Cadillac Dreams

I laughed and gave her another piece of bacon.

"No, Princess. You can talk to me."

"How come you're eating by yourself. Don't you have little kids?" she asked.

I forced a smile and said, "I used to, but they're older now. Going to eat with their dad would just be boring for them."

"Don't you give them bacon?"

I laughed and said, "I sure did. They just grew up on me. They eat yogurt now instead."

She screwed up her nose, "Ew. Yuck."

I ate the last of my biscuits and scooped up the rest of the gravy with a spoon. I sighed and said, "Well, Princess, I'll see you around."

"Leaving so soon?" Melody asked from behind us.

"Yeah. I'm going to the ball game and want to hit Home Depot first."

"Sounds fun. I've never been to a game," she said.

"Oh, yeah. Today's kids' day. When my girls were little, we'd go every time. They used to get so excited running the bases, it was hard to get them off the field."

"Cool," she said. "Have a..."

I couldn't believe the words left my mouth, but I blurted, "Wanna come with?" I was shocked. I didn't even think about it before asking.

"No, we couldn't do that. It's..."

"Aw, Momma, please? I wanna run on the field."

"Do you know how to run the bases?" I asked.

She nodded, "Uh, huh. I played tee ball last year. I was on the Bears."

I looked at Melody and smiled, "Well, Mom? What do you think? The game's at one. We have plenty of time."

She bit her lip and seemed to be stifling a smile, but said, "Okay. I'll be done here at eleven when the lunch girl comes in. You're sure it's no problem?"

"Positive."

Lucy started clapping.

"I'll be back to pick you up at eleven then."

I paid my check and said goodbye to Al. I couldn't get the smile off my face if I had a chisel, but what the hell was I doing?

*****

I walked into the garage and set my bags from the hardware store on my workbench. Erin's car was gone, but I didn't care.

I put on my old Paul Konerko jersey and found my well-worn good luck Sox hat. I wore the same outfit to every game I went to with the girls.

"Are we going to the game, Daddy?" Maria asked.

"No, I'm going to the game."

"What do you mean? You're going without us?" she whined.

"Yep."

I put on my hat and left her standing in the hallway wondering what was going on.

As I pulled out of the driveway, I saw Erin pulling up to the house. She honked and waved as I drove by ignoring her. A few moments later, my phone rang.

"Yes," I answered on speaker phone.

"What is going on with you lately?" Erin grumbled.

"I don't know what you're talking about?"

"Why aren't you taking us to the game with you?"

I laughed. "I guess I figured that I should get used to doing things without you and the girls."

There was a long moment of silence. I ended the call.

I ignored her the next time she called and the five times after that. I read the texts, they were just 'call me' or 'you're being an ass' type texts. It was funny, I was being an ass, but she was the one leaving me. I was emotionally detached from her and knew we were finished. I couldn't stay with someone like her. I'd always wonder whether she was still looking to trade up.

I walked into the restaurant at eleven and found Lucy sitting at the bar with the end of a basket of fries covered in ketchup.

"Looks like someone likes ketchup." I said as I sat beside her.

She smiled and nodded with lips covered in the red goodness.

"Hi, Bill," Melody called out from the bathroom area and walked over. "We can go. I just wanted her to have a little something, so she didn't want too much at the park. I know how expensive things can be."

"Yeah, ballpark prices going up, death, and taxes are the only guarantees in life. She's young enough to get in free and our tickets will only be ten bucks, so it's not too bad on family day."

"Family day?" she asked. "I thought you said kids' day."

"Yeah, they changed the name. When my girls were little, it was always kids' day. I know what you're thinking, I'm not trying to..."

She cut me off. "Don't worry about it. I know it's not a date. You're still married and trying to find some piece of happiness. I don't mind us being the beneficiaries of that." She wiped Lucy's mouth and smiled at me. "Let's get a move on, shall we?"

During the drive to the stadium, I got some of her life story. She was married to a drunk who couldn't keep a job, had enough of his lying to her so she left him. He didn't get to see Lucy much because he was behind on his child support. I felt bad for the little girl and couldn't imagine not seeing my daughters. All children need their daddies.

She moved to the area to live with her parents while she got back on her feet. Waiting tables was the first job she found, but she was an administrative assistant before she had Lucy. She was looking for jobs closer to that specialty but wasn't having any luck.

