Condo Conflict Ch. 01: Small Hands

I was pleased with the design and drew a favorable response from Frank when I walked him through it. He turned it over to the drafts people to draw up a working copy. An appointment was made with Emilio Santamundi to present it in a week.

****

The meeting didn't go well.

That is as much an understatement as calling a coronation an event, or an assassination an incident. It started out badly and rapidly went downhill from there.

So, call it what it was- a complete disaster!

"Frank, I've been waiting on this for a couple of weeks now. Time is money in business, you know."

"We turned this around in three weeks, Emilio. That's damn fast in architecture."

"Well, I hope it was worth waiting for. Let's see what you came up with."

"Barry here is our lead guy on this project, and I think you'll like what he's ready to propose. Sit back for a few minutes. He'll walk us through it with a computer slide show."

"When do I see the blueprints? That's what I want."

"Right after the slides."

Then I started through it, recognizing that he was impatient. I was nervous because I knew he could be a bear, so I probably rushed a bit faster than usual. The developer made it more difficult by continually interrupting me.

"Let's start with the lot plan. You want plenty of units, so the building outline is pushed out as far as it can go on that property."

"Where's the parking? I don't see any room for parking!"

"That'll have to be beneath the building. Most likely on two levels because of all the units."

"Underground! Fuck! Do you know how expensive that is?"

"Let Barry go through the slide show, Emilio, then we can look at how all these things all fit together."

"OK, but I can already see that this guy went for the big dollar stuff. Two levels underground. Je-sus!"

"This slide shows a typical floorplan for one level of the building. You can see a mix of unit sizes from suites to two-bedrooms on each floor."

"Hey! Too many little cubby-holes! It's hard to sell studios, you know, and I don't see any three-bedroom units. Now those are easy to sell."

"They're on the top level, four of them. Penthouses with big outdoor space on each corner of the roof."

"Come on. I need more than four big units. I want to have rich people move in and I can't have so many studios and hardly any three- or four-bedroom apartments!"

"OK. We think you'll like the look of the building. Show him Barry."

"You'll see that the building fits in to the streetscape. It's new but it blends with the churches and civic buildings along the street. The style has some classical elements, like granite pillars and stone facing on the lower two levels, with fancy brickwork between each level above that, and...."

"Why's it so small? And why's it look like everything else on the street? I wanted at least a dozen levels and something really distinctive! You've given me short and bland. Shit! This isn't what I want at all. No wonder you filled it with small apartments to get enough units!"

"Calm down Emilio. I think Barry has a lot of good ideas here. We can't build that high and expect a permit from the city. Not right beside the park. Even seven levels is pushing it."

"Look Frank. I don't like what I'm seeing at all. This guy has ideas but not the ones I want. Put somebody else to work with him. Does that broad who did the Riverside Condo for us still work for you? You know, the one with the big tits? If so, put them together and try again."

"That'd be Carole. Sure, we 'll take another look at it. But I'm telling you, nobody will give you a permit for twelve levels. There would be such a hew and cry that you'd be as popular as Attila the Hun. I run an architecture business, Emilio. I know you can bend some of the rules, get a special easement now and then. But twelve stories next to that park? You're dreaming!"

"See what Carole can do with this plan. At least ten levels and something more modern, not just like everything else along the street. My condo will get lost in the crowd."

Afterward, Frank took me out for a long, boozy lunch because he knew how angry and disappointed I felt. I could tell that he was mad at Santamundi too, mocking him subtly as we spoke.

"So Barry, I'll talk to 'Tits' and see if she's interested in working with you on another design for him. I know Carole complained last time. Told me she didn't ever want to be alone in the same room as that man again. I don't blame her."

"Remind me to behave myself around her, Frank."

"Say, what's this I'm hearing about you and Monica? My secretary says that you two are tight. Nice looking girl. What does she see in an old guy like you anyway?"

"Old! I haven't even reached forty. Hell, you must be sixty and I still see you stare every time the secretaries walk past you."

"Yes, I admit it. Just don't tell anybody, eh. Especially not that broad you'll be working with. You know the one with...."

"Yeah. I know, Frank," I interrupted.

I wondered if I'd be able to work with Carole without accidently calling her that if I heard it too often. It wouldn't go over well at all.

****

Two days later, Carole and I were examining the plans and elevations I'd prepared for the developer. I could see why Santamundi liked her body, but I also knew that she was a fine architect. She was about the same age as me and had been involved in some high-level public sector projects before she came onto Frank's staff. I felt a bit intimidated, but I knew she'd help me a lot. And since Emilio liked her, it would ease getting a design through.

I'd noticed Carole around the office, of course, because anyone could see that she had a Hell of a body. On a second glance, one would see a friendly face and reddish-blonde hair, which she wore long and straight. Carole didn't just walk. She strode forward, exuding confidence, almost a brashness which could be disarming to mere mortals like me. I would enjoy being paired with her on this assignment.

While we were taking a closer look at my initial proposal for the developer, Carole had something strange to say.

"Did you notice how small Emilio's hands are, Barry?" she asked me, grinning, and I had no idea what she meant.

"Not really. Why?"

"They say that you can guess the size of a guy's dick just by looking at his hands."

I told her that I'd heard this somewhere before, something political I thought. Carole continued.

"Right. You got it. Maybe that's why Santamundi always wants big, tall buildings? I call it SHS- Small Hands Syndrome. His little 'thing' is the problem. I think that if we can convince him he's big, then he won't keep insisting on these high towers that nobody on City Council or in the community wants," she joked.

While she was talking, I inadvertently opened my own hands and glanced down at them. To my satisfaction, I noticed that they were rather large, but Carole caught me looking. We locked eyes and she smiled.

"I think I'm going to like working with you, Barry. Must be those big hands of yours!"

I felt myself turning red, then we both laughed loudly.

This attractive woman had a real sense of humour!

Working with her was going to be interesting.