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Click hereYes Jason. Keep fucking me. Harder, harder fuck me please!
Kayla then let out a wail and her body started shaking all over. Her juices exploded onto his cock and started dripping down both of their legs. Her first orgasm started to calm down when Jason exploded in her pussy. Kayla felt every pulse of his cock as his come was going into her. They both kept moving as their bodies slowed to a stop. The both went to the floor exhausted and just laying there satisfied for now. Jason again heard his phone and crawled over to it with Kayla smacking his ass. He look at the time and it was almost 3:45. He thought for a moment to blow off his date with Lisa but then she knew she would never forgive him. He turned to Kayla telling her that he had to go to keep an appointment but Kayla knew her brother well enough to know that he would not just go see anyone and whoever it was had to be special.
What time will you be back? She asked him with a knowing look.
It will most likely be late so don’t wait up for me. Besides you should get some sleep before your gig tonight.
Alright have fun then and I will see you later. She said as she gathered her clothes.
She gave him a passionate kiss and went back to the house with a smile on her face. Jason looked at her naked body as she walk to the house and smiled to himself knowing that from now on that she would belong to him no matter who she was with. Jason then turned his thoughts to Lisa and getting ready for the gym. He hoped tonight would be just as good as the day went.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 15 years agoYour story is hard to understand because it lacks format. Start over.
Anonymousover 15 years agolike most of the loser writers on this site you can't seem to put your story in the proper area it belongs in the "BDSM" area not incest as soon as it got to the bdsm i stopped reading because it ruined the story if i wanted a bdsm story i would have gone there not here bdsm is never acceptable anywhere except in that catagory
Anonymousover 15 years agoNot bad, Quotes would go a long way to making this better. An editor would also go a long way to make this from a 'fair to good'.
Dirty_Old_Man3over 15 years agoYou told the story pretty well, but I agree that you do need to use quotation marks AND you need to reread the story before submitting it, even asking an editor to check it before submitting it. There were some simple mistakes that spell checker would ignore, word usage mistakes like her instead of him (unless her brother was a he/she), and a few past/present/future tense mistakes that simply jumped out. The story was still good and I feel that you are a good enough writer to make up for the mistakes with your story. Keep writing!
Anonymousover 15 years agoAs with others, I cannot read your story because the lack of dialogue quotes makes it too confusing. That's one of the most basic formats; work on it and we'll all revisit what looks like a promising story.
Alhazredover 15 years agoCount me among the readers who were unable to make it past a few paragraphs before having to stop. The lack of distinction between dialog and regular text proved far too much of a distraction, pulling the reader out of the flow of the story and destroying the immersion experience. Every time someone has to stop to figure out what you meant by what you wrote, it kills the flow of the story. Maybe try resubmitting it with quotation marks or something to let people know what text is dialog and what isn't. Good luck.
Anonymousover 15 years agoIts not your computer. As you said the quotation marks might have been removed during submission. It is almost impossible to read without quotation marks. I stopped after about 3 or 4 paragraphs. This should have been edited by someone other then the author, or if it was, don't use that person again. If you left them out, this is basic english to use quotation marks.
Anonymousover 15 years agoThe lack of quotation marks where characters speak made this story too difficult to read. I started and quickly had to stop. Please insert quotation marks where characters are speaking out loud at least.
Maybe there were quotes and they were lost in file translation, or there was some other method of distinguishing spoken words from the rest of the story, but they seem to be lost (at least on my screen.)
