CeCe's Lullaby

As I walked away from the conversation and moved to the waiting car, my mind once again became confused. For a second, I almost lost the battle with the inner anger and struck out to this man that had helped forge me from a fragile child into what I was today. I did not recognize it then, but this was the first time that the inner beast within would make its appearance. Looking back on it now, I could see that these events would only serve to feed this creature within, to give in to precisely what D was trying to save me from. My immediate aggression and rejection of his counsel would come back and haunt me time and time again. But I was far too young then, unaware of the dangers of life in the Family. While I don't regret it for one second, I wish that I could travel back to that day, to that specific moment in time and tell myself to think for a second. That cooler heads must prevail.

"Are you ready for your first assignment?" Angel had a way of greeting you that left little doubts as to his intent. His normal demeanor was changed, this was not the same man that I had been interacting with during the past months, instead this man was more calloused. Distant. There was that darkness about him that I had seen when he first walked into my life, that thing that drove so much fear into men's hearts.

"I am."

"If you complete this assignment," Angel said as he handed me a folder that contained a few pages, "you will be welcomed into our lines. If you are unwilling or unable to complete the task, then you will know that this type of life is not for you. You will be on your own to make that decision, just like each of our guns is in their own particular assignments. There will be no one to guide your hand, to steady your nerves, or to help you with the aftermath. It will be your weight to carry on your own, CeCe."

As I opened the folder, the picture that stared back at me had a face that was all too familiar. I had grown up calling that face by a title that I now understood he had not earned nor deserved. "This is my father," I replied to the unasked question.

"No," Angel's cold voice replied, "that is just another man that has done terrible things to people under our care. He was given specific instructions, and in his ignorance and arrogance he has failed to follow them. His hubris has condemned him. You have twenty-four hours to complete the assignment." His departing words were cold, delivered with no emotion. The vehicle stopped in front of the building that I had used as a home for the past months.

Silently, I made my way to the room at the end of the hall, my bedroom, as the moans and sounds of carnal pleasure wrapped themselves about the walls surrounding me. The mechanical motions that I followed took me into my bed, I was numb from the request that Angel had given me. Not because of who the person was, but rather what he stood for in my mind. To take this step would be the destruction of my own innocence in more ways than one; Angel had given me that power. I prepared my weapons, these had been a gift from Angel when I had first started my training with D, each slide of the 9mm Berettas carefully oiled and cleaned. The black finish on the weapon itself alluded to the darkness within my own heart, one that was steadily growing with each passing day.

"I knew the moment you walked into his car," my mother interrupted my thoughts, my own quiet and solitary haven. "I knew you would join him, that you would want to be a part of that Family. You never really had one of your own growing up. Are you sure about it?"

"Yes," she was not surprised at my answer, "I honestly did not know what a family was until I was around Angel. Mother, there is something about him, and I have no idea what it may be. I am not scared of him, in fact I look forward to seeing him, day after day."

"I know, child," she replied, opening her arms. I could smell the combined aromas of various colognes, even through the soap that she used to try to wash away the evidence of her new life, my nose was still as sharp as ever. She hugged me tightly, her breathing coming in small, shallow draws. "I wish I could give you all those answers, I really wish I could. But its far too late for me, and for us. When you leave here, today, I won't ever see you again, will I?"

"No, mother," I replied, "if you did, I would not be doing my job correctly."