Close Encounters of Cheating Kind

Just a quick, fun one, with no real sex. Hope you enjoy.

*****

Doing a long distance sales run through the prairies or heartlands has its disadvantages: the cities are rather spaced out and the terrain is flat and mostly empty. However, on my third time of making the four-week trek, I started to appreciate some of the advantages: many of the small towns and villages were so unique and full of interesting characters and colorful local tales that more than made up for the boring drives between them.

On this one specific trip, I stopped at a tiny town that I've never been to before for supper. I made a point each time to find new places. As soon as I stepped into the only pub/restaurant, I was so surprised by the décor that I let out a loud giggle. Everything was UFO themed, from the green flying saucer bar chairs to the neon alien lights. All over the walls were pictures and new paper clippings from alleged sightings. The place was almost empty except a group of three elderly men sitting together playing cards at a back table.

"Problem with my place?" said a grisly man who had to be in his late sixties, looking quite offended by my reaction.

"Sorry, just was caught off guard," I said looking around, "I'd expect this in New Mexico, not Montana. This is great."

"Can I get you something?" the man said, looking like he wasn't completely sure I was sincere.

"A pint of draft and a menu, please," I said.

I sat down at the bar, and was pleasantly surprised to see even the menu was UFO themed. Hotdogs were probes in buns; burgers were mutilated cows; and onion rings were crop circles.

"So, I'm guessing locally there's been a few sightings around here? Crop circles?" I asked the bartender as he brought my beer.

"Shit, crop circles are just damn kids with too much time on their hands," he said while looking at me like I was a complete idiot, "Kids around here know better; they'd get such a whopping pulling shit like that. We have had a couple of sightings, though. One made national news in the sixties, and an abduction that's a bit of a local legend."

"Oh, someone was abducted?" I said very interested. I didn't believe in aliens, but still found stories about them fascinating.

"Couple people at once." He gestured towards the card players. "Larry, his ex-wife Betty was abducted at the same time as Slappy. It's quite the story if you're interested."

"Yeah, sure..."

"Hey Lar, get over here. This fella will buy ya a round to hear about Betty's abduction," called out the bartender.

The oldest looking of the three card players, who also looked to be in the best shape physically replied, "Sure, Merv. We're done for a bit any way."

I turned to Merv. "But wasn't the other guy abducted too?"

Merv grinned and shrugged. "Yeah, but Larry tells the story way better than Slappy."

"Yes he does," said a shorter chubby man who was approaching the bar beside Larry.

"Mike," I said extending my hand to both older gentlemen.

"Larry." For looking around eighty, he had a firm grip.

"Don, but everyone calls me Slappy. Used to brawl a bit in my late twenties," said Slappy, who didn't look like he could fight much now, except a couch cushion for the remote control.

After Merv served all three of us a beer, Larry started, "Well, I guess a bit of background would help. This was decades ago, me and Betty were in our mid-thirties and Joshua, our only kid was a teen. Already old enough to drive around - just not legally. I worked as a mechanic, specialized in farm equipment. We lived on an acreage about ten miles from town. Across the road was the old Finkle farm homestead; that is until he passed away. Another farmer bought his land and rented the homestead out as an acreage to a young married couple, barely in their twenties. And both as attractive as any people you'd ever meet."

"You're being kind," said Slappy with a grin, "You were still a big bean-pole back then, but Betty was turning as many heads as my Louise. We both lucked out there - at least until she left you..."

The look Slappy was giving Larry, it seemed like friendly teasing but felt cruel. Seeing Merv glance between the two, I'm sure there was something else to their relationship.

"That's the past and we both had good lives apart, may she rest in peace," continued Larry, "Anyway, us couples became friendly and cracked open plenty of beer and wine bottles. Slappy worked at the bank, and was brilliant with numbers, but wasn't a handy man, so I helped out as much as I could. I admit, he did have an eye for designing and cultural stuff and helped Betty whenever she wanted to change things up in our house. From time to time, he'd volunteer to head to Graniteville - bigger town in the area, which actually had a little mall - to take Betty to pick up something for the house.

