Broken Trust on the Homefront Pt. 02

A/N: Hello all! I want to say thank you all for the support of the first chapter of the story, yes I am new to uploading here so it is a bit of an undertaking for me. Also I apologize for the delay, the unit I'm with never rests and I have learned that the hard way over the last month.

Addressing some comments, yes it's a military-themed story and I'm going off what I know to make sure this story hits home for those who have served. Yes, it might not be up to date with what some are expecting, but let's be real. Each unit in the military does things so much differently than other places - it all boils down to SOP of said unit.

Secondly, the PTSD may not be mentioned, but most soldiers once returning home are unaware they have symptoms or signs of PTSD. While we are all instructed to watch out for signs through training and then BRIEFLY mentioned on events like this, not everyone knows what to look for, and sadly not many people truly care. When we all lose someone, which unfortunately I have lost many in combat and in garrison, we are offered resources but it's like the people trying to get your attention when you're going into a store for whatever donations they're trying to achieve for their organization; you see them but you don't stop for them unless it's something that truly catches your eye. It doesn't affect you directly, why should you care? That's the thought process of many of the leadership in my previous unit.

Thirdly, Robert's approach to his PTSD may piss many of you off, but this is how I handled my PTSD after my deployment. I was always told the nightmares would end so I began to self-medicate with alcohol only to make the issue INCREDIBLY worse than it needed to be. My leadership honestly had failed me, but that was normal in Fort Wainwright when it was the suicide capital of the Army. I got diagnosed with it last year after battling Behavioral Health and finding the right person; that was FOUR YEARS after I was boots on the ground in Afghanistan, and during that time, I was always subjected to getting ready for combat deployments and going back to Afghanistan. I pushed my problems away in order to be that effective soldier everyone needed.

Fourth, and it's a specific shoutout to Monagamous_Now, indeed it's the new age fangled stuff! Cheers old-timer, enjoy the retirement as I have 14 more years until I get there!

But enough of the note, here's part two! It may be a little less, but I'm saving the rest for the final part.

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Several weeks had elapsed since Jen's painful breakup, leaving my world still fragmented. I continued my pattern of drinking and isolating myself, occasionally reaching out to Tally through text messages to maintain a thread of connection. On this particular night, I found myself seated alone in a moderately busy bar, my guard up as unfamiliar faces entered. I scanned the room with a mixture of alertness and wariness, my heart racing. I reminded myself to relax, exhaling slowly.

I had begun to attend one or two therapy sessions provided by the military, although the prospect was daunting. The questions they posed could jeopardize my position, and our unit was preparing to deploy again, with the option to waive our mandated downtime. I quickly volunteered, hoping that throwing myself into the next deployment might somehow mend the fractures within me. Dumb idea, but that was my thought process.

I sighed and took another sip of my beer, trying to find solace in my own little world. The bar was gradually filling up, but I remained absorbed in my thoughts, picking at the wings I had ordered. The sounds of the bar, the chatter, and laughter, helped drown out the memories of my dreams--alarms, explosions, and all. Although I had managed to distance myself from these intrusive thoughts, the nightmares persisted. I shook my head, attempting to banish the lingering specters of the past.

Suddenly, the door swung open, and my heart sank as I recognized Jen and Lina entering. I silently prayed that they wouldn't spot me amidst the crowd, my desire to avoid any confrontations palpable. At that moment, I felt detached from everything, like I was sinking into an abyss of emotional numbness, a strange and unsettling peace.

I took a deep breath, relishing that eerie sensation, when I realized the pair was moving in my direction. My hope for solitude quickly evaporated. I turned my head towards the window, hiding my face as I listened to their laughter and small talk as they settled behind me, seemingly engaged in their own world. I exhaled, relieved that, for the time being, I was out of their sight.

As Jen and Lina continued their lively conversation, their voices growing louder, I couldn't help but overhear snippets of their world. Their words, though muffled by the cacophony of the bar, still managed to seep into my consciousness. It was as if their laughter and chatter were taunting me, pulling me back into a reality I desperately wanted to escape.

My grip on my beer tightened, my knuckles turning white as I tried to drown out their voices and the flood of emotions they brought with them. In that moment, I felt like an outsider, disconnected from the life I once knew, and trapped in a world that had moved on without me.

