Christmas Funeral

Copyright Oggbashan November 2020

Edited January 2021

The author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

This is a work of fiction. The events described here are imaginary; the settings and characters are fictitious and are not intended to represent specific places or living persons.

+++

It was Monday afternoon. I had just put my shopping away after a final trip to the supermarket before the Christmas rush when the doorbell rang.

It was my next door neighbour Megan. She had taken in a parcel for me while I was out. I thanked her but noticed she had been crying.

"What's wrong, Megan?" I asked.

"It's Albert, my father," she said. "He's had a stroke and has been admitted to hospital. They don't expect him to survive and I can't visit him."

"Why not?"

"You know I can't drive, Hugh, and even if I could, Alan needs the company van for work. I haven't got enough time to go to hospital by bus before collecting the children from school ..."

Megan had been disqualified from driving for six months. It was really Alan's fault. They had been to a party and he wasn't supposed to drink but his mates brought him some beers. When it was time to leave he was obviously incapable of driving. Megan thought she could but had been stopped by the police and had been slightly above the drink driving limit. She had been fined, had three points on her licence and a six month ban -- a minimal penalty for the offence but a nuisance.

"OK, Megan," I said. "I can take you to hospital if you want. OK?"

"That would great, Hugh, but it's too late for today."

"When are the visiting times?"

"Because he is in intensive care they are very restricted. Two to three in the afternoons and six to seven in the evening. I can't do the evenings. Alan isn't home until seven fifteen at the earliest. And the buses..."

Megan would have to change twice by bus and the journey might take more than an hour. I knew she couldn't afford taxis. They had moved next door, into a larger house for their two children, last year. Their mortgage was crippling.

"OK. Be here at half past one tomorrow. I'll take you there and back."

"Thank you, Hugh. Could Angela come as well?"

"Of course."

Angela is Megan's divorced older sister. She is a senior teacher at the local primary school. She lives in a very small terraced house about half a mile away. She was divorced two years ago from George. I had always thought George was an asshole who didn't appreciate what a good woman he had.

"Do you want me to collect Angela?"

"No need, Hugh. She's taken a few days' leave and is having lunch with me tomorrow. My driving ban has affected her too. She was having driving practice with me. Now she can only do that with Alan at weekends. She failed her test again two weeks ago."

"Why this time?"

"It's the same reason as before - lack of confidence. George really destroyed her and even two years later she's still a nervous wreck."

I swore under my breath. I had known George was an asshole but I hadn't thought he had been that bad.

"OK, Megan. See you tomorrow at one thirty, with Angela. And for the day after? A little earlier and we'll collect Angela on the way."

"You're sure?"

"Of course, Megan. That's what neighbours are for and I haven't got anything else to do."

+++

When Megan had gone I had a thought. After she had been disqualified they had sold their car which had been an older medium size Ford. But when her disqualification expired her car insurance premium would be high for the first year. They wouldn't be able to afford to insure a reasonable size car. But in my garage, off the road for five years, was my wife Rachel's old Citreon 2 CV. Megan might be able to insure a classic small engine car like that. I rang my car mechanic and asked him to see if he could get the 2CV running and pass its roadworthiness test. He thought that should be easy. It had been serviced and had been in good running order when put in the garage. He would come with a trailer tomorrow morning and thought, if feasible, I would have it back ready for use by next Monday.

I went online and looked for quotations for insuring the 2CV in my name with Megan, once she had her licence back, as a named driver. As an afterthought I added Angela as a learner driver as well. Adding Angela didn't increase the quotes. It was Megan's disqualification that increased the premium by about 100% on a quote for me alone. Even so, because the 2CV was so old and slow, the premium wasn't excessive. I could easily afford it. But first I had to have the 2CV roadworthy.

+++

My mechanic collected the 2CV in the morning. He had to jump start it because the battery was flat but he was able to drive it on the trailer.

At half past one Megan and Angela arrived on my doorstep. They both hugged me. I enjoyed that. They were quiet on the way to the hospital, not knowing how their father would be. I parked in the hospital's expensive car park about five minutes to two. They left and I settled down to catch up on some magazine reading. They returned about ten past three, looking slightly happier.

"How is Albert?" I asked.

"Not well," Angela replied. "He is paralysed down his right side and has difficulty talking. But he recognised us and was very pleased to see us. However the nurses think he has only a few days left. He could go at any time. We've told him we will be back tomorrow afternoon to which he replied 'I'll be here'. Whether he will be? We don't know. But he has no pain and seems resigned to dying soon."

I drove them back. Megan invited me in for a cup of tea. I spent some time talking to the sisters about their memories of their father. Megan asked me to stay with Angela while she went to get the children. As soon as Megan had gone, Angela sat on my lap and would her arms around my neck before kissing me very effectively.

When she let me breathe I asked "Why?"

Angela pulled back in looked me straight in the face.

