Casting Boomerang Stones

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Luiz Bonfa; Walter Andre De Backer: "So when we found that we could not make sense, well you said that we would still be friends. But I'll admit that I was glad it was over."

+ + + +

Aubrey, my wife, and I should have never married. Period. We were in heat. If we had tried to do a full blown wedding, I'm sure SOMEBODY would have whumped one of us upside the head and said NO, absolutely not. When you elope, those people can only weigh in after the fact.

The sex was beyond my wildest dreams. I think we fit like a glove and Aubrey had no qualms about trying new things. Anal was interesting, but neither of us thought it was all that great. Other positions, including light bondage, were winners.

The loving was easy, it was the living that kicked us in the gut. We just couldn't do it without fighting.

She didn't like my friends. I didn't like her friends. I didn't like the way she dressed. She didn't like me changing my facial hair. She spent like I was a manager. I was still hourly although making well above minimum wage. She was making minimum wage, but spent well about her income. You get the picture. We had lots of arguments early on, followed by fantastic sex. Recently, those arguments had been fights, with no fantastic sex afterwards.

So now, at the ripe old age of twenty three, I'm at a crossroads. Her complaints have morphed recently into brutal personal attacks. No longer am I that good in bed. No longer is there a future worth sharing. Why can't I be more like her father? Her mother agrees with her. She doesn't know why she stays with me. While she's ranting and raving I get the feeling she's coming unhinged.

One of things that really bothers me is her parents. George and Helen are both retired government. George did the enlisted man gig, and then worked almost thirty years in a Bureau of Land office job. Helen spent thirty years working in various post offices. Both took early retirement and are a constant pain. I'm a worthless scumbag for dragging her off to get married. Aubrey is a daddy's girl, the youngest by eight years of three children. Family gatherings are a real treat for me.

At family dinners, with her older brother and sister present, I couldn't detect a resemblance for Aubrey with her siblings. Her brother and sister had that square jaw similar to George. Aubrey did not. She was the only one in the family with freckles. I decided to do a little genealogical investigation. If we ever have children, I needed to know who her real father was, for medical history reasons.

It wasn't all that difficult to get the DNA swabs without being noticed. I'm not sure if I hope I'm right or if I want to be wrong. Later that evening I placed the samples into the mailer and applied a few stamps. I mailed it from my office the next day.

Ten days after I mailed the DNA packet, the results were available. I'd chosen to have electronic delivery, as I didn't want snail mail being discovered. My suspicions were correct. Now I needed to do some detective work to find Aubrey's sperm donor.

We were dinner guests at George and Helen's house that night. I took an interest in the photo albums, asking for the identities of those that appeared in more than a few pictures. I'm no detective. It was time to try something different.

The genealogy people had a premium service which gives you familial mapping. This was worth it, so I bit the bullet. A few days later I had a family tree of who the likely parents were. Obviously the mother's side was easy to check off as Helen was a match. Seventeen limbs on the known tree for the father's side. They warned that not all of the possible relatives had DNA on file.

+ + + +

Although I had no proof, I suspected that Aubrey was no longer a faithful wife. Things weren't adding up. Working late, going in early, and then the pay stub doesn't change. We lived from paycheck to paycheck, although we both set aside some money into our savings plan. Not having enough to get an investigator, I was stuck with trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together.

The tipping point for our marriage came on Friday night, which really surprised me. We had actually fought less this week than most. Aubrey and I went to an Italian restaurant and then enjoyed a movie. Throughout the movie I kept my coat over my crouch as Aubrey was scratching my hard cock through my jeans. As soon as the credits were rolling we were out of there. I really do enjoy our times alone. Perhaps tonight was going to be a good stepping stone.

On our way to the car, we ran into one of Aubrey's friends. Mark and Maureen were our age. Aubrey worked with Maureen. We were headed home but they were headed in. Aubrey volunteered for us to join them, even though I nudged her with my disapproval. Inside the movie theatre we couldn't find four seats together. There were a few groups of three and dozens of pairs of seats.

"Conner, I'm going to sit with Maureen, you can sit over there" as they chose a group of three.

Over there was two rows back in the middle. Rather than make a scene I left with "I'm going to go use the restroom."

As I was emptying by bladder I thought 'Fuck her.' I headed out and was home nursing a beer in twenty minutes. It was ninety minutes after I'd left when her first text arrived.

'Where are you? The show is over and I can't find you in the lobby.'

I thought about responding, but was already on my fourth beer and the only things I could think to respond with were hateful. She'll figure it out sooner or later. Five minutes later another text.

'We're going to Night Moves. Join us there.'

That wasn't going to happen. Her friends and family mean more to her than I do. Night Moves is a nightclub downtown by the convention center. It has a well-deserved reputation as a pick up club.

As the six pack was now pressing on my bladder, I made my decision. This marriage is over. One, or both of us, is too immature to be joined at the hip. Although sloshed, I packed, or I should say I started to pack my clothes. Resting for a few seconds, face down on the bed, turned into passing out.

