Brownwood: I Dreamed Ch. 02

"Evening, Rose," Zach said, smiling.

"Hey, sweet thing, you meeting someone or are you just going to sit alone and pine away for me all night?"

With a coquettish smile, she batted her dark lashes.

"You know me too well."

"Yeah right! Now don't you go teasing me, Zach Morgan, cause this rose has thorns!" she said, laughing.

He smiled.

"All right now, sir," she grinned as she faked a professional tone, "how many at your table?"

"Just two tonight. I'm meeting someone, Brianna Olsen. Is she here already?"

"Just the two of you?" Rose smiled. "Like on a date?"

His smile disappeared.

"No," he responded flatly.

"Zach, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to rain on your parade. Yeah, she's here I think. It's been forever since I've seen her last, but there's a pretty, orange-haired woman sitting back by the dance floor. She's been alone for the last twenty minutes looking all nervous, so I bet that's her."

"Thanks, Rose."

The busty waitress smiled again.

"All right, so do you want me to bring you a Harp Lager?"

"Yeah, and a Bushmill 10 year."

"Ah, a little liquid courage?" She smiled sweetly.

"Yeah," Zach smirked, "better make it a double. I need whatever help I can get tonight."

Rose grinned and nodded towards the large hulking bartender. "I'll get Big Mike on it, right away."

Zach made his way through the bar. It was only about a third full but he knew it would fill up more as the night went along.

As he approached her table, he took a deep breath. He'd forgotten how easily she could change her look from classically stunning to simple, girl next door beautiful. With her hair pulled back and a modest outfit of jeans and a teal blouse, she had a natural beauty that still made Zach's heart race. Steeling himself, he greeted her.

"Bree," he said flatly.

"Zach, I'm glad you could make it," she responded with a slight smile.

"You knew I would," he smirked. "You lured me with the right bait, so I'm here. Though I seem to remember one of our last fights revolved around who was manipulating whom."

Her smile faded.

"I know, Zach," she sighed. "But I didn't know of another way to get you here. Don't worry this will probably be the last time you see me. Please sit down."

To his surprise, Zach noticed Bree was only drinking what looked like a cappuccino.

"What, no daiquiris?"

Bree shook her head and stared at the few couples on the dance floor. A sad smile flickered across her face.

"No," she said calmly, locking her gaze on his dark, green eyes. "I don't drink near as much as I used to. For that matter, I rarely go out anymore."

Rose brought Zach his drinks.

"Can I interest you two in some O'Malley's Shepard's Pie? It's been voted best in the state for five years running!" Rose said, smiling.

Bree looked over at Zach. He shook his head.

"No, I don't plan on being here that long. Bree, you said drinks and I've got my two. Once they're gone, I'll be the same... gone."

Rose's eyes widened slightly at his tone. Bree looked at him as if he'd slapped her, and nodded.

"No thank you," Bree said to Rose. "But please bring me both mine and Mr. Morgan's check."

He started to object but Bree cut him off.

"Zach, you said this was my show, so I'll pay," she said sternly. "Don't worry you won't owe me anything other than the simple courtesy of hearing me out."

Bree stared at him until Rose cleared her throat.

"Zach?" Rose said sheepishly.

He broke his staring contest with Bree and nodded.

After Rose left, Bree took a long drink and began.

"I'm not sure where to begin other than to tell you how sorry I am for screwing up our dreams. And yes, Zach, they were our dreams, regardless of how I acted towards the end. I'm sorry for the way things ended between us. I'm also ashamed about what happened later that night, I can't even begin to ask for your forgiveness."

Bree paused and looked away before discretely wiping away a tear.

"As you know, things between us had turned bad after I postponed the wedding. I know I'd said that I just wasn't ready but I didn't tell you why. It was simple really. I was young and stupid and scared.

"I knew a month after we'd gotten engaged I wasn't ready to be married. I loved you and wanted to be your wife but was terrified of getting married that summer."

"Why didn't you say something?" Zach growled.

Bree stared into his eyes, challenging him.

"And say what? Oh honey, I love you but I don't want to get married and might never want to? How do you tell the man you love that the thought of walking down the aisle made you want to scream and run away?

