Consequences - Meg

I went back to work the following day and reviewed my project schedule. It would take at least the two months I planned and perhaps a lot more. But, it was time to begin and see what developed. We began work on the documentary immediately and I was soon deeply involved in all aspects of it. I kept up with my evening anchor job but during the day and into several evenings a week, I worked on my project. My next week or two would be rather hectic but I let Ken know that I would be sure to free up my weekends for us. He accepted it as I knew he would. He had always been my number one supporter.

As I worked, I came in contact with Drake several times. He was very helpful and he was never far from my side as we worked since there were always minor changes in the dialog as things progressed. It was two weeks after we began that he asked me if I would consider another meeting after hours at the Dunes. I said no, of course, but the thought wouldn't go away. During a break from shooting, I tried to figure out why I was so uneasy about what he was asking. Ken and I had been having a lot of sex lately, mainly due to my guilt feelings but also because we had discussed starting our family and he always joked about getting enough practice. We made love two or three times a week now so there was no problem with my libido.

But I had to admit to myself, that was part of the problem. We made love. When Drake took me in the room at the Dunes motel, that's exactly what he did: he took me! He didn't make love to me or try to please me. He just fucked me, hard. And he didn't worry about my climax although I did have one anyway. I began to understand that this was the difference that I had noticed. This was more like what I had been doing before I met Ken. From the day I met him, I had been faithful to him except for the one time with Drake. Ken and I made love and I loved that with Ken, but I also understood that just fucking for the fun of it with someone like Drake who cared not a bit about me or my satisfaction was somehow exciting to me as well.

Then there was the other thing; I had learned how good some hard-driving sex could be from Ken. He taught me that making love was wonderful but that having sex for the fun of it could be wonderful as well. We didn't do that often enough. But I also knew Ken could never just take me and ignore my pleasure. That was not who he was and the idea of pleasing himself and not me was foreign to him. I had to admit to myself that I missed that. That was why that evening with Drake was so good. I enjoyed it! I really enjoyed what he did and I was disappointed that we didn't do more. But that night I had to get home to Ken. My husband!

I was now more confused than before and I had no idea what to do. Drake's invitation was still on my mind and I was conflicted, but I had no intention of cheating on Ken any more. That was the way I was thinking when Ken told me he had to fly out to the West coast for two days. Since I was so involved in my project, he hadn't even thought to ask me to go with him. Of course, I wouldn't have been able to go anyway, but I was a little upset by his not asking. Go figure! I didn't say anything to him but I let it stew in my mind until he was ready to leave. I understood later that I was trying desperately to find some justification to do what I wanted to do.

By the time he pulled out to head to the airport, I had given him no reason to suspect that I was unhappy with him but in truth, I had made up my mind. That day when I saw Drake, I beckoned him over and told him I was ready to meet him that very evening. He smiled and said he would give me the room number later. I spent the remainder of the day doing the necessary things for the project, but my mind was already in that room with Drake. I was becoming more and more anxious for this day to end. I expected a call from Ken at eight that evening so I had plenty of time. I told him to call my cell since I might just stay at work since he wasn't going to be home.

I met Drake that evening at the Dunes Motel in room136 and we did it all. I told Drake to take me and not let me look back. I wanted to have hot, heavy sex and I didn't want him to be easy about it. Drake understood what I was saying and he did exactly what I asked. He actually picked me up the first time, holding me by my legs and slammed me back against the wall as he took me! I screamed my pleasure as I felt the rough wall abrading my back and my ass. That was only the first of many new experiences that night. By the time we had to stop to catch our breaths, I had already climaxed twice and was ready to have a third when Drake pleaded exhaustion.

