Burn

Mattie jumped in, "Ew, I hope your cooking has improved. Sorry Mom, but your cooking sucks mightily."

After the three chuckled a moment, Jimmy instructed Connie to go to her hotel room and he would bring the jeep around to pick her and her things up.

The trip was not long as they drove through the tourist part of the reservation and into one of the residential sections. They stopped in front of a house that, like all the others around, had a western plains motif. Inside wood and Native American decorations dominated the furnishings. Jimmy took Connie's luggage to the spare bedroom.

Connie saw the room and noticed that it had a definite woman's touch. "Is this your room, Mattie?"

Mattie asserted herself again, "It was Song Bird's room. She is dad's cousin who helped us until she was needed to care for her father. I'm big enough now we don't need any special help taking care of me. But it would be nice if you can help out some." A tear came to her eye and she choked out, "I am so happy to see you again Mom."

"Jimmy, I need to talk to you first. You may not want to hear what I have to say but I have to say it." Her ex-husband said nothing but stood there. "I denied having done something wrong for a long time despite what everyone, and I mean everyone, telling me that I had screwed up big time. It wasn't until my Mom finally talked to me that it hit me. Seeing the tears and anguish I had put her through, her own daughter, and to have been the cause of her not being able to see her only grandchild. I finally broke down. I went to a therapist and started becoming what I hope is a better person. I know these are just words, but I hope you will be able to see enough change in me that you will allow me to get to know my daughter again. I can never hope that you will forgive me, and I am willing to live with that. I messed up my life and my family's life. I deserved all the punishment you gave me and more. All I can say now is I'm sorry."

Jimmy remained standing there with no expression on his face. In his mind he told himself, "She is right about one thing: they are just words. Mattie wants her here, so I will tolerate Connie as long as I can."

Weeks passed, and the household settled into a routine that seemed to be agreeable to everyone. Connie did many of the household chores and spent a lot of time catching up with Mattie and learning a lot about the tribe. Connie was careful not to "accidently" show private parts of her body to Jimmy or make any overtures that he might consider flirting. Conversations around the dinner table were comparable to the ones from their previous life although Connie's schedule as a nurse in their previous life often prevented a chance for all to be together.

One night, Connie asked Jimmy if they could talk. Across the kitchen table she said, "I've been here a few weeks and have enjoyed every minute of being with Mattie and you. I think it's time to talk about where we go from here."

Angrily, Jimmy responded, "You're not going to take Mattie back to where we came from. I won't , , ,"

"Gosh no, Jimmy. That's not what I'm saying at all. I don't want to leave with Mattie. That's not the problem. What I mean is that I can't continue to live off you two. I think I need a job first of all. I talked to the people at the Reservation Clinic and they offered me a job. Long hours and low pay, how could I turn that down?" Connie tried to lighten up the conversation. "It's time to talk about whether I need to get a place of my own."

"You don't like it here?"

"I love it here. I just don't know if you like having me here or not. We both probably have good and bad memories of the time we were married. But I have not been able to get an idea from watching you whether or not you want me to stay here. Sometimes you look happy and sometimes you look like the man who would burn down the house he built with his own hands. I'm asking what you think would be best."

Jimmy had refused to let himself think about the future. He was taking every moment by itself. His heart was guarded against ever trusting her again. Connie, however, seemed to have really changed and was as good or better than when they were first married. "I think I need some more time to think about it."

"Maybe it would be easier for you to decide if I was not here. Montana has a room for rent that I can afford and it's not too far away. I'll transfer my things over there tomorrow. Whatever you decide, I want you to know I will always be grateful to you and Mattie for letting me be part of your lives again even though I cannot say I have any right to expect it." Connie got up and walked to her room trying to get there before starting to tear up.

Later that night Connie awoke to the sound of crying. She ignored being dressed only in a small nightgown and rushed to Mattie's room. Opening the door, she saw her daughter was fast asleep. Turning around, she realized that the crying was coming from Jimmy's bedroom. Connie approached his door carefully. Quietly the door was opened, and she saw Jimmy sitting on the side of his bed in just his shorts with his head in his hands sobbing. She went and sat down beside him and couldn't help but cry too.

"Jimmy, what's the matter, sweetheart? Is there anything I can do? Is my being here making things worse?" Connie rubbed her hand along his back and felt the many scars she had not seen till now. "Oh my God, Jimmy. What happened?"

"It was part of what I had to go through to get back in the good graces of the tribe."

