Changes Ch. 05

"She's absolutely adorable," Heather whispered to Vanessa and got a heartbreakingly beautiful smile in return. One that was so similar to the smile Jules had just given her.

They all finished their brownies and Jules offered to go put the dishes in the washer. She came back and squeezed herself in between Vanessa and Heather and picked up the remote.

"Some TV before bed?" she asked beseechingly.

Vanessa chuckled, "Sure honey. Whatever you want to watch."

She snuggled and Vanessa reached behind the couch and drew out the blanket she kept there before throwing it over all three of them. They sat in silence watching a cartoon channel. Jules squirmed around till she got comfortable, her head resting on Heather's side. She looked up at her and said softly, "Thank you for the brownies. They were the best."

"I'm glad you liked them. I'll make some for you whenever you want," Heather whispered back.

"Really?" Jules gave her the Vanessa smile before squealing in delight.

Vanessa was obviously aware of this conversation, but she pretended to be engrossed in the cartoon, giving these two their moment.

Ten minutes later Jules was dozing on the couch and Vanessa said. "Jules, sweety, c'mon, let's get you to bed."

Jules obediently got off the couch, gave Heather a hug and a peck on the cheek said good night before walking up the stairs with her mum.

Vanessa was back in a few minutes. She sat down next to Heather, put the blanket over them before saying, "She likes you. She doesn't like many people."

"She's adorable. And she's so smart. It's sometimes difficult to believe she's four."

"I feel so guilty sometimes. She has to grow up knowing her mum and dad don't live together. That she can't spend time with them together." Vanessa was quiet for a moment. "We tried you know. We really did." She shook her head, "It was just too much. It wasn't working."

Heather put her hand on Vanessa's shoulder, "Hey. If you're happy, you can make Jules happy. You need to ensure that you're in a good place to know you can bring her up well. And you did exactly that. Jules is smart, I'm sure she will know you did the right thing when she is old enough to understand."

Vanessa nodded. "The other day she asked me if I miss Joe. I didn't know how to answer that." She sighed. "It's been a year and a half since we separated. I wonder if she remembers us living together. She was just three."

They had assumed their regular position on the couch. Vanessa's head was resting on Heather's shoulder, her thigh half on Heather's, their fingers entwined.

"You're still in these clothes. Go change woman!"

Heather gladly complied. She quickly changed into her shorts and tank top, leaving her bra and panties off. They were past all that, having spent all of last Sunday in their night clothes. The air in the living room was chilly and she felt her nipples tighten as she walked to the couch.

"C'mon, get in here," Vanessa held the blanket up for Heather. "You look like you're cold!"

Heather got in and scooted till she was touching Vanessa like before. They sat comfortably, watching a movie on TV. Heather was hyper aware of Vanessa's thighs against hers but she wasn't going to let it mess with her. She leaned into Vanessa's frame, resting her head on Vanessa's shoulder. Vanessa turned and kissed the side of Heather's head like it was the most normal thing. Heather sighed and continued watching the movie.

The next thing she knew, there was a warm breath in her ear, whispering something. It sent a shiver through her as she woke up and her eyes were barely an inch from Vanessa's. Her breath hitched as she looked into the brown eyes, unable to tear her gaze away. Vanessa said something, Heather saw her lips move but she wasn't listening. The brown eyes had captivated her. She saw Vanessa smile and lean in. She felt a soft kiss on her nose followed by one on her forehead. This seemed to break the spell and she caught and made sense of what Vanessa was saying.

"You're adorable when you're half asleep," she chuckled. "C'mon, bed time sleepyhead."

"I guess I dozed off, sorry."

Vanessa chuckled again. "It's not even midnight on a Saturday night, honey. You're just a sleepyhead," Vanessa teased.

Heather frowned, "Can't blame me, I've been up since five in the fucking morning."

"What were you doing up at 5? Bad dreams?"

Heather didn't know how to respond to that. So she kept quiet.

"Heather," Vanessa said, growing serious. "I won't pry. But please, and I can't stress this enough. Please know that I'm here if there's anything you want to talk about."

Heather knew Vanessa meant well. But she also knew it wasn't true. She wanted it to be. What would happen if she told Vanessa? If she told her she'd had a dream and Vanessa was in it, spooning her, very much like the other night. Except here she was wreaking havoc playing with her nipples and driving her crazy. Just the thought was arousing. She'd tried her best to keep it out of her head all day. Now was not the time to let it take over.