"Fuck this." I uttered under my breath as I glanced up at the waitress coming up to me, "I'll have three AMFs."

"Sure thing!" She cheered gleefully, unaware of my inner turmoil.

I leaned back in my seat, waiting for the waitress to bring my drinks. The vibrant blue hue of the AMFs seemed to promise an escape, a temporary reprieve from the pain and confusion that had become my constant companions. As she placed the trio of cocktails in front of me, I wasted no time in lifting one to my lips and taking a long, deep sip.

The cold, bittersweet concoction burned its way down my throat, and for a moment, it felt like a respite from the storm inside me. But I knew it was a fleeting illusion, a band-aid on a wound that ran much deeper than any drink could reach.

Lina glanced at my order and whispered to Jen, "Jen, did you see that guy over there? He's downing those AMFs like there's no tomorrow. I hope he's not driving tonight."

Jen looked over and rolled her eyes, replying with a hint of sarcasm, "Oh, come on, Lina. He's a grown man; he can handle himself."

Lina sighed and lowered her voice, "Well, yeah, but I can't help feeling sorry for him. He looks like he's going through a rough time."

Jen chuckled, taking a sip of her drink, "Lina, you're always the caring one. Just don't get too involved; you never know what kind of mess he might be in."

Lina, growing frustrated with Jen's attitude, leaned in closer and said in a hushed yet stern voice, "Jen, seriously, you need to stop being so selfish. You broke up with Robert without even trying to understand what he's been through. Do you have any idea what he might be dealing with? He's clearly struggling, and you just walked away. It's not like you to be this insensitive."

Jen, taken aback by Lina's frankness, looked at her friend and sighed, "Lina, it's just... complicated. I can't be responsible for his problems. I have my own life to live."

Lina didn't back down. "Sure, you have your life, but you also had a relationship with him, Jen. You owe him at least some empathy and support. You should talk to him and try to understand. Maybe it's not too late to make amends."

I started internally screaming. There are no amends to make with her. I quickly began to drink my second AMF. As I downed my second AMF in a few gulps, drawing more attention from Lina, Jen tried to dismiss it and urged Lina to ignore the man.

"Come on, Lina," Jen said in a hushed tone, "let's not get involved. He's probably just having a rough night. It's not our problem, besides I'm happy with Gavin."

Lina, however, remained concerned. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was off about the situation. "Yeah... I guess so." Her voice shook in uncertainty.

As I stared at my third AMF, the conversations around me died down, and I couldn't help but feel the weight of my own thoughts pressing in on me. What was I doing here, drowning myself in alcohol? It was like I was drinking poison, and I couldn't stop.

The memories and self-blame began to creep back into my head, overwhelming me. I had tried to confront the emotional turmoil head-on, like a soldier facing an enemy, and it felt like I was getting my ass kicked. The battle inside me was relentless, and I wasn't sure how to adapt to this new, dark reality.

I was deep in thought, lost in my own world of regrets and self-doubt when a voice pierced through my inner turmoil. "Excuse me sir?" I blinked rapidly, disoriented for a moment, as I refocused on the present. It was Lina, standing before me.

Her eyes locked onto my face, and I saw her expression change from one of surprise to shock. Recognition dawned on her, and she gasped audibly, her hand flying to cover her mouth as if to stifle her shock. It was clear that she had just realized who I was, and the revelation had hit her like a thunderbolt.

Lina, still in a state of shock, slowly lowered her hand from her mouth and stammered, "Ro-Robert? Is that really you?"

I nodded, feeling an odd mixture of embarrassment and vulnerability. "Yeah, it's me, Lina."

"Wh- what are you doing here?"

I recovered from the initial shock, "Drinking."

Lina looked around, Jen had stepped to answer a call from Gavin, she eventually would leave anyways. Gavin came first to her anyways. "Can... I join you Robert?"

I hesitated for a moment, then gestured to the empty seat across from me. "Sure, have a seat."

Lina took the seat, her eyes still filled with surprise. "I can't believe it's really you," she said softly.

"Yeah, it's been a while," I replied, my voice carrying a heavy weight of emotions. "How have you been?"

"I... was dumped by Gavin. I guess I could see the signs coming but I remained friends with Jen. She had no one."

"Sorry to hear that, Lina."

"Hey... is it true you dumped Jen for your career?" I spit the drink back into my glass.

