Butterfly

He continued on for so long that once again I seemed to get numb. I was so tired that I think I turned into a zombie. He must have realized that something wasn't right for he squeezed me as tightly as he could, and ended with a powerful, banging thrust. I felt that hotness again, and this time, I smiled.

"Thank you!" I cried out in relief. I really hoped that this meant that he would let me get some sleep before he started over again tomorrow. WHY did I agree to a whole weekend???

Strangely enough, Sunday afternoon arrived far more quickly than expected. I was thoroughly fucked in every way imaginable, and I had loved almost every minute of it! I haddefinitelyearned that 5000 dollars.

You know, in a strange way, I think I am going to miss this man. I know that I shouldn't get attached to a...client... but what girl doesn't have strange hopes about the first guy she has sex with? I'd look so good as a bride!

Bride?! Yep, I need to get home soon! I'm starting to think some very weird thoughts!

I waited until he was asleep – not finding it unusual at all the he was asleep after our afternoon! – and then got dressed. I wrote him a note to say goodbye, tucked it under "my" pillow, grabbed my purse, and left. Walking home was awkward because I was sore all over.

Plus... I was grinning like a complete and utter idiot! Oh wow! I think that I am going to have a very strange look on my face for the next couple of days. I am certain that my parents are going to find out – just by looking at me – but I'm not going to tell them any details!

I stopped by my bank and deposited my money into my savings account. There was absolutelynosense in bringing it home with me, and doing so would probably say more about what happened than I ever would. I grinned again; who knew that sex could be so enjoyable?

"Where the hell have you been?" My mom demanded. She'd seen me walking down the block, and couldn't even wait for me to get in the house before confronting me.

I tried to stop smiling, but couldn't quite manage it, so I covered my mouth with my hand. I debated lying, but knew that no lie in the world would convince my parents at this point. There was no use in denying it.

My dad pulled my mom back into the house so that we could continue this conversation inside. "Don't bother asking, it's written all over her face."

My mom sighed. "I know..." She sounded disappointed, and I wondered why. This was 2011 after all, and I was not the first girl to have sex while still an unmarried 18 year old.

"You're right... I was at a guy's house. His parents weren't home..." I shrugged, and refused to say any more. I was both telling the truth and lying, but I had to. If I told the complete truth, my lover would get into serious legal trouble, and I wanted to protect him no matter what.

My parents were speechless that I actually admitted it. I waited for them to decide whether they were going to ground me or accept it. Technically, having sex was not wrong, but lying about where I was going to be so that I could do it was. I knew it and was prepared to deal with the consequences. It was also frustrating that they insisted on being able to ground me so long as I lived in their house. By law, I could do whatever I wanted!

My dad came to a decision first. "We have been worried sick since about this time yesterday, and because you put us through that, you're grounded," he announced with soft but firm determination.

I nodded in acceptance and took a step towards my room. I needed some sleep anyway, and probably a shower too, but right now, sleep was winning the battle. I wonderedhowI was going to be grounded since I didn't do anything but go to school and work. It was actually a rare thing for me to be in the mall like I was yesterday.

As I took my third step away from them, my mom sobbed a question. "Please tell me you used protection!"

I couldn't look at them. I couldn't very well tell them that for 5000 dollars, I didn't care about protection because I figured I could just have an abortion if necessary and pay for it with my own money. According to my research for debate class, abortions only cost about 400, and I could now afford that.

"Yeah," I whispered and nodded, and then continued on my way. I was crying just a little myself now. I had never lied to my parents before, but I'd now told three of them; big ones too. I faced them once more.

"I'm sorry I lied about where I was, but I didn't think you ever let me if I asked to stay at a guy's house," I stated.

"Damn straight!" My dad replied.

"What guy? How long have you known him? Why haven't you ever mentioned liking someone enough to do this?" My mom wanted to know.

