Confessions Pt. 05: Rhea

I guided Michael's hand as the mouse hovered over the "Stream" button. He sat on a chair while I stood hunched over behind him. I leaned over his shoulder granting me opportunity to savor in his scent. That unexplainable musky scent men have that makes me want to bend over for them.

"Oh, okay I get it now," he said proudly. We turned to each other and for a moment our eyes locked. His dark brown eyes seemed to brighten as the light made it glisten. They moved down to my lips for a second then blinked back to me. I take a gulp wanting no more than to dive into a kiss with him.

"Okay, enough of that." I gently touch his face and turned him back to the screen. His eyes showed a hint of disappointment but then chuckled a bit. I casually looked around as if trying to relax my neck.

We were positioned at the very back of a computer shop. It was still quite early so nobody was around except for a few who have probably stayed all night playing online games. The initial three rows of computers in front of us had no one while the next one up front had two. They wouldn't be able to see if we did something. However, on our row there's someone beside us.

I didn't recognize the guy, I craned my neck to see what he was doing. His monitor displayed three windows of google chrome. Though I could see at the tab there were four. One is at the top left, another ate the half right of the screen and another small one is at the bottom left. That last one caught my attention, it was definitely pornhub. It's then I noticed the guy's right hand moving up and down his pants while his left scrolled the mouse. Someone entered the shop and walked all the way to the back; towards the guy beside us. When he realized someone's coming, he awkwardly scrolled the mouse and clicked the fourth window from the tab which covered the pornhub window.

What an amateur, I thought. If his friend decided to listen on the headphones, he will be caught immediately. One hover at the tabs and the pornhub window will present itself. What he should've done instead was—

"Jason?" I started as I felt a tug on my shirt.

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry," I said stifling a laugh.

"What're you looking at there?" Mike whispered catching on to me.

"I'll tell you later," I guided his hand again and taught him how to record while streaming.

"Are you planning to record a sex tape?"

"Maybe."

"Who would you be with?" A hint of mixed feelings seeped through his voice. Uncertainty, curiousity and...jealousy?

I just shot him a knowing look. We've gotten close ever since that night. We fell onto a deep kiss all the way home. I remember the stark contrast between the cold wind brushing against us and our warm bodies grinding against each other. After that, he always asked me to hang out somewhere and treated me to various food chains. I'm not picky, I could settle for even a simple chips and soft drinks. My family could afford things his could never even dream of but I never wanted to be buried in riches. I liked money, who doesn't? But that doesn't mean I don't want to live simple. I appreciated everything he did, especially the simple ones like making sure my shirt looked decent, teaching me safe routes I could take if I came home very late and genuinely telling me to be safe before going to school. He never really told me how he really felt about me except for that night when he just exclaimed it.

For months, it was just that. No sex. Just casually hanging out and maybe the occasional kissing.

Do I really need him to say those three words again? Maybe these acts are his way of showing that what he said was real. For months, it was just that. No sex. Just casually hanging out and maybe the occasional kissing.

If so then I'm worried.

Of course, I didn't let him do all of the work. I treat him as much as he does me. I tried to do the things he does to me, to him. On an outer perspective, one would see us as just best friends being sweet with each other. We really didn't look like the stereotypical queer as shown in TV. It made me sad to realize how many people are in hiding, afraid of what people might think if they opened up their feelings.

"You never told me why your dad called you home all those months ago," Mike said, failing to mask the bitterness in his voice. "I was worried, y'know? You were gone for two weeks."

Why? Why were you even thinking of me?

"He just wanted me to help in our business." I darted my eyes away.

"You're lying," Mike stood. The monitor dimmed. I didn't notice our time was up. "I always buy parts from your store and you're never there. He told you about Alan?"

"Yeah." He caught me. "Actually he was there when I arrived."

"Are you kidding me?"

"I wish I am. He was doing it with dad." That alone did not bother me. What bothered me was the fact that our livelihood could be swept away in just one click—and that didn't depend on me or my family. We walked outside the shop.

"Shit. I-I mean, yeah I initially told you about him...sorta," Mike stuttered, taking a breath before continuing. "I just didn't expect him to make an appearance."

