Come Alive Ch. 09

At five the next morning Taggart slipped the dock lines from their cleats; he hopped back on board and into the cockpit, and once there he put the transmission into reverse. Using the bow thruster, he kept Time Bandit centered in the slip as he backed-down into the marina's entrance channel, then he pointed the bow upriver and motored towards Gothenburg's city center, running at 1900RPM and making almost seven knots through the water. Running with the tide and an hour before slack water, he hoped to be free of the city -- and its heavy shipping traffic -- before the morning crush.

And once again he didn't wake Dina or Rolf. Truth be told, he admitted to himself while standing at the wheel, he liked being out here alone in the early morning. He usually sailed while listening to Gregorian chant, but he'd picked up a new CD by Tony Banks and listened to a new track -- Prelude to a Million Years -- as he looked at the old town and its ancient church spires as they drifted by.

A few minutes later Dina came up the companionway steps carrying two cups of cinnamon tea and some orange and walnut scones she'd baked late last night.

"You are a miracle and I love you," he said as she handed him a cup.

"I should take that as a compliment, you think?"

"Yeah, but don't let it go to your head."

"I'll do my best," she sighed. "It seems very quiet out this morning."

"Yes, it's lovely out."

"What is this music?"

"Tony Banks -- he was the keyboardist for Genesis. He seems to be writing classical music these days."

"It's peaceful...I like it," but she stopped speaking as she saw he was looking at something ahead.

Because he was scanning the river, watching a small freighter backing into the main channel. "Damn, I forgot to set the radar to stand-by," he said, shaking his head and flipping a switch, then pinching off a bit of scone and sipping some tea. "I heard a weather forecast an hour ago; it's going to be very hot as we move inland, but it should be cooler on the lake."

"After the last few days, I think hot weather will be most welcome. There is a chill when the air is damp that makes me feel wretched."

He nodded. "I feel it here," he said, pointing to his surgical incision and his left armpit.

"Have you taken your medications yet?" she asked.

"Not supposed to until six."

"I'll go get them..."

"No...sit with me, please. It's gorgeous, you know..."

"What?"

"The city...you...all of it."

"I love you too," she said, rubbing the top of his hand before she turned to watch over the world beyond the walls of Time Bandit's little cocoon.

There was enough wind to dapple the surface of the water, and even a few gulls were flying along above their wake, crying for fish, he assumed as he gauged the conditions around him. He turned the radar on and checked the way ahead for unseen traffic; the freighter was turning into the river but keeping to the correct side of the channel, and that was it...

"How far to the first lock?" she asked.

"About 50 kilometers, at a small town called Lilla Edet."

"Do you plan to go all the way there today?"

"Not if I can help it. The first cute village we come to I'm shutting down the engine and tying off to a tree..."

She smiled, shook her head. "Stop and smell the roses, I think. Isn't that the expression?"

"It is, indeed."

They approached a massive bridge and Taggart eyed it nervously -- as his mast height was almost 17 meters -- but as the bridge was 22 meters he motored on. Still, both he and Dina stared at Time Bandit's masthead as she went under the bridge, and he felt a moment of stark terror that passed as soon as they cleared the span.

"It always looks so close, closer than it really is," he said.

"I guess you learn to trust the charts," she added.

"There's another big one just ahead, supposedly lots of cruise ships dock there."

"Yes, the Götaälvbron. The bridge over the Göta älv river. Many tourists visit here in the summer."

Rolf's head popped up in the companionway; he was yawning and still wiping away the night from his eyes. "Where are we?" he asked.

"Coming up to the center of the city," Dina said. "Get some clothes on and come rejoin the human race!"

He nodded and disappeared below.

"God," she moaned, "they were at it all night again."

"You should get some headphones. Music blocks it out nicely."

"I swear that girl is insatiable, Henry."

"Good for him. Valuable training for all life's adventures."

She shook her head. "Incorrigible. He will be ruined for life."

"I think I need more coffee."

"I have cherry scones in the oven," she said, smiling.

"You're assuming Rolf hasn't already eaten them all."

Her eyes went wide and she scurried down the companionway steps.

The Götaälvbron's height was 18.3 meters so even lower, and this time he was sure the Vhf radio antenna scraped along the underside of the steel latticework. He visibly shuddered just as Dina came up the steps...

