Broken and Bonded Ch. 21

Chapter Twenty-One

Her intention had been to quietly with no fuss, just leave.

Her intention had been to just quietly disappear.

Her intention was thwarted at every attempt.

The front door was almost permanently open with Jonathon, Matt or one of the medical three all coming and going all morning.

The driveway cleared of vehicles, but people and equipment remained.

She watched from her bedroom window, feeling like a prisoner of circumstance.

She was free to leave, had the means to leave, if only it wasn't for him. Matt was almost constantly at the front, almost as if he was guarding the way.

There was a timid knock at her door, and after taking a quick look to make sure Matt was actually still out front, she turned to call. "Come in, it's not locked!"

Sandra peeped around the door as she opened it. "I'm not disturbing you, am I?"

"No, no of course not, come on in... what can I do for you?"

Sandra leaned against the door as it closed and smiled a little.

"Nothing, it's nothing wrong, just..." she hesitated. "Well... Mr Richards, he said, he said that we should not do anything different, that this is and always will be our home, and safe place..."

"Yes," Trudy nodded. "that's right, that's as it is and should be."

"Well, that's all well and good, but with all the coming and going, downstairs - it's hard to know where to settle!"

"It is a little crazy down there," Trudy smiled apologetically. "But they are already setting up a habitat thing out on the green, so once that is in place -- they will all move over there... probably by the end of today."

"Yes? It will be good to get the house back to ourselves," Sandra said with open relief.

Trudy studied her thoughtfully for a moment. "I think that things are going to change around here though," she said carefully. "But Seline will always put you girls first, and so it's important for you to all be honest with her. If it makes you uncomfortable now, how will it be when these young men come along?"

"But they won't be staying here in this house. As long as we know that this is ours and only ours then everything else is -- cope-able."

Trudy felt a rush of affection for this young woman, who had already been through so much in her life. She reached out to hug her affectionately. "And you will always have me as well, I will always be at worst -- a phone call away."

"Yes, I know," Sandra whispered. "And I still thank the Gods every day for you coming into my life and rescuing me."

"You rescued yourself, I just encouraged you." Trudy laughed lightly. She looked seriously into the younger woman's eyes. "You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for."

Sandra blushed and looked away. "Yes, well... anyway I did come up for another reason... You weren't at breakfast, and lunch is almost finished?"

As if on cue Trudy's tummy gave a rumbling sound and she realised that she was actually quite hungry.

Sandra laughed at her, and Trudy blushed and then laughed too.

"Come on then, let's go and find some food."

As they walked down the stairs, the front door suddenly opened and Trudy's heart did a summersault in her chest, only to drop back down like a rock, when Jonathon walked in.

He didn't look up at them, just walked into Seline's study and closed the door behind him.

"Well, he certainly seems to have made himself at home!" Trudy muttered under her breath.

Sandra cast her quick look of surprise and then blushed a little. "He may not be Matt -- but I rather like him... he was just so patient and gentle with the younger girls this morning, so concerned for their -- for all our welfare."

"Yes," Trudy conceded. "Jonathon does concern himself with the wellbeing of all and everyone -- that is what has always made him such a great elder and leader."

*

The dining room was empty, but there were still plates along the side with sandwiches and a sliver covered bowl keeping the soup warm.

Trudy sat down to enjoy the hot food and Sandra joined her with just a mug of coffee.

"I had something before I came up to see you," she explained at Trudy's questioning look. "But I am happy to keep you company with my coffee."

Trudy shrugged her acceptance of her offer and tucked into the food.

She was almost finished when there was a rush of cooler air and the sound of the front door opening and then closing.

"I'll take your plate and my cup through to the kitchen while you enjoy your coffee," Sandra smiled at her and scooped up the bits before heading for the door.

She passed Matt as she left and smiled up at him brightly. "There's still some food left if you want any. Trudy will sort you out, I'm sure."

"That would be very nice of her," Trudy heard the smile in his voice, and she ducked her head so that he wouldn't see her expression when he walked in.