"Hugh. You've always been there for Megan and me, and before that for our parents. We learned to swim in your pool. We played in your garden. Your wife often collected us from school and we thought of you two as adopted Uncle and Aunt. You'd been friends with our parents for ever."

"I know. Albert and I were in the same class at school. He is a week older than me."

"And you were Albert's Best Man and your wife was a bridesmaid..."

"That was a long time ago, Angela."

"Maybe. But you're still here for us now. Albert sends his thanks for taking us to the hospital. It was an effort for him to say that but he meant it."

"It's nothing, Angela. Driving you two to hospital when I have nothing else to do isn't a problem."

"But you had to pay for petrol. And parking and just sit for an hour. They won't allow more than two visitors at a time so all you could do was sit."

"And read, Angela. I would have done that at home. Doing it in a car park is no big deal."

"But there is a cost and I know Megan can't repay you. Neither can I now George has divorced me."

"Sod George! He fucked you up!"

"Shh!" Angela said before kissing me again.

Just then Megan returned with the children. The kids rushed upstairs to do their homework online. Megan brought more tea and looked quizzically at Angela, still sitting on my lap and hugging me.

"You've got Alan," Angela said. "I want Hugh."

"What do you mean 'You want Hugh'?"

"I mean I want someone to support me, someone to cry over, and someone I know loves us both and always has."

"Hugh has," Megan said slowly. "He loves us almost as much as Albert. If we are going to lose our father in the next couple of days, we will both need Hugh."

Angela moved on my lap.

"There's room for both of us."

There was. I had two attractive young women hugging me and leaning on my shoulders.

"But when I said 'I want Hugh'" Angela said, "I didn't just mean as substitute father or adopted uncle."

"You didn't?" Megan asked.

"No, Megan. I want all of him. He can be your brother-in-law as well."

"Isn't this a bit sudden?" I asked plaintively.

"Shut up, Hugh," Megan said. "Or I've a better idea."

She kissed me. I was startled. Angela had effectively just proposed to me and her sister was kissing me fiercely. As soon as Megan stopped, Angela's lips took over.

"We agree," Angela said. "You'll just have to accept it, Hugh. You're claimed."

I couldn't respond because Megan was kissing me again.

I tried to change the subject.

"How has Albert been? I mean before he had the stroke. I saw him about ten days ago."

"He hasn't been himself since Ethel died," Megan said. "Which reminds me. We didn't really thank you for helping with the arrangements for her funeral and the probate."

"I didn't have to do much. The funeral directors knew what they were doing and so did the solicitors. I knew about what was necessary from dealing with the aftermath of Rachel's death."

"But we didn't, and having Hugh to remind of about things like the number of death certificates we would need was great. But the main thing was Albert was stressed and so were we. Having a sane and sensible Hugh there for us was a blessing. But back to Albert. He lost his will to live when Ethel died. It didn't help that we couldn't look after him full time. We both had to work and I have the children," Megan said. "It was a relief when he agreed to go into the nursing home three months ago but he was lost there. I think the move decided him that life wasn't worth living -- unlike you, Hugh. You are so busy and so involved. I don't know how you could spare the time to take us to hospital. You said you had nothing else to do. Was that true?"

"Perhaps not. I could have said, nothing that couldn't be cancelled or deferred. This afternoon I should have been chairing a committee meeting. But there was nothing much on the agenda and my deputy is competent, so a quick phone call and all was clear. Next week, might be slightly more difficult because there are so any Christmas events..."

"Albert won't be alive next week," Angela said. "He might not be alive tomorrow."

"I will miss him," I said. "We have been friends since we started pre-school on the same day."

"But you seem decades younger, Hugh..." Megan said.

"That's because I was luckier with my health, Megan. Albert has been ailing for years."

"And you're not a cantankerous old git, Hugh. Albert insisted on doing everything for himself, even after Ethel died. But he couldn't. We had to sneak into to his house to do some cleaning and swipe clothes for washing. He worried us until he went into the nursing home. He should have gone there as soon as Ethel died, but he wouldn't."

"I don't need that sort of help," I said. "because I employ professionals."

"And that's only because you are so busy you haven't got the time, Hugh. You could do everything except you're rarely in."

We agreed that I would collect them earlier tomorrow so I could pick up Angela from her house on the way. I was kissed very effectively by both of them before I left.

+++

The rest of the day I was dealing with emails and correspondence. I had to change my appointments for the rest of the week just in case Albert lasted that long. Supporting Angela and Megan was far more important to me.

When I finally went to bed I was wondering what Angela really meant by 'I want Hugh'. Did she really mean she wanted me as her husband? I might be fitter than Albert had been for decades but I was still much older than Angela.

During the night I began to have dreams of what it might be like with Angela in bed with me. I hadn't had that sort of dream for years.

+++

When I collected Megan on Wednesday she flung her arms around me and kissed me. At Angela's house my reception was even more passionate. I drove them to the hospital and sat in my car to wait.