"Heather? Where'd you go?" Vanessa was looking at her with squinty eyes.

"Sorry. I know I can talk to you." She smiled, as she looked up at Vanessa, letting her know she was fine. But Vanessa wasn't convinced and continued to look at her, concerned.

She sighed. "Look I know we work together, that I'm your boss. I promise you, no matter what you say, it won't affect our professional relationship."

Heather laughed. She surprised both herself and Vanessa. "Like that's possible. This thing, our equation will spill into our work life, whether we like it or not. And yes, you're my boss. I'm sorry. There are certain boundaries I cannot cross without risking my job."

"You think I'd fire you based on something you say?" Vanessa asked softly, the hurt obvious in her voice.

Heather looked at her apologetically. "I didn't mean that. I meant, it may make it very difficult to maintain a professional equation if we don't have boundaries in our... friendship."

Vanessa looked hurt, but she nodded. "So, I don't get our confidence as a friend because I'm your boss," she stated. "I understand, there is a power imbalance. I think I can fix it." She smiled as she jumped off the sofa, startling Heather.

"You up for some wine?"

"How is that going to fix anything?" Heather asked, skeptical.

"Trust me. I know exactly what we can do." She looked excited, like a Jules ready to build a fort. She emerged from the kitchen, a bottle of wine and two glasses in her hands. "Let's go upstairs. We can chill in my room."

Heather followed her without protest, but she wasn't sure where this was going.

Vanessa's room was lovely and very spacious. "Wow," Heather exclaimed. "Your room is lovely. How do you manage to wake up and get out of bed?"

"You haven't seen my room before?" Vanessa asked without thinking and she blushed as she quite evidently remembered that they'd slept in the guest room last time. "Oh yea, we were in the guest room the other night."

Vanessa chose a spot on the floor and placed the wine glasses and bottle there before pulling out several floor cushions and a couple of pillows for them to sit on. They settled themselves facing each other, Heather leaning against the wall and heather against the solid frame of the bed, each nursing a glass of wine.

"So, what is your genius plan?" Heather asked, teasing.

"We're going to play a game of truth. You can ask me anything and I will answer honestly."

"What?" Heather wasn't sure she'd understood correctly. How would this help.

"Don't you see? I'm going to bare my secrets to prove that it won't affect us professionally. That I can continue to be a good boss despite you knowing quite a few embarrassing things about me. Isn't it genius?"

"So I don't have to answer anything?"

"Nope."

"Hmm, this should be fun," Heather said with a mischievous sparkle, making Vanessa laugh.

She took a giant sip of her wine before saying, "Go on then, ask me anything."

"What did you want to be when you were a kid?"

"Oh wow, lots of things! I wanted to be a scientist at some point. Made my mum buy me a set of test tubes and a microscope. I used to mix all sorts of things in those tubes, pretending to conduct experiments. I also wanted to be pianist. Took me more than a few lessons to realize I was beyond bad."

Heather chuckled. "A pianist? Really? I wanted to be an artist, made my mum buy me an easel and all sorts of art supplies."

"Uh uhn. You don't have to say anything! That's the point of the game!"

"Oh yea. Okay." Heather thought before asking her next question. She wanted to ease into it. "Where did you grow up?"

"In this town. A short drive from here. My sister still lives in my parents' house. I moved out when I went to college."

"Wow, you've lived here your whole life." Heather said before draining her glass and handing it to Vanessa for a refill.

"Yes, this is home. Except for the one year in Italy, I've not been away for more than a month at a time."

Heather's glass had been filled way up. "Are you trying to get me drunk?"

"Yes," Vanessa replied without hesitation and laughed at the rather taken aback Heather. "This is a game of truth. Can't lie now, can I?"

"Why are you trying to get me drunk?"

"So you have no trouble asking me anything you want to. Seems to be working," Vanessa grinned.

Heather nodded. "Why didn't you come to office the last couple of days?"

"I was making plans for Jules' birthday with Joe. He's not in town for the next couple of weeks so that was the only time we would have." She paused and with a teasing lilt, "Did you miss me?"

"I don't have to answer that," Heather said looking straight into her eyes. She patted the ground next to her, not breaking eye contact. Indicating the Vanessa should come sit next to her. Vanessa obeyed, settling down next to Heather, spreading the blanket over them. Their feet were touching and their hips were flush with each other. Every time Heather took a sip of wine, her arm brushed Vanessa's. They enjoyed the closeness and sat in silence before Heather asked her next question.