He strode in only to stop in front of her and breathe in deeply. "Something sure smells good,"

Trudy shrugged keeping her gaze firmly on her drink. "Marcie's soups are always something special."

He sighed deeply and she could not stop herself from glancing up -- only to have her gaze captured by his melting brown eyes.

"Please," he begged huskily. "Can we just be friends even for a little while?"

The eyes, the tone, the way he looked and the way he smelled to her.

She stood no chance, and her face was an open book of emotions to his searching gaze.

"Can I get you a refill?" He asked turning away abruptly.

Trudy blinked and concentrated on downing the rest of her coffee, so as to allow her flaming cheeks to fade.

"Yes, please." she murmured, holding up her empty cup.

The brush of their fingers as the cup changed hands was a shock of electricity.

The air in the room thickened immediately, and Matt gave a low groan as he put the cup down and reached for her instead.

His memory was still fractured and splintered, and hazy thoughts and images jostled around.

"Trudy... my Tru sunshine girl." he murmured distractedly.

The air turned cool again along with the sound of the front door opening and closing.

"I believe that we can..." the two doctors walked into the room talking together and smiled absently at the couple already moving away from each other.

Trudy turned to leave the room, but Matt caught her arm.

"Let's take a walk outside," he murmured huskily. "Somewhere where we can be alone together - where we can talk properly."

A thousand and one memories flashed through her, all filled with strong emotions and longings.

"No!" she snapped panicking. "I'm packing my bag, and I am leaving here -- right now!"

She pulled away and flew up the stairs. Feeling that if she did not leave this minute -- then she might never leave at all.

She felt closed in and stifled.

She had already half packed her bag, and it took no time at all to finish.

Trudy dragged the bag off the bed, and marched from the room, anxious to be gone.

The hallway was empty of people for once, and so she would seize this opportunity and just leave, with no farewells or nothing.

She was almost at the foot of the stairs, inches away from the door and the freedom that it suddenly promised.

"Trudy! You... you're not leaving, are you?" Seline walked towards her -- but on seeing her friend's stubborn almost desperate expression, her mind went into overdrive. "Marcie -- you need to talk to her; you know how she feels about people not saying goodbye."

She took her bag from her and ushered her towards the kitchen.

"Go on, I just need to sort... I'll be in my study -- come and find me."

Trudy gave a soft growl of frustration, but she knew that Marcie would be hurt if she did not see her before she left.

Marcie had a great deal to say, mostly about miss Seline and the girls and the changes that were occurring around the place.

"It's a long drive back to London," she said pouring hot water into a flask "A flask of coffee and a..." she grabbed biscuits and snacks and shoved them into a small bag, along with the flask.

Trudy laughed suddenly. "You are always prepared for everything -- aren't you Marcie!" she reached up to hug the older woman.

"Well, I try to be," Marcie shrugged as she returned the hug.

"I really do have to go now though."

"Just don't be a stranger -- the girls, miss Seline -- I... we all miss you when you are not here."

She strode through to the hall, and then went into Seline's study -- in search of her bag.

The study was empty and so she turned to leave again.

"Well now," Matt said lightly. "Now that my brother is installed here, I have arranged for one of the drivers to take your car, to go back to London -- Seline gave him the spare key from that large bowl at the foot of the stairs.

He grinned at her almost smugly. "We can drive back together, and then we can get back to us and what we can make of us."

Trudy felt a brush of irritation, he was arranging everything around her, without even bothering to ask if she agreed. He spoke so easily about them, with none of the heartbreak that she held.

"What do you mean make of us?"

He looked surprised at her snippy tone, his eyes narrowed as the smile faded, and he stepped forward as she backed into the room again.

"Well... getting to know each other..."

"We already did that, you just forgot!"

He heard the resentment but missed the pain in her tone.

"You blame me... for losing my memory? I was attacked, injured -- when I was abducted."

Her head shot up and she looked at him then, with blazing eyes and an agony that he'd never seen before.

"WE, not you were abducted, those who took us were not kind -- they were brutal, you were rescued -- I was not...." she swallowed back the tears as the words tumbled out.

"Those who retrieved you, abandoned me to those animals and their entertainment.