The bedroom was bright when I raised my head. My mouth felt sticky. My stomach was not happy with me either. Glancing at the alarm told me it was almost 10 Am. No sign that Aubrey slept here last night. As I brushed my teeth, it occurred to me why. I'd driven and she didn't have her keys. Bummer. Bet she's got her panties all bunched up now. After taking a shower, I scrolled through the texts and listened to the voicemails. Yes indeed, I have one bitchy spousal unit. The last text came in while I was in the shower.

'CALL ME ASAP!'

Okay asap, let me guess. You had something to do today? I reluctantly made the call.

"Conner, what the fuck is wrong with you? I've been trying to get into the house since last night. My keys are on the counter. Come get me."

"Find your own ride. I'll be here another hour or so."

"WHAT!" was the last thing I heard as I ended the call.

I loaded the suitcases into my trunk. As I roamed around the apartment I gathered the mementoes I wanted. Thirty minutes after our call ended, she stormed away from her UBER ride. Having left the front door open, I waited for hurricane Aubrey.

There was fire in her eyes. I swear I could see a vein poking out of her forehead. Both of her hands were balled into fists with white knuckles.

"You had better have a fucking good excuse for your actions and attitude" was screamed loud enough for all of our neighbors to hear.

"I do. You didn't try calling me until after 2 Am when you couldn't get in. No text messages from the time you left the movie theatre until 1:15 Am, and then only when you wanted me to come get you. So, Fuck you! I'm divorcing your cheating ass. You can find someone else to dish your shit onto."

Dumbfounded. I guess that would best describe her face. The tone of her voice went from bitchy to sweetness in a flash.

"Conner, we need to talk. Don't go. I need to use the bathroom. Stay there."

Aubrey had left her phone and clutch on the counter, so I decided to see who she'd been talking with. Around midnight she received a call from Tom. Checking her contacts, I see that the one for Tom was created just after that call. Someone has a new boyfriend. After that she called me, let's see, one two three four five six seven eight times. Toss in a call to her mother, this morning, and we were caught up. Several text messages to me, and Maureen last night, while they were at the nightclub. A few back and forth this morning with Maureen, checking to see if she'd gotten in touch with me yet.

When I heard the toilet flush I had a thought. Hitting send on Tom's phone number, I put it on speaker.

"Hey sweet cheeks! I was just about to call you. Thanks for a GRRRREAT time last night. Wanna get together tonight? I get off at seven."

Aubrey shrieked "That's my phone. Give it to me!"

Tom responded "What's going on Aubrey? Are you alright?"

I held the phone away from Aubrey's reaching arms "Listen Tommy boy, you shouldn't be fucking around with married women. Is married pussy really worth a cracked skull?"

The chicken shit hung up.

"And that, my dear, is why I'm divorcing your sorry ass. Like mother like daughter."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Ignoring her question "I've already packed and taken everything I want. The apartment is yours. See ya."

Despite her pleas to stay and talk, I sidestepped her and slipped out the front door. As I was downing a few pints and munching on tater tots, I cancelled our joint credit card. I still had my own card, but it had a small credit limit. It would be Monday before I could do anything with the savings account. Our checking account didn't have enough in it to worry about.

By Monday night, the savings was split and my discount divorce lawyer was drawing up the forms. Aubrey was served on Wednesday. She called a few times, but didn't leave a message other than asking me to call her.

+ + + +

It was lonely being single again, although I wasn't missing the screaming matches. Aubrey's parents were in full court press, albeit with different agendas. George was on the warpath insulting everything about me. My job wasn't spared, nor my looks, nor me personally. Helen was sweet as syrup begging me to drop the divorce and get counseling, which she volunteered to pay for.

I used my spare time to pursue the DNA mystery. I was no longer in this for my unborn children. I wanted a little revenge. Over the course of the next few weeks, I made hundreds of calls. My request was simple. Have you, or any of your relatives ever lived in Carson County?

Only about one in twenty actually answered my calls, so I left messages when I could. I don't normally answer calls from numbers I don't know, and many people are like me, but I had to now. A few called back to tell me NO. My persistence paid off. I had the addresses of two families who still lived in Carson County.

Going through real estate records, I narrowed it to one that had lived about a mile from George and Helen. Maybe they knew them from church or school?

When I contacted that family, I found that I was dealing with a woman about my age. She, and her parents, had lived in the county. When her parents divorced, she moved away with her mother. She was now back, caring for her father as he ticked off the last few days of his life. Terminal cancer and he'd been allowed to return home to die. She encouraged me to get over there quickly as he could pass at any time. Two hours later I was sitting in a rocking chair waiting for him to answer my questions. His breathing was ragged. I had my cell phone recording the interview.

"Mr. Albert, I'm trying to track down the biological father of one Aubrey Johnson. Your families' DNA shows a strong likelihood that you, or someone closely related to you, might be that person."

"I always wondered. Helen Johnson was hell bent on getting revenge on George, for what I never knew. Damn, she was a looker and when she offered up her pussy, well I couldn't resist. We carried on for a month or so. I always felt like she was trying to get pregnant. We used to see them at church, with their two kids and mine playing together. When Helen delivered nine months later, like I said, I wondered if the baby was mine. You need a DNA sample or something?"

