Caged

April, 1947; Tangier, Morocco

It was my own fault, of course, not only because of what I did before but even more by what I did afterward, so I didn't say anything at the time. The cage door was open, and I slithered in with only a bit of a push. I wanted the door to lock behind me. It was safer inside the cage than outside.

The years immediately following World War Two in Europe were hedonist ones. We, the exiled, were the ones who had survived. Although the responses of some of us were out to the edges, that didn't mean society had gone there yet. And that's what resulted in my being at a beach resort in Tangier with Richard Chambers, the British novelist. I had become entangled with him at Oxford, where I was finishing up an English literature study and Chambers was brilliantly lecturing. He was a commanding, bigger-than-life, and over-the-top figure, a lion in both his profession and in social life in England. He also was totally self-centered and arrogant, and the public wasn't ready for him. Although at the center of society, he was a danger to society.

I had been ready for him, aching to be at the center and knowing for some time what my preferences and inclinations were and being well-turned-out enough to have no problem with receiving offers to relieve me, at eighteen, of my virginity to men. I realized even then the value of a young, handsome man, giving himself to an older one. Chambers took care of that himself on the banks of the Thames during an alfresco picnic, and then in a boat house, and on a punt on the river, and then in his rooms at the university. He was so smooth in his seductions that I opened to him each time with a sigh and a murmured "Please."

I was completely enthralled with him. Chambers was too open with his lifestyle for the society and laws of the day, but, to his credit, when he moved on to the much-more-tolerant Tangier at the time, a novelist being able to ply his trade anywhere his imagination can thrive, he took me with him.

Tangier was just the sort of place that kept Chambers's literary and other juices flowing, and his success as a novelist kept the sustaining money coming in. We established ourselves at an exclusive beach resort on the rocky shores of the Mediterranean, where we woke up fucking; doors to the terrace open and Arab servants moving about, not caring who saw us do so; sunned ourselves in the nude; and swam in the sea during the morning. Both Chambers and I wrote in the afternoon after a post-lunch fuck and siesta. When he'd written what he wanted to for that session, he'd read a critique what I was writing. We partied in the evening, with Chambers enjoying watching me being passed around among his new-found friends for fucking.

He told me that it was all valuable experiences collecting for my own writing, but I would have let him share me out anyway as long as he kept bedding me himself as well. It was all part of the euphoria of having survived the war and assuming--falsely, as it turned out--that hard-fought peace in the world meant a new toleration of men like us.

The little world we had entered in Morocco was a well-heeled one. Chambers was at the top of his profession. The small group he gathered about him included the middle-aged Lord Townsend--Charlie--as much on retreat for being ahead of his time in England and very much in the public eye as Chambers was; the handsome and relatively young, at twenty-nine, son of a fabulously wealthy textile manufacturer, Nigel Standford; and Pierre, the bishop of Reims, who stole away for months at a time to indulge himself in incognito in Tangier.

They all fucked me here in our isolated paradise, separated from the social mainstream of the day, by wealth and privilege in the exuberant days following having survived the war. I wasn't the only youth they kept within their hedonist circle to open his legs for them--there were Moroccan youths as well--but I was the only European boy toy--the only one in residence--and Chambers controlled every aspect of my life, holding me willingly in his emotionally constructed gilded cage, including who fucked me when. They all fucked me well.

That didn't keep me from looking beyond the group, however, and that became what led to the rest of it--to my actual caging.

Normally, the men at the beach resort formed groups, often determined by the countries of origin or having had prior connections, connections that were strengthened by them sharing interests and the effects of public persecution for same. In the Chambers group, all had a connection to Chambers if not, initially, to each other, which made him the natural center. The Moroccan youths serving the resort and its guests moved between groups, but the guests didn't often do so unless they piqued each other's interest and hookup up sexually, which usually was only a casual and short-lived arrangement. One exception was Nigel Standford, the second son of a prominent textile manufacturer family in England, who was outgoing and gregarious and moved between all of the groups, making connections where he could--business connections more than sexual ones, although the latter as well.