I eyed her, bewildered, "The fuck did you just say?"

Lina hesitated for a moment, then continued, " Jen told me that you broke up with her to focus solely on your military career. She said you made it clear that you didn't want any distractions, and she... she was pretty torn up about it. She said you chose the Army over her."

My jaw clenched as I absorbed her words. It wasn't entirely untrue, but it wasn't close to the truth either. "Well, Lina," I replied, "there's always more to the story than what one person says." I narrowed my eyes at her to see how much bullshit that story was. Had my ex really turned into a manipulative person like that?

"Can you tell me yours then?"

I lowered my glass, staring directly at her. "I won't get mad, but don't expect a pretty story. Gavin seduced Jen and they were together the day after I left home. He's got her wrapped around his finger with that fuckboy attitude of his. When I returned, I wasn't the same naïve Robert, and she decided to change, trying to hide her past. The nightmares haunted me, and it took a toll on both of us. So, Gavin played his cards right and convinced Jen to end things with me for good."

"But I was dating Gavin when you got home?"

"You were. They probably stopped for a while to make it look like they weren't involved, but do you really believe Gavin wouldn't have tried again?" I lowered my head, a deep sense of despair settling in. "I wore down our relationship, and that bastard swooped in and took her from me," I added bitterly.

Lina looked down at the table, torn between the information she had received. Jen's account seemed more emotional and sobby while my side was more truthful and colder. She let out a heavy sigh, contemplating what she wanted to believe.

I finished my drink, paying the tab, stumbling slightly as I retrieved my keys. She remained silent until she heard the rattle of my keys. Lina, concerned for my well-being, rushed over to me and grabbed my arm, forcefully taking my keys. She firmly said, "Robert, you can't drive like this. You're in no condition to. I'll take you wherever you're going."

I swayed slightly on my feet, my vision blurry, and my mind hazy from the alcohol. After a moment, I reluctantly nodded and handed her the keys. "Alright, Lina. Thanks." I pointed out my truck to her and we both climbed in.

Lina drove us to her house, concern etched on her face as she occasionally glanced at me. The car ride was mostly silent, each of us lost in our thoughts. I leaned my head against the window, feeling the effects of the alcohol weighing me down. Base was not an option right now.

When we arrived at her house, I stumbled out of the car, leaning on it for support. Lina helped me inside, guiding me to a spare bedroom. She laid me down on the bed, and I mumbled my thanks, my words slurred.

"Get some rest, Robert," she said softly, covering me with a blanket. "I'll check on you in the morning."

I nodded, my eyes heavy, and within moments, I was drifting into a deep, alcohol-induced sleep.

In the depths of my drunken slumber, the nightmares returned, more vivid and horrifying than ever. I found myself back in that nightmarish moment in Afghanistan, standing in the midst of chaos and death. The scene played out in excruciating detail as Halland was shot and fell, blood gushing from his neck.

But this time, the nightmare took a darker turn. The fallen soldiers around me began to stir, their lifeless eyes locking onto me with accusatory glares. They rose, their ghostly figures shrouded in darkness, and their voices filled with anger and blame.

"It's your fault, Robert!" one of them hissed, pointing a spectral finger at me. "You should have saved us!"

I tried to speak, to defend myself, but my voice was trapped in my throat. I was paralyzed, forced to watch as my comrades, one by one, condemned me for their deaths.

"You left us to die!" another soldier accused, his voice echoing through the nightmarish landscape. "You were supposed to protect us!"

Tears streamed down my face as the accusations grew louder and more relentless. The weight of their blame pressed down on me, suffocating me with guilt and despair. I couldn't escape the nightmarish cycle of reliving that fateful moment, each time with a different soldier rising to point their accusing finger at me.

The nightmare felt endless, and I yearned for release from the torment, but there was no escape. The ghosts of my past haunted me, and I was trapped in the relentless grip of guilt and self-condemnation.

In the midst of that horrifying nightmare, as the accusing ghosts continued to torment me, the most painful specter of all rose from the darkness--the woman I had shot and killed. She appeared before me, her eyes filled with anguish and hatred, and I watched in horror as she raised her pistol, taking aim at Halland.

"Stop!" I screamed, my voice raw with desperation. "Shoot me! Don't hurt him!"