"Who was your first kiss?"

Vanessa laughed, "I see we've finally reached the business end of this game. Let me see, my first real kiss was when I was fifteen. I'm not counting the awkward pecks before that. This was my first toe curling, intense kiss." Vanessa was quiet, lost in the memory.

"Well, who was it with?"

"Gia. Gia Henderson. God she was beautiful. I haven't thought about her in years."

"Your first kiss was with a woman?" Heather asked incredulously.

"Well, a girl. She was fifteen too." Vanessa studied Heather for a second before asking in a serious tone, "Is that a problem?"

"Huh? No! Oh God no! I was just surprised. "It's not a problem Vanessa."

"Ok good."

Heather was quiet for a few seconds, her heart racing. What should she asked next? She wanted to know, but wouldn't that be inappropriate?"

Vanessa playfully poked Heather's side, "Don't be shy Heather. You can ask me anything."

"So, you uhh, you like women? As in like like women?"

Vanessa laughed. "That's how a four year old would ask it." She chuckled, before answering. "Yes. I am attracted to women. And men. The gender of the person isn't a criteria really."

"So you're bisexual."

"If that's what you want to call it."

Heather nodded, understanding what Vanessa meant. "Have you ever been in love with a woman?"

"Just the one. Miah. God, it sometimes still hurts to think about it."

"Hey, then you don't need to say anything. I'm sorry," Heather looked concerned as she reached out for Vanessa's hand.

Vanessa brought Heather's hand to her lips and gave it a little kiss. "No, I do. This was ages ago. Remember I told you I was in Italy for a year?"

"Yea."

"I met Miah there. She's Massimo's sister. We were together for almost a year and I was madly in love with her. We couldn't keep our hands off of each other," Vanessa chuckled. "God it feels like a different life." Vanessa was quiet for a moment. "She was sick. And she didn't tell me. She broke up with me, pushed me away. I couldn't change her mind, so I came back here. Heartbroken. Six months later she was dead."

Heather put down her glass of wine, turned towards Vanessa and forced her to meet her eyes. She moved closer, and wrapped her arms around Vanessa's middle, drawing her in. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

Vanessa chuckled, "It's been almost 15 years honey. I've worked through it. It's just that I didn't get to be with her till the end. She didn't tell me. I didn't get closure, you know."

"I can't imagine what it must have been like. I've never lost a loved one."

"I was a wreck. I went for her funeral you know. And I stayed in our room while I was there. It was the worst. My first heartbreak." She was quiet for a moment. "She'll always be a part of me, you know. I discovered so much about myself through her. Even after she was gone." Vanessa took a deep breath and gave Heather a squeeze, as if to tell her she was fine. "Those were some of the happiest days of my life. That picture of me in a field that you saw; she clicked it. I'll never forget that day."

They sat, holding each other, both lost in their own thoughts, occasionally taking a sip of wine.

"Are you falling asleep?" Vanessa asked after a few minutes.

"Not even a little." Heather looked up, Vanessa's eyes were sad. "I have an idea."

"What is it?" Vanessa asked, draining her glass.

"You get to ask me a few questions too," Heather grinned.

"No Heather, you don't have to do that. Plus, I'm sure you aren't done asking me questions, are you?"

"We can continue with me later. But, for now, I want you to ask me something."

Vanessa laughed. "Alright, but I'm warning you, I'm gonna play dirty. But first, let me get some more wine."

She was back a minute later with a fresh bottle of wine and she refreshed both their glasses.

"So, you ready? Remember, you have to be honest, okay?

Heather nodded, suddenly nervous about what Vanessa would ask. A big sip of wine should help, she thought.

"Who is the one person who is most important to you?"

"That's easy. My mum. As long as I have her, I know, no matter what, there is someone who will stand by me. She's my pillar."

Vanessa smiled. "I must meet her one day." She took another sip of wine. "Alright, next question. Do you, hmm, let me see. Do you have a crush on someone at the moment?"

Heather was quick to respond. "No, I don't really do crushes."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think I've ever had a crush on someone, you know, superficially. I need to get to know the person, spend time with him, talk. I only feel physically attracted to a person once I get to know them, you know. Only if we connect on some level. And that doesn't happen to me much."

Vanessa nodded, "I understand. I'm a lot like that too, I guess. Hence, the gender of the person doesn't matter. It's the connection." She looked into Heather's eyes as she said this. "So, how many people have you connected with on that level?"

