Chapter 20: Discipline

She could. Vividly.

"So I play my part and stay their hand where I can. Like with you."

"I'm surprised they even allow you to visit," she said.

"You're the wife of a prince and therefore, legally, they can make no impediment to the production of possible heirs. Though, I know they are secretly hoping it will leave you sterile," he said it so matter-of-factly for something so awful.

"Can they ever do something for a reason that isn't horrible?"

A smirk spread across Rivuk's lips. He kissed the top of her head. "No. But I can." He lay her back on the floor and entered her, her body resting between his arms.

Lindsay gasped. It always felt so good! She spread her legs wider, her sore hands dancing about his shoulders, up his neck, into his black hair as his thrusts began. Her eyes were glossy with passion as she let her body move and twist beneath him. She could feel the tension building. Rivuk began kissing her neck, she twisted her head so his lips could climb all the way up the underside of her jaw.

"You are my queen," he whispered, taking her earlobe in his teeth and tugging it slightly.

"Mmm... I thought I was your princess." She smiled contentedly as her shoulders arched. It hurt, but she could take it for this moment she'd wanted so badly.

"That would be a demotion. You are the Queen of the Bonat, and I am your servant."

"No..." she moaned. "No, you're my husband."

His hips raced as his lips covered every inch of her neck and face with kisses.

"OH! OH! OHHHHH!" she screamed. The guards could die in a ditch, she was going to scream. She gripped Rivuk's back for dear life as her body arched and jerked. "RIVUK! RIVUK! DON'T STOP! MAKE ME CUM!"

It was like her mind exploded in bright lights. They weren't two in a mental room anymore, their hearts were one. She felt her body shaking as her eyes rolled back, howls escaping her throat. She came with a wild cry. But he pushed on. Her body felt like it was not her own as it quaked and contorted and came for him again.

Finally, the warmth inside her. She lay splayed out beneath him, their ragged breaths synching together as he lay on her chest, the blanket of his wings covering them.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I know," she said, running her hands across his smooth back.

"I want you to remember it. Whatever Boz does to you, remember I love you." There was an urgency in his voice.

"I'm not sure he could do much worse than today."

"Never doubt him. He's got something planned, something he thinks will turn me from you. I don't know what that could be, but remember, no matter what, I love you."

"I love you, too," she said.

"Promise me, you'll remember."

Whatever it was, he was really scared. But what more could Boz really do without doing her long-term physical harm? She already knew he couldn't rape her; she'd just laugh at him if he tried, and his ego would never allow him to use an object. Still, she had to calm Rivuk. He didn't know what she did about men like Boz. "I promise." She kissed him. "I promise."

* * *

It had been days since Lindsay had last been tortured. Long, lonely days. Something had changed. Carak wasn't coming around anymore and Rivuk's visits had shrunk from three hours to only half of one.

It was probably that stupid plan of Boz's. Make her feel isolated. Drive her crazy staring at the four bloody, white walls all day, playing mancala by herself with the hand drawn board under her mattress and working out as best she could in the small space.

Then, almost two skell in, she was woken up by pounding on the door. Oh, this again, she thought. Back to torture. Maybe Boz had finally come up with his stupid plan.

No. It was just a beating. Harder than she remembered, but that was probably because it'd been a few weeks and she'd forgotten what it felt like. They'd laughed a lot more, that was real. Said stupid things like, "If you think this is bad, just wait until this evening."

She didn't really care. More threats. What? Were they going to beat her tonight, too? Oh, another beating! I'm so scared! she mentally mocked them. It was everything she could do to not look bored as they pitched her into her cell. The lack of fear of permanent injury or peril and the ease of healing had really taken the last bit of bite from the torments.

Then she heard the familiar shuffle coming down the prison hall and her heart leapt. Carak! The sound of another guard followed him. The door handle turned.

Carak entered the cell. "You may go," he said, waving off the escort.

Lindsay perked up at his entrance, but when she saw the grim look on his face as he turned from the door, she grew worried. "What's wrong, Carak?"

"Your highness! They said there wouldn't be a beating today. Another lie. Let me help." He rushed to tend to her bruises but she waved him off.

"Don't worry, Carak. It looks worse than it feels. But that's not what's troubling you, is it?"