At a quarter to three I saw them walking towards me. I knew what had happened. I got out of the car and two women threw themselves into my arms and cried.

"He died at half past two," Megan said eventually, "but we were holding his hands, He looked at us, smiled, and was gone,"

"We've texted Alan," Angela added. "He's leaving work early and should be back almost as soon as Megan has collected the children from school."

"I'll stay with you until Alan arrives," I said.

I did. Alan arrived while Megan was out. When she came back the whole family was in tears. They had expected Albert to die soon but the reality was still a shock. At six o'clock I offered to drive Angela home. When we arrived at her front door she said:

"Hugh? I don't want to be alone tonight. Can I come home with you, please?"

"Of course, Angela, if that's what you want," I replied.

She went inside, grabbed some night things and was back in minutes.

At my house we went into the kitchen and made some tea. We sat at the kitchen table.

"What do you feel like eating?" I asked cautiously. Angela looked as if she was about to burst into tears again.

"Nothing much. I don't feel like eating -- or cooking, or even watching you cook. How about a basic takeaway, Hugh?"

"OK."

An hour later we were sitting in the living room with pizza. Angela was eating very slowly and only finished half of hers.

When we went to bed, together, I was frustrated. All Angela wanted was a cuddle and comfort. I went to sleep with my arms wrapped around her.

+++

Angela made breakfast for the two of us before I drove her to her house and then to her school. I would collect her at the end of her day. I went to Megan's house and spent the day with her and Alan dealing with the consequences of Albert's death. I could be more effective than they could because I wasn't grieving so much. By the end of the day we had made arrangements for the funeral, the day before Christmas Eve.

Their school had decided that Megan's children should not be at school on Friday -- not a help as Megan and Alan had so much to deal with but I was able to do a lot for them. When the probate was finished Albert's house could be sold and Megan and Angela would have no financial worries but they would far rather have had their father.

Angela and I joined them for the evening meal before I took Angela back to my house for the night and a cuddle in bed.

Until the day of the funeral we repeated the same arrangements -- a meal with Megan and Alan and a quiet night in bed. On the Monday my 2CV was returned with a current roadworthiness certificate. I arranged insurance for me, Megan and Angela as named drivers. To restore Megan's no-claim bonus she would have to be the policy holder when she had her driving licence back -- in two weeks' time plus the postal time for the replacement licence.

When I told Megan and Angela what I had done the two of them burst into tears and soaked my shoulders. Megan would have a car shortly and Angela could start practising for her driving test again now.

She did. Before the funeral Angela had gone out with me sitting beside her for about six times and had booked another driving test early in the New Year. I was confident that she was a competent driver. Because I believed in her, Angela was beginning to be more self- confident about her own driving.

+++

On the day of the funeral we all met at Megan and Alan's house. They and their children would ride in the funeral director's car. I would follow with Angela in my large car and there would be many more cars for friends and the wider family. At the funeral service I was standing beside Angela in the family pew. Some of the more distant relations were slightly puzzled until Angela introduced me as her fiancé. Until then I hadn't known I was but apparently Angela and Megan had decided that I deserved that title.

Angela introduced me to everyone at the reception after the funeral. She stayed as close to me as she could. At the end she apologised for calling me her fiancé.

"But you are, Hugh, aren't you?"

"If you're sure you want me to be, Angela then I am."

"You are, Hugh, and tonight I'll prove it."

She did. She made me a light evening meal before she dragged me off to bed. Unlike the previous nights when we had just cuddled, she teased me with her breasts before bouncing up and sown on me until I came. I went to sleep with a very attractive body spread across mine.

A few hours later she rode me again, and for a third time in the morning. As I am much older than her I was happy to be the passive victim.

She made breakfast for us before we went next door to join Megan and Alan's Christmas Day. I had been invited months ago and my presents for them and the children were under the tree. During Christmas day, Megan, Alan and the children called me 'Uncle Hugh' but Angela called me 'my Hugh'. I liked that.

+++

Angela and I agreed to delay buying an engagement ring until the New Year sales and we would have an engagement party on Valentine's day by which time we should have been past the consequences of Albert's death.

Megan had a replacement driving licence and I had transferred the insurance to her name with Angela and I as named drivers. The 2 CV wasn't much of a car but it meant Megan could do more and Angela could practise. She passed her test a few days before the engagement party. The inheritance form the sale of Albert's house meant that Megan and Alan would be mortgage free and have a capital sum. Angela also owned her house outright and could buy a better car than the 2CV. But when she married me, Angela could sell her house and both sisters would be financially stable, although they would preferred that Albert was still alive.

After the party in my house for family and friends, Angela insisted in leaving everything to be cleared up tomorrow while she celebrated our formal engagement in bed. This time I only managed two orgasms because I was so tired but Angela seemed satisfied with those.

Albert's death had been a shock but it had brought me Angela as a partner and future wife. I owed him for that.