"There wasn't any way I could've explained it to you back then without destroying us. I'm having a hard time just trying to explain it now. Looking back, all I can say is, I was selfish. I didn't want to get married but I didn't want to lose you either.

"Zach, I was scared I'd find myself ten years older, sitting in a house with a white picket fence and three kids, wondering if I'd missed out on life. I know how that sounds but that's how I felt. And the more you tried to pull that dream close, the more I resisted, and the more I resented you!

"It was a huge relief when we postponed the wedding, but I could see the hurt it caused you. Then we got the horrible news about your dad and there was such a gap between us... I wasn't able to be there for you.

"I'm sorry, Zach. Those following months I didn't know what to do, I just watched us fall apart. I didn't know how to fix it without one of us giving up our dream. I should've tried talking to you more, but you were so angry. That gave me an excuse, and that's all it was, an excuse, not to force the issue with you. Finally we had that awful fight."

Bree fought back her tears.

"I suppose there's more?" he said indifferently. "Because that wasn't worth all the effort you put into getting me here."

Bree shook her head and smiled weakly.

"Believe it or not, that was the easy part. The rest of this is hard."

She looked at him as tears began to roll down her cheeks.

"Zach, I'm totally embarrassed by what I did later that night. I'm sorry for destroying any chance of you still loving or trusting me. If I could change it I would. However, you should know what I was thinking at that time. It's not an excuse, but maybe it'll help you understand how I let it happen.

"When I took off my engagement ring and put it on the table, I thought we were through. Not just the engagement but as a couple. In my mind, I couldn't see any way we could've stayed together. I know I didn't say that and let you know we weren't a couple anymore, but in my mind we weren't.

"And that makes it okay?" Zach snapped.

"No," Bree said, frowning. "There's no justification for me to completely turn my back on you and end up in bed with someone else that night. But that's exactly what I did. I cheated on you Zach, maybe not as your fiancée but definitely as your girlfriend and best friend. I didn't go there looking to do that but I didn't stop it from happening either. As I'm sure you heard, I ended up getting drunk and ended up in Ty's room.

"I was smashed as hell but was still functioning when I had sex with him, so there was no excuse. It was afterwards, when we had a couple more drinks, that things got fuzzy. I found out years later he'd drugged me.

"When I woke up the next morning, I remembered having sex with Ty but knew I'd been with at least one other guy. I was a basket case, Zach. It finally dawned on me what I'd done and how it would look to you. I'd destroyed any chance of you and me ever getting back together. If I'd been able to think clearly, I might've realized I'd been date raped but that wasn't confirmed until years later. The fact I'd ended up with Ty the very night I'd broken off our engagement was enough to make me feel like a slut.

"That morning I couldn't face you. Thankfully, I talked Tricia into letting me move in with her and helping me get my stuff out of our apartment. Zach, I'm so sorry. I never knew what to say to you after that. Everything I wanted to say was so pathetic.

"When you visited me after New Year's, you asked me why and I told you that it didn't matter. I also told you that I didn't love you. That was bullshit. It did matter, more than you'll ever know, but I didn't know how to explain it to you without you hating me. I still don't.

"You see, while you got the Christmas present of finding out your ex-fiancée was a cheating slut, I also got a surprise gift-I was pregnant!"

Zach's mouth contorted slightly. Bree recognized it and answered him before he could ask.

"No, it wasn't yours," she said, wiping the tears from her face. "Remember? I'd gone off the pill a couple of months earlier because of my headaches. Although we didn't do it as often those last few months, the times we did, we were careful.

"When I told you it didn't matter anymore, I thought it really didn't. You already believed I was a slut and I knew you wouldn't take me back. So what chance was there if I was carrying another man's baby!

"At the time, I believed it was Ty's and when I told him he must've thought so too. His family sure did. I guess they thought I might be some gold-digger, looking for a free ride so they were thrilled to pay for my abortion.

"I had a very hard time after the abortion. I've got to give Ty credit, he was there for me. We started dating and by that summer I believed I'd found a silver lining to my sad situation. I'd always wanted to travel and now I had someone who wanted to take me places and show me off! Then he asked me to marry him—"

"And you jumped at the chance, right Bree?" Zach sneered. "All that crap about being terrified of marriage was just bullshit, right? What you really meant was you didn't want to marry me. But when some rich, good-looking party boy comes around not only will you jump into bed with him, you'll marry him in a second. That's about right, isn't it, Bree?"

