Confessions of a Trophy Wife

Within another month she'd bumped into Winthorpe at a nightclub where he and some friends were slumming it. The sight of his Rolex and diamond cufflinks, as well as his finely manicured hands and refined accent, really grabbed Susan's attention. Her skilfully presented cleavage grabbed his.

He plied her with enough expensive champagne that she found herself in his Bentley, in the parking lot, swallowing first his cock and then his load. Winthorpe was greatly impressed; the women he was accustomed to frowned at performing fellatio and never, ever swallowed. From that night on they met at least three times a week at the mansion without Dave ever finding out.

At these meetings, Winthorpe got to try just about everything he'd ever seen in porn movies. Susan got to experience humiliation. This ranged all the way from pretending to enjoy it while he unsuccessfully tried to titty fuck her lubed cleavage, to looking up at his face smiling down at her as he dropped yet another load of his stinky semen on her face. Facials was another thing Windy had a penchant for. The memory almost made Susan vomit all over again.

Winthorpe must have remained impressed because he offered to let Susan move into his house and when Susan insisted on the security of marriage, he agreed.

Dave was promptly ambushed with expensive lawyers and divorce papers left on the kitchen table, found after a sixteen-hour shift at the factory. To speed his decision to sign unopposed, Susan laid out her months of adultery in a brief handwritten note. She handed everything to her husband free and clear, except her personal belonging, all removed by the time he read the note. This included their eighteen-year-old car and their rented house.

Susan had wanted to pay off the surgical loan but couldn't see a way that wouldn't alert her new fiancé, and subsequent husband to the fact that she'd attracted him with silicon. A fact he never seemed to realise.

Her four children met with her at the mansion the day after their father was ambushed. They all refused the new cars Susan was offering, paying off any remaining loans they had, or upgrading the younger two to better universities. After confirming their father's story, they simply walked away without a backward glance.

Ever since that day they'd refused her phone calls. None of them attended her wedding or Winthorpe's funeral. In fact, Susan hadn't heard any of their or her grandchildren's voices since that point and as that day was over two years ago, her hopes weren't high of ever hearing them.

Her offer, through a third party, to buy Dave a house of his own, had been returned with the polite words, 'no, thank you', written across it in her ex-husband's distinctive script.

She'd only seen her latest granddaughter once, and that had been today. When she'd made the mistake of driving the Porsche down memory lane on the way back from the drugstore. She'd lorded it right down the very street she used to share a house with Dave and glanced at her old address.

And wished she hadn't.

There was Dave, looking as ruggedly handsome and fit as he always had. He was sitting on his old chair out on the porch, next to an unfamiliar woman who looked to be about his age, bouncing a little girl on his knee as he gave her one of his famous horsey rides. The toddler was obviously squealing in delight. Any doubts who the girl was were dispelled by the sight of Susan's eldest daughter sitting nearby, looking fondly at her dad and smiling, while she held a phone, obviously videoing the moment. The strange woman put her face on Dave's shoulder for the camera. He turned his face and kissed the side of hers.

It suddenly struck Susan how wrong she'd been. Here she was driving a six-figure car, in a four-figure dress. Living in a house big enough to be a school, with enough money in the bank to live out her life in luxury, touring the world, staying at the best hotels everywhere, and being spoiled rotten.

There her ex-husband was, probably still working sixty-hour weeks to meet the rent and utility bills, putting any spare cash he had into either a retirement account or paying off the kid's loans. Sitting on his veranda with his lover and one of his loving children, having a ball and creating beautiful memories. Becoming immortal in the digital world.

While she was relegated to a backwater of history. Cursed by her children and unknown to the generation after that. Dead to them already.

She suddenly knew what happiness was. Dave had it in spades. She had nothing.

And it was all her own greedy fault.

She'd once stood on that side of the fence, the so-called poor side, looking at this side and thinking how much an oasis it was with all its riches and glamour. Now she stood amongst the blackened rubble this side, gazing in envy at the verdant scene over that fence, and felt sick.

Here was the reason for her making an unscheduled stop at the liquor store and buying enough alcohol to stun a bull rhino. Then attempting to drink herself into a state of non-thinking, another task in which she failed.

Susan Cathcart, nee Brown straightened up and went looking for the sleeping pills she'd bought at the drugstore; the ones the pharmacist had warned her never to take more than two of. It was tempting to rebel but Susan knew that she was too much of a coward. As usual she'd take the easy path. She'd be miserable. She'd be lonely. One of the bitches had said there was a price to pay for her choices. Silly me, I thought that was having to have sex with Winthorpe.

Now Susan knew it was much worse. It was a life without love.

Here endeth the lesson.

Now lighten the fuck up.

Thought you might appreciate some advice from an Australian etiquette book.

AUSTRALIAN ETIQUETTE

IN GENERAL

1. Never take an open beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.

3. It's tacky to take an Esky to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your truck and trailer to the funeral.

DINING OUT

1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.

PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN car keys.

2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.

3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.

4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery.

DATING

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook -- especially on the first date.

2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff about you on the toilet door two years ago.'

3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say 11:00 PM, others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATRE/CINEMA ETIQUETTE

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.

2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS

1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop in your popularity. (Excessive use of the tongue is also considered out of place)

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for the occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight

2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest bull bar doesn't always have the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.