Cheap Bastard

I found this mostly finished story on my computer. No sex. No drama. Just one guy's simple story.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"We need to buy Kyra a car for school." my wife said.

"What? I thought you were driving her to school."

"Driving her to school's not the problem. I can drop her off on my way to work. After school is the problem. She needs to get from school to her job at the animal shelter. I can't just leave work and drive her there. By the time I get back I've missed an hour of work at the end of the day."

Right! The job. My 16-year-old daughter started working down at the local rescue shelter. She wanted to be a veterinarian when she grew up and she got this idea to start working there. She mostly cleaned up cat shit and washed the dogs, but she loved every minute of it. Over the summer it hadn't been a problem, because it was less than a mile from our house; she rode her bicycle. But her high school was more like 5 miles away.

"Can she ride her bike? That seemed to work."

"Tom?!? Are you crazy? You want your high junior to ride her bike an hour to school every day!?!"

"It won't take that long to ride there. It's maybe half an hour."

"Yeah, Einstein. Each way. That's an hour every day." That went downhill fast. My wife seemed to lose her patience with me quickly.

In her defense, I can be tough to live with. I am what you would call a cheap bastard. I clip coupons. I shop sales. I buy stuff second hand. My parents were both raised on an Ohio farm in the aftermath of the depression. Neither one of them came from money, so they got used to saving. I was raised the same way. I didn't buy things I didn't need. Even if I did need something I waited long and hard before I spent the money. The car I drove was fifteen years old. My wife had the nice car, and it was a five-year-old minivan.

My wife knew I was cheap when she married me. I made it through college without going into debt. I went to a community college for two years getting all the general education requirements out of the way. When I transferred to the University of Michigan, I found a job working at the hospital cafeteria where I was allowed to eat before work. As a result, I would eat oatmeal for breakfast, peanut butter sandwiches for lunch and gorge myself at the all-you-can-eat buffet line. I was a Chemistry major in college, but I had no interest in becoming doctor. The last thing I wanted was getting in debt going to medical school.

I met my future wife, Kate, at the hospital. She was a nurse, fresh out of college, and she ate at the cafeteria now and then. I enjoyed chatting her up, but while I was in college, I didn't actively pursue her. I wasn't interested in spending money trying to woo her. She was pleasant company and cute as a button. A few times I invited her out. Once we went to the downtown art festival and looked at all the vendors. Another time we went to the free blues concert in the park. I bought her lunch from the food trucks, but nothing fancy. If there was a fun free activity, I was happy to check it out with her. I held her hand and gave her a goodbye kiss, but it wasn't serious.

After I graduated, I got a job as a Safety Compliance officer at the ConAgra food packing plant. I mostly spent my time testing food samples for bacteria and making sure the incubators were keeping the cheese at the correct temperature. There was more to it than that, but I was happy doing my job. Once I had a few paychecks under my belt, I got more serious about Kate. She appreciated my level-headedness. Before we married, I had already bought a house and was making extra mortgage payments to pay it off.

Kate worked as a nurse for a few years before we decided to start a family. Kyra was our oldest and Kevin was born three years later. Kate and I had similar attitudes about world overpopulation and didn't feel like we had to contribute to more consumption than the world could handle. Children only come in two varieties, and we had the complete set. She knew the best doctor for performing vasectomies and we never had to spend money on birth control again.

When Kevin was four, he started attending pre-school and Kate went back to work nursing. Competent nurses are in high demand, and she was good at her job. She placed her children first, but she loved her job and helping people that way. She worked as a surgical nurse for three years, then three years as an emergency room nurse. Nowadays she works in the birthing center and has been training to be a midwife.

I've been moving up the ranks in my company. After five years I was promoted to be a supervisor. Now I'm in management. The packing plant employs about a thousand people, though there are about a hundred people in my department. My bosses love me because I am good at saving money. I understand maintaining safe clean facilities while meeting my budget. Every once in a long while, some bean counter goes through my budget looking for savings. They always come back with a few places to cut, and I respond by pointing out the increased costs from lost production. My bosses know that my department doesn't have problems, so they trust me to keep things humming along.

So while we could afford to buy Kyra a car for school, it really rubbed me the wrong way. Did we really need another car? She's already been added to the insurance policy which wasn't cheap. I wasn't about to suggest that my wife give up her car. She had to be able to drop off Kevin in morning (although maybe we could shift that responsibility to Kyra). She also had enough evenings where a woman went into labor, and she had to stick around until the child was delivered. She needed her own vehicle. If it were up to me, I would give up my car and join a carpool. Unfortunately, I didn't live close to anyone else at my company. All the other managers lived in nicer neighbors and the workers lived closer than me.

"Tell you what," I said in a moment of inspiration. "Kyra can drive my car and I will ride my bike to work. There's a gym at work where I can shower after my ride."

My wife gave me a look like I had just pulled down my pants and started talking out of my butthole. "Seriously? What if it rains? Are you going to ride ten miles to work in the rain?"

