Cobblestone Streets

"Are you just going to leave me here?" she yelled.

"I'll call you a cab," I said.

"We need to talk," she said.

"No, we don't," I told her. "Maybe you can talk to Cooper. He's such a nice guy."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't realize you were going to be such a prick about it. I won't be alone with him anymore."

"Too late," I told her. "That should have happened last time. You have no respect for me or anyone else but the 'nice guy'. I'll just take my prick self and find someone that likes my kind of prick, not his. Have a nice life, Cindy."

I did call her a cab. See, I'm a nice guy, for a prick. I didn't see or hear from her for three weeks. When I finally went back to my parents to spend the weekend I got ambushed. I think they had seen too much "Intervention" or Dr. Phool. Mom had called me on the way home and asked me what time she should plan dinner. I was totally ignorant of any nefarious plans and like a dummy, I told her. They even had the sneakiness to park their cars on the next block.

When I got home, I got my suitcase and my laptop and headed inside. Dad met me in the entry and took my suitcase. We went upstairs and put my stuff down and he said Mom and my sister were in the den. They were in the den all right, so were Cindy and her parents and Mom's pastor.

I guess I must have looked like a total idiot, standing there with my mouth hanging open. They had the furniture arranged around in a cute little circle with an empty chair at which everyone could stare. My little sister jumped up and ran over. She hugged me, kissed me and touched me all over as she always does. I loved Chris. She was fifteen and the cutest thing you've ever seen. She took me and led me by the hand over to my throne. It was either that or an electric chair.

Pastor Robbins was evidently the spokesman. I always thought he was a pretentious creep that stood too close to you when he talked.

"Eric, we all have something we want to say to you and we're here to listen to you, too. We know you're upset and we understand, but we think you're being unreasonable."

I looked around and they were all smiling and nodding at me.

"I love you, honey and I want us to be together for the rest of our lives," Cindy gave me her softest, sexiest voice. "Just listen to what we have to say and then we'll listen to you."

It was Dad's turn. I wondered if they had planned who spoke in which order. "Son, do you know that your Mother has friends that are men and I have friends that are women?"

There was a silence. "Do you want me to speak?" I asked.

They all smiled and nodded. "I wasn't aware you had an open marriage," I said. "You concealed that from me so carefully all my life that I was in total ignorance." The smiles faded a little. I think I got off the script. "Are you hanging the horns on Dad, Mom? I never suspected a thing."

She had the grace to blush. "Why are you talking like that?" she asked. "There's no need to be crude. That's not what your father meant. We have friends of the opposite sex. Everyone does."

"Okay, well, this has been enlightening. Is it my turn now?" I asked.

Cindy's Dad spoke up. "Robin and I care about you very much, Eric," he got the smile back. "Cindy loves you with all her heart. She's devoted to you and for you to ask her to give up her friends is just unreasonable. You aren't really going to break up with her because Cindy has friends, are you?"

There was another small silence. "Is it my turn?" I asked.

They all smiled and nodded. "Okay, this has been real fun," I said. "I appreciate you all being here to explain things to me. I can see how unreasonable I've been. I just need to go up to my room and think for a few minutes. You all wait right here. I should be back in about ten minutes." Oh, the bliss on their faces was excruciating. I got up and Cindy came and kissed my cheek.

Chris was looking at me funny. I stood up and climbed the three stairs out of the den and then the seven upstairs to my bedroom. I got my suitcase and Chris got my computer. She had followed me.

We went outside and put them in the trunk. "You aren't coming back, are you?" she asked.

"No, baby," I hugged her. "I love you, but I'm done with this bullshit. Call me and I'll come pick you up. We'll go somewhere, just you and me."

"Okay, Eric," she kissed me. "I love you, too. I'm sorry they embarrassed you like that."

"Not your fault, sweetheart," I told her. "See you." I gave her one last squeeze and backed out of the driveway. I rolled the window down. "Take a walk, honey," I told her. "Give me a chance to get out of town."

She nodded and started off down the street. Twenty minutes later, my car told me I had a call. It was Mom.

"Hi, Mom," I said.

"Where are you?" she asked. "Where is Chris? Is she with you?"

"She's taking a walk," I said. "I'm just passing through Hillsborough."

