Breaking Up and Making Up

"Now I hope you won't be upset with me," she said and eyed him with some amount of apprehension.

"Why would I be?" he asked.

"Well, I've been following your ex girlfriend's career for a while now," she said. "And I want you to listen to this radio interview she just did."

"Oh," he said, his heart sinking. "I don't know if that's a good idea. I don't think I'll be able to...if we listen to that."

"Tommy, I thought we were friends," she said with startling intensity. "This is important."

He sighed deeply. "Well, okay," he said.

She searched for a recording at the local radio station's website and glanced at him to see if he was ready. He nodded, although he wasn't, and she clicked on the link.

He leaned back and listened to Laura's voice. It cut right through his heart and he wrapped his arms around himself in a desperate attempt to hold himself together. They talked about her upcoming book, which was to be released shortly. Or actually had been released the previous week, when he listened closely. It must've been a while back that the interview was aired.

After going through her literary productions they talked a little about her upcoming aspirations. She sounded a little lost and it made his heart ache. She said she had no ideas for any more books, that she would have to wait and see if anything came to her. She didn't sound too convinced anything would.

The interviewer seemed to pick up on her discomfort and tried to change the subject. She complained playfully that Laura had been so elusive up until recent months and hadn't replied to so many invites to radio and tv shows.

"So tell me, now that I've managed to dig you out from under a rock, where do you come from? What place do you call home?" she asked.

"I had a home once," Laura said. Her voice was so wistful Tommy could feel the hair on his arms stand up. "It wasn't a place, it was a person."

"That sounds romantic," the interviewer remarked. "It was someone you loved?"

"I will always love him," Laura said. There was sad finality in her voice. "He's just all I ever had. All I ever wanted. But I was too stupid to make it work, and so you could say I am homeless now. With him the whole world was my home and without him there simply isn't a place where I belong.

"A wise old woman once told me I was free. I've been so alone for much of my life. I don't play the social games other people play, I'm always on the outside, not shackled by anyone's expectations. But being free alone is just being lost."

Blood was swishing in his ears so he had trouble listening. He buried his face in his hands again, his elbows on his knees. It was awful to hear her be so lost, she sounded so sad, so resigned. The interviewer tried to cheer up the mood, come up with something to say, but finally she resorted to just wrapping up the interview. There was talk of upcoming events and finally it went quiet. Tommy drew a quivering breath. He hoped Shelley wasn't expecting for him to perform, because after hearing that he wasn't sure he could ever again.

"So, are you gonna go?" she asked.

"Go where?" he asked between gritted teeth as he fought to contain his sorrow.

"There's a book signing event downtown tomorrow," she said. "Didn't you listen? I think you need to go."

"What, where," he said weakly.

"Oh come here, will ya," Shelley said. She put the computer away and pulled him to lay down with his head in her lap and then she just stroked his hair. He could feel tears burning in his chest but he couldn't cry, not with her. He closed his eyes and focused on her touch and after a while it got a little easier to breathe

"I think you need to go, Tommy," she said quietly. "Want me to go with you? I was thinking of going anyway, to get her new book and have it signed for me."

He drew a deep breath. "Yeah, I think you're right."

They were silent for another few minutes, she kept stroking his hair.

"Thank you, Shelley," he said finally. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," she said. "I just hope you can make it right."

-#-#-#-#-#-

Now that he had decided to go he had no doubt on what to do. He went early, with Shelley, and she didn't ask or object when he told her he needed to find an older book. They searched the bookstore together and with the aid of a clerk and finally found a copy of "Darker Matters". He and Laura had once gotten together over a copy of that book and he hoped there was some magic to it. He bought the book and then they went to a nearby coffee shop to wait for the signing event to start. He was too nervous to talk so they sat in silence.

The signing would last for an hour and a half, and he knew he'd have to wait until almost the end of it. He didn't want to upset her and mess up her work, and based on the interview he supposed she wouldn't be indifferent. Shelley went as soon as the signing started and came back to him afterwards, saying she was too impatient to wait, but that she would stay because she wanted to see how this played out.