"How did you know about him anyway?"

"Well, when I dropped out, my ma kicked me out so I'm forced to find a job." I looked at him and that sad look I saw from him at that night. It's as if his burning fire of proudness of discovering how to stream a video was smothered in an instant. "I asked around and my cousins taught me to drive the pedicab. However, I didn't have enough money to buy my own. I was too humiliated to stay at my relatives so after I accepted the owner's offer to loan me a pedicab, I then looked around for a place to stay."

"And you found Alan," I chimed in. We stopped at a bakery shop, I bought some spanish bread and separated some to give him. We then continued our walk.

"Thanks," he gave me that smile that slowly grew on me. "But Alan found me. He offered to buy me a pedicab and let me stay in his house for as long as I wanted in exchange for..."

"You don't have to say it."

"It's okay. He wanted me to have sex with him but to make sure I keep my mouth shut, he recorded us."

"You? A bottom?" I teased, hopefully lightening up the mood.

"I didn't let him fuck me. I just sucked him, that's all." He bit into a bread.

"That's still shouts bottom to me."

"Maybe I'll let you bottom me someday," he turned to me most likely to see my reaction.

I lift an eyebrow, subtly telling him I'm fucking game. I turned away, trying not to spit the bread in my mouth. "Anyway, how long did you stay with him?"

"Just a few nights, I was able to rent somewhere else because he gave me money everytime we did it." I looked at him in shock. "I know right? What does that guy do for a living to be able to make me rent in just a few nights?"

"That's not what shocked me but yeah, what does he do?" I pondered for a minute and as we make the turn to our home street, I turned back to him. "Why didn't you stay with him until you could buy your own house? Or maybe earn to buy a car?"

"I wanted to buy all those with my own sweat and blood," he said. It made me wonder why he even dropped in the first place. "Besides I didn't want him to have too much hold on me."

We finally arrive at my home. There were too many people around so I wallowed in despair as I let the fact that I can't kiss him.

"See you around?"

"Yeah. Let me know if he troubles you, okay? I'm here for you."

I watched him go, grabbing a bread from the bag. A small part of me wanted to believe him. That everything he showed me about himself was real. And that, this longingness I have for him was justified. However, an uneasy feeling nagged within me. It haunted my mind with the past.

As I entered the house, I remembered our dad's encounter with Alan. I was shocked and hot to see him gag my dad like that. I tried my best to look like I wasn't turned on by his cockiness. His smug smirk was forever burned in my memory. I've seen it before and that's how I managed to spit "Fuck you" in his face.

I felt my body turn to jelly everytime he went near me. It's like an innate instinct from within to surrender fully to someone superior to me. Just like how I felt with Uncle, my classmates and the others. I wanted them to use me, to breed my hole, to dominate my faggot body.

I cursed at myself. I always admired cocks but I knew there was a time that I wasn't like this. A time when I would give as much as I would take. I just couldn't bring it up to myself to feel like it anymore. Mike emerged in mind all of a sudden and his subtle advances to me flooded my memory. Fear seemed to ground its way around my chest. Slowly, Mike's big frame shrank to a petite form. His hair grew longer and his face twisted and formed into someone else's. My breath was cut short as that gut-wrenching feel of nostalgia twisted my insides. It was my now ex—Rhea.

I remembered that it was the start of the new year when she accepted me as her boyfriend. We did everything couples usually do. Hold hands in public, have dates in malls and watch movies while cuddling with each other. She had beautiful long hair, the same tanned complexion as me, nearly tall as me, perky small tits and fairly fat ass. She constantly gets catcalled by many guys when we go out together. Sometimes, I wanna land a punch to one of them if only she didn't calm me down.

When I introduced her to my churchmates, she instantly got along with them. Most of them notice her more than me when time passed. The guys especially, did their best to get close to her.