"I'm really tired..." I said to avoid her questions, and then blushed as I realized that for it to have the proper impact, I was going to have to say it all out loud. "I didn't get much sleep this weekend."

It worked, my mom was crying on my dad's shoulder again, and he was too busy trying to comfort her to stop me from taking refuge in my room. I didn't even take my clothes off, but simply flopped onto my bed. I think I fell asleep exactly two seconds later.

I didn't know it, but my parents checked on me a half an hour later, and found me sleeping across the foot of my bed. They straightened me out and covered me with a blanket. I am pretty sure I was smiling in my sleep.

The next morning, I took a wonderfully soothing shower. My eyes were wide as I discovered marks all over my body when I toweled off in front of a mirror. Thankfully they were mainly on my breasts where no one would see them, but still, I had to make sure that my parents didn't notice them. No need to freak them out even more!

After school, I stopped by the mall on the way to work, and bought a cute dress to wear to prom. Itwasn'tthe 500 dollar dress I lusted after before, but one that I could have afforded anyway. I realized that it was stupid to spend so much money on one dress when I was only going to wear it once. My money would be better off earning interest in my savings account for college.

When it was time to go to prom, I went with my friend and easily told him no when he hinted that he'd like to bring me to a hotel room. I wasn't interested in him like that, only now I had the confidence to tell him so. He understood, but the look he gave me made me think that my parents had specifically asked him if I was at his house when they couldn't find me.

On my 19th birthday, things were finally back to normal with my parents, and I was a good girl once more. Of course this was because I hadn't snuck off to have sex again – like they had feared I would. It also helped that they stopped asking me for details.

I went to the mall to buy myself a small birthday present, and was startled to see my lover sitting on a bench watching everyone around him. He looked older somehow, and I frowned as I wondered if he was looking for some other girl to buy for a weekend. This made me irrationally jealous!

I watched him for some time, my cellphone in my hand as an excuse as to why I was just standing in the middle of the mall. He really did seem to be looking for someone – the bastard! I marched over to him to give him a piece of my mind, and then faltered when he saw me coming... andsmiled.

Had he been waiting for me? I was suddenly shy. I was no longer new to adulthood, so I could theoretically call my mom and just tell her that I was going to spend a weekend with my lover, but somehow I didn't think that would go over too well.

"I really hoped I would see you here today. Here."

I accepted the box curiously, and opened it to find a beautiful emerald necklace. I looked at him in confused amazement. Why had he given me this?

"Happy Birthday... I looked through your purse when you were asleep at one point, and wrote down your name and birthday."

"Wow!" I honestly couldn't think of anything better to say, I was too stunned. He took advantage of my silence by putting the necklace on me.

"Just as I thought, beautiful!"

"Thank you," I gushed, almost crying from joy.

"Marry me?"

"What?!" I gasped incredulously.

"You're 19, so there's no reason why you can't get married..."

"Yes, but..." I was momentarily speechless. I swallowed repeatedly. "But, I still have school for another week, and..."

He grinned that slightly evil grin again. "That's not a no."

I gaped at him; he's right! Why hadn't I just said no? I felt like I couldn't breathe, and then realized that it was because I was holding my breath.

He sighed. "Here's the thing... I'm dying..."

"What?" I couldn't have heard him right.

"It's true, I'm dying. I've had heart problems since I was born, and there isn't anything they can do about it. I've kept myself as healthy as possible, and that's helped, but... Anyway, I never got seriously involved with anyone because I always knew that I would die soon. About three months ago, my doctor told me that it was so bad that I really don't have too much longer to live."

"But, but," I protested the news, tears falling from my eyes. "You look so healthy!"

"I know, but I don't feel healthy. Anyway, that's why I gathered up the courage to ask you what I did. I'd felt my heart thump when I first laid my eyes on you, and though it was wrong... Well, I figured that I was running out of time anyway, so what did it matter if I started breaking laws and living my life to the fullest?"

I felt sick and put one hand over my mouth. The other I used to cradle my stomach. "Then why ask me to marry you?"