Tom went to the bookstore when there was fifteen minutes of the appointed time to go. He stayed further, hiding behind a bookshelf, and watched as Laura signed the books. She was so beautiful, she was like she had always been, and he felt like her presence filled all of him. He felt a pull, like she had her own gravity field that pulled him to her, like she was the sun and he was the moon.

Or wait, that wasn't right. Moon didn't circle the sun. Whatever.

Finally he couldn't wait any longer. He sighed deeply and said to Shelley, "Here goes nothing, wish me luck."

She touched his back encouragingly and he went to stand at the end of the line.

Laura was tired now, he could tell. She hardly looked at anybody. She signed the books and handed them over with a feeble smile, she wasn't focusing anymore. He knew this type of event was tiring for her and she was probably counting minutes to when she would be released.

Finally it was his turn. Laura had a pile of her latest books beside her hand, and she was reaching for one when he set the "Darker Matters" down in front of her. She stopped and lowered her hand slowly. It was shaking.

She looked up at him very slowly and by the time she had turned her face up towards him there were tears in her eyes.

"I've read that one, it's a good one," she said quietly with a trembling voice, quoting a line from a story he had written long ago.

"I wonder if your good is the same as mine," he answered his line just as quietly.

They looked at each other for what felt like a lifetime. A single tear brimmed over and ran down her cheek, her left cheek, the one with the birthmark. He reached over the table and wiped it off. He noticed personnel stirring behind her, they were there to fill up the stack of books she had and to fend off potential creeps, and he supposed they would come after him for touching her. They didn't have time to react, though, because now Laura stood up and clambered over the table and into his arms.

He held her close and felt his world come together once more. All the purpose, all the direction he needed was right here, in his arms. He held her tightly and she pressed closer and clung on to him just as tightly. She was trembling and he kept murmuring softly, he wasn't even saying anything, just making these low, comforting sounds. Vocalizing his love. He had his hand in her hair and held her hard, he couldn't get her close enough.

She felt so right. Everything about her was just right. There were all types of women in the swingers' club but none of them was like this, none of them was her, there was no one in the whole wide world but her that was right like this. She was a bit slimmer than she'd been but that didn't make her any less right.

"How did you come here," she whispered and lifted her head from his neck. He pressed his forehead against hers.

"You said I was your home," he said with an uneven voice. She nodded and sobbed. He took her face in his hands and looked at her, looked at her gray eyes brimming with tears, and now he knew what he had come here to say.

"I came to ask you to come home," he whispered and kissed her.

It took a good while for them to let go, to come back to the world again. Laura cried and she didn't even try to stop. Tommy had taken care to be the last person on the line, but a few customers had turned up after that. Laura signed the last few books for them absentmindedly, standing beside the table, keeping Tommy close enough to feel him there.

When the last customer left the personnel started to clear the table away. One woman approached Laura and asked if she was going back to the publishing house as had apparently been planned, she said no, and the woman just nodded.

Shelley approached them timidly. She had tears in her eyes as well. She looked from Tom to Laura and back and cleared her throat nervously.

"Are you...can I give you a ride back?" She asked. "Or I can drive you somewhere else just as well?"

"Wanna come to my place?" Tom asked Laura, and they looked at each other for a long time. It was so difficult to let go of that gaze, it mesmerized both of them every time their eyes met.

"Yeah, I do," Laura said. "You know I thought you'd left Chicago a long time ago."

"I didn't have anywhere to go," he said simply. "Shelley here lives near my house. We drove up here together, she's the one who told me you'd be here today."

They turned and started walking towards the parking house where Shelley's car was. They walked slowly, Tom had his arm wrapped around Laura's shoulders and they adjusted their steps to match. Shelley was walking in front of them, wiping her eyes, trying to get a grip. She was romantic at heart, and these two were just the most magical thing she'd ever witnessed in real life. It felt like there was some kind of energy field emanating from them.