"A few. Most of them are my friends, people I connected with in school and college. All girls, so they're close friends. The other one is Adam. My ex. We connected on that level."

Vanessa looked at her closely. "Okay. I get it. Is he the only person you've been with?"

"He's the only one I've loved. But, no. I've been physical with other guys. I prefer a single partner though." She paused, but continued without hesitating, "Physical intimacy is so much more...how do I say it? So much more satisfying, I guess, if I have a meaningful relationship with the person. Know what I mean?"

Vanessa nodded her agreement, "Yea, I hear ya."

"Wow, I said all that and I'm not embarrassed! This wine is working its magic!" Heather said, laughing.

"Oh I'm not done with you yet."

"Ask away, my friend!"

"Since the wine is working, this might be the right time to ask this question."

Heather stopped midway through a sip. "Oh god. What is it?"

"Have you really, never been intimate with a woman?"

Heather wasn't surprised. She knew this would come up. She was calm when she answered. "I really haven't."

"No experimenting in college? With your roommate, a friend?"

"I really had not even considered it. I was very much in my bubble. I don't know, in my head there wasn't really an option, you know? I mean, I liked guys, and that was that. Liking girls in that way just didn't occur to me."

"So you've never even kissed a woman. That's rare, I think."

"I haven't," Heather said and then she hesitated, "Unless," she looked away, shaking her head. "I haven't."

"Hang on! What was that? C'mon! You have to be honest, remember?"

Heather had her guards up. "It's nothing, Vanessa," she said more sternly than she meant to. "I already answered your question."

"Oh don't be shy Heather! Go on"

Heather was quick to interrupt. "There's nothing more to say Vanessa!"

Vanessa was visibly taken aback, and she just nodded, not saying anything. This time the stretching silence was awkward, tense even.

After a couple of minutes, Vanessa suggested they retire for the night and Heather agreed. They said goodnight and Heather made her way to the guest room. She got into bed but sleep was the last thing on her mind. It was embarrassing how she'd dealt with the question. It wasn't fair to Vanessa, she was just playing. Heather tossed and turned for some time. It would have been best to be honest. Why had she hesitated? God she'd been so defensive. And rude. She wanted to apologize and she couldn't wait till morning.

Heather got out of bed and walked to Vanessa's room. The knocked lightly and waited for a second.

"You can come in, Heather."

Heather opened the door and walked in. Vanessa was sitting up in bed, her bedside lamp on. The rest of the room was dark. Heather closed the door behind her and walked up to the bed. She couldn't read the expression on Vanessa's face.

"I'm sorry," she said in a soft voice, looking down at her feet.

"Heather?" Vanessa said, getting her attention. She patted the space on the bed next to her, indicating that she should sit.

Heather sat down next to Vanessa. "Look, Vanessa, I know I messed up. I shouldn't have been short with you. I'm sorry. I..."

Vanessa interrupted her. "It's alright Heather. I didn't mean to push you. And I definitely didn't mean to touch a nerve. You don't have to apologize, really."

"No, I do. And if you have a minute, I will answer your question honestly."

"Heather, honey. It's okay. I don't want you to do or say anything that you're not comfortable with."

"Vanessa, I've made up my mind. Will you please hear me out?" Heather was determined.

"Yes. Yes, I will." Vanessa, sat up and hugged her knees to her chest. Looking at Heather, expectantly.

"I wasn't lying. I have never kissed a woman in my life." She took a deep breath, as if gathering the nerve to carry on. "Unless," Heather looked down at the bed as she continued, "Unless you count the time you kissed me. Last weekend."

There was no audible reaction from Vanessa. Heather's heart was racing and she couldn't look up at her. After what seemed like eternity but couldn't have been more than a few seconds. Vanessa spoke.

"Oh honey. Heather, look at me." Heather forced herself to meet Vanessa's eyes. She was smiling and that sort of reassured Heather.

"That wasn't the kind of kiss I was talking about. Don't get me wrong, it was wonderful. But it was the kind of kiss you'd share with a friend, you know." She moved closer to Heather, looking right into her eyes, before adding in a rather throaty voice, "If I kissed kissed you, trust me, you'd have no doubt about counting it."

Heather was shocked. The fire in Vanessa's eyes as she said that was wild. She couldn't look away. She couldn't even breathe. It was all she could do to get drawn into that fire.