"I know, it's unfair, but I don't want to die alone."

"I... I... I'll be right back!" I rushed to the nearby ladies room, and then emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet. When I was done, I took the time to wash the tears from my face, and then reapplied my makeup.

I smiled quietly at him as I came out of the bathroom, and noticed he fiddled with a ring. It was a rectangle about ½ an inch long, and the stone was emerald. Now that I thought about it, I realized that it matched the necklace that he had just given me.

"I will," I answered and held my hand out so he could put the ring on my finger.

"I figured," he muttered, and I knew that he thought I was just some greedy gold digger who would do anything for the right price. I really couldn't blame him.

I sat in his lap and kissed him. Maybe my kiss could reassure him that I wasn't like that at all. It's not something I could say because he would always believe what he wanted to anyway.

"I already applied for the license, so we could go right to the courthouse and be married in less than an hour."

I laughed. Leave it to him to be prepared! "That sounds wonderful, but I am afraid that I won't be able to stay the night tonight, or any night soon. I need to finish school, attend the graduation ceremony, and have my party... then I can even come live with you if you want."

"I understand," he wrapped his arms around me, and I was in heaven. We practically ran to his car, and were at the courthouse in no time.

I checked my appearance, and was thankful that I was at least wearing a pretty dress. It was even mostly white. The ceremony took surprisingly little time, and it was official! I was now Mrs. Tyler!

He drove us to his house and we made love. I was concerned by the difference between this time and last, and it truly hit me that he was dying. Why did I marry himknowingthat he was didn't have much longer to live?

I can only guess that I wanted all the time I could get with him – even if only a day.

That night, I acted completely normal, which was hard for me! I gave my parents no reason to suspect that I was now a married woman. I honestly didn't want to ruin their happiness over my graduation just yet.

I asked my work not to schedule me anymore, and used the hours that I was normally working to visit my husband. I had previously taken the entire weekend of my graduation ceremony off, and so I couldn't see him at all. He came to the ceremony anyway, and I almost cried to see him in a wheel chair!

Everyone thought that I was teary eyed over graduating, and I just let them think whatever they wanted. I did my best to smile, but I think I stared at him more than I should have. My parents noticed me looking at him, and wondered who the hell he could possibly be. I think they thought I was being inexcusably rude to him by staring because he was in a wheelchair.

They had noticed my necklace, of course, but I had hidden my ring. I hadn't mentioned my mysterious lover at all since that first weekend, and as far as they could tell, everything was the way it was supposed to be. All they wanted now was for me to pick a college.

The day of my party arrived and I was absolutely giddy! After today, I could announce my marriage and go live with my husband! I hadn't seen him since my graduation ceremony the previous weekend because my mom kept me hopping with party preparations, and I was spending as much time as I could with them before saying goodbye.

All my relatives were here as were most of my friends. A couple had their own parties today, but other than that, it was everyone I knew. I was on top of the world!

Everyone started singing me a congratulations song, and I was cutting my cake. It almost felt like a birthday celebration, but much better. I smiled as I finished the last cut, and then looked at the crowd. I froze, my smile dying.

There was a police officer standing at the edge of the crowd. My sudden silence caused everyone to look at him. My hands shook uncontrollably. No, please no!

"Which one of you is Mrs. Sadie Tyler?"

I fiddled with my ring, which I had decided to wear today. "I am."

I could see the looks of absolute shock on everyone's face. My parents weren't shocked so much as full of disbelief. Everyone wondered, I'm sure, exactly what had I done that I needed to use an alias with the police.

He walked to my side and quietly announced, "I regret to inform you that your husband passed away this morning."

I gasped and nearly fell to the ground. The officer steadied me as I wailed into his shirt. "No! Not yet!"

I was suddenly terribly sick, abruptly turning to lean over the trash can. I vomited violently, and moaned as someone helped me into a chair. I immediately crossed my arms on the table and buried my face in them to sob.