"I can shower there. Doesn't matter if I'm already wet when I start." I was starting to see it happening. "Instead of taking the freeway, I just ride north to V-18. That's a nice wide blacktop that isn't very busy. It goes close enough to work. A mile up, ten miles over and a mile down. I've got saddle bags for my bike I can use, from when I commuted in college."

"When's the last time you rode twenty miles in a day? You're going to be useless at work and around here."

That stung a little, but she was right. When I was in college, I used to ride my bike all over, but I hadn't gotten out much since Kyra was born. I knew how to service my bike, but I hadn't worked on it in a long time. I was probably twenty pounds overweight and had a spare tire from years working at a desk. Kate wasn't in top shape either, but at least she spent most of her day on her feet.

"Well, this is my chance to get back in shape." The gym at work had always been there, but I couldn't bring myself to attend. I didn't enjoy lifting weights. The exercise bikes seemed like a waste since you never got anywhere. I was curious about the evening aerobics class, but I never wanted to stick around after work. There was always a reason to head home. "Kyra doesn't start school for a month. That way I can ride a few days a week, work the kinks out and get into shape."

"Kyra starts in three weeks. We won't have much time to find a car when you realize this is a bad idea."

"It doesn't take that long to buy a used car. One weekend is plenty."

Kate sighed. She was about to say something more, but I stopped her. "No. I like the idea of riding to work. There's a couple of other guys who ride in. I've always been jealous of them. Now I can do it too." I paused. "Thanks for giving me the inspiration to do this." I came close for a hug. She tensed a little but let me hold her. I went to kiss her, but she dodged and kissed me on the cheek so ended up kissing her cheek too. "I've got to do something to get in shape. If I don't start soon, I won't be able to get my sorry butt out of my own chair. This will be good." Kate gave me a weak smile and it was settled, at least for now.

Kyra was satisfied with the solution of driving my car, though I made it clear it was not her car. She was not allowed to put decals in the windows or stickers on the bumper. She was only allowed half of the radio presets (though she pointed out that she would just plug in her phone to the auxiliary port). I tuned up my bike and dusted off my saddle bags. I stashed a few extra sets of clothes at work in case of disaster.

The first week of riding was just as bad as Kate had predicted. My leg muscles were sore from the sudden increase in activity. My back hurt and I got sunburned. But I was so stubborn I pushed on through. After two weeks I had found a rhythm. I had to leave almost an hour earlier than usual, but I didn't have to shower in the morning before I left. I couldn't stop to pick up things from the store on the way home, so Kyra had to pick up the slack there. Kate or I would text her small items to pick up from the grocery store. She also got the task making sure Kevin got home after soccer practice.

Kate didn't seem convinced. My cycling to work was treated like a major inconvenience for her. Our marriage had been strained for a few years now, and this didn't make things any better. There was constant pressure for me to do my share of work around the house. I was always deflecting by trying to get Kyra and Kevin to do more work to take the pressure off their mother. However, Kate perceived that as work avoidance on my part. I thought it was good for Kyra to learn how to navigate a grocery store check-out, but Kate thought I was avoiding my share of the chores.

Our marriage troubles started almost four years ago. Things had slowed down in our marriage as happens naturally; we had sex once a week or so, usually on Friday or Saturday night. Kate had been working in the hospital emergency room one afternoon when there had been a mall shooting. Some gun nut had shot up the shopping mall with his AR-15. His ex-wife worked at a department store, and he had gone off the deep end when she left him. He shot his wife and a bunch of her coworkers before he wandered off into the mall shooting anyone else whom he came across. It only took six minutes before the police arrived and took him down, but he left some serious carnage in his wake. The reports afterwards indicated the shooter was hoping to be killed by the police, but they took him in alive.

Anyway, my wife was working the emergency room when the victims started pouring in. Nineteen people died, but there were more than fifty injuries. Those bullets just ripped the flesh off their limbs, shattered bones, and liquified organs. My wife worked all night trying to save the gunshot victims. When it was over, she just collapsed and was never the same. She was suffering from PTSD for at least a year.

Things seemed to get better when she transferred to the birthing center. Being able to bring children into the world helped her heal, but then occasionally, there would be a difficult case. During her second year a woman started bleeding and they couldn't stop it. Since Kate had surgical experience, she went along when everything moving into the operating room. They lost the mother and the baby. The young father was left to care for their toddler alone. Kate was haunted by the poor father's face when he tried to figure out how to tell his two-year that there wasn't going to be a new brother and that mommy was gone too. Kate came home and cried the whole night after that.

It was hard on me too. What had been a vibrant sex life slowed after the kids were born. I get that; it's normal. But after the mall shooting sex just stopped. She couldn't bear to think about sex. She couldn't relax. When we tried to have sex, it was painful. She was still in mourning and my desire for sex felt creepy. I had always loved sex. It was the cheapest form of entertainment. No need to buy a concert ticket, just throw back the covers and turn the marital bed into an adult playground. But for Kate it was suddenly emotionally draining. When she started in the delivery room things seem to get better, but she was trying too hard. She had no interest in long sexual romps. It was all business and mostly for my sake. Then after the mother and baby died it stopped again. We had sex three times since then: two birthdays and one anniversary. Kate had to get really drunk each time beforehand so she could relax enough. I haven't been desperate enough for sex since then to try again.