"Do you need your medicine?" she asked -- then she saw the bridge and how close it was and her eyes went wide again. "That was much closer, wasn't it?"

He nodded. "Close enough to just about make me shit my britches..."

She passed up his cup, then she came up with a platter loaded with hot scones and put them on the cockpit table. "Well, I am happy you did not do this."

"Me too. No better way to ruin the day."

"Are there many more such bridges?"

He shook his head. "Most are so low we have to radio ahead so they can be raised, even a few railway bridges. The next one is a railway bridge, the Marieholmsbron; I have to call them soon."

They had to wait for several trains to pass, then the bridges swung on a center-pivot to let them pass, and then the way ahead was clear.

"Is there a speed limit?" she asked.

"Ten knots for now. Which is a lot faster than we can go. Pretty soon it drops to five."

"How fast will we go?"

"Five or so, maybe slower."

"I saw a control below for air conditioning. Does this boat have that?"

"Sorry, but yes, it does. I used it in Florida a lot."

"How hot is it supposed to get today?"

"High 80s, Fahrenheit. The next several days could see low 90s."

She scowled. "This is unheard of so close to the sea."

"The shape of things to come, I'm afraid." He picked up a scone and held it under his nose. "Smells a little like heaven, ya know?"

"How warm is it out here now?" she asked.

"78F. Why?"

"It is stuffy down below."

"Well, we can open some hatches or fire up the a/c."

"I will try hatches first."

Clyde stepped into the cockpit and barked twice. "Sorry, boy...you gotta use the Astro-turf this morning...Dina, can you take the wheel?"

He led the pup forward and pulled out an Astro-turf door-mat from its hiding place and tossed it down in the deck. Clyde looked up at him with disgust clear in his eyes, but he dutifully circled twice and dumped a load on the 'grass', then peed for good measure before he walked back to the cockpit. Taggart cleaned up the mess, scooping up the brown and washing away the yellow, then he went back to the cockpit. Clyde was eating his breakfast by that point, when he finished eating he jumped up onto the seat next to Taggart and fell asleep.

They were just passing through the outskirts of Gothenburg -- with industrial warehouses on one side of the river and parklands on the other -- when Astrid and Rolf came topsides. Astrid said hello before moving up to the bow pulpit -- her favorite place on the Bandit -- while Rolf sat down and munched on a scone. He yawned and stretched, revealing a huge purple hickey on the side of his neck.

"Looks like you saw some real combat last night," Henry said, pointing to his own neck.

"Oh, I got her back, inside her thighs."

"Good man. Give as good as you get, I always say."

Rolf leaned close, spoke with his voice just above a whisper: "She is sometimes not a very interesting person, Henry. She is very, how do I say this, very interested in music and sex."

"Oh? I'm curious; did she bring any drugs on board, Rolf?" he asked, though he suddenly grew quite serious.

"Yes, some pills, and I think some sort of stuff she injects."

"What do you mean...like heroin?"

"I think maybe, yes, but I don't know."

"Well, that's a problem, Amigo. Police or the Coast Guard can confiscate this boat if illegal drugs are found on board. And I am the one responsible, understand?"

"Yes."

"So my rule about illegal drugs is a simple one; either the drugs go, and I mean all of them, or she goes."

"Understood. I'll take care of it right now."

"And Rolf, if you think she is dishonest, that she is lying about where she is keeping her drugs, she has to get off. I will pay for her to get home, but she has to leave."

"Henry, I would think she should leave in that case."

"Why, Rolf?"

"What if she is addicted. She has to go below and inject this stuff several times a day..."

"Where, Rolf?"

"What?"

"Where does she inject herself?"

"In the stomach."

Taggart relaxed. "Can you bring her back here for a little talk?"

"Of course?"

Astrid came back and sat next to Clyde and scratched behind the pup's ears. Clyde, of course, moaned before rolled onto his back -- inviting her to scratch his belly.

"Rolf, why don't you go below and help Dina for a moment."

When Rolf was out of range he turned to Astrid. "I'm just curious, but are you diabetic?"

She looked down and seemed quite embarrassed, but she nodded. "I didn't tell Rolf -- how did you know?"

"He told me he saw you injecting yourself in the stomach. He doesn't know what that means, and he thought maybe it might be heroin."

"Oh-my-God, no!" she whispered. "No, it's not like that at all..."