She was younger than I was at 31, but she had a maturity that motherhood, divorce, and hard times would instill in anyone.

The game was uneventful. Little Lucy somehow put down two hot dogs and a Coke. It was her first pop ever and by the look on her face when she tasted it, it wouldn't be her last.

In the seventh inning, we lined up so Lucy could run the bases. It was a long line, but she would get her chance. The team's mascot went up and down the line, keeping the kids engaged and all the parents were thankful for that.

I was surprised to see Jack Dorsey, the Little League director from our hometown, there with his kids. We let them cut in line with us and I did the introductions.

"Jack, this is my friend Melody and her daughter Lucy. Don't get any ideas, I'm not cheating on Erin, we're just watching a ballgame together. With my girls grown up, I don't have a chance to get to many games nowadays."

Jack laughed. "I understand. I'm just glad I've got a young one yet. This will be Junior's last year of this. He turns fourteen over the winter. I may have to borrow a kid then too." We laughed together.

"Listen, Bill. If you need something to do and want to stay involved with kids, we need a tee-ball coach this season. Art Daley retired and moved to Florida."

"Oh, no!" Melody shrieked. "That was Lucy's coach."

"Oh, yeah? Well, you'll already know one of the kids on the team, Bill. Think about it and let me know. Registration starts in February, so you'll have until then if I don't find anyone."

I smiled and said, "You know what? I'll do it. What the hell."

The idea of coaching the kids cheered me up and I was in desperate need of that.

"Great!" Jack answered. "You know how it all works from coaching before. It's not any different now. I'll send you the packet and we'll get you on the way."

Before we knew it the game was over, and it was time for the kids to run the bases. I could feel the excitement emanating from Lucy's body. Melody was having a great time feeding off her daughter's joy and the fun of being at a baseball game. Our team wasn't in contention and lost, but we had some good young players and I enjoyed that piece.

*****

By the time we exited the parking lot, Lucy was asleep. Melody was quiet for most of the ride home and dozed off for a bit herself. I left my truck at the restaurant and didn't know where they lived anyway, so I went to the restaurant to switch to my truck.

When I put Melody's car in park, she woke up although pretended she wasn't asleep.

"Thanks again, Bill. We had fun."

"Thanks for tagging along. I enjoyed it too. Heck, I got a coaching gig out of it and I'm pretty excited about that."

"I hope you don't get into trouble for this," she added. "Maybe it wasn't the best idea to take a single mom out to a game?"

I laughed. "Honestly, I don't care. I was going anyway and your coming with just made it more fun."

She smiled. "Okay, Bill. Thanks again."

I helped load the sleeping Lucy into her car seat and watched them drive away with a wave.

I sighed and headed home.

I had no idea what to expect, but my crumbling marriage had to end at some point. If I had to have it out with her and the girls that night, it wasn't going to be a different result than later. Putting it off would only make it worse anyway.

I walked into the house and was immediately hit by a barrage of shouting. I couldn't tell who was saying what, as it all blended together in a mish mash of shouts, shrieks, and squeals.

I let them yell as I grabbed a beer and sat at the kitchen table. One by one, they ran out of steam and finally I got to speak.

"I will answer all of your questions if you answer one for me first."

They all agreed.

"Why should I care?"

Erin shouted, "What do you mean why should you care? You're my God damned husband and the girls' father. That's why you should care."

I shook my head. "Nope, wrong answer. I'll wait until you get it right."

Erin shouted, "I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but I demand a God damned answer. Why are you acting like this?"

"You know damned well why I'm acting like this," I said with more calmness than I felt. "You all know why, but you continue to play this game. This charade ends tonight. I'm over it, I'm over you, and although I'll always love you girls, I will get over you too, eventually."

Tara started crying, "See, Mother. This is what you've done. You've messed everything up!" She ran from the room, and I assumed headed to her bedroom. Maria stood in shock and Erin looked as if someone pissed in her Cheerios.

I stood and chugged the last of my beer. Maria asked, "Dad, are you leaving us?"

I laughed. "No, Maria." She blanched at the coldness of my using her name instead of pumpkin, princess, or any of the other terms of endearment I used. "No, I'm not leaving. You girls and your mother are leaving me. If she wants to trade up, she can't do it living in this little matchbox."

