Cee Lee 01

Cee Lee 01

Hi, I'm Lee and I'm Cee Lee as the weekends come and go. I own an A-Frame cottage house along the Middleton River and I'm really happy with the upper floor loft style bedroom area, but a typical A-Frame house has many limitations beyond that, like abundant storage space. I mean, I enjoy my loft view as I stand at the loft railing and gaze out and down at my kingdom below, but trying to hang a hanger on all that empty space that is only filled with air and the hanger just drifts down to the kingdom floor.

But even though it definitely says "river cottage house", it also says that I live on the riverbanks, so I make the best of things. Oh, yeah, it also says that I should invest in a glass window company, I mean, wow, right?

Anyways, what about me, right? I don't know. I mean, makeup, hair, clothes and a smaller sized body, right? I suppose that I have been at it long enough to be able to present myself as someone who could fit in with most situations, just as long as the situation is more on the casual side. I just do better with leisure clothing than dresses, so ask me out to the coffee shop for sure, but let's not have dinner at the fancy restaurant on the north side of the river, alright?

And as far as my renegades go, well, I have a few. I mean, I have a lot more followers on Chang because of my cover photo, but I still have a few friends who will engage with me from time to time and I have a girlfriend. I mean, she lives in Hollywood and she's just my TV girlfriend, but I'm faithful to her as Lee. I mean, Cee Lee thinks she's just another Hollywood bitch who is trying to disrupt my happy home life with her flashy Hollywood style, but the geological distance between the three us is so great that I don't worry about too much.

Anyways, I do go out as Cee Lee. I mean, I have my moments as Cee Lee, just the same as anyone else who uses makeup and hair to have a moment or two, but I keep things under control. I suppose my average time in any given place is 30 minutes or so. I mean, wearing out your welcome is never the best policy, so I keep my eye on things and I know when to leave. But with the proper engagement and with the right circumstances, I will stay longer, which usually only happens at the coffee shop, but I will take what I can get when I can get it. And like many others, LOL, I take the free Wi-Fi.

I guess I have a boyfriend at the coffee shop too. Not a literal boyfriend mind you, but rather just one of those work place boyfriends. Pete just pays me extra attention and usually has my half cup of java ready before I can turn off the engine of my SUV. Now Pete wants to pay a lot more "extra" attention to me for sure, but we seem to have found a balanced middle ground and for the most part, we're just a coffee shop couple, I guess.

I mean, we have spent a little time together outside of the coffee shop, but those times had a purpose behind them, like the time he came over to my A-Frame house to give me advice on how to replace the original outdoor spotlights under the ceiling overhang with fancy ass and dimmable track lighting from the Electric Shop and then like another time when Pete came over to suggest a more modern lighting system to the interior big wooden beam thingy's that hold up the cathedral ceiling on the inside too. Also, Pete has a brother who works at the Electric Shop, but the end results are pretty cool. And Pete only dimmed the light once to show me how things work, LOL, even though I already knew how a few things worked because I am a guy under all this.

Oh, and I had a party once. It was a house warming party just last year just after I got settled into my new A-Frame and it was a killer. And I know it was a killer party because 90% of the guests kept saying over and over "kill me now", but they didn't leave until the beer was gone and all, so. I mean, assuming that was normal mixer behavior that everyone else experiences, my advice is to buy more beer.

Anyways, having learned how to pull off a better mixer, I considered having another one. I mean, I had the "open space" house and a backyard that led to your doom if you didn't watch your step as you went down towards the riverbanks, so I decided to enlist the help of another work place friend, Hillary at the ice cream parlor. I mean, Hillary is popular and knows things, so I recently spent a few minutes in her shop getting a feel for what party themes are trending.

"Well, Cee Lee, it can't be a "rebound" party because you and Pete seem to be going strong. I mean, he still comes over to dim your lights, right? I mean, the word on the strip mall street is that the two of you were actually both barefoot the last time and all, so."

"Well, it was a warm evening and all, but let's get back on track, Hillary."

"Alright, well, guys like game watch parties and some of the girls might get a kick of a Fortune Teller party and from what I hear on the strip sidewalk, LOL, the guys will also get a kick out of how Ericka the Psychic tells their fortunes once the curtains are drawn on her little fortune telling tent."