"No!" Bree cried, loud enough so that the people at the surrounding tables all turned and stared. "No, Zach! It might've looked that way but it wasn't. I swear it wasn't!"

"And your word means shit, why?"

"I know I've withheld things from you in the past, but I've only ever lied to your face once," she said as she gathered herself. "That was when I told you I didn't love you and you already know why I did that. So look at me, Zach. Look me straight in the eyes."

She peered intently at him as he glared back at her.

"Zach Morgan, I swear to God it may've looked like I did that, but that wasn't the way it happened."

Bree stared fiercely at Zach, refusing to turn away. She knew if he didn't believe her about this, he wouldn't believe the rest of the things she needed to tell him. Mercifully, he relaxed and she continued.

"After the abortion, I was devastated. I'd done something I never thought I could've ever done.

I'd killed a child because I was ashamed of who the father wasn't. I also wasn't ready to be an unwed mother. That was something I knew even my own parents couldn't have forgiven.

"I felt so alone. I couldn't run to my parents for support and I'd lost you. You'd always been there for me, Zach. In school, I always knew I'd never have to face anything alone because you would always be there beside me. It was then I began to see what I'd thrown away. I'd lost my best friend, the man I'd loved most of my life."

"Bree, I don't need to hear this," Zach said.

"I know, but please hear me out. I heard what happened to you after we broke up. I'm sorry about your divorce and for the loss of you ex-wife. However, I hear your little girl is precious. What's her name again?"

"Shannon."

"Shannon. What a beautiful name. I'm happy for you, Zach, I really am. After my abortion, I was very depressed whenever I saw a child. I still had those dreams of having a family. When I lost you I thought those dreams might never happen, so when Ty asked me to marry him, I did jump at it. At the time I thought I loved him, although now I'm not so sure.

"I followed him back to Boston and we got married several months later. I had no idea what I was getting into.

"At first it was like a dream, we went to exotic places and did exciting things. We had a huge, beautiful home and Ty was making a lot of money working for his family. We hosted and attended big parties and mingled with the beautiful people.

"About nine months into the marriage things began to change. The parties got more outrageous. There was more alcohol, drugs, and sex and then Ty began to change. Well that's not exactly true. I guess the real Ty began to come out.

"I'd known he'd been wild in high school and even in college, but I never knew how extreme. I found out most of what he'd done or been accused of doing had been covered up by his family. He apparently had violent, emotional issues in his past, which came to the surface after we got married.

"The more drugs he did, the more abusive he got. The first time he slapped me was two weeks before our first anniversary.

"Why didn't I leave him right then?" Bree sneered. "I wish I had a good answer. Fear maybe. Shame, of how stupid I'd been? Guilt from what I'd done to you and the abortion? I don't really know. I was already pretty heavy into the drug scene by then, so I'm sure that played some part. In the end, I guess I just felt like I deserved it.

"It got worse over the next year. My marriage kept spiraling downward until one morning, after a party with a couple of Ty's old frat brothers, I found out I'd been drugged that night back in college. I was crushed and mad as hell!

"I left him and moved into a hotel. Ty called me repeatedly and a couple of days later we began to talk. It was a rough few of weeks but I finally ended up moving back.

"Things seemed to be getting better until I found out I was pregnant. I was a mess because I'd given up the drugs and alcohol for the baby but Ty surprised me again. He was there for me. I should've known it wouldn't last. Two months later, everything exploded and he attacked me.

"He hurt me, Zach, he hurt me really bad."

Bree began to cry.

"I was in the hospital for almost a month. I'm lucky the housekeeper called the police or he might've killed me. He crushed my nose and shattered my eye socket but even worse, I lost my baby."

She was now sobbing quietly. Zach watched, torn by what he felt. He wanted to comfort her, to tell her how sorry he was for her loss. But he also wanted yell at her that she'd gotten what she deserved! Conflicted, he sat there silently.