Shelley got on the driver's seat and Tom and Laura sat in the backseat. Of course they did, they still couldn't let go of each other. Tom pulled Laura into his arms and breathed into her hair, and Laura still cried, silently and slowly, tears just rolled down her cheeks occasionally. Shelley glanced at them in the mirror every once in a while. She had recorded a video of the moment of their reunion, and while she wasn't going to upload it anywhere she couldn't wait to see it herself. She wondered if she'd gotten the audio, she wasn't sure, she'd kept a respectful distance. With or without the dialogue it was the most potent romantic scene she'd ever witnessed, and she expected to watch the video a lot.

"I'm sorry I left you like that," Tommy said quietly.

"I'm sorry you had to leave me like that," Laura said just as quietly. "I still have no fucking idea what I'm doing. I'm sorry I suck at relationships."

"It's alright," he said gently. "We'll get it right someday. Hopefully today."

They were silent for a while. Shelley glanced at them via the mirror. Tommy had his eyes closed, his face pressed to her hair.

"So did you get to shop around?" He asked and grazed her forehead lightly with his lips, tracing her hairline.

"I did," she said. "Learned a few interesting things. But the main thing I learned was that I don't want anyone but you."

She thought for a second and added, "Or let me rephrase that. You're the only one I want to share my life with."

Tommy laughed, and it sounded amused and really, really loving. The hair on Shelley's neck stood up.

"Yeah, I don't want to be with anyone but you, either," Tommy said gently. "I don't even want to fuck anyone else. I always knew that. But then I had enough experience to know that. You know, I still think you could find someone that's better for you than me. Maybe we just weren't separated long enough."

"Will you just shut up, you stupid fuck," Laura said with overflowing tenderness and turned to kiss him. He laughed again and responded to her kiss.

"So, what've you been up to?" Laura asked and settled back into his embrace. "You bought a new house?"

"You're gonna love this," Tom said. "The neighborhood my house is in has this swingers' club. So I've been banging housewives, mostly playing the strong handyman."

Laura laughed, it was a tinkling, delighted sound and Tommy smiled and kissed her forehead again.

"So the two of you..." she asked.

"Shelley's one of them," Tommy admitted. "But she's really a friend, you know she sacrificed her last...time slot to play me that interview of yours."

He seeked Shelley's eyes in the mirror. Shelley jolted and looked away, feeling he'd caught her spying on their private moment. When she looked again he was still looking at her.

"Thank you, Shelley," he said sincerely. "This really means a lot to me."

Shelley just held the eye contact for a few seconds, nodded and looked at the road again. She could feel her face burning as she blushed.

Shelley could've easily loved Tommy, maybe she already did. She was glad in a way this was over, that Tommy was going to stop with the swingers' club now, that he was going to sell the house and leave. She just knew he would and as much as she was going to miss him she was relieved. He was too much for her to handle, even if she wasn't already married.

Following Tom's exchange with Laura had made Shelley realize she didn't understand him at all, him or their relationship. They had the oddest dynamic. Their interaction was a little like following a pair of twins, they had their own language of sorts, one that seemed to depend as much or more on nonverbal communication as it did on words. There was enormous tension between them, so much sexual energy it almost crackled in the air. She couldn't interpret all of it, she just felt its magnitude, like a storm moving past.

Shelley stopped by Tommy's house on the way to hers.

"I'll let Claire know you're out," she said to Tommy.

"Thanks," Tommy said and touched her shoulder before getting out of the car. "Thanks for everything Shelley."

-#-#-#-#-#-

The bedroom he had furnished for himself was on the second floor, but they didn't make it that far. As soon as the door closed behind them they were kissing, and despite the burning, fervent intensity it was all about love. They kissed, kicking their trousers off, pulling on each other's shirts, always returning to the kiss.

They lay down on the sofa, him on top of her. He made a move to kiss her neck, he wanted to kiss her everywhere, but she didn't let him go.

"No, please," she whispered. "I need you close to me."

He was really close to her. He held his body down and close, his weight on his elbows, his arms around and under her upper back, their breast and stomach touching. But it wasn't what she meant and he didn't have to ask what she meant.

She held his cheek with one hand and reached for his penis with the other, trying to guide him inside her. He was so hard it was difficult to bend his shaft at all, but Laura didn't let him move an inch, she kept eye contact and they breathed into each other's mouth, concentrating on her touch. She wiggled her hips and finally got him aligned, and they both stopped breathing when he started to push in.