But my pleas fell on deaf ears as she squeezed the trigger, and a gunshot rang out, ripping through the night. I watched in sheer agony as Halland fell, just as he had in that real-life nightmare so long ago.

I was consumed by guilt and helplessness, reliving the trauma of that moment all over again. But just as I thought I was trapped in that endless cycle of despair, a strong arm suddenly grabbed me, yanking me out of the nightmare's grip. I gasped for breath, my heart pounding wildly, I began to shout out for my team, scanning the room looking for anyone but another arm grabbed me as I glanced up, staring straight into Lina's eyes. I regained my senses, I realized that I was no longer in the desert. I was safe, in a different place.

The panic began to subside, but I was left trembling and disoriented, struggling to distinguish the nightmare from reality. The sensation of the arms wrapped around me offered some comfort, as she pulled me deeper into a hug grounding me in the present moment, "Robert... you're home. It's okay." She whispered to me soothingly. She kept repeating this to me over and over as she slowly let go and I leaned back into bed as my headache pounded my head.

Sleep claimed me, mercifully devoid of nightmares for once, though the silence of my dreams was disconcerting. A harsh awakening greeted me with the throbbing consequences of a hangover. Groaning, I stumbled out of the guest bedroom, navigating the hallway to the nearest available bathroom. As I endured the inevitable, I reached for my phone, revealing a text from Tally.

Tally: Hey! Checking up on you; it's been a bit since I've last seen you!

Anxiety gripped me, but I quickly composed a response.

R: I'm... okay. Sorry if I scared you! I just have been handling everything as best as I can.

After finishing my business, I mindlessly scrolled through social media apps, seeking distraction. Once ready, I emerged from the bathroom, attempting to salvage my appearance. Lina awaited in the living room, legs crossed on the couch.

"Sleep well?" she inquired.

I nodded, "I did, thank you, Lina." She gestured for me to sit, and with time to spare, I obliged. Lina's gaze met mine, the weight of an awkward silence settling between us. Here I was, in the company of my ex's best friend, having spent the night at her place. The question lingered -- what was I supposed to do now?

I glanced around, checking my surroundings as I quickly became on guard. Lina glanced up at me, lowering her phone for a moment. "Relax Robert, it's not like I'm doing this to prank you or jump you."

I glanced back at Lina and nodded in somewhat of an agreement with her. "Yeah, I guess. Sorry."

Lina lifted an eyebrow, "Why apologize?"

"I haven't stayed with a woman in a long time. This is... new territory again." I swept out my hand angled at the ground.

Lina laughed softly as she swept her hair behind her ears. "I don't bite." She glanced up at me again, "Hey... I have a personal question."

"Shoot."

Lina blushed for a second while she adjusted herself, she was still in a robe. "Am I hot to you?"

I gulped as I finally found myself checking out my ex's best friend. Lina was a striking woman with a unique blend of features that made her stand out. Her dark red hair cascaded down her back in soft waves, catching the light and creating a fiery halo around her. Her emerald green eyes were mesmerizing, with an intensity that hinted at both wisdom and kindness. Freckles adorned her face, scattering across her nose and cheeks, adding a charming touch to her appearance.

Her skin had a natural, healthy glow, a beautiful shade of white-tan that spoke of a life spent enjoying the outdoors. It was clear that she took good care of herself, as her body was taut and fit, yet she possessed a comforting, motherly presence that made you feel instantly at ease in her presence. Lina's physical presence perfectly complemented her warm and caring personality, making her a truly captivating person.

I glanced up after finding myself glancing down past her belly, a gentleman shouldn't intrude after-all, only to meet her gaze. "Uh... that's..." I stammered out, "A loaded question. Where did this come from?"

Lina grinned, "Just was wondering." She continued to hold her gaze while I briefly glanced down but something told me to be honest, so I was.

I met her gaze, "You're more than just 'hot,' Lina. You're genuinely beautiful, but I... cannot act upon my feelings towards you."

I sensed a shift in Lina's mood as she glanced down at the coffee table. "Thanks, Robert."

The atmosphere became a bit tense, and I felt the need to address it. "Is everything okay, Lina?"

Lina glanced up and offered a reassuring smile, assuring me that it was nothing to worry about. Despite her words, a hint of mystery lingered in her eyes, leaving me curious about what might be on her mind.