Changing my Attitude Ch. 01

I had been so narrow and close-minded. I had taken what was passed off as Biblical teaching as an absolute - and it wasn't there. Was my friend Erin okay with "self-pleasure". Was I truly turning into a old maid by not being open to myself and my body.

There in the restroom of the Seattle Public Library I spread my legs and took a selfie picture of my female organ. I knew so little about my own body. Yes, I had allowed Ryan to penetrate me (outside of marriage actually) - that was more of a sin that Erin self-pleasuring herself.

And, maybe the most significant thought of the day. Maybe, just maybe my upbringing was wrong about two women falling in love with each other.

I left the library and headed more or less home. I was getting tired, hungry and now the rain was a little steadier. I kept walking, and walking, and crying and crying.

I asked myself "What have I done?"

About 6:25 p.m. or about seven and one-half hours since I left Erin's apartment I was finally on the street where I live and opened the outside door and headed up the stairs to my apartment on second floor. Planted firmly on the floor in front of my door was Erin. The first thing I noticed in my normally beautiful friend had red eyes from crying. My guess was that my eyes were probably red too, but even I had avoided looking in the mirror in the restroom at the library.

I started to say "What are you doing here?" But only got the 'what' out when Erin come to me without saying anything and crying and we fell into a deep and long lasting hug. She patted my back and I hers.

Finally, I pushed away and found my apartment key and opened the door and motioned for her to come in with me. I took off my soaking rain coat and my soaking jeans, socks and boots. My feet were so cold and my legs as well.

Erin was drier, but I'm guessing she was smart and took the train or a bus to get to my apartment. She took off her coat and again, pulled me to her.

"Excuse me for a minute, I need to put on some warm clothes." I went into my bedroom and picked out some new, dry jeans, a heavy, dry sweatshirt, heavy dry socks and my bunny slippers and returned to sit next to Erin on my sofa. Again, no words for a long period of time.

Then Erin cleared her throat and said "I'm so sorry I hurt you and offended you. If you want me out of your life, just say so, and I'll be gone." She paused and added in a low voice "Do you know that I love you?"

I don't know how the words formed in my mouth, as they weren't there a minute ago. "I love you too, so very much".

We hugged again, but this time, the hug was accented by a sensuous lip-to-lip kiss.

I was becoming awake and warm. Deep inside my body (that I knew almost nothing about), my vagina was becoming wet.

Erin sensed that and closed it down immediately. "No, not tonight" and pushed me away from our kiss and our hug. She put her index figure beside her lips to say "no talking".

Erin stood up, kissed me firmly on my forehead and said "I love you; but we need to go slowly and think what we are doing."

To be continued