The beach resort was exclusively for men such as we were. And the climate was so hot that it principally was the mornings that would find most of those in social attendance on the beach, taking in the sea and sun to some extent, but more generally ogling each other and setting up assignations.

I was very much in the "being ogled" group, being young, well-formed, and good-looking in an androgynous, full-lipped, dreamy-eyed blond way of a loose-moral upper-class English youth way, an anomaly among the bevy of Moroccan boys dispersed on the sand to service the rich European faggots. What titillated the men of the group was that I was prepared to give myself as fully as the Moroccan boys did--and as exotically and to as many as desired me simultaneously.

But after a few weeks in Tangier, I wasn't the only anomaly in the Chambers group. A young French priest only a couple of years older than I was, Jean-Philippe, was sent out to Morocco to fetch the bishop of Reims home, and he lingered in Tangier in his mission. He was a contrast to me--European but dark-haired, with the sulky looks of a fox to my sunny blond countenance. Chambers found the time and opportunity to fuck us both. He delighted to do so with both of us in his bed simultaneously and spreading our legs for him.

It doubtless was the newly arrived competition for Chambers's attention that caused my eyes to roam. When men gave me the piercing, undressing eye on the beach--where there wasn't much undressing that need be done--I returned the looks of those I found attractive.

One to whom my eyes frequent went was the one my circle called the Indian Prince, although they were quick to say he wasn't really a prince. He wasn't even a maharaja. He was just the brother of one--the Maharaja of Baroda, a satrapy in India. His name was Rao Agarwal, and he was here with an entourage of servants, all exotically turned out, as he was. He was in his thirties, tall for the other Indians in his entourage, muscular, and imperial of bearing--haughty even. Although he often set up camp near the Chambers group on the beach, it was only Nigel, from our group, who occasionally went over to speak to him. The prince never made the return visit. I spied him from across the room, exotically attired in rich brocades during the supper hours and in the mornings, here on the beach, in just a bathing suit, displaying a magnificent body.

When our eyes met, he was commanding--devouring--and I must admit I didn't conceal my interest or my submission. As soon as our eyes met, I lowered mine, clearly signaling that he could have me if I were free to give myself to him. He surely knew what my role was in the Chambers group. There were times when he was undressing me with his eyes that Nigel was beside him, and I knew that Nigel was telling the Indian Prince that I opened my legs for Nigel--indeed for almost any of the men in Chambers's group who wanted to fuck me. We were from two different worlds, though, the Indian Prince and I, even here; I was here with Richard Chambers, who controlled what I gave to other men; and, despite the exchanges of steamy looks, I did not give Rao Agrawal permission to debauch me. But debauch me he did.

On the day in question--the start of my physically "caged" life--the Indian Prince and I had exchanged several steamy looks while I was stretched out on a towel with Nigel Standford fondling and kissing me and Chambers, the lord, and the bishop watching us and discussing whatever they were discussing. As Nigel was approaching taking me right there on the beach, with everyone watching, I laughed and detached from his embrace.

"I would be too tense to be doing it right here on the beach, with everyone watching," I said.

Nigel gave me a quizzical look, as I had let men cover me on the beach before. But the Indian Prince never had done so. I was most nervous about the Indian Prince, who was watching, seeing me give it all to a man in public.

"We could go into the water," Nigel said, some recognition dawning with him what the source of my reluctance was as his eyes observed the exchange of looks between the Indian Prince and me. "You could ride my cock in the sea, where we could be in view of the beach but they couldn't be sure what we were doing. It would be fun."

"Only if you can catch me in the sea," I answered, with a laugh, breaking away and running to the water. I dove in and swam out to sea, expecting Nigel to follow me, reach me, and fuck me there in the sea. But Nigel didn't follow me.

Rao Agarwal did follow me, though, and he had reached me and was embracing me from behind and had his hands all over me before I realized it was him rather than Nigel. When I did realize it, I broke away in a surprised panic and swam off parallel to the beach, beyond a line of rocks marching down the beach and into the sea, marking the edge of the beach resort beach. I reacted instinctively. Nigel had Chambers's permission to use me as he wished. The Indian Prince did not.