"Type one or type two?"

"Type one, for almost fifteen years now."

"The pills? For diabetes, too?"

She nodded.

"I ask because the Coast Guard has a rule..."

"Oh, Henry, I know all these rules. I have a letter from my physician authorizing me to have these things with me..."

"Okay, so you brought nothing illegal on board, right?"

"Yes, I promise this is true. We get checked at the hospital all the time..."

He nodded. "Ya know, I think Clyde loves you just a little."

"He is so sweet."

"Astrid, kids Rolf's age are a little like pups. They are curious and can be empathetic, but they thrive on the truth."

"I know, but many of the boys I have known have been most upset by me giving myself shots, even if it is just insulin..."

"Rolf isn't like most boys, Astrid. You might keep that in mind before you think about moving on. And if you need to keep your supply in the fridge, go right ahead."

"Rolf is a very special person, Henry. I could feel that right away."

"Yeah, well, so are you. And I could feel that right away, too."

"I keep wanting to tell you how much I appreciate being here, for you thinking about me enough to do this for me."

"I'd say you're welcome but the pleasure has been all mine. I thought you and Rolf might become friends, good friends, and maybe I asked because I hoped something nice would work out between you."

She nodded. "I think maybe I should go and have a talk with Rolf, don't you?"

"I think so, but you should always do what you think is the right thing to do, Astrid. Follow your head and your heart, because that usually leads to the best outcome."

As she went below Dina came up the companionway. "What was that all about?"

"Oh, nothing much. She's type one and has some insulin with her, probably needs to put some stuff in the fridge."

"Oh."

"What are you cooking down there? It smells outrageous!"

She smiled. "You'll see, however, I think we will be having an amazing lunch," she said as she handed him his medications.

"Thanks. About five miles to a place called Agnesberg. That'll be the last of the big city scenery for a while. Thankfully!"

"You know, in a way this is exciting. Settled and peaceful, yes, but what is around the next bend? You never really know, do you?"

He nodded. "In a car zipping along, you'd probably never give this landscape a passing thought, but out here...? Nature feels invitingly raw when you drift along like this. How is it down below? Still stuffy?"

"There is a nice breeze coming through now. It is worse up here in the sun."

"I'll rig the bimini when we stop for the evening."

"Is it this thing?" she asked, pointing at a large canvas rolled-up on some aluminum struts."

"Yup."

"Can I do it now?"

"Sure," he said. "Might be better to sit in the shade, I reckon..."

"I think so too," she said, grinning. He put on the autopilot and helped her set it up. "This is very, what? Formidable? Like it was made for heavy storms?"

"Yes, but it's a little too short for me to stand up all the way. I need to get longer struts measured."

"Ah yes, I see. How tall are you?"

"Six-three. Short by American standards these days."

"Well, at least everything is in proportion," she said, smiling at him -- in reality, trying just about anything to get him to laugh. He was becoming so serious now, so unlike himself...

He smiled a little, then looked up at her. "Tonight, maybe?"

"Yes, we must compete with the Olympic screwing team up front!"

"Maybe I should get a testosterone shot and some Viagra. That would put us back in the running, wouldn't it?"

And that made her laugh. "I think maybe my labia are not so tough as hers. Now, I must go tend to my lunch..."

He switched off the autopilot just as Rolf came up into the cockpit.

"Well, did you straighten her out?"

"I am so embarrassed," he said. "And a little ashamed."

"Why? What happened, Rolf?"

"Her shots are for diabetes, even all her pills. I should have known."

"Oh? Why?"

"Because I assumed she was hiding things from me."

"Oh, well, that happens. Ya know, I learned an old saying when I was about your age. 'Smart people get their exercise at the gym; not so smart people get their exercise by jumping to conclusions.'"

"I was not so smart, Henry."

"Did you apologize?"

"Yes."

"Then you move on from there. You accept her -- even if she has diabetes. Love is just love, after all; love isn't magic, but it is real or it is nothing at all."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you can't be just a little in love, or even too much in love. Love is just love. You either feel that way or you don't. There's nothing else like it, maybe not even anywhere else in the universe."

"I think," Rolf added, "it might be the scariest thing in the universe."

"Love can be very powerful, but I've found that hate and anger can be just as powerful, too. And all three seem to be related, somehow."

"How so?"