I remembered everything -- you remembered nothing!

We both survived -- our unborn baby did not!"

The colour drained from his face and his eyes darkened to black.

"Our baby?" he demanded in a raw tone, as the barrier to those memories began to crumble.

She nodded as the emotions rushed through her, closing up her throat, and strangling her vocal cords, robbing her of her voice.

She had always half dreamt half dreaded telling him, the truth of them, and what had happened to them, but not like this, to just blurt it out in anger, that had never been in her dreams! The memories the pain of those memories, and now the misery of what she had just done, her world came crashing in around her and all she could do was to close her eyes and let the pain flood her.

Matt turned and stumbled from the room.

The agony was almost unbearable as his mind tried to reveal that which his heart desperately shied away from. The pain that had been skirting around his heart for so many months -- years even, the pain finally broke through feeling like it shattered his core from within.

He staggered towards his brother and collapsed in front of him.

"Did you know?" he demanded raggedly.

Jonathon looked at him in shock and genuine worry. "Know? Know what? For god's sake Matt -- what has happened?"

"Did you know that she... that we were pregnant... That they murdered our child... that they left her there to die, when they rescued me... Did you know!"

Jonathon's face turned a pasty white, just as Matt's face was still. "No, I knew nothing about that -- I swear to you I knew nothing!"

Trudy sat with her arms wrapped around herself in a tight self-protective way. She rocked slowly as the tears streamed down her cheeks. She was dimly aware of Seline rushing in and wrapping her arms around her.

"I am so sorry," Seline muttered. "I'm so sorry!"

How long they sat together Trudy could not have said, but the tears once started could not seem to stop -- and more so because she had finally told him.

Finally, she felt all cried out and her tears slowly dried.

"Well at least there is no reason for you to rush back to London now?" Seline offered tentatively.

Trudy shook her head. "There is nothing for me here now, home and work is what I need now."

Seline sighed as she moved away from her friend. "I don't think Matt would agree with that."

"No, he doesn't."

Trudy closed her eyes for a moment, trying to draw on her inner strengths. Now that he knew the truth, he deserved the whole truth.

Seline looked between the two of them then fixed Matt with a hard look, that spoke volumes.

"It's okay, Seline... could you lend us your room for a little while, please."

"Are you sure?"

Trudy smiled shakily at her and nodded. "Yes."

She left the room with one last look at her friend and Matt walked over to her.

"Tell me," He demanded in a hard tone that would brook no refusal. "Tell me everything, spare nothing... I want to know -- I need to know."

She sighed as she thought back, she could not go back to the very beginning -- she could not face those emotions, instead she cut to what she saw was the relevant bits. If she spoke quickly, without him interrupting, then maybe she could tell him without totally breaking down... maybe?

"We were young and in love... we had already bonded when we realised that we were pregnant as well.

You were called back to London, summoned by your father..." she smiled tearfully as she remembered sobbing in that tree, fearing that he would abandon her and their child.

"You found me sitting on that branch, and you held me to you, you pledged yourself to me -- to us, and said nothing would ever part us, you carved into the branch as if to prove it -- to hold that tree as witness to your pledge.

'You will come with me to London' you told me, and so we did.

We found a jeweller's shop down a quiet side street and stood outside picking out a ring.

You were going to present me to you father as your fiancé, as your mate, bonded and bred and a done deal. You would defy your father if he refused. You would abandon your pack if he objected... you would have given up all of it for me."

"But we never got there, did we?" he said with a faintly sick note in his voice.

"No, we were grabbed outside that jeweller's shop."

"They held me as they beat you, they beat you so hard, so badly I could hardly recognise you -- felt sure that they must have broken almost every bone in your body, but when that man stood behind you, with that bat -- he swung right back as though he was just hitting a ball... your arms went up and your eyes went blank, and then you fell forward."

"Yes, I know," he nodded impatiently. "I know full well what happened to me -- but what about you? What did they do to you?" The raw edge to his voice was like a razor blade, and she knew that she must answer him.