"Well, Ericka is your cousin and all, so you should know. Anyways, does Ericka the Fraud bring her own fancy little popup tent?"

"Oh, Ericka brings what she needs, alright, but maybe a party on the lower key side will work for you, like a sports jersey crochet party or something. And by the way, you can't just stop into my work for a cup of soft serve and a little girl talk without going all the way, Cee Lee, so are you and Pete actually doing stuff on the side or not? I mean, besides playing footsies and all."

"Well, anyways, I think I should have a Fortune Teller and pizza party and I live on the river, so, so maybe Pete and I have been in one situation where there were less clothes than two people would wear to a mall or something, but that's all, Hillary."

"Hmmm, it sounds like one time actually means at least two times, but I'm not judging, Cee Lee. Um, alright, I'll get a feel for things about a Fortune Teller and pizza party, but you know, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, we'll label it as your party so people actually consider it, but I'm going to the costume store to find me a suitable psychic costume to wear and all, so."

"Fine, just make sure it's more of a psychic assistant costume as to not show up Ericka and I'll have Vic take care of the beer because there is a big difference between six kegs and a six pack (idiot). But you'll still have to find something on the flat screen for the guys to watch, which, as I hear myself say that, I guess I should have Vic take care of that too."

Well, I could have found something for the guys to watch on TV, I mean, just search the menu for Super Hero or Sports and the choices go on literally forever, right? But Hillary already assigned that task to Vic, so no going back now. Besides, I needed the extra time to find the perfect Fortune Teller assistant costume.

"Well, we have a "I dream of Jeannie" costume, but I must say that it's quite sheer and it's wonderful at highlighting a woman's assets for an evening of costume fun, but um, well, we should find a waist wrap, for you right? Well, wait, listen, ah, Cee Lee, um, I don't know what the hell, but how about a nice Lara Croft costume with fancy eyes and you can role play the Fortune Teller's savior from the crocodiles or something? I mean, it has a great tank top to show off your fem shoulders and her shorts, right? (With another pair of shorts over them, of course.)"

"Well, I never wanted to be a Genie anyways and Hillary pushed me into it and all, so. But the jeweled veils are really nice."

"And you can buy three translucent veils if you want to, but let's just save all this sheer skin flashing for someone else, alright Cee Lee?"

"Well, if I'm going to wrestle with crocodiles and all, maybe I should have two bicep bands and one leg band on my right leg and all, so."

"Sold."

I mean, it was always my idea to wear a nice tank top anyways folks, so.

"There you go, Cee Lee. Your Lara Croft costume is all bagged up and ready to go. So, did you want to personally take Brie's "I dream of Jeannie" costume to drop off so he can deliver the pizza to your place or should I just have it delivered to the Pizza Shop?"

Well, Brie has been flashing skin, sheer or not, for a long time and all, so. But I didn't have time to screw around with driving up and down Main Street picking up this and dropping off that because I had to spread the word that my second killer party is a go.

"Damn, Cee Lee! Did you show this costume to your coffee shop boyfriend, Pete? I mean, damn, he would like this."

"Never mind all that Suzie and just keep the costume safe behind the Pizza Shop counter for Brie. And tell him that he can't wear it until tomorrow night when he delivers all of the pizzas to my next killer party and all, so. I mean, you could stop by too, you know, Suzie."

Yeah, I know the Pizza Shop is open to 1am and all, but sometimes someone gets to go home early and all, so it didn't seem to hurt to just throw that out there. I mean, how can I have a killer party where the chant is "kill me now" if the mixer isn't packed with people, right?

Also, someone should put up a sign that says killer parties that start at 8pm require activity that starts well before 8pm!

"Vic, thanks for texting me before you stopped by or you would have caught me in quite a different fashion. Anyways, what's that? It's cute."

"It's the quarter keg and I'm putting it in a barrel of ice for tonight and trust me, this will be more than enough beer for your killer party. And your coffee shop boyfriend Pete might be on his way over to help me set up Ericka's popup tent and all, so."

"So? What does "so" mean, Vic? I mean, I say that all the time as a shy way to end a sentence, but what does it mean when you say it, Vic?"

"It just means, so, don't let me catch you saying "hello" to Pete if he does show up, that's all."

