming the front door behind me.

***

The very second I stepped over the threshold of our home I felt fatigue set in. At some point Shane went back to the bar to retrieve his truck - it was parked in the dirt driveway next to the house, but the lights downstairs were off and the house was silent. I went upstairs to see where he was and found him in our bedroom shoving clothes into a duffle bag. "Uh, hey."

"Hey," he said quietly, not pausing in his task to look up at me. "I'm gonna go fishin' up in Maine for a few days. Cell service up there is spotty at best so you might not be able to reach me, I was gonna leave a note."

My face fell and I started wringing my hands together. "Oh. How long are you going to be gone?"

"I don't know. A week. Maybe two."

I went to him and gently placed my hand on his back, making him tense up. "Shane, I'm sorry about this morning, just...please, talk to me," I begged in a shaking voice.

He finally turned and acknowledged me, the affection in which he usually regarded me long gone. "Tess, I don't fuckin' want to. I don't always want to talk everything to death. I just want to go clear my head and relax, and I can't..." He stopped his sentence short, closing his mouth in a firm line.

"You can't...? Oh." I dropped my hand as I realized what he didn't want to say aloud. I can't do that here, with you. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and looked down at my sparkly green Converses, the ones I'd bought because they reminded me of his eyes. "Okay."

He brought his hand to my cheek and I turned my face away, hiding it behind long strands of hair. "Please don't make me feel bad about this."

I kept my head down so he couldn't see I was two seconds away from bursting into tears. "I'm not. You go have fun. I'll see you when you get back." Shane sighed and grabbed his bag, walking out of the bedroom. Only when I heard the front door shut did I let the tears fall freely from my face onto the floor.

***

"Let's go somewhere."

Sydney yawned into the phone. "Like to a bar? That's going to require me to put on pants."

"No, I mean let's go somewhere. It's Spring Break, let's go to Jamaica or the south of France or freakin' Mars. I need to be somewhere that's hot and surrounded by water and alcohol." It had been a week since Shane left. Mid-terms had come and gone and I was sitting home alone on Friday night like I'd done all the other nights: staring at my phone and silently praying he would call me. I'd finally had enough moping so I called my best friend in the hopes she'd be on board with my plan.

"Well that leaves out Mars. Everything okay, Tess? You sound weird."

I inhaled and forced myself to stop sounding so frantic. "I just don't want to sit around for the next two weeks studying. I need to get out of Connecticut, I need to get drunk and dance slutty and sleep by a pool."

"Oh hell yeah, I love Frisky Tess." I heard shuffling around on her end. "Grab your passport and meet me at the airport, we'll pick a place from there. Pack light, I plan to do some serious damage to your credit card."

I ended the call and sat up cross-legged, then dialed Shane's number. After three rings he picked up. "Hey," he said curtly.

I rolled my eyes at his annoyed tone, not really in the mood to pacify him. "Don't worry Mr. Thomas, I'm not going to keep you long. I just wanted to let you know Sydney and I are leaving tonight, maybe out of the country."

"...no the fuck you're not."

"Don't," I spat into the phone. "Don't you even try to pull that machismo crap with me, especially after you've been gone for a week without so much as a text. At least I'm calling you and not leaving a note."

"Are you kiddin' me Tess? You know where I am, I'm six hours away. You're talkin' about goin' God knows where to do God knows what!"

The sudden urge to put my fist through the phone was overwhelming. "I'm going to go hang out with someone who actually wants to be around me! I can't just sit around here waiting for you to decide you want to come home to your wife, do you have any idea how that feels?"

"Yeah, actually, I do!" he yelled.

That took the wind out of my sails. I drew my legs into my chest and set my forehead on my knees as I spoke calmly. "Is that what this is, Shane? Payback? You're shutting me out as revenge for hurting you?"

His heavy sigh vibrated through the receiver. "I just can't deal with you and...I don't know what it is. I just need some space, that's all."

"You got it. I'll let you know when I land." I hung up and gripped my phone tightly before sitting up and throwing it across the room with a hard yell. It shattered against the wall, falling into pieces onto the hardwood floor. I took a moment to get my heart rate down before I veered into a panic attack, then unfurled my legs and went to the closet to pack.

***

"We need to open up a hotel with a free bottle of tequila in each room because this is totally boss." Sydney and I were lying on the cushioned lounge chairs next to the plunge pool outside our two bedroom suite, drinking margaritas and staring at the gorgeous ocean view. I giggled louder than I meant to, tipsy from the tequila and the warm sun. "At fifteen thousand dollars a week Syd, it's not free. Trust me."

"God, isn't that disgustingly excessive?" I shrugged, wiggling my freshly pedicured toes. "How does Red feel about you spending so much money to get drunk in Mexico?"

"I highly doubt he cares." Other than a "be safe" text I received three days ago when we landed in Cabo San Lucas and I sent him our hotel information, I hadn't heard from him.