She sputtered for a few seconds. "But... you said you would be right back."

"Well, yeah, but I decided not to," I said. "Please, feel free to carry on without me. Oh, Mom, from now on, Chris is the only one of you from whom I'll be taking calls. Don't write, don't come to visit, don't use your telepathic abilities you evidently have that tell you how unreasonable I am. Bye, Mom."

"Eric, wait," she said. "I love you, honey. I'm sorry; I only want what's best for you. Just let me talk to you."

"Don't you think I'm the one to decide what's best for me?" I asked. "Bye, Mom, maybe you can talk to some of your friends that are men." I ended the call.

In a minute, I had another call. I didn't answer. I had five more calls in the next five minutes and I didn't answer. The sixth one was from Chris.

"Hi, Kitten, you in trouble?" I asked.

"Kind of," she said. "They made me call you, Eric."

There was a noise and Dad's voice came on. "You should be ashamed..." I cut him off. Maybe my family would be interested in marrying Cindy. They were all so reasonable; maybe they could all have a big group marriage, except for Chris, of course.

I must have got a hundred calls over the next three days. My secretary at work left stacks of messages on my desk every day in the morning, after lunch and at night. I listened to all the voice mails, read all the messages and all the e-mails. There were very entertaining.

Cindy's family was pissed off and so was she. My parents were, too, at first. I didn't hear much from Dad, but Mom wasn't pissed off after the first five messages or so. She was crying on the voice mails and her messages and e-mails were taking on a note of desperation. She was apologetic after the first hour or two. Cindy also became increasingly weepy and apologetic. She pleaded with me to talk to her, see her, meet with her, call her, anything. She was going to change; she was going to make it up to me. Everything was going to be different. If I didn't like someone that was her friend, she'd never see them again. All I needed to do was give her another chance and all this magic was going to happen.

She just didn't get it. I guess none of them did. I have a code. I have friends that are women, too. Since I had been in a relationship with Cindy, I didn't spend time alone with them. That's just asking for trouble. Sure, there were business and social interactions with women besides Cindy, but I sure wasn't taking them to lunch or dinner and I didn't put my arms around them. If they had significant others, we hung out together. If they didn't, we didn't hang out. Why put yourself in a compromising situation?

Dad had told me this all my life. You date the people you know. You marry the people you date. You have sex with people you are alone with and with whom you make relationships. It's a conscious choice. All this bullshit about "I didn't mean for it to happen," or "it just happened," makes me want to puke. It's a matter of a conscious choice. I chose to be a one-woman man and I chose for my partner to be a one-man woman. If it sounds like I'm inflexible, you're damn right I am. Sue me.

I went on a couple of dates over the next week and had a good time. It was kind of a relief not having Cindy around. It was especially liberating not to have to wonder where she was or with whom she was having lunch. I drove back up to McKinney and stayed in a hotel that weekend. I picked Chris up to take her to Six Flags. She came running out and jumped in the car when I pulled up.

"You should go quick," she said.

It was too late. Mom came running down the sidewalk as I started backing out. She jumped on the hood of the car and I just couldn't drive off. I rolled down the window.

"What do you want, Mom?" I asked.

"Promise me you won't drive off till I tell you," she said.

I sighed. "Okay, I promise. What do you want?"

She got down and came to the window. She leaned in, hugged me and kissed me.

"I wanted to tell you I'm very sorry," she said. There were tears in her soft brown eyes. "I should have respected you more, Eric. I love you so much and you're killing me not talking to me. You're my only son and I'm asking you to forgive me. Don't shut me out of your life."

I petted her soft cheek. "What are you doing next Saturday?" I asked her.

She looked hopefully at me. "Nothing," she said. "Do you want me to do something?"

"Why don't I come and pick you and Chris up?" I said. "I'll take you to IKEA in Round Rock." Mom loved that place. "Then we'll take Chris to the outlet stores and have dinner."

Her smile was bright and happy. "Ten sounds like a good time," she said. "We'll be ready, right, Chris?"

Chris was very excited about the outlet stores, much less so about IKEA, but she wanted to go. We had a blast at Six Flags and I was looking forward to the next weekend. Work went well that week. I had just started and I had a pretty steep learning curve. I got some problems in the foundry sorted out and Jack had given me a huge pat on the back. That was also the week I met his daughter, Allison.