Lack of sex makes it hard to empathize with each other. We are good parents to our kids, and they want for nothing. I may be a cheap bastard, but I still pay for my children's tuition at their college prep schools. We took the family out to Hawaii last Christmas, though we flew coach and all four of us squeezed into one room. Kevin and I shared a bed; Kyra and Kate shared the other. I do love my wife, but sometimes it's not clear she feels the same way.

One of her coworkers, Dawn, went through a nasty divorce recently. Turns out her husband had been cheating on her with some young floozie. He had been meeting up with her in hotel rooms and spending money on her. When Dawn found out it seriously exploded. It was months of expensive litigation with lawyers and magistrates. Once the husband stopped spending all that money the floozie flew the coop. Kate used to come home and tell me about everything Dawn was going through. About a week after my last birthday (and the last time we had sex) Kate asked me if I would ever cheat on her. I just chuckled and said that sounded expensive. She smiled at me, gave me a kiss on the forehead and wandered away satisfied. I may be a cheap bastard, but I'm her cheap bastard.

After two months of riding my bike in I started to get to know the other bike riders. Ted in Human Resources rode his bike in from twenty miles away, while Gene in maintenance only lived three miles away. Brian was another manager who also rode ten miles, but was coming from the north, whereas I was riding in from the east. I probably had the best commute, since I had the sun behind me both ways. I had some good conversations with Brian about logistics. I had to upgrade the lights on my bike, and I invested in some foul weather gear for cycling. After six months of riding, I upgraded my bicycle. Kate teased me that for someone who was trying to avoid buying a car spending $2000 on a new bike seemed counter-productive. I mentioned that I had saved at least that much on gas alone.

I could also tell the difference in my body. I lost ten pounds quickly and then started converting some of those excess pounds into muscle. Brian told me about a cycling club that got together on the weekends to go for longer rides around the countryside. I started attending and brought Kevin along with me. Kevin rode on my old bike which fit him well. We'd load our bikes onto the minivan and drove out to the club meetings and then go for a twenty-mile ride. I met a lot of good people. There were people of all different ages, guys in their twenties, couples in their sixties. After the rides we would meet up at a pub for food and drinks. There were a few single women in their thirties who rode with the club. They were pretty friendly, but as long as I had Kevin around, they were pretty reserved. However, when Kevin had to start attending soccer practice on Saturdays, I was left to fend for myself.

I asked Kate if she would start riding with me, but I didn't want to tell her the real reason. I told her she would enjoy the camaraderie of the group. She wasn't interested in riding, but she met up with us at the pub afterward. Usually, she would show up at the pub before we got back from our ride, but sometimes she was running late. I always dreaded when she was late. I would inevitably have Sarah or Jenny leaning all over me. They were hot and sweaty and talked about sex all the time. I didn't mind their company, but I was pretty sure they were fishing for more than just compliments. As soon as Kate arrived, they would ease off and make room for her. I think they were trying to make Kate jealous and angry so they could be friendly and supportive when things went bad.

But things didn't go bad. Actually, they got better. I was certainly looking better. I was tanned from my regular bike rides (though I had some quite distinctive tan lines). I was toned and muscular. I used to get winded climbing stairs, but now I could ride for hours. Kate had to accept that my decision to start riding to work had worked as well if not better than I planned. She enjoyed meeting new people through the cycling group, especially since they were my friends, so she had no pressure to make introductions.

One time Kyra was late dropping off Kate, who walked in to see Jenny leaning over me, one arm wrapped around my neck trying to eat the food off my plate. I clearly had a good view down her top (though it was a tight Lycra riding top, so I couldn't see far). I was talking with the person sitting across from me while fork fencing with Jenny over my pasta. Kate watched me for a little bit before joining. Jenny yielded her seat to Kate, to which Kate took the exact same posture Jenny had used. I started feeding Kate my pasta, which she gobbled up greedily. I don't think she was giving Jenny dagger-eyes, but there was some deliberate eye contact.

When we drove home, she joked about how Jenny was my girlfriend. I immediately responded that sounded expensive. Jenny laughed and called me her cheap bastard. "Yeah. Why would I spend money on someone who isn't half as good as what I get for free."

"You think I'm free?"

"Well, I have to pay in other ways."

"Damn straight."

"The best things in life money can't buy."

"Are you saying that I'm one of the best things in life."

"Damn right you are."

We made slow gentle love that night for the first time in almost a year. She held me tight and kissed me hard. She told me she loved me and how she never wanted to lose me. Things got better after that. She started her own exercise regimen in response to that little show of competition from Jenny. Kate and I were soon making love twice a week. And even after Kyra left for college, I kept riding to work to stay in shape.

Pretty good for a cheap bastard.