Cheating is Better than Swinging

In addition to my inexplicable dread, the way that my Thursday fuck session with Zach ended was also disturbing.

As we passionately kissed good-bye I saw a look in his face that I had never perceived before. Maybe it had been there, but I just didn't notice. It was a look of love like Kevin gave me, not a lustful expression that been the hallmark of our relationship.

Zach also gave me a wrapped present and told me to open it that weekend. While we had exchanged inexpensive trinkets before, we had never given anything with any significance to the other person. When I opened the present up later that day - I couldn't wait for the weekend - I was flabbergasted. It was a diamond bracelet - and the diamonds sure didn't look like zirconia. I stopped off at a jeweler on the way home and found out that, in fact, it was real, and likely worth $7,000 - $10,000.

The fact that I didn't know what Zach or Trinity would be doing on Monday, combined with the shock of the loving look from Zach along with the diamond bracelet, caused me to be nervous most of the weekend - enough so that Kevin even asked me if something was wrong. I assured him that there wasn't anything wrong aside from an unusual problem in my consulting gig, and then fucked his brains out Saturday night, including sucking him hard again after he had cum in me once, something that I rarely did with him, and then immediately fucking him again.

I heard nothing from Zach on Monday - but I didn't really expect to, since we had a scheduled session on Tuesday. Then Monday night the roof fell in.

After dinner Monday night while it was still light out Kevin and I were watching the news while the kids were in our back yard with three of their friends playing on the playground equipment that Kevin had installed a couple of years back. Suddenly there was a "breaking news" announcement.

"Mr. & Mrs. Zachary Williams were found dead in their house late this afternoon, along with a reported mob figure known as 'Face Man Tony Boselli' in their upscale Brentwood neighborhood. Apparently Mrs. Trinity Williams' mother, Estelle Goode, was returning the Williams' two children after picking them up from after-school activities when she noticed something was wrong..."

The newscast continued, but I didn't hear the rest. I screamed. Kevin looked concerned. I cried out "I know Zachary and Trinity Williams; Zachary is an instructor with an office in the same building as mine at the University, and I've met Trinity and their kids on several occasions when they visited," before I broke down and fell on the floor. Kevin got one of the neighbors to watch the kids while he took me to the house of one of the psychologists (Mary) that I worked with. During the ride over, between tears, I kept sobbing "Those poor kids..." over and over again.

***************

By the time that we got to my co-workers' house, I had calmed down some. I told Kevin that I would be fine, and that I just needed to talk to Mary for an hour or so. "Please go home - the kids need you and will be concerned. I will get a ride back from Mary. She'll help me get the image of those parentless kids out of my mind," I somberly said as I gave him a snug hug and a quick kiss on the lips. Of course even more than Zach's kids my thoughts were for Zach - a combined strange longing and emptiness had enveloped me.

"OK - but call if you need me," he compassionately responded, giving me a tight return hug and another quick kiss on the lips.

Mary is no fool. She knew that my reaction was more than about concern for Zach's kids. She knew me as always calm and collected, and I was anything but. I needed to talk to her but not to open up about my relationship with Zach; rather so that I could talk some general things out and if I inadvertently gave out information and vibes that would raise suspicions about my relationship with Zach that it wouldn't be a disaster, because Mary would never reveal my confidences.

Talking with Mary for about an hour did help me become more tranquil, but suddenly I felt an overwhelming fatigue. I knew that I couldn't face Kevin again that night, so I asked Mary to give me a sedative and to call Kevin and tell him that I would be spending the night at her house.

By the next morning I had my act together, even to the point that I could smile. Mary dropped me off at my house before she went into work. Kevin and the kids greeted me with warm hugs.

"The dean called. He said that a number of instructors who knew Zach and his family had cancelled classes for the day and that if you wanted to it would be all right with him," Kevin said.

Wow - was that news welcome; thankfully I didn't have to explain to Kevin why I was going to cancel classes on my own anyway.

"I'm still slightly groggy from the sedative that Mary gave me, so maybe I will," I replied. So in front of Kevin I called the office administrator on the phone and I cancelled my classes for the day. I was able to honestly tell Kevin in a steady voice "June, the office administrator, was crying. Everybody liked Zach, and he had such a lovely family. Everyone is so sad."

I saw Kevin off to work with a promise that I would be OK, and then took the kids to school.

Of course I was anything but OK. I went on every website that I could think of and looked at every T V news show to try and get details. None were forthcoming. The cops were silent.

More out of numbness than recovery, I got through the next two weeks without any visible signs of the awful distress that I experienced that first night. Kevin accompanied me to the closed casket joint wake for Zach and Trinity. I introduced Kevin and myself to Trinity's mother and sister, who were caring for the kids, and told them to give the kids my love since on several occasions I had taken them to the park with Zach and Trinity (the "and Trinity" added for both their and Kevin's benefit). Since there were many teary eyed people at the wake, the few tears glistening in my eyes were not out of place, and raised no suspicions.

I, like almost everyone else at the University who knew Zach, was interviewed by the police. I had no worthwhile information to impart to them, and I got the impression that the interview was just so they could touch all bases, and that they didn't expect anything relevant from me. Of course I did not reveal what I knew about a possible Zach-Trinity confrontation on Monday, and the call that Trinity had made to my cell phone on the Wednesday before the Monday confrontation was from a pay phone, and she talked to me directly so there was no message on my phone, so there would be no electronic trail.

The police never did release any significant information about the contemporaneous demise of Zach, Trinity, and Face Man Tony, although the newspapers printed stories about what a notorious philanderer Face Man Tony was. The most common speculation was that it was a double murder and suicide, although no one was quite sure who did the murders and who committed suicide.

The circumstances surrounding, and lack of information about, Zach's death left me not just with a feeling of remorse, but of guilt. Had I just used Zach for my carnal pleasure for five years yet never really got to know him or what he was capable of? If I had never told Zach about my meeting with Trinity, would nothing have ever happened? If I had been able to talk Zach out of finding out what Trinity was doing on that Monday would Zach and I still be merrily fucking each other's brains out once a week? If I had never started my affair with Zach then...; and the list of things to feel guilty about, and second guess, went on and on.

Despite the fact that I was doing a good job of hiding my feelings in my interactions with my family and others, I determined that I needed help to deal with my guilt and second-guessing. I quietly went to see a psychiatrist and to her I opened up about everything. She has helped me a great deal. One thing that she suggested has helped the most - a session of animal sex with Kevin once a week.

I introduced some of the wild sexual things that I did with Zach into my fucks with Kevin once - and only once - a week. The other two or three times on average that Kevin and I have intercourse each week remain our standard fare, where Kevin is loving and I am passionate but controlled. At first Kevin was a little hesitant, but now he seems to look forward to the once a week animal fucking, and that, in turn, has caused me to miss Zach less and for whatever reason somewhat assuage my guilt.

Fortunately, Kevin has never asked me why I always wear a diamond bracelet during each of our monkey-fuck sessions, and why I squirt then but not during other sex sessions.