"No." He looked away from her tender eyes.

He wouldn't look in her eyes, it must be really bad. She felt sick. Had they found out about the plan and Rivuk was in danger? Had they located Sirix's camp and Cark was about to tell her they were all dead? She didn't want to ask, but she had to know. "What's wrong?" she said, terrified of the answer.

"I'm sorry, your highness, they've given me terrible orders. It seems the king has grown impatient with the attempts to make you talk. They've ordered me to... to bring you in front of them at the arena and to... I'm sorry, your highness."

She was relieved. It was just about her. Rivuk and Sirix and Donil were all ok. If it was just her, she could handle it. They could figure it out. Without Rivuk's consent it couldn't be an execution, so whatever it was couldn't be that bad. But Carak's expression of utter devastation checked her optimism. Something was really wrong. She motioned to the bed. He sat, not looking at her.

"They've ordered you to do what, Carak?"

"They've ordered me to rape you in front of the assembly. Prince Boz says there could be no greater humiliation than to be raped by someone as hideous as a Child of the Immortal. That he would not be surprised if you talked on the mere threat of it and was sure you would tell all and beg for death before I was through."

"Oh Carak," Lindsay whispered.

"I don't know what to do. I can't do this to you. I lo-" he swallowed the words. "I know what it would do to you and I'd rather die than hurt you. I considered throwing myself off the tower but they will have another do it in my place and I fear what he will do."

She gripped his arm. It hurt to hear he'd rather die than have sex with her. But it wasn't sex. He'd rather die than rape her, he'd rather die than hurt her. She couldn't think of too many people, let alone men, she'd known who would actually do that -- who would actually die rather than rape her. Her heart was pounding in her ears. "Have you told Rivuk?"

"He was the one who told me," Carak said, sadly.

"He's just allowing this? How? Why?" Lindsay cried. She couldn't express the level of betrayal she felt.

"I don't believe he has a choice."

"There has to be something he can do! Some law or something!"

"Maybe. But the decree comes from the king, himself. To attempt to oppose it would be to expose himself."

"These are the choices a prince has to make." Rivuk's words echoed in her mind.

"How could he do that?" she said in disbelief. "How could he let them do that to you?"

"To you, you mean?" he asked, seeking the comforting clarification of his place.

"No, to you. You'd be getting raped, too. 'Obedience or death' isn't consent. And he'd be letting them do that to you. I betrayed him, I'm sure he could royal logic it away in that brain of his, but you've been nothing but loyal to him."

"And this is the first time I've felt I will fail him."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

Carak's face took on a resolute cast. "I can't do it. I won't. I may just be a tool to be used, but I would sooner break into a thousand pieces than do such an evil thing. Even now, facing such a horror, your first thought is to how it would hurt me -- how could I do such a thing to you? I was up all night considering our options and I've come up with a plan," he continued. "I won't be able to take you to the forest, but I can get you out of this prison. I know I have the ability to handle the guards. You would have to lay low in the city, but, if you stuck to the North Side, in the Korsuch areas, you might be able to hide until the opportunity to escape presents itself. You are beautiful enough to pass amongst them without notice. I'm certain Prince Rivuk would find a way in which to aid you. I know he does not want this. I have seen how much he cares for you."

And how much you care for me, Lindsay mentally finished for him. "But what about you?" Her grip on his arm tightened.

"I would provide a distraction to cover your escape into the city," he said.

"What would happen?" she insisted.

"I would pass to the Immortal in the comfort of knowing I'd served you and my prince well, to my last breath."

She felt sick at his words. He would die to give her a head start. She stood and walked a few steps from him. She couldn't bear to let him see the tears forming in her eyes as she asked. "And what do you think my chances would be?"

"Maybe two to five percent. But I've seen you do more with longer odds than even that."

A two percent chance of success, maybe five, and Carak's certain death. No. There were no numbers that could entice her but certainly not such small ones. Was his life really worth so little to him? Or was hers worth so much?

Her heart ached at the thought. There was another way. If... if what the guard had said was true, if what her intuition was saying was true, there was another way.

She turned to him and asked, "Carak, I want to know the whole truth, what are your feelings for me?"

"I care for you very deeply, my princess."