Erin paled at me throwing her words back at them. She regained composure quickly and returned to the attack.

"We're not going anywhere, Bill. I'm not trading up and we are not leaving."

I spat, "What? Jason isn't ready yet?"

Maria spun and walked out of the room. I hoped Erin was ready to deal with that fall out. I was surprised that the girls weren't so quick to go along with the plan when the reality of it came home to roost. I had a glimmer of hope that they would come back to me and forget their mother's need for more stuff.

Erin glared at me.

"Are you still here? You thought I didn't know about Jason and your plan to trade up, huh? Get the hell out of here. The sight of your whore ass makes me sick."

I was shocked when she didn't say a word. She merely turned and walked from the room. I heard her grab her keys and close the front door.

I walked out to the garage and saw her backing out. I ignored her and grabbed my bags from Home Depot. It took about an hour and a half to change all the locks and the longest part of that was trying to remember how to change the garage code.

It was getting to be dinner time, so I walked upstairs to see if the girls were hungry. I found them huddled in Tara's bedroom.

"Daddy!" Tara squealed and about tackled me with a hug. Maria quickly joined in. "Daddy, we're sorry. We love you, don't make us go away."

They were crying in my arms, and I melted as I always did for them.

"Whoa, girls. This is your choice. You're the ones who are ashamed of me and want someone else."

"No, Daddy!" Maria shrieked. "We don't want anyone else."

"Maybe not, but you're ashamed of me. You're hiding boyfriends, hiding being on the tennis team. You don't want your friends to know me. The same friends I coached all through softball. The same friends I drove to the mall. The same friends I showed how to protect themselves against boys that won't take no for an answer. You're ashamed of me now."

They continued to cry, but I turned to leave. I couldn't take any more pain from them. Suddenly, Maria grabbed me, "Daddy, no. Don't go."

"What do you want me to do, Maria? What do you want me to say? You're crushing my heart and you want to flip flop around playing games with me. Grow up!"

I pushed her off me and hurried into my room. Thankfully, I had a strong lock on my door, and it wasn't one of those doors that are more for show than function. They weren't getting into my room.

I sat on the bed and fought back tears. How could I forget all of what they did and act like it never happened? How could I forget they didn't tell me what their mother was planning?

How could I let myself hurt them as much as they were hurting me?

I opened my door and they burst into my room. We hugged and they cried some more. They were my girls. My everything. I had to find a way to forgive them, but it wouldn't be overnight.

*****

It turned out Jason was already on board with Erin trading up for him. What he wasn't on board with was taking on two teenaged girls with her as his house was a bachelor pad without room for two additional girls.

The divorce was surprisingly smooth. We agreed on joint custody, and with the girls wanting to stay with me in the home they grew up in and Erin abandoning them to live with Jason, I got their staying with me without a challenge. The alimony and child support Erin had to pay me ate away her big raise from the promotion, but she didn't care. It was a preset calculation, and I didn't fight for more. I had my girls. They were all I wanted.

I'd like to say the girls spat in their mother's face, called her a whore, and told her they never wanted to see her again, but it didn't work out that way. Erin still bought them whatever they wanted, including a car for the girls to share. I didn't have any real contact with her after the final court date, so I had no idea what her thoughts were. The checks cleared every month for alimony and child support and that was all I wanted out of her.

It took a couple of months for me and the girls to work through our issues. The girls claimed they weren't embarrassed by me, that it was their mother's influence that made them ashamed of me. I didn't fully believe that, but when I was introduced to their boyfriends and given sports schedules again, I let it go. Things were getting back to normal, but I kept a close eye on how they treated me.

One of the reasons the girls were shocked at the depth of their mother's betrayal, was the savings account I had set up for them. They said Erin made it seem as if they had to go to a cheap college and pay for it with student loans. I showed them it wasn't true. I had an account with a brokerage firm that I put money into every month since they were born. It would be enough to send them to school and whatever else it didn't cover; their mother and I could afford. Erin didn't go after it in the divorce.

The day after I got the final divorce decree in the mail, I went to see Melody at the restaurant for breakfast. We'd see each other once a week when I had breakfast there, but we never went out again. I wanted to rectify that.

"Hey, stranger," she said as I sat down at the counter.

"Hey, yourself."

"What brings you in on a weekday?" she asked.

"My divorce is over and I'm a free man now."