"How horrible. It's all my fault. None of this would have happened if I had just been faithful. I thought I had suffered a lot, but I never was punished physically. I'm sorry baby. Please tell me something I can do to make things better."

After several deep sighs to get himself under control, Jimmy spat out, "It's my fault for disrespecting my tribe. I deserved it. But it's you staying here, I can't take it any more. It's just too hard."

"I'm sorry. I have hurt you in ways I never imagined. I am such a fool. I'll leave first thing in the morning. I'm so sorry." She rose up to go back to her room.

Jimmy grabbed her arm, "No. My problem is I can't stand being around you now without wanting to be with you like when we were married. You are so beautiful and I keep thinking of the times we made love and just sat and held each other. My heart literally aches when I see you. The part of me that hated you for betraying our family has slowly been eaten away. I know that's not why you came here so I think it might be better if you went home. I couldn't bear knowing you were nearby, not just gone from this house. I promise that Mattie can come for long visits and you will be welcome here any time you want."

Connie took her turn at crying and pulled herself together to say, "Jimmy I wasn't sure what I wanted from you when I came here. I couldn't believe you could ever forgive me. I have been praying for a long time that you and Mattie would give me another chance. I want to stay. I want to be your wife again with all my heart and I promise, I promise, I promise, to never give you cause to doubt my love and devotion again. If you want me to leave, I will. But it's not what I want to do."

Jimmy was silent. Barbara went from hugging him to kissing as many of his scars as possible. Eventually she got to his face and took his head in her hands. Her touches and kisses were better than what he remembered. He gave in and returned the kisses with passion. The couple hugged, cried, laughed, and kissed for several minutes.

Their reunion was interrupted when a small voice was heard from the doorway, "It's about damn time!"

A new routine was started. Jimmy kept his day time carpentry job and Connie kept an inconsistent schedule due to the limited number of medical staff. Re-marriage was not discussed. Separate bank accounts were kept, and Connie paid her share. Although she and Jimmy were sleeping together again, she would use the guest bedroom on nights she got home so late and was so tired. It was the easiest thing to do. Mattie went to school and continued to work with her spirit monitor. In some ways, it seemed like the old days had come back, just with a Native American background. That should have been a clue. Old bad habits came back as the old good habits.

One day Jimmy was home early because of bad weather and not much indoor carpentry work was needed. He was there to greet Mattie when she came home. "Hey Mattie, you're a little late, aren't you? Did you stop off somewhere?"

"Yes. Dad, we have to talk."

"I don't like the sound of that. Boy trouble?"

"No, woman trouble."

Jimmy's first thought was she was going to announce she was a lesbian, but quickly dismissed it. She had talked too much about boys. "What or who do you mean?"

"It's Mom again."

Dread struck Jimmy's heart hard. "No, not again. Did you see something in a vision?"

"Nope, own two eyes this time. I went by to see Mom a minute at the clinic and caught a glimpse of her coming out of a room with Dr. Patel. He had forgot to zip up and Mom was wiping stuff off her mouth. I went to the front door, opened it, but didn't go out. I acted like I just came in. Mom greeted me, and we spoke a minute. She looked guilty as hell. We said goodbye and I faked leaving again. I was standing just outside her office door when she told Dr. Patel, 'That was close. We've got to be more careful.' I heard them kissing before I left."

Jimmy drew up within himself as he often did in stressful situations.

Mattie changed topics. "Speaking of visions, I am losing my powers. It seems puberty can mess with them. My spirit guide warned me of this. Soon I will be of no use to the tribe. You know several members of the council will want to kick us out. I have enjoyed our time here, but I think we can leave without me feeling guilty. I have made some good friends, but you are the only one I could not stand to lose."

"So, you think it's time to leave again?"

"Absolutely."

"Where this time?"

"Hawaii sounds nice. They probably need carpenters there. I'm sure they need more pretty girls." She smiled.

"I don't think there is a Chippewa reservation there." Jimmy returned the smile.

"We can start one then."

Jimmy said, "When do we go?"

"As soon as we can get packed. Oh, I do have one request."

Jimmy guessed and gave his opinion, "Oh no, not that again."

"Please, it was so much fun."

"Okay, but we have to be careful. And this time we take all our money. She has what's in her own account."

Connie heard the sirens. Her earlier close call with Mattie helped her to jump to conclusions. She ran out of the clinic towards the home she shared with Jimmy and Mattie. She had jumped to the right conclusion. Mattie had seen her with Dr. Patel after all. "Damn, how could I be so selfish and arrogant again?"