"On this particular day, Betty was baking and out of baking soda. She went next door to see if she could borrow some from Louise. About ten minutes later, she calls me from Louise's house and said Slappy needed to head to town to grab something so she was catching a ride with him.

"Now, it should've been less than an hour that they'd be gone, but there was no sign of them for over two hours. I was in our front yard when I saw Slappy's truck pull up. There was my Betty and Slappy looking complete disheveled and with no supplies from town.

"Betty looked in shock and speechless when she saw me. She exited the truck in tears and came and hugged my so tightly I thought she'd crush me. 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry,' was all she'd say.

"It was at this point, Slappy came out and told me that they never made it to town because they were abducted by aliens. 'Aliens?' I said. Betty looked up at me and said it was true and so horrible. As she told me, they were driving and then the truck just started acting funny. They turned down a side road so Slappy could look into it. The truck then stopped working all together and then there was a blinding light. Next then they knew, they were outside the truck on the grass and their clothes messed up and it was over ninety minutes later.

"Apparently, besides getting roughed up a bit, Slappy wasn't worse for wear. However, my poor Betty was probed. When we went inside, she went and showed me her privates and sure enough, her asshole was puckered like the mouth of a balloon and awful alien seed dripping out. Looked like human semen, just thicker."

I couldn't help watching Slappy's and Merv's reaction to this. Both looked like they were trying hard not to smirk or laugh. Alien semen in her ass? I was really starting to dislike Slappy and felt a little sorry for poor gullible Larry. I was thinking it probably was for the best that his wife left him.

"Yes, it was pretty awful and took a long time to fully get over," Slappy said, "I still have nightmares. I'm sure Betty did too - probably led to her leaving you a few years later."

Larry shrugged. "Well, she was shook up, but not too bad at first. There were a few side-effects, not all bad mind you. After she recovered from her probing, she actually decided to try it backdoor style and seemed to like it. I think having that happen on the road shook her up more, since she never really took rides with Slappy since and only rode with me. I don't think Slappy was as bad. I mean, you seemed fine when you went inside to tell Louise. When she got out of her shower, how did she take it?"

Slappy had a funny look, so did Merv. "Shower, what do you mean shower?"

"Well, you must have mentioned it," Larry said with a shrug.

"Larry, I've heard you tell that story a hundred times, you've never mentioned anything about a shower before," Merv said laughing, "You must be going senile."

"No, no," said Slappy, "She was just getting out of the shower. I've been around you two almost every time you tell the story. When did Louise ever say she was in the shower?"

"Guess you can ask her," Larry said with a shrug.

"Funny, you know she moved to Florida to be with her sister a month ago," Slappy said, "How did you know?"

"Didn't really know for sure." Larry shrugged. "I just assumed she would be showering after we spend about an hour before fucking on your bed."

"What?" yelled Slappy as Merv and the unnamed man still at the card table both started laughing so hard they were in tears.

"Well sure," said Larry, "Louise and I figured you two were running off to screw each other and suspected you were doing that on a couple of your other trips. Louise told me that she owed you some payback. Really, I do feel bad the whole alien business happened and you didn't get your little tryst."

"We were really fucking, dumbass," snarled Slappy, "I fucked her ass till she squealed her pretty head off. That was Vaseline and my cum dripping out of her."

"Really?" said Larry looking shocked, but I now suspected he knew all along, "Well, that's good, I guess, neither of you really suffered. Shame it ruins such a good story."

"You really fucked my wife in my bed?" Slappy's face was getting red - at his weight that probably wasn't good for his heart.