The officer finally finished his message, patting my shoulder as he did so. "Your husband placed a call to 911, but did not say anything. He was gone by the time we got there, and his body was taken away in an ambulance. We found this addressed to you."

I accepted the large manila envelope, staring at it without seeing it. The officer apologized for ruining my party, and then walked away. I was feeling numb again.

My parents had no idea what to do, and the guests figured that it was probably time to leave. I could do nothing but clutch and stare at the envelope in my hands. I knew he was going to die, but I honestly thought we would have more time than this.

The envelope contained all of the instructions for his funeral, and also his Will. He had taken care of everything, which was probably for the best because I was too much of a mess to know what to do. It also contained a letter to me, but I couldn't bring myself to read it.

I said almost nothing for the next three days, and ate very little. I only had one black dress in my closet, and I refused to wear anything else. At the funeral, my parents sat beside me, and I was amazed to see that most of the people who attended were older. Which – when I thought about it – made sense considering that my husband had been 38 when he died, and hadn't had any close family.

During the funeral, I gave my letter to the minister to read, since I couldn't see straight long enough to read it myself. My mom had responded to my grief by pushing her shock into the back of her mind, and holding me as much as possible. She even made herself not ask me questions. My dad was not happy at all, but he also held his tongue.

"And now I shall read a letter from Marcus Tyler to his newly wedded wife.My dearest Sadie, you were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I am so sorry that I have put you through this. Please... forget about me, move on, and live your life. Fall in love again... and know that I will always be watching over you from heaven."

I was sobbing again. How in the hell was I supposed to do that?! I had my hands over my mouth and stomach again, and knew it was only a matter of time before I threw up. My stomach had refused to behave ever since I heard the news.

Two weeks later, I was lying in bed when my mom came into my room. I hadn't gotten out of bed since I came home from the funeral, and my mom was worried about me to say the least. She rubbed my back.

"I thought that we could go clean out his house and figure out what to do with it... but first, I need you to do something for me."

I looked at her curiously. "What?"

"Will you please take this into the bathroom with you and pee on it?" She handed me a pregnancy test.

"What the – Why?" Then it hit me that she was worried that I had gotten pregnant. "Oh..." I thought about this for a bit. I hadn't had my period since... "Oh... oh!"

I was suddenly excited. I raced to the bathroom and took the test. I paced the bathroom nervously as I waited for the results. Without paying any attention to her, I knew that my mom was now waiting with me. I was going crazy and decided to distract myself by pulling on my hair and staring in the mirror.

My mom gasped a minute or so later, and I looked at the test. It was positive! I jumped and squealed excitedly. I threw my arms around my mom, and then hugged my dad – who had come to investigate my suddenly loud demeanor.

After hurrying to get dressed, I dragged my parents to my husband's house, and felt so much better about this whole relationship than I had in days. We were going to sort through his things, and give out the things he had willed to various distant family members, but first, I needed to do something.

I opened the door and gasped again. Everywhere I looked were tiny little post-it notes, and they all said the same thing;Sadie, I love you.I went to the nearest picture of him – which was located on a side table next to the couch – and knelt.

"Marcus, I'm so sad that I did not get a chance to move in with you and enjoy married life before you died, but you told me that you were dying when you asked me to marry you, so it is my own fault for putting my graduation before you. I miss you so much! ... You asked me to move on, and I thought that would be impossible, but today I found out that we are having a baby! I'm so excited! I really wish that you could be here for this, but I promise to be a good mom and love him or her enough for the both of us."

I felt almost happy after saying all that, and noticed that my mom was crying. My dad was holding her, and I would swear that he had tears in his eyes too. A gust of wind blew through the house – but don't ask me how since none of the windows were open – and one of the post-it notes landed in my lap.

I took that as a sign from my husband that he had heard me, and that he really would be watching me from heaven. I kissed the note, and then stuck it to the picture of him. "I love you too."