Sydney stood, stretching her unfairly toned body before reaching for the sunscreen, slathering some on her tawny skin. "Okay, what is going on with you two? He hasn't been calling you obsessively and you don't have that freshly fucked glow I've come to know and love. In fact I don't think you've mentioned him at all in, like, the past week or two." She gasped dramatically. "Are you two getting a divorce already?"

I pushed my sunglasses further up my nose and shrugged again. "I don't know, you'd have to ask him."

She stared at me from behind her shades then sat at the foot of my chair. "Ooookay. You're not joking. What happened?"

"I honestly don't know. He'd been working an insane schedule for about a month, and the week before last he just split. Left for Maine because he needed "space" to figure out whatever is going on with him. One of the other guys mentioned the was a particularly bad fire one night and it really rattled Shane, but he never mentioned it to me. Then I told him about the job offer from my dad and he was so upset because he thinks I don't want to have a baby anymore, and I told him I still did but he's still mad at me. I just...I don't know. I'm worried about him and I don't know how to fix it. It feels like he's blaming me for something but he won't tell me what it is. I don't know what to do."

Sydney shook her head. "Jesus, you two and the drama. Makes me glad I'm single again."

That piece of information had me bolting up and snatching the sunglasses off my face. "Wait, you broke up with Jeremy? When?"

"About two hours before you called me about this little excursion of ours. I couldn't take all the drugs and the fighting, it wasn't worth it and I really needed to end it for my sanity's sake." She grabbed my arm quickly. "Which is not what I'm suggesting for you and Shane. But maybe some space would be good, you know? In the meantime, let's have some fun and get you out of this funk. Please don't make Mexico funky, I like it down here."

I stood and adjusted my bikini top, nodding in agreement. "Okay, no more funk. Let's go have dinner and hit a club or something."

"Yippee!" Syd jumped up and down clapping her hands excitedly, making me genuinely laugh for the first time since my husband left.

***

"Hey, are you almost ready? I'm starving."

Sydney stood by the sliding doors that separated the master bathroom from the living room. "Yeah, I just want to call Shane first," I answered while I adjusted the straps to my dress.

She put her hands on her hips and shot me a weathered look. "Do not let him get you in a bad mood. I need Fun Drunk Tess, not Sad Moody Tess. Sad moody Tess will get punched in the throat."

I walked to the doors, giving her a tight smile as I shut them in her face. I grabbed my new iPhone from the counter and dialed his number. The smiling contact picture of him made me ache. "Hello?"

The female voice that picked up his phone threw me for a loop. I stared at the phone in disbelief for a second before responding. "Um, hello?"

"Hey, Tess. It's Ellie."

Oh, thank God. "Sorry, I...didn't expect you to pick up."

"Shane's in the kitchen with Dad, want me to get him?" Her curt response a clear indicator she wasn't exactly thrilled to talk to me either.

"No thanks. Don't worry about telling him I called, I'll just talk to him later."

"Okay. Bye." The call ended and I found myself staring at my phone again. Rolling my eyes I threw it in my clutch and headed to the living room where Sydney was drinking a glass of champagne. "Did you two make up?"

"I didn't talk to him, apparently he's in Texas at his parents."

"Well, he probably just didn't want to go home to an empty house."

"Yeah." I forced a smile, determined to have a good night. "Let's hit it."

***

My phone vibrated on the bed next to my pillow, interrupting the third night in a row of dreamless inebriated sleep. Sydney and I had been hitting the bars and clubs pretty hard and I was planning on sleeping very, very late for some much needed recovery. I swept the hair out of my face before picking up, not bothering to see who it was because the sentiment would have been the same regardless, "Whoever this is, it's late and I hate you."

"That sucks for me."

The deep Southern drawl cut through my tequila haze like a sword. "Shane?"

"Were you expecting someone else?"

I looked at the time, forcing myself to sit up before settling for leaning back against the massive headboard. "It's three in the morning, why are you calling me?"

"I wasn't aware I needed a reason to call my wife."

"Oh my God dude, cut the bullshit. It's late and I'm drunk and I haven't heard from you in almost a week, what do you want?"

He paused, then sighed. "I don't know. I don't know what I want."

"Then call me back when you figure it out, preferably when the sun is out." I hung up and tossed the phone to the side, curling back into the warm covers when I felt it buzz again. "Son of a..." I sent him to voicemail and typed out an angry text. STOP CALLING ME. I don't want to talk to you.

He typed for a moment, the ellipsis at the bottom of the screen indicating he was responding. I don't want to talk to you either. I just can't sleep without you beside me.

As much as he was pissing me off I couldn't say I didn't feel the same. In the two weeks we'd been apart I hadn't been sleeping well at all, running on autopilot through the days and very late nights. He called again and this time I picked up. He said nothing and neither did I. Placing the phone on the pillow next to my head I closed my eyes, the sound of his breathing sending me back to sleep.