The way he said "my princess" made her skin fizzle. She wanted to tell him she was in love with him, tell him he wouldn't be raping her because she would consent, she wanted to kiss him and hold him and let him know she didn't want to live in a world without him in it. But she couldn't say those things. Not yet.

Because she was his princess. And even though she held no power, the imbalance was still there. Once she revealed her feelings, it would make his ability to consent that much murkier. Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn't, but as someone raised to serve from birth, he might choose to please her over his own wants. Being willing to wasn't the same as wanting to. And just because he wouldn't be raping her, didn't mean she couldn't rape him like so many Nobillo masters did. He had to choose this, himself, without her input.

She gulped hard. "Is that all?" she asked.

His eyes met hers and dropped. "I am sorry, your highness. It wouldn't be right for me to say."

"I can't order you to tell me, and I wouldn't if I could, but Carak," she sat down beside him and ducked down to meet his eyes. "Please tell me. If these are some of our last moments together, I want to know the full truth. I don't want to wonder what your feelings were."

"I don't wish to offend you."

Her heart was breaking within her at this poor beaten-down man. Had anyone besides Rivuk ever shown him an ounce of compassion? That he might think he was more than just a half-formed slave?

"I promise you, I won't be offended," she said, taking his hand. "But you're saying you would die for me on the off chance I wouldn't be caught. That's not a little thing. You've been here every day for me - I've heard what the guards say to you. And I... I need to know, Carak. I need to know why."

He sat silently for a minute. "Because, my princess," he finally said, so softly it was barely more than a whisper, "I love you."

She squeezed his hand.

"I'm sorry," he said, standing suddenly. "I know that is inappropriate for me to say to you." He tried to walk away but she still held his hand.

"Carak!" she cried. "Stop."

He stopped.

She gently pulled him back toward her. She stood on the bed so she could look him in the eyes. "Carak." She swallowed. "I love you, too."

He stared at her, stunned.

"I've... I've known for a while now. I've probably loved you longer than I've even known Rivuk. I was going to tell you." She swallowed again. "but... but the timing was wrong."

He pulled back. "But how could you? With all I am? With all I've done?"

"Because, you're a good man. That is all I've ever seen of you. You live your whole life as a sacrifice to others. You gave up everything. You gave up your wings! All for the sake of others. You've only ever treated me with kindness and dignity, and I've seen you treat the other prisoners in the same way." She brushed her hand against his cheek, he took it in his talon-like hand.

"But, I'm the enemy."

"You aren't my enemy. And I think you feel the same."

His inner eyelid shut, than opened again. He pressed his brow against hers. "I do. I have. I was content to be happy for my prince. I wished dearly you would love me as you did him, but I knew it wasn't my place."

"It is your place." She gathered him up against her breast. "This is your place." They sunk down to the shelf bed. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. Ever. Even Sirix. Even Donil. And I'm afraid because I don't ever want to do anything to hurt you or make you feel like you have to do or say something, but I really want to kiss you right now-"

Her words were cut off by his lips. It was the best kiss she'd ever had. Not because it actually was - it was dry and hard and clumsy - but because she'd wanted it so desperately. She returned his kisses with interest. They sunk to the floor. She kissed him on the crown of his head. Again and again, she couldn't stop herself, she was showering him with kisses.

She felt his arms tightening around her, clawed hands traveling up and down her body. He laid her on her back and she knew what he wanted. She wanted it to. She wanted it more than anything. She wanted it so badly her body ached and wept for it. But Carak looked unsure.

"We don't have to," she said, rubbing his arm. "If you don't want to."

"I've never wanted anything more than to be united with you like this," he answered. "But I feel like I'm betraying my prince."

"He literally ordered you to do it. Just because we actually want to doesn't suddenly make you a traitor. What's the difference between now and an hour from now? Except a few thousand people."

He smiled and kissed her again. "I suppose you're right."

"How long do you think we have before they start to wonder?" she asked between kisses. Her hands traveled across his neck and scalp as her hips began rubbing against him.

"Maybe twenty minutes. They'll just assume I'm giving you a beating."

She could barely stop kissing him to speak. "You've had sex before?"

"Yes, as a breeder."