Nobody made their move when I'm around of course. However, when I'm out they would hound around her like wolves jumping on tasty prey. I would grow jealous of three guys. Vince, a guy our age who went to school with Rhea, who was also her crush before we met; he was very fit albeit slim. Frank, a 25 year old guy, brown skin, fat belly and played the guitar. And finally David, the same age as Frank, built and hairy like a giant bear and had a lighter complexion than all of us, he was versatile in his job in the church and was our one of our mentors. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that their moves were nothing but simple acts of friendship bullshit but I know when a man hits on my girl.

I could see it in their eyes that they were hungry for her. That they want to steal her from me. Even though they back up whenever I'm around, I know that they would fuck her the moment they get a chance.

I guess they kickstarted my fetish for dominating men. Deep inside me, buried beneath the anger and jealousy, I wanted to see them release their inner beasts and act on their instinct to breed desirable women.

Rhea and I really didn't get much action from each other except blowjobs and me eating her pussy. She didn't want me to fuck her yet because she thought it was too early although we were already approaching our first year together. I respected that and just be contented with licking off the natural juice soaking her cunt. It was oddly satisfying to taste and as I sipped it I wanted more and more. Sometimes she would let me finger her. It's been a constant meme how hard it is to find the clit, but I believe I found it after experimenting her parts a lot of times.

Everytime I rub that particular part, she moans loudly and grips on my arm tightly. After several minutes, she convulses. I've never seen her cum though as she always pushes me away just as she was about to climax. I tried to fight back sometimes and continue to rub it even if she begged me to stop but my weakness always get on the way. She collapses everytime I do it and complain that her pussy feels like bursting.

"I told you we should let it come out," I tried convincing her.

"No, Jason," she just said smiling, rolling over and teasing me with her ass.

That went on for a while. Until she suddenly became cold to me. I remember we were at a party that time, it was a gathering with all of the members of our church and churches from other places that are in the same alignment as us. Everyone wore suits and gowns. It felt like prom but with older people. It was late at night, people were eating their dinner, some were still dancing and some are preparing to leave.

Rhea looked annoyed for some reason after we danced, she looked at her phone, typed something—bit her lip—then rested it on the table.

"Is something wrong?" I asked her, was she not having a good time with me?

"No, it's just...headache. I'm not used being up this late," she said, massaging her temples with her fingers.

I offered to help but she refused and excused herself after looking at a message on her phone. She said she was headed for the bathroom and she did head in that general direction; however, I caught her gown take a sharp turn towards the exit when she was well hidden behind the silhouettes of people dancing.

She left her phone. I picked it up and—of course, there's a password—entered the password, which was her birthday, very predictable and looked over the messages that was still in display. It was someone she nicknamed "Charming" and they were sending very flirtatious messages in the past couple of months. The latest ones were sent just now.

"I hate you. The night is ending and you didn't even invite me to dance." Rhea sent.

"What can I do? Jason keeps never leaves your side."

"Just please, I don't want to end this night without dancing with you."

The next replies were sent five minutes later after the last one. It was the time when Rhea and I were dancing.

"Meet me at the garden outside after your dance with the bastard," anger brewed inside me. I wondered who this "Charming" really was. "I have a surprise for you."

The next replies were probably what Rhea typed in earlier.

"What is it?"

"Charming" sent a picture. I looked around to see that nobody's peeking. It was a picture of Vince and his enormous cock. It took most of the space of the picture with his face smirking at the side. He looked so handsome in his silver coat partnered by the crimson red shirt underneath. Even more so with that long cock of his, veins popping and skin straining from the swollen muscle. It was definitely longer than mine. It must've been halfway towards seven inches. The jealousy I felt mixed with lust. I wanted to see him. I wanted to see that cock in action.

I nervously made my way towards the exit. Out into the cold night breeze, I approached the arch entrance of the garden. The lights were turned off but I could see some still on at the far side. I ambled through, careful not to step on any noisy branch that may have fallen. After a few twists and turns, I saw her.

She kneeled onto the ground, her gown spreading into a big circle. Her blouse hanged open at her waist and her bras were thrown into the grass. Standing over her was Vince, his silver coat was hanged onto a low branch and his rippling abs under the open red long sleeved shirt were higlighted by the casted shadows of the yellow lights above them. He slapped his long dick on Rhea's face. His other hand held a camera.