I drove up to McKinney and pulled up in the driveway. Mom and Chris came out all happy and bubbly and jumped in. "Eric, I want to apologize to you again," Mom started.

"Let's just forget about all this," I said. "Let's go shopping. All the clothes are on me. Mom, if you buy any of that crappy furniture, I'm not hauling it home."

She laughed and we drove away. We stopped for a burger and it was a good day. I did haul home some crappy furniture. It was just lamps, but I told her she was on her own putting them together. The instructions that came with them were written by professional obfuscators.

I stopped by my favorite bar for a beer on the way home Monday and when I climbed the stairs to my apartment, Cindy was sitting on the top step. I almost turned around and left. Then I got mad. This was my home and I wasn't going to let her chase me off. I sighed and kept climbing. I wondered what she was doing there in the middle of the week. She was in her last year of school to be a Physician's Assistant.

"Can I come in and talk to you?" she asked.

"What do you want, Cindy?" I asked. "I thought everything was pretty clear."

"It is," she said. "I want to muddy it up."

I had to smile at that. "I kind of like clear," I told her. I sighed. She was here so I might as well get it over with. I opened the door and stood aside so she could walk past.

I sat on the sofa and she pulled a chair up in front of me. "I want another chance," she said.

"Well, that's not going to happen," I said.

"Why does everyone but me get one?" she said.

"I wasn't going out with anyone else," I told her. "They felt bad about what they did and apologized."

"So do I," she said. "I've apologized a million times. I'm sorry, Eric. I had no idea you felt like you do. How can I fix this? I'll do anything."

"What the hell do you mean, 'I had no idea you felt like you do'?" I asked. "I told you exactly how I felt."

"I was stupid," she said. "I couldn't believe you really meant it. It sounded so unreasonable to me that I couldn't believe you were serious."

I threw up my hands. "Do you have any idea how sick I am of the word 'unreasonable'? Maybe I am unreasonable. That's just the way I am. I'm happy with my unreasonableness. If you aren't, there's the door. I don't think it's unreasonable of me to expect my girl to not be having meals with other men alone or going to games with them. It seems like good sense to me. If that's unreasonable, that's just the way I am."

"I understand now," she said. "What can I do to make it up to you? What can I do so we can be together?" Cindy didn't look good. Her normally vibrant hair was kind of dull and lifeless and she was gaunt looking. She looked like she was going to cry. Her eyes were all full of tears.

"I swear to God, if you start crying I'm going to get up and throw you out of here," I told her.

She sniffed a few times and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. "Eric, I'm so sorry," she said. "I didn't plan for that to happen. I didn't go to the game with him. I went with some of my girlfriends and he was just there. We all talked and we were having a good time. He was going to give me a ride back to the dorms. That's all that happened."

"Okay, I believe you," I said.

"So why won't you talk to me, then?" she seemed puzzled.

"I'll talk to you about anything but me and you," I told her. "I didn't think you wanted to talk about anything else."

"I don't understand," she faltered. "I do want to talk about you and me. If you don't believe I went there to meet him, what's wrong?"

"You were leaving with him," I told her. "My girlfriends don't ride in cars by themselves with other men. I understand work and I'm not unreasonable enough to care about that. I thought I made that very clear. I don't spend time alone with other women and I don't allow my girlfriends to spend time alone with other men. You've been reading that cheater's handbook again, Cindy."

"It was just a ride," she protested.

"How did you get to the game?" I asked her.

"With Julia," she said.

"Why weren't you riding back with Julia?" I asked.

She sat there stunned for a minute. "I don't know," she said.

"I do," I told her. "He was cutting you out of the herd and getting you alone. That's how it starts. You let him do it. You knew if you thought about it at all, I wouldn't like it."

"Okay, I see that now," she said. "I was stupid. I can learn though, Eric. I see what you're getting at now. I didn't understand. Do guys really do that?"

"How did we get together?" I asked her.

"You asked me if I wanted to get something to eat after lab," she said.

"Who were you with?" I asked her.

"Julia and Robin... you cut me out of the herd, didn't you?"

"Exactly. That's how it works. I got you by yourself, just the two of us, and that's how it works. That's how romances begin. That's what Cooper was trying to do."