"Not, just that time. Louise seemed to like that I did things to her with my mouth that you wouldn't. I taught her to return the favor - the good thing was it was less messy when I went into her mouth. However, I admit there were a few mistakes over the years. Like when Betty caught us in my bed. Louise was so surprised, she tightened right up and I couldn't help but go in her. Louise warned her if she told, she'd tell - I guess she must have known the alien thing was a tall-tale? Anyway, Betty decided to just leave and Joshua was already gone to college by then."

"You were still screwing my wife then?" said Slappy, who was almost shaking. I think he really wanted to punch Larry, but knew his body probably was in no shape to do any damage.

"It was around that time," said Merv to me, having trouble talking because of laughing so hard, "We started calling him Slappy. Originally, it was Sloppy for Sloppy Seconds because everyone knew Larry and Louise were going at it like rabbits every chance they got. Somehow, it got twisted to Slappy and stuck. Slappy, Slappy Seconds."

Larry didn't laugh, but almost smiled sympathetically at Slappy.

"How long did the affair go?" said Slappy as his eyes almost looked more sad than angry now. I was thinking how many years he let Larry tell that story, thinking he was the cuckold and the butt of the joke, when it was really Slappy all along. I didn't feel sorry for him at all.

"Don, as you know I'm almost fifteen years older than Louise," Larry said, "At one point, I was just too old for her and she needed someone who could take care of her needs. So, she decided to move to Florida to find another stud to rock her world."

At that point, Larry was laughing just as much as the other two. Slappy took a swing at Larry, but ended up hitting his hand on the bar instead. He yelled in agony and shot daggers at everyone as he left the bar nursing his hand.

"You owe Larry another round for that," Merv said, wiping his eyes.

"Definitely," I said and turned to Larry, "Why? After all these years, why did you finally tell him the truth? Why did you play dumb all those years?"

Larry shrugged. "Answer for the second question is easy. So he wouldn't suspect anything and I could keep going with Louise. Before they left that day, I already had my suspicions and I'm sure Louise had hers. Those were confirmed when Louise overheard the lovers talking before Betty called me about going to town. Louise then called me over to tell me what she heard, and after comparing stories...

"Well, first we were angry and then we wanted payback. However, it quickly became more than revenge sex for me. After Betty broke my heart that day, I fell for Louise hard. I know she developed feelings for me, but part of her still loved Slappy and though she didn't take forsake all others seriously, she was old-fashioned enough to not divorce him. At least until her golden years.

"That thing about Betty catching us was true, except she knew I knew the alien thing was bullshit that first day. We still had sex after that, but Louise was who I made love to. Betty kept quiet about Louise and me knowing, and I'd let her remain in my home but not my heart. Actually seeing me with Louise was different than knowing what was happening behind her back. Josh was gone, so at that point she finally gave up on me forgiving her and left. Really thought she'd tell Slappy before leaving for Alabama, but she never did. Always wondered why she never did tell Slappy at least about me and Louise... shame she died before I could ask her.

"Now, why did I finally tell the truth? I guess with Louise in Florida, there was no reason to keep it going. Actually, the new guy she has there is me. She left Slappy, and I'm getting a few things in order before moving there in a few weeks to spend what time we have left living together. Truth is, I was just waiting for the right moment to show Slappy for all these years the joke was really on him. Thanks for giving me the moment."

I nodded and clinked beer mugs with Larry. "You're very welcome."

Afterword:

Didn't want to say this at first to give away the plot, but this is based on actual events. My one uncle (from marriage not blood) in 1984 went for a twenty minute drive with his younger female neighbor and returned two hours later, claiming a UFO stalled his truck, and after shining a bright light on them, they lost an hour. Two years after, he'd still tell the story at family gatherings with more vivid detail of how the spacecraft looked. Majority of my relatives ate every word truly believing his was abducted, but a few would look at my poor aunt and felt sorry for her.

Four years after the 'abduction,' she finally left him and took a lot of heat for it - I live in an extremely conservative community. Almost twenty years later, before she passed away, I finally asked her if she ever believed the UFO story.

She told me, "No. Aliens don't leave open condom wrappers in trucks."

- HP