It was horrible, in the moment she'd forgotten it, but she couldn't think on it. Not now. Not with only twenty minutes. "This won't be the same."

"It couldn't be."

She undid her tunic dress, letting it fall to the floor as a blanket beneath her. She wanted him to feel her, all of her, to know she had no shame in him seeing. She lay back on the floor, her legs slightly open, inviting.

He began to raise his robes.

"No," she said. "Take it off. I want to see all of you."

He let them fall off. She could see his heavily scared chest, the deformity of his leg, on his back she knew the scars where his wings had been crisscrossed. And there, below his navel-less stomach, was his penis; purplish grey, long, longer and thicker than any she'd ever experienced, and erect. In a minute it was going to be inside of her. Her knees quivered with anticipation. She opened her legs wider.

"Are you sure?" he asked, gazing upon her naked body, she felt the love in his eyes as they looked upon her.

"I've never been so sure. I want you, Carak. I want to feel you inside of me."

He knelt on the floor, positioning himself. "I want you, too, your highness."

She was already fighting her hips to stay still in her eagerness. She could feel him, his cock was right there at the entrance to her vagina. He bent over her, trapping her between his arms.

"Is there any particular way I should do this?" he asked. "You're smaller than I'm accustomed to."

"Go slowly, don't worry, it'll stretch for you." She wrapped her arms around him, hands stroking where his wings had been, giving him one more kiss on his thin-lipped mouth. "And call me Lindsay."

"Lindsay," he whispered.

She gasped as he pushed inside of her, falling back to the floor with a moan as he pushed deeper in. He was so big, almost too big, it was a tight fit. But he was going slow, letting her body adjust. His thrusts were gentle, rhythmic, comforting, like lying on a boat on a lake being rocked by the waves. It was glorious.

"Oh Carak," she moaned. "You're wonderful!"

She felt his hand stroke her cheeks. There was the sensation of cool water on them. Was she crying? Yes, she was definitely crying.

He leaned down and kissed her tears away as best he could. "I love you, Lindsay," he said.

"I love you, too, Carak."

She felt the tightening in her hips. They began moving of their own accord, seeking him. He responded to their motion, going faster. And then she felt it. Deep and strong, behind her eyes, within her hips. Her breathing quickened. She let out a long cry as the first wave hit her.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked, slowing. Her orgasm quickly fell.

"No! Don't stop! It feels beautiful." She reached up, stroking his cheek. "You're beautiful."

He was quickly back to speed. The orgasm that had seceded came rushing back at twice the force.

"Carak!" she screamed. The name elongated as a howl pierced into it. She was in heaven and he was the angel staring back from above.

Finally, he was hers and she was his. The man she loved the most, that she'd longed for so much, was inside of her making her scream with pleasure, giving her the orgasm she'd only fantasized about. She crested the second wave and the third, screams growing louder and more urgent by the minute. She could only focus on him. On the face she'd once found so terrifying, but now cherished. Then, she felt his body shudder as a low moan escaped him. He lowered himself, resting his head on her chest. He'd cum into her. And she'd never felt more in love with a man as she gazed at him with bleary eyes.

Forever. He was her forever. And if forever only lasted twenty more minutes, she was glad she'd had it. But that would be his choice to make. She'd follow his lead.

She ran her hands over his back and arms, gently skimming them as his head nuzzled against her skin, her nipples sensitive to him, causing a small gasp as his half ear flicked against one. She stroked his bald head. "You're so beautiful." She kissed him. "So beautiful."

They lay like that for a few minutes before he pushed himself up. "We need to dress."

"Just one more minute, I'm not ready for you to leave me just yet."

"If we are to escape, we can't lose any more time," he said.

She took his hand, stopping him. "What if we don't escape?" she asked.

"But princess-"

"We're lovers, Carak. We've had sex. Really amazing, mind-blowing sex. And I'd, personally, like to keep having sex with you." The idea was mad, but she had to propose it. "What's the difference between twenty minutes ago and now besides a few thousand people? They want a sex show? Let's give them a sex show. Boz wants to rape me by proxy using my closest friend, screw him. I'll make sure everyone knows it's consensual and he's lost again. If you're ok with it, of course. If you really want to die so I have a two percent chance of escape, I mean, I won't stop you."