"We don't have sex, Vic! I mean, damn it, Vic, is that what's on the streets?"

"Well, Cee Lee, I mean, you have a few certain nice features and given how people like to talk and all, so. Also, um, just what different manner of dress would I have caught you in if this is how you answered the door with an advance text?"

"Well, that's my bad, Vic, but sometimes I forget what house shorts I'm wearing and I don't get a lot of visitors and all, so. Anyways, fine, I'm less than appropriately dressed right now, but let's move on and tell me, um, tell me something that I need to know to make my mixer tonight something special."

"No, no, you do you, Cee Lee and let everything else fall into place. But you do know that now that you have expanded further away from your original nerd crew and into the strip mall circle of friends, well, some of the girls who will be here won't be wearing their uniforms and aprons, right?"

"Well, I didn't really think about that, Vic."

"Look, Cee Lee, all I'm saying is that girls in party clothes have a habit of attracting attention and if Pete gets any ideas and if you're not the center of attention because there are six pairs of boobs taking all the attention, well, one of these days, Pete is going to want a little more attention from you, that's all."

"Well, I didn't really think about all that either, Vic, but you just heard me say that we don't have sex, right?"

"Hmmm, it's none of my business."

"Fine, Vic, there has been a little contact between Pete and myself, but that's all."

"Hmmm, I'll get this quarter keg on ice then."

"Anyways, I just texted Pete and told him that you don't need any help with Ericka's psychic psycho popup tent and all, so."

Well, sex is clearly defined on Wikipedia and all, so there is no "hmmm" applicable here.

Anyways, huh, Ericka's fancy popup tent just pops up! I mean, LOL, she spent 30 minutes hanging the side walls and tapestry rugs and all, but it was pretty quick.

"Cee Lee, I need a power cord."

"Ericka! I promise, I have never been on my knees for Pete!"

"Well, I only asked for a power cord, but that's cool too, I guess. I mean, the Tarot cards beg to differ, but OK, Cee Lee."

"Well, I misheard you, that's all, Ericka. I mean, all day long people have been giving me the "hmmm" and all, so."

"Oh, you mean Vic? The guy who might be jealous that Pete's splitting your bare buns and not him?"

"Well, what else do you need to pull off your fraud readings anyways?"

"Well, if you're just going to rummage through my bag like that and read the packaging labels, then I need you just shut it that I have fake adhesive areolas and nipples. I mean, mother nature kind of washed me out in that department and it doesn't do much when I wear a sheer top and all, so."

"But these have, holes, and um, these just pop right on top of???"

"Nipples are not my problem, Cee Lee, it's just a color wash out thing, so you keep my secret and I'll keep your secret that you're probably going to wear the set pair that you just snatched out of my bag tonight, OK? Mm-mmm?"

"Well, I like it when things are a tie anyways, but the link and all, right?"

Oh, they were Hollywood cool as hell! I mean, if someone had a need for them and all.

"Alright Cee Lee, things are getting under way, so just remember that you're not charging a quarter for a beer, it's a quarter keg and all, so."

"Well, Hillary, you look nice in your street clothes and all, I mean, of course, I knew that you had other clothes and all because I know and think about everything, but you look nice.

"And you look pretty nice as Lara Croft, crocodile killer and jungle adventurer who is throwing a killer Fortune Teller and game watch party, so. Although, um, I must say, hmmm, your nipples appear to be quite "pronounced" under your costume tank top tonight, but I'm still just learning things about you and all, so."

"Oh, well, I was searching around in the refrigerator for more chip dip and all, so."

"Hmmm, be sure to greet Pete properly, Cee Lee."

I mean, all of you people heard me, right? I just said it a few minutes ago. There is absolutely no need for "hmmm" tonight and all, so.

"OMG, Pete, we have been found out! Everyone seems to know a little about almost everything!"

"Well, I blame that butthead blogger "notceelee019" who keeps a running tab on every time we dim the lights together, Cee Lee! I mean, have you looked around your house for spy cameras?"

"I mean, well, don't even think about beating up that blogger because people have the right to post things on Chang and all, so. I mean, did you want to test out your spy camera theory by kissing me right here in open of my A-Frame? I mean, like a quick lip peck or something, Pete?"

"(Mwah), I mean, couldn't you have bought a house with a wall or two in it, Cee Lee?"