"A..ah...aah," she breathed and her eyes grew wider.

She was so wet. He filled her up but there was no resistance, just this wonderful slick friction. When he slowly bottomed out he glided mentally to the same exact place she was. He couldn't have explained it, he just knew they were there together. It felt like too far to even pull out. He rocked inside her, with a very small motion, staying as close to her as he possibly could, falling into her eyes.

"I love you," he whispered. He could feel her pussy squeezing around his length at that and he pushed closer, always closer, only pulling away to get to move closer again.

"I love you," she whispered into his mouth and a tear detached itself from the corner of her eye and rolled towards her ear. She was crying again, or maybe she hadn't stopped. Tommy wanted to beg her not to cry, but then a tear dropped from his cheek to hers and he realized he was crying as well. So he looked at her, moved inside her slowly, keeping as deep as he could, and cried with her.

"Don't ever leave me," she whispered.

"I won't," he sighed.

He was so deep, he didn't know if he'd ever been quite this deep. He felt like he was melting into Laura, merging together with her, like their lines were blurring. He loved it, he never wanted to be anywhere else than just here, just like this, with her. They rocked together and somehow the pressure was building even without the conventional long and accelerating movement.

They looked at each other's eyes, their tears mingling on her skin, their breath mingling between them, their lips almost touching. His sweat mixed with hers between their bodies, so close, as close as he could get and then closer still. He thought he could feel their souls merging.

"I need you."

"I want you."

"I love you."

They kept repeating these three truths in varying combinations, whispering them like a mantra. It increased the intensity, they rocked in a sea of passion together. Slowly they progressed to a level that wasn't verbal, they breathed together and made small sounds that somehow conveyed all they had in them. He loved her more than anything, more than life, more than love itself. He pressed his forehead against hers.

In a desperate scorching second he could feel his heart bursting. Next it felt like all of his soul surged through him, deep inside her, burst after burst. He couldn't say if she came first or if he triggered her as well, but she came too, and still they stayed in each other's eyes. He wasn't aware of the low moaning sound he was making until he ran out of breath and it stopped.

Laura pulled his head closer and they kissed, very tenderly and at length. When Tommy couldn't keep his weight up any longer they twisted around enough for him to get off her, but she didn't let go, she kept him inside her still. He pulled her as close to him as he possibly could and just held her. They breathed together, touching each other's skin slowly.

"Don't ever leave me like that," she said quietly. "If I fuck up again just confront me with it, will ya? I'm so stupid I can't promise you I won't ever fuck up. But please, don't ever leave me again."

"I just wanted you to be free to see what your life could be if I wasn't weighing you down."

"I know why you did it. And maybe you were right. But please, don't do it again."

"I promise. I'll be with you until the day I die."

"That's a good start. And then promise me you'll never die."

He laughed but it got him close to crying again.

"I think I just did," he said. "I feel like I just died and went to heaven. I mean, I haven't cum like that since...maybe ever. It was so weird all in all. It felt like...it felt like..."

"Like making love?" she suggested.

—#—#—#—#—#—

On the first day of winter they packed their car to go. Shelley was the only one to come and say goodbye, and she was grinning when she told them she was still out of Claire's good book after messing up her handyman fantasy for her. Tommy laughed and hugged her warmly.

"Well I for one am grateful," he said. "All the good for you, Shelley."

"Yeah, thank you so much," Laura said and went to hug her as Tommy went to start the car already. "Maybe we would've gotten it right one day but it sure didn't hurt for you to help."

"Tell me," Shelley said, "What is it that Tommy likes to do? We had him fulfill our fantasies for months, but I don't think he even once made any requests himself. So, you know, I'm curious."

"Well, the thing about Tommy is that he likes to make love," said Laura and smiled. "You know, make love as opposed to just fucking. So I don't know what he could've asked for when he wasn't in love with any of you. Beyond that he's almost anything goes kind of guy. And well, I think we're both over fucking other people for now."