"Well, love can turn to hate or anger in a heartbeat, and once it does something very strange and powerful happens. People lose the ability to think rationally."

"Maybe it is better to never fall in love, Henry."

"Maybe so, but then you'd miss out on one of the big things that make us human."

"Do you think only humans can love?"

"No, I didn't say that. Remember those Orcas? I think they love one another, and dolphins do too. Lots of birds mate for life -- so why can't we call that love? What makes us different, Rolf, is that we write poetry and music about love, we build monuments to love, and we have created elaborate ceremonies all around the very idea of love, so obviously we think love is a very big deal. It's a feeling, true, but it is so much more than that. When you get right down to it, we've organized our societies around a precondition of stable love..."

"Maybe that's why we're getting so fucked up, Henry."

He smiled. "You know, maybe you're right. What would you organize a new society around?"

"Money, I think."

"Okay. So...what happens to poor people in that society?"

"No, no, there would be no poor people. Everyone would make the same, no matter what they did."

"I think that's been tried before."

"Oh? Where?"

"The Soviet Union, for one, but pretty soon little breakdowns began to occur. Like everyone was equal, right? -- but even so pretty soon some people were more equal than others. These people starting making new rules to benefit people just like them, and pretty soon you were right back to square one and the Soviet Union fell apart. So...love might actually be a pretty good organizing principle...if we can ever figure out how to really make it work for everyone, that is."

"I think I will have a hard enough time making it work for just me, Henry."

Taggart nodded. "Truer words were never spoken, Rolf. Love is a mystery, and one with no easy solution, no real answer. My God but that smells good. What is she making down there?"

Rolf grinned, but he shrugged at the same time.

"Ah, yes...love loves a good secret," Henry said, smirking.

"Well, one thing is certain...she loves you, I think...but..."

"But what, Rolf?"

"I think she is not the only one," the boy said, now perhaps a little defiantly.

"What's on your mind, son."

"I think there are two other women who love you...did you call me son?"

"I did, yes."

"I don't know, but I think I like that."

"Me too. Now, what about your mother?"

"And that girl Eva; my mother thinks she loves you most of all."

"Most of all? Rolf, remember something important. There is no most of all, there is only love."

"But cannot some people hurt more than others? If this is so, aren't you saying that all pain is alike, or that no pain is worse than another?"

"I don't know, Rolf. I really don't know the answer to that one."

"I talked to my mother last night. She wants to spend time with you. But my mother says that Eva appears lost without you. She says Eva must come soon, and she asks that you consider this."

"Have you told your grandmother any of this, Rolf?"

"No, I haven't, but I asked her to call my mother."

"When?"

"Just before I came up now."

"Well, fuck."

"Henry?"

"Yup?"

"What shall we do?"

"We? Rolf, this is my problem, not yours..."

"No, not so. You have already told me that these will be my brothers or sisters and that I will be the one taking care of them one day, so is this not my problem, Henry?"

"I'm not sure I'd be in such a hurry to take this on if I were you, Rolf."

"But I can help. At least I can if you will let me."

"You know, I really wish you were my son."

"Henry, you are the only father I have now. Please remember that."

Taggart sighed, nodded his understanding. "Okay. But I know one thing now, Rolf."

"What is that?"

"We're going to need a bigger boat."

+++++

They tied up just north of Agnesberg and had lunch in the cockpit, a fantastic spread of salads and soups and freshly baked bread, and though Dina tried her best not to appear confused Henry could tell that she was. But not angry, he told himself, and that was a good thing, right?

Rolf, on the other hand, seemed nervous, constantly looking between Astrid and his grandmother, then looking to Henry for reassurance -- like 'our little world isn't about to come crashing down on our heads, is it?'

Yet try as he might, Taggart just couldn't get his food down. It was delicious, it smelled like heaven, but after getting a bite or two down he completely lost his appetite, and within a few minutes Dina was focused on Henry -- like she was gauging his reaction to the food as if she alone knew what was happening.

And perhaps that was because she alone knew what was happening. Worse still, she alone knew what lay just ahead.

She went below and poured him a nutritional shake, then she prepared an injection. She went up and asked him to roll up his sleeve, and when that was done she had him sip on the shake while they ate. A half-hour later Henry ate a slice of bread, then he finished his soup and announced that the world was still a very splendid place indeed!