Cassandra's Plan Ch. 08

He's sitting on the couch, reading. How do I approach him? It's like I'm afraid of him now. But I really didn't do anything to him . . . I didn't. Nothing happened. How can you be afraid of your own husband?

I know I've wronged him. For years and years I've not treated him well. But that doesn't mean things can't be different now. People can change; couples can start over. We have money, a nice place, a lot of time on our hands. We're luckier than most people. Why doesn't David realize that?

I have to try to be different. I will be. I'll change.

I sit down next to him. He looks at me briefly, with a kind of crooked smile. The same sort of shy smile he used to give me way back in college, when I first knew him. It wrings my heart just to see that smile.

I put my arms around his neck. He dutifully puts the book down. I nestle my head on his chest, and feel his arms go around me. He's not holding me very tight, but at least he's holding me.

"David, you're such a sweet man," I say. "You mean so much to me." I look up at him. I'm sure my face has this pleading look that it hasn't had for a long time. Maybe never.

He strokes my head as if I were his daughter and says, "You mean a lot to me too." I try to read his expression, but it's just kind of blandly benign. I can't tell if there is any feeling behind his words.

I don't care. At least we're touching. This is a start. I can't expect things to change overnight.

I'll make sure things are better from now on. I'll get him things that he wants. I'll try to do whatever he wants me to do. We'll take vacations wherever he wants to go. If he wants to write all day, I'll let him do that.

I reach my hand slowly down to his crotch. I try to unzip his fly, but he grabs my wrist—not hard, but firm.

"Oh, sweetheart, not just now, okay? Maybe later."

I'm disappointed, of course, but it's all right. I can wait. We'll do whatever he wants.

He lets go of my wrist, and I put my arm around him again. I keep resting my head on his chest. I wish I could take his shirt off and rub my face against his hair, but maybe he wouldn't like that. Maybe later.

I have a good feeling about this. I'll do my best to make everything work. Things will be all right from now on.

Not just all right. Great. Things will be great.

THE END