He followed me. He was a powerful swimmer--much more than I was. He was much more powerful as a man than I was, as well. He reached me and embraced me again. I fought him and we thrashed around in the water. When I wasn't giving in to him quick enough, he punched me in the face and in the belly, which cause me to collapse and go docile.

He dragged me up onto a small section of sandy beach between towering rocks out of sight and hearing of those on the resort beach. He struck me again across the face with the flat of his hand, sending me onto my back on the sand. Stripping off my bathing suit as I panted and moaned, offering slight, but ineffectual resistance, he put me on all fours, covered me from above and behind, mounted and penetrated me, and fucked me. I writhed under him as he stretched me inside, sank deep, and began to pump. I took men's cocks regularly and the Indian Prince was a handsome, well-endowed man who I had fantasize about fucking me, so whatever resistance I was giving was because of the assault nature of the act. It was not that I would have rejected him as a sex partner if it were by my acquiescence or Richard Chambers's direction.

I was to learn that the Indian Prince needed to take his sex this way to reach the zenith of arousal and sexual satisfaction.

When I had become completely docile to him, he turned me onto my back, knelt between my spread thighs, mounted and penetrated again, and rode me to his ejaculation. In this position, I melted into him, clutching his shoulder blades and biceps, pressing his hips between my knees, and rocking with the fuck, huffing and mewing.

He laughed and said, "I knew you wanted my cock."

I, in fact, had dreamed of having his cock inside me, but I had not, however, at any time, given him permission to fuck me--and most certainly by assault. He did so as if by imperial right. And what scared me was that being taken this way rose my own arousal to heights I hadn't reached before.

When he was done, he simply left me there and swam back out to sea and around to the resort beach. When I was able to pull myself together, I did as well. When I reached the resort beach, the Indian Prince and his entourage were gone.

In shock, I said nothing to the others in the Chambers group on the beach, although I didn't stay. Saying I wanted to write, I left the beach and retired to my room. I didn't write. I stewed about having been taken without my--or Chambers's--permission and composed in my mind how I was going to tell Chambers about this violation.

At supper, though, I hadn't said anything and Rao Agarwal was there, resplendent in his Indian brocades, and giving me the "I own you" eye. When he left the room, going out onto the terrace overlooking the sea, I excused myself and followed him. I don't know why I followed him. I think I half thought I needed him to apologize for the forceful way he'd taken me on the beach. If so, I read him and his arrogance completely wrong. When I approached him and opened my mouth to speak, he viciously slapped me across the face, saying, "The little whore has come back for more?" The strike sent me to my knees on the sand, upon which he adjusted the folds of his imperial costume, produced an erection, and made me give him suck, holding my head fast between his hands and brutally thrusting into my throat.

He fucked me up against the trunk of a palm tree in the garden, on a clifftop overlooking the Mediterranean. I had my legs hooked on his hips and my arms thrown around his neck. My face was buried in his chest, his brocade shirt flaring open and me sucking on a gold medallion on a chain, nestled between his bulging pecs, as he took me in long, deep thrusts, and left me afterward in a puddle at the base of the palm tree when he was done.

I whimpered and moaned, but my murmurs of "Yes, yes, like that. Fuck me hard," conveyed to him all he needed to hear on my surrender to him.

The next day, he and his entourage were gone, leaving me pining for him and now somewhat distant from out of tune with what heretofore had been a comfortable and convivial Chambers group. After having willingly gone to Rao Agarwal that evening, I was in no position to complain about having been taken by him unwillingly earlier in the day. Even in that debauching, I had been in sync with him during the fuck before he was finished with me. I continued into my nineteenth year as the boy toy of this group and developing my writing experience and talent under the tutelage of Richard Chambers, but I already had a foot in an Indian cage.

Somehow it got back to Chambers that I had given myself to the Indian Prince without his permission, and henceforth, he kept me close to him and used restraints to control my movements. I was physical in his cage now. I did not resist Chambers's increased possessiveness in any way. It had frightened me to discover how readily I melted to cruelty in the fuck. I was overwhelmed by passion in the sensation that a well-endowed man wanted me so badly he would take me by force--and that there would be nothing I could do to prevent it. All of the responsibility was on him and, after an initial struggle, I could, with no feeling of guilty, just lie back and let him ravish me.