"That would be great" as I pulled the new test kit out.

"Changing my will, to include Aubrey, wouldn't do her no good at this point. The doctors have taken everything but my freckles."

We chatted for a few more minutes before I thanked him and left. Two days later his daughter called to tell me that he'd died.

His DNA test came back a week later confirming that he was Aubrey's father. George is going to get the shock of his life. Belittle me will you? I could hardly wait.

+ + + +

Hitting send, I hoped she'd answer.

"Conner."

"Aubrey. Is this a good time to talk?"

"As good as any I guess."

"I was wondering if you and your parents could get together with me. No food or anything, just an hour of your time."

"My parents?"

"Yes, I have something important to share."

"When?"

"You tell me. I'll adjust my schedule to make it work."

"Let me call you back."

Ten minutes later we were set up to meet Friday evening. I could have brought a date, but thought that would be a bit tacky. The picnic table at the park was a good setting. We had a few hours of sun left and there wasn't much wind. I was the first to arrive.

"Aubrey, you're looking good."

"Conner, ready to sit down and talk about our future?"

"Not yet."

That got a shake of her head and rolling of eyes. We sat uncomfortably for a few minutes, before she waved her parents over. After awkward greetings, with all three of them on one side of the picnic bench and me on the other, I gleefully started my presentation.

"Thanks for coming today. Each of you has gone out of your way to belittle me and make very demeaning and disparaging comments towards me. Today I fight back. Aubrey, does the name Larry Albert mean anything to you?"

Pausing for a few seconds "No, not really."

Helen's eyes were now staring bullets at me.

"How about you George? Larry Albert ring a bell?"

"Name's vaguely familiar, but I can't tell you why."

"Come on George, think! Larry, kids same age as yours, freckles like Aubrey, same church. Anything?"

George wasn't responding, just glancing back and forth from Helen and Aubrey.

"And you Helen? Good old Larry bring back fond memories?"

Raising her voice "Can't say it does Conner. What's this all about? Who gives a shit about Larry?"

George was starting to connect the dots, as he tried to understand why Helen wouldn't look at him.

I continued "Well Aubrey might. You see Larry died a couple of weeks ago. He was your father Aubrey."

It took a few seconds for that to sink in, but when it did, George blew a gasket.

Screaming at me "NO FUCKING WAY ASSHOLE. SHE IS MY DAUGHTER!"

"How about it Helen? Is Aubrey his daughter?"

I slid the DNA match for Larry+Helen=Aubrey towards Aubrey. Before she could fully digest it, George ripped it from her hands.

Staring daggers at Helen, George fumed "Who the fuck is this Larry guy?"

As Helen cowered in fear, I responded "Helen's lover idiot. She was pissed off at you and went out of her way to get pregnant by another man. You all were members of the same church."

I was concerned for Helen's safety as she sat there weeping, so I extracted the stun gun from my pants pocket. It was just a precaution. George's face couldn't get more red without having a heart attack. Aubrey was stunned. George had sagged onto the end of the bench, facing away from everyone. I put the stun gun away.

"So Aubrey, your days of telling me what a great father George is are over. He's just a clueless cuckold because Helen had an ingrown hair up her ass. This is for you. It's a recording of the interview I did with Larry a few days before he died. He has a really nice daughter who would probably share his medical records with you. As he was your father, his medical issues, are possible yours."

Handing over a thumb drive, with the recording, I got up to leave. Aubrey was glaring at me, but surprisingly quiet. With my hand in my pocket, ready to pull out the stun gun, I backed out of there.

+ + + +

Later that evening I got a text from Aubrey 'Why did you do this?'

'Initially I wanted to know for our children. You don't look like your brother and sister, and having accurate medical history is a necessity. After we split, it became my way to get revenge for how the three of you were treating me.'

'Our children? You wanted to have children with me?''

'Not now, not going to happen. We aren't getting back together. I'm no good for you and you're no good for me. Let's leave it at that.'

'Are you sure?'

'Very. How are your parents?'

'George packed a bag and left. Mom's a basket case. She said to tell you she's sorry. I guess I am too.'

'In that case I guess we can part as friends.'

I waited for several minutes, cell phone in hand, before heading to bed. Her response came during the night and I found it in the morning.

'Being friends is better than nothing. I love you.'

+ + + +

Epilogue:

Helen and George are doing the marriage counseling thing. Maybe she's using the counselor she had lined up for Aubrey and me?

George only tried once to pay me back. That stun gun worked really well, and I had witnesses who told the police officer that I was simply defending myself. I won't live my life looking over my shoulder, but I still carry that stun gun.

My divorce was uncontested. Aubrey and I meet for dinner every once in a while. My desire to jump her bones is strong, but I know that the strings attached aren't worth it. I really don't miss the constant fighting.

Dating started slowly, but I'm enjoying picking up women at Night Moves. I do my best to avoid the married ones.