"They tried to put me back together. They reconstructed my eye socket but I'll always have this droop, a reminder every time I look in the mirror of what my choice cost me. At least with my nose one more surgery should return it to normal. My insides are another matter."

He watched as she visibly shuddered.

"The doctors told me they'd been forced to do a lot of work on me to stop the internal bleeding. Not only did I lose my baby but I won't ever be able to have any more children. I guess maybe God is telling me I'd make a crappy mother since I'd had two shots and messed both of them up.

"When the police came that night, they arrested Ty but they also found all the drugs in our house. I was finally through with the marriage and wanted out so I filed for divorce. I've never understood exactly why but Ty fought the divorce.

"When I filed, Ty's family got in the middle of it. Those assets the ADA hadn't frozen, his family did. I barely had enough to hire an attorney. Thankfully, Mom and Dad arrived to help me out. I had a girlfriend get my jewelry and half the cash I knew we had in our home safe before Ty's family had the locks on our house changed.

"I won't bore you with the details of my divorce. It was horrible. In the end, I agreed to testify against Ty so they'd drop the drug charges against me. I got another surprise when I underestimated the influence the Whitmore family had.

"I ended up getting six months in County Jail on misdemeanor drug charges after they released me from the hospital. Ty got four to seven years in a medium security prison for felony drug and assault charges.

"My divorce was granted, but the pre-nup I'd signed left me with pretty much nothing after the lawyers got their fees. When I was released from jail, I tried to start again in Boston but Ty's family made sure that wasn't going to happen. I ended up pawning all my jewelry, taking what cash I had, and heading out of state."

Bree grew silent for a moment and stared at him.

"Zach," she said, hesitating slightly, "before I left the state, I visited Ty in prison. It was a mistake that turned very ugly. He told me he blamed me for everything! He said he'd be looking for me when he got out.

"That was over two years ago. Since then I've finished my nursing degree and even found a state that would let me work with my record."

"So why did you come back?" Zach asked calmly.

"Guess who got an early release for good behavior or some other such bullshit?" Bree snorted with disgust.

She shook her head slowly and looked down at her cup.

"He's scheduled to be released at the end of this month."

"And you think he'll come here looking for you?"

"I'm sure of it. Prison, even that medium security one, changed him for the worse. I think he's crazy, Zach, and I'm terrified of him."

"So you're tying up loose ends before you run away?"

She nodded.

"I guess I'm one of those loose ends?"

Bree nodded again. "You're the last one."

"Well then, consider me taken care of."

"No," she said softly as she looked down.

Puzzled, he looked at her and was surprised by the slight blush on her face as she stared into her coffee.

He sighed. "What more do you want, Bree?"

She looked up at him, her beautiful baby blue eyes already red from crying.

"Other than turning back time to get a second chance?" she said with a small anxious smile. "I'd like one last dance."

"You must be joking."

Zach sat back in his chair and looked at her.

"You can consider it a goodbye gift or a—"

"All right," he said cutting her off.

Bree smiled sadly as she got up and walked over to the jukebox. After making a selection, she returned to the table and sat down. Soon her song finally started.

"Figures," Zach smirked when he heard the familiar beginning of More Than Words.

"Come on," Bree said, stretching out her hand with a fragile smile. "I know you can still dance to the slow songs. I saw you with Stephanie and Marsha."

They walked out onto the dance floor, and joined several other couples slowly swaying to the music. Bree wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. Zach flinched, his body stiffening at her contact, but she clung to him even tighter. Slowly he relaxed and they began to gently move to the music.

The softness of her touch, the scent of her hair, and the feel of her breasts as she pressed into him, brought a wave of memories and emotions to Zach's mind. He fought the urge to pull her to him. His soul cried out to hold her tightly, to kiss her and protect her from her world.

But that would've given her the wrong impression wouldn't it? He warred within himself. And besides, that's what I did all those years ago and it caused her to run.

Silently, he held her as he felt the moisture from her tears on his shoulder.

"Thank you, Zach," she whispered into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry I messed things up so badly. I've missed this more than you'll ever know. I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me because I'm not sure I ever will. Goodbye, Zach."

Bree kissed him quickly on the cheek and ran back over to their table. She gathered her purse and fled.