* * * *

If it wasn't for Nigel Standford, I would have been stranded in Tangier and no doubt would have wound up in a male brothel there. Eventually, though, I was to wonder if the change in my life from Morocco hadn't largely been orchestrated, and one male brothel is pretty much the same as the next. But that's not fair, I suppose. There are classes of brothels and degrees of being caged in one.

When the bishop of Reims returned to France, he didn't travel alone. The young priest, Jean-Phillipe, sent to Morocco to fetch him home, of course accompanied him. But Richard Chambers decided he wanted to continue writing his book, declaring it based in France, on locale, and I woke one morning in Nigel's bed to find that the three--Chambers and the two French priests--had departed in the night. I can't say I hadn't heard Chambers rumbling about continuing his writing in France, but I had no inkling that he would do so without me. In the space of a couple of hours I was moved from caged to abandoned.

As charming and enticing as men always said I was, this was just one instance of where one supposedly wrapped up in me disappeared on me, leaving me stranded. Nigel Standford was there for the rescue, however. He too was moving on. He had been impressed with the fabrics the Indian Prince, Rao Agarwal, and his entourage wore--rich color- and patterned-silks--and Nigel was roaming the area ostensibly to locate exotic textiles and cheap production means. It only seemed to the rest of us that this was just a ploy of the Standford family to keep an openly gay son out of their hair and vicinity.

"I am going to India from here," he said when I'd calmed down from being stranded by Chambers, who at least had paid up our resort bill and covered me for two more weeks. "Do you plan to remain here, or do you wish to move on to new adventures? Are you destitute or do you have some means of your own?"

"I can manage," I said. I had an inheritance. I hadn't come here with Chambers because I had no other means of support. I would have to set up a means to have support funds transferred here. "I wasn't with Richard because I had no other means of support. I came because I wanted to be with him and he was an exciting man. And he was mentoring me in my writing."

"And the others of us?" Nigel asked.

"I went with the bishop and Lord Townsend because Richard wanted me too and they weren't repugnant. I went with you quite willingly. Is this not evidence?" I was going "with him" as we were having this discussion. He was still inside me, having already breeded me, but still covering me and his cock was still moving inside me, coaxing on an afterglow ejaculation, which Nigel was fully capable of providing. And I was rocking with him in the rhythm of the fuck he set up. What I said seemed to assure him.

"I will take you to India with me, if you wish, as my assistant. But you will have to give me the same servicing and loyalty that you gave to Richard."

"Yes, I would like that," I answered.

Just a different cage, but Nigel was a handsome man and a good lover. I needed it frequently and he already was giving it to me frequently. He couldn't help me with my writing, but he could teach me much about the textile industry and business. And I was mesmerized by the thought of exotic India--the land of the Indian Prince, who had forcibly taken me but who I couldn't get out of my mind.

* * * *

February, 1948; Baroda, India

Nigel did say that where he was taking me if I went with him was to India, specifically the state of Bombay, on the subcontinent's east coast on the Arabian Sea, and I did conjure up the image of the Indian Prince, Rao Agarwal, when he said that, but little did I realize how much I had already been in the plans even before Richard Chambers left for France with the bishop of Reims. Nigel never actually admitted it, but I think that Chambers may have known how this was meant to unwind before he abandoned me. Looking back on it, I think something he said hinted that he realized I had gone to Rao Agrawal without his permission and that that had precipitated everything that followed.

What was fact was that Nigel went to India, to Bombay State--and to the city in Bombay named Baroda--to pursue the textile market and cheap production. That was uppermost in Nigel's mind and that's what Nigel got. I didn't realize until we were in India and driving in a 1946 Hindustan 10 from the city of Bombay to that of Baroda at nearly zero miles an hour because of the condition of the roads and because of the crowds that gathered on the road. When we were nearly there was the first time Nigel told me we were headed to Baroda and that we'd be the guests of the Maharajah of Baroda.