Oh, so you just ask or suggest something and it works sometimes, huh?

"LOL, wow Pete, I wonder if you're the first person to ever finger bang an elastic leg band that's part of a costume? Anyways, don't be so horny tonight. I mean, this party is killer and neither of us need that freaking blogger spreading around that you'll bang any part of me and all, so."

"Well, Ericka the Psychic Psycho foreseen us trading quick kisses tonight and all, Cee Lee, so."

"Oh, she did, did she? LOL, and I suppose my return kiss was just a bit more south, right Pete? Let me tend to my killer guests for a while, Pete."

Well, yeah, of course Ericka the Wicked would foresee something like that, right?

"Well, fine, Cee Lee, but what's going on under your jungle adventurer tank top? I mean, do you have a chest medical condition that I should inspect? Closely? With my lips?"

Oh, so "pronounced" nipples do work then, I guess. LOL, silicone with an adhesive backing or not.

"Vic, did you guys find something to watch on the flat screen? And weren't there more guys here just a few moments ago?"

"I found a game, Cee Lee and Ericka the Psychic Psycho sent a group text of a two for a half off sale, so."

"Well, the quarter beer pump thingy needs pumping then, Vic."

"Well, just give an awkward hand job then, Cee Lee."

"Well, I thought we could do that together, Vic."

Oh, so that's how you get a guy to put his empty red plastic cup down and turn away from the game then, huh?

"Vic, I'm trying to have a killer party and I have enough other things going and if you're pissed off about something or the lack of something, well, I have enough going-on and all, so, stop pouting."

"You know nothing, Cee Lee."

"I know that Ericka the Psychic Psycho has foreseen that you want me naked, face down on my bed and with your big fat cock sawing me in half and all, so?"

"Well, did Ericka the Psychic Psycho turn a Tarot card over that implied that you're whimpering and all?"

"Three cards, Vic, the card of tears from how big and fat your cock is between my bare buns, the card of whispering submission for all the whimpering I would do and the card of reach for how you'll have to flip me on my side to get all up in my thigh and finish yourself off without banging your tip against the bed, Vic, three Tarot cards have foreseen the future, Vic."

"Well, I guess there's a good reason why Ericka the Psychic Psycho has been in business for almost two years now then, so."

"So, I just pump the little red handle like this then, Vic?"

"Oh, well, you know, you should make the noise and all, so."

"Like swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, squirt, squirt, do me, do me, ooh, ooh, ooh."

Yep, that all worked. Vic calmed down about things, I mean, after he got even more worked up about things, but he calmed down and well, I think the SOB went to stand in line for Ericka the Psychic Psycho's half off sale, but that was none of my business, I suppose. Also, huh, as the other guys came back to the TV, right? All of them were happy little campers, LOL, except for those who couldn't have their fortunes read by Ericka the Psychic Psycho because their girlfriends were at the party, oops, the killer party too!

And then things turned south, for me anyways. Again, A-Frame houses don't have a lot of interior walls or nooks and crannies to hide behind and stuff. Also, I mean, I shut the main floor bedroom door before the party got started. I know I did.

"Oops, ah, Hillary???"

"Oops, sorry Cee Lee, but um, spare bedrooms are fair game if you don't make an announcement in advance. That's just a killer house party rule and all, so are you mad or jealous?"

Well, someone should put up a sign or something. And then someone should put up a sign that tells one how to respond to that without sounding like a stick in the mud or something. No, seriously, someone needs to put up a sign and be quick about it!

"Um, um, um, um, but Dave's a dickhead!"

"Dave is not a dickhead, but Dave has a decent dickhead and what I did with Dave in your undeclared safe zone bedroom is none of your business, Cee Lee, so?"

"Um, um, um, Hillary, um, um, but Hillary, you serve me my soft serve and all."

"And when you come back into the shop in a couple days, you'll get the same five swirls of chocolate soft serve, the same three circles of whipped cream and the same helping of sprinkles from my talented hands, so?"

"Um, um, um."

"Sorry Cee Lee, but I already won, so the only question that remains is are you mad or jealous that someone had real sex, that would be support by a Wikipedia definition, in your house before you did? Mm-mmm?"

Seriously, a sign or an instructional manual would be nice!

End Cee Lee 01