She raised her eyebrows and poured my coffee.

"I was hoping now that I'm not married, you'd let me take you out."

She smiled. "Like a date?"

"No. Not 'like a date.' A real date, goof."

Her smile widened, "I don't know. I don't like the idea of being a rebound girl. Maybe, I should make you play the field for a while first?"

I shrugged, "Okay. Forget it. I'm sure someone else will..."

"Shut it, dummy. You can take me out on Friday night. I'm not gonna let anyone else get a crack at you."

I looked at her expectantly and she asked, "What? Do I have something on my face?"

"No, but I need your phone number and address so I can pick you up." I smiled as she shook her head.

"I have your number. It's in the packet for tee-ball. I'll text you my address."

"You've had my number all this time and never used it?" I asked, teasing.

"I've had it all of three days since registration was just last week," she groaned. "Now leave me alone so I can get your breakfast."

She winked and walked away. Perhaps with a bit more wiggle than she usually had.

*****

My daughters were initially not a fan of my dating a single mother with a little girl. If jealousy were tangible, the greenness would have left a trail behind their bodies.

The Saturday after my first official date with Melody, I invited her and Lucy over for lunch. I told my girls they were coming over and I was cooking on the grill, so they'd better be home. My girls loved my homemade barbecue rub and sauce.

"Daddy," Tara whined, "we were double dating for lunch and a movie on Saturday."

I said, "That's no problem. You can still go to the movies, and then dinner. Just have lunch we me and meet Melody and Lucy. Once we eat and spend some time together, you can go out."

Tara stomped off and Maria kissed my cheek, "We'll be here, Dad. If for no other reason than to make sure you haven't replaced us with that little girl."

She turned and walked away as if she had just delivered a counter offensive to some charge they thought I was mounting against them. Their attitudes bothered me, and I tried to push back those feelings.

I got up early and made my rub for the ribs and chicken legs I was making. While the ribs were going low and slow, I'd make my barbecue sauce. I wasn't exactly a pit-master, but now that I was single, I decided I'd buy the smoker Erin always denied me. As I looked around my back yard and patio, I decided I was going to do a lot of things Erin rejected.

I was making potato salad when the doorbell rang. I tried to get to it before my daughters could, but that was a losing battle. Melody hadn't made it into the house yet before my girls started grilling her with sneers.

"Where do you live?"

"Where do you work?"

"How old are you?"

"Are you divorced?"

Melody couldn't get a word in edgewise.

"Whoa, girls! Maria and Tara step away from Melody and Lucy, please," I interjected. "Please forgive them, Melody." I looked at my daughters, "I'm not sure what they think they are doing."

"It's okay, Bill," she answered sweetly. "They're just looking out for your best interests. No matter how rudely." The smile she gave them could have cut glass.

"Anyway," I said. "This is Tara, and this is Maria. Girls, this is Melody and her daughter Lucy."

Lucy was hiding behind her mother. So much for the sassy little extrovert, I thought.

I reached out for Lucy to take my hand and she shyly took it and allowed me to guide her out from behind the protection of her mother.

She looked up at my daughters, who were scowling at her, and retreated into my leg. I looked at my daughters and they read the expression on my face. It was not one of pleasure.

"Melody," I said, "how about you take Lucy into the kitchen? I was just finishing mixing the potato salad, maybe she'd like to help stir it?"

My daughters frowned. When my girls were little, they would stir things for me. They hadn't done it in a few years, but the memories were coming back and driving home what the result of their actions could mean. I would not stand for them ruining things with Melody, and they feared if they did, I would have other daughter options available.

"Wait!" Tara interrupted. "I'm sorry if we were being a little rude. I guess we're not taking the divorce well and Dad moving on so easily."

I snorted. "You sure didn't mind it when you knew your mother was trying to trade up and didn't tell me."

Tara shook her head, then turned and ran to the stairs leading to her room.

Maria said, "Jesus, Dad. We've apologized for that over and over again."

"Well, I find it pretty shitty, that you were cool with your mother's asshole while she was trying to trade up, but after she divorces me, when I bring home a woman I'm interested in, you guys treat her like crap. You can't handle my moving on, but you could handle your mother trading up? Do you know what? This was a mistake. Call your boyfriends and have them pick you up. I don't want you spoiling our lunch."