She shrugged. "I suppose that I was fortunate that he was a selfish animal, that he decided that I belonged to him as their leader, only he could pleasure himself with me."

"You mean he raped you?"

She nodded. "As I said it could have been worse -- I could have been passed around them all, but he kept me to himself, amused himself with me and how much pain he could inflict on me, as he did as he pleased...he liked to use his knife, shallow cuts, not enough to kill." She pulled her collar away, to show the silvery line running down her collar bone.

She so did not want to dwell on that point of time, so she cut forward.

"But then time ran out for them. The cars arrived, the ransom was paid and the last I saw of you, was them hauling your unconscious body, into that vehicle -- dead for all I knew at that point."

"And you -- what happened to you?"

The leader asked them if they wanted me too, and one of them said... 'she was not in the plan, do as you please with her'."

The rage in his eyes was on constant simmer now. He was furious but trying to contain it so that she could finish her story. He needed her to finish it.

"And?"

"They needed to destroy the place we'd been held, to get rid of any evidence connecting to them; and he saw no need to drag me along with them, afterwards. I suppose that I was fortunate again that he didn't just dump me in the building and let me burn with it, no he did not waste any more time or energy on me, he just pushed me off the side of the road, threw me away like rubbish. There was a steep gully at the side, and I fell heavily into it, left there to die or survive.

I was badly injured and traumatised. I could not shift without killing our child, and I could not get help to save our child.

I lay listening to her faltering heartbeat, it was all that I could hear for a long time; knowing that she was dying inside me, and as her last beat sounded, I shifted." She did not tell him of her howl of pure anguish, as her wolf felt her pain and could only respond in one way. The howl that echoed through the trees and drew attention to her plight.

"I began the long journey to my brother's home, to help that I knew I would find there."

Lost and alone and hurt. He remembered her words from before and his eyes darkened.

"That is when you met the wolves," he realised.

"Yes, they were there for me -- shadowing me and protecting me, as I slowly made my way back to my brother -- or rather to Belle."

"There isn't much more to tell -- nothing that you don't already know -- one way or another."

"You lost our baby -- our daughter, you were seriously hurt and hurting for a long time after, whilst I was recovering in pain-free ignorance, you had to live through it all -- everything that we had been -- everything that we had lost."

"You were not, have never been pain-free," she denied with a shake of her head. "Everything that you have been suffering all these years has been as bad as or worse than what I endured."

"We have both suffered, and my family were of no help, but this man this beast -- this animal who did it all -- he is the one who is most responsible."

She could see the anger that he had tried to hold in check was now growing again, as he thought over what she had told him.

His eyes darkened with rage. "This man -- this animal, who did this to us -- who was he? Who is he -- who is his pack?"

She shook her head as she sensed his growing need for vengeance -- for blood. "He was an animal; he was evil and vile and a 'man' like that can only have one fate... he lived his life in violence and that was how he met his death."

"Tell me who he was, who he came from -- who survives him."

Once again, she shook her head, I will tell you and show you exactly who he was and what his life story was until he met his death, he had no pack though, the few rag tag men who followed him were not loyal and probably met similar fates. He had no one to survive him -- no one to mourn for him."

"So, no one to wreak my revenge on then," he declared bitterly.

"No," she whispered huskily, as she reached out to gently stroke his chin. "But there is one revenge we can have on all of them, to survive them, and flourish and to be happy, that is our revenge that is our justice."

He sighed, as her touch seemed to sooth away his anger, the warmth of her hand chasing away the coldness in his heart, offering it seemed the promise of summer, after a long cold winter. "Yes, I suppose you are right... but one thing that I do not understand, I realise that you could not shift when we were captives, but why didn't I?"

A tear trickled down her cheek. "They held us in cells across from each other. He held a knife to my breast and told you that the first hint of fur or fang or claw and he would slice me open.

You knew that I could not, and so you did not, you suffered the beatings because you loved me so much."

He pulled her close to him. "I would kill them all," he growled.

"They are all already dead."

**

"I will drive you back," Matt told her firmly. "Don't argue with me -- we need to talk, you and I, and the drive back will give us the opportunity to do just that."