"Who's got a bigger cock?" I strained to hear Vince's voice from this distance.

"You are," Rhea said, licking the length of Vince. "You're way bigger."

It hurt inside to watch them do it but I couldn't bring myself to leave. A part of me wanted to join her kneel or at least fuck her while she still wore the gown.

Suddenly all our phones rang, I quickly leaned flat on the wall. I hoped the two didn't hear but Vince shouting made me think otherwise.

"Is someone there?" I heard him start to walk towards me. "Here, look at what they want." He must've given his phone to Rhea to see the message. I quietly rushed back the way I took and turned.

When I heard his footsteps stop, I moved to a nearby stump and stepped on it. I peeked over the wall just in time to see Rhea walking to Vince, her breasts still out in the open. God she looked so beautiful.

"They say it's time to leave," she said handing over the phone.

"Well, we better finish this up." Rhea kneeled again and Vince didn't wait to put his cock into her mouth. He grabbed her head and mercilessly used her like a fleshlight. "Ugghh fuck, I love your throat! Bet that wimp can't choke you like this huh?"

Rhea just moaned, caressing Vince's legs as her head bobbed back and forth. The handsome guy lifted his face as he was about to cum. He shifted his eyes to my direction and for a moment he seemed to see me. I quickly ducked down. I hear Rhea's gagging slow down so I thought that he was onto me now. I quietly stepped down the stump and walked back to the building where everybody was as quietly as I could.

I resigned back to my seat as I fix my things. Most people were doing the same and others were already on their way out. I saw Vince came in, coat in hand and he flashed me a smile. I just glared at him as he made his way across the room and back to his friends. A few minutes later, I stood up just before Rhea showed up glowing with a smile.

"I'm sorry I took so long babe," she kissed me and she reeked of Vince's cum. "Shall we go?"

I jacked off at home that night, remembering everything that happened. But as I cummed, I didn't feel satisfied. I feel betrayed. It hurt and it made me angry.

I confronted her. She denied everything even though I saw them with my own two eyes. She asked for proof but I had none except the messages in her phone. When I searched for it, everything was gone. The flirtatious messages, the "why you not dance with me" messages, and Vince's dick pic. I figured that she might've just deleted them but the app she used always displayed an unremovable "[User removed a message]" everytime the user did it. But her messages were clean.

Was it all just a dream then? Did I imagine all that happened? Rhea asked for space that time.

A month later, I noticed her posting pictures of her and Frank in restaurants. It seemed like they were already dating and she hadn't ended things with me officially yet. I texted her about it and she just told me that he was just cheering her up. Bullshit.

Every week on church, I noticed Frank and Vince always beside her. One particular morning there, Frank was acting strangely. Even as the pastor preached, he kept whispering something to her and she always giggled at whatever he told her. Rhea crossed her legs and shifted uneasily.

In the middle of the preaching, Rhea stood and walked outside. A few minutes later, Frank followed, fistbumping with Vince on the way. I let a few moments pass by then went outside too. At first I thought that they may just went out to eat a bit but I couldn't see anyone in any of the nearby stores. So I went to the only place they could go assuming what I thought they were doing was right.

I circled around the back of the church and strained to hear if there was anyone nearby. Surprisingly, there was nobody in any of the bathrooms. I was about to to back when I heard someone.

"I missed fucking this tight pussy."

It was no doubt Frank. I followed his panting voice and Rhea's low moans to a closed off alley at the other side of the building. There I saw Rhea sitting atop Frank, her tits bouncing up and down as she moved her hips. Later she leaned back and Frank lifted her legs up, her white dress swept away revealing her pussy being loosened by Frank's fat cock. His moves quickened making his balls slap on Rhea's ass and her head lifted facing the sky. My crotch stirred at the sight but this time, anger overwhelmed me.

She no longer wanted me. There was no point fighting for someone who doesn't give a shit. I marched my way home, not even looking back. My parents berated me for leaving without explanation but I didn't listen. I still attended service for the next week but I refused to acknowledge any of them. I messaged Rhea to end things between us. I blocked her from any contact we were connected to.