"I let him, didn't I?"

"Yes, Cindy, you did. I can't live with that. I can't always be around to make sure you aren't going off alone with some man. That's your job, and you suck at it."

"I'm so sorry," she said. "I didn't realize what was going on. It all makes sense now. He's been calling me ever since. Eric, if you give me another chance, it will never happen again."

"I gave you another chance," I said. "You fucked it up."

"Yes, but I didn't understand," she said. "I couldn't figure out why you would react that way. I understand now. I won't allow that to happen anymore."

"Okay, let's say I believe you; what now?" I asked.

"Will you go out with me Friday?" she asked. She wouldn't look up at me.

"Okay, what time?" I asked. I still didn't trust her and that didn't change until I accidentally overheard a conversation.

I was on my way home from work and I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a couple of bottles of wine. The liquor section had tall racks you couldn't see over. I saw a couple of guys on the other aisle when I turned into the section I wanted. One of them was George Cooper. They were talking louder than they should have.

"Whatever happened to that hot babe you had on the line?" the guy I didn't know asked.

"You mean Cindy?" Cooper asked.

"Yeah, she was smokin," the other guy said.

"She has this prick boyfriend," Cooper said. "I was just about to seal the deal and he saw us together. He threw a fit and she won't even talk to me now. It won't last. I'll keep calling her and I'll eventually wear her down. I'm going to get some of that yet. She says she'll never talk to me again, but I'm not giving up."

That surprised me. Cindy was keeping her word and I was impressed. She'd had the chance and she passed the test. I felt a lot better about moving forward. I dealt with Cooper, too. It's hard to call women when you have your right arm in a cast. He had another red shirt year and lost his scholarship.

That was 27 years ago, and until about five years ago, she was as good as her word. Then, someone gave her a book. It was something about "Her needs, His needs," and Cindy was all gaga about it. All of a sudden, there was all this psychobabble coming out of her mouth about "getting in touch with our feelings." She explained it all to me. Men and women are different. I was shocked! Who knew? Who buys that shit? Do I need to pay $29.99 for someone to point out the obvious?

I was pretty sure I had known that since the first time I saw a girl. There was all this bullshit about how men didn't understand women, how they often lived lives of deprivation because their men didn't understand or care about their "needs" and how they could take charge of their lives by making us aware of their need for emotional fulfillment.

She had all these great ideas about what we should do. We talked about a lot of bullshit for hours on end in carefully "arranged" and set "bonding" meetings. We acquired a bookshelf that was loaded with the most inane and stupid books imaginable. We watched boring and stupid movies designed to make me aware of my callousness and insensitivity. She would highlight passages in the stupid books for me to read. The insanity got more and more extreme. Most of the sage wisdom she received and dispensed seemed to have one aim: Women need emotional fulfillment and their husband is incapable of providing it. However, if he truly loves her he will support and encourage her in her journey to discover her emotional security and only then, can she find true happiness. That had been her quest for the last five years. Her behavior hadn't changed, as far as I knew. She went out with groups without me, and spent a lot of time with her circle of other sympathetic women, but she was never alone with other men. I lived by the same rule. We both understood emergencies, work and family, but we never went anywhere alone with members of the opposite sex for entertainment. Until that day, apparently. I really had no idea how long this had been going on.

"Dad, earth to Dad," Olivia was pulling on my arm. I hugged her.

"Hi, baby. Sorry, I was a little distracted there. Olivia, these ladies are Samantha and Cecilia. Samantha is hurt. Can you help them?"

"Where's Mom?" she asked.

"That's a good question," I said. "I'm going to want to talk to you about that later. Can you get Samantha fixed up?"

"Sure," she said, turning and looking Samantha over. "So how come you're here with clueless there," she nodded in my direction.

"He's been helping me and you should be more respectful to your father," Samantha told her.

Olivia snorted. "Well, he's not at all respectable, so that's out. I do love him with all my heart, though. Is that good enough?"

Samantha's eyes twinkled. "I can tell, honey. He's been so nice to me. He carried me here in his truck, got me in this nice room with these nice nurses and I'm ever so grateful. You don't have to stay anymore, Mr. Hollister. Dr. Olivia and Cecelia will take care of me now."