The only uncomfortable point came about two hours into our session when my cell rang. It was Ken, letting me know he had landed and was going directly into a meeting and would call later than planned. We talked for only a few minutes before we disconnected, but that call put a pall over the whole thing and I told Drake I was done for the day. He just laughed at me and pulled me down to the floor and stuck his cock in my mouth, holding my hair to keep me in place. I forgot about Ken at that instant and did exactly what Drake wanted me to do. We stayed together for the next two hours and Drake wore me out! I loved everything about that night. I promised to meet him again the next night at the same time. He said he would keep the room just in case I got itchy tonight.

That started my affair with Drake. I met him on those evenings I told Ken I was staying at work and we had violent sex in every way possible. I loved every minute of it and I began to think about him even with I was making love with Ken. I knew I was addicted to the rough sex but I couldn't stop it. I kept it alive for the next five weeks until all hell came down on my head.

I had just left the motel room after two hours of intense fucking with Drake and was headed home. I was still flushed with pleasure but that would be gone by the time I got home. Since Drake continued to use condoms when he was inside me, there was never any evidence to get rid of. As usual after being with Drake, I was eager to make love with Ken that night. I needed him to love away the reminder of my submissive nature with Drake. With Ken I could be a partner and we would make love together. That made what I did with Drake less important. That was so important to me and it was what made the affair possible. Ironic? Of course, but then nothing about an affair was very logical.

I walked into the kitchen that night and found Ken sitting alone with a glass of whiskey in his hands, rubbing the glass against his forehead. He looked so strange sitting there. The whiskey was also different. Ken hardly ever drank alcohol and never at home by himself. Something was wrong and the first thing that entered my head was my affair with Drake. Could Ken have found out about that? No! Impossible! I left no clues, made no mistakes and left no paper trail of any kind. No, it had to be something else.

"Ken, honey, what's wrong? You look upset and you're drinking. What's wrong?"

He didn't even look up at me, just continued to stare into the amber-colored fluid in his glass. When he started to speak, it was so low I had to move closer just to hear him.

"I was just remembering the plans you and I made not more than a month ago about having a family. We talked about having children and what we would do when we did. We talked about saving for their education and taking them on trips to show them as much of the world as we could. They were beautiful dreams, weren't they?"

"Of course they are, and they'll all come true. We'll do all those things for them and we'll do them together. Why would you talk about them now? Come on, Ken, something's very wrong. Please, tell me! Let me help you if I can!"

Now Ken put the glass down and looked up at me. Then I saw the anger in his eyes and the tightness of his lips, pressed together. Suddenly I felt a rush of fear as I understood in that instant from the look in his eyes that he knew! He Knew! Oh, God in heaven, how could he know?

"Ken? Please, Ken, you're scaring me. What's wrong?" I knew, but foolishly I prayed that he wouldn't say the words that would confirm it. Oh, please, God, please don't let him say the words!

"Why, Megan? Why would you do something like this to us and our dreams? Why would you throw it all away? What did you need that I couldn't provide for you? Tell me, Megan, why you did it?"

Before I could answer, he stood up quickly, grabbed my shoulders in his hands and almost shook me as he screamed it out loud directly into my face.

"I guess it doesn't really matter why does it? You did it and that's what's important! You and Drake, screwing each other in that motel room for the last five weeks! You fucked away all we had, Megan. You just fucked it all away and I don't know why!"

He let me go and I watched him sink to the floor onto his knees, holding his head as he cried. My heart broke watching him. It broke because I knew he was crying because of me. I did this! I did this to the only man I had ever loved or probably ever would love. I couldn't imagine a life without him and now I had broken his heart.

I dropped to the floor in front of him and put my arms around him and held him as tightly as I could. I did it to comfort him, out of instinct. My Ken was hurting and all I could think of was to comfort him. But inside, I knew that I did it because it was possible that I would never be able to hold the man I loved in this way again. Now, he was in pain and I could do this until he recovered. But as soon as he did, I knew he would push me away in anger and disgust.

After several minutes, I felt his shoulders tense and then, as I knew he would, he pushed me back and stood. He walked over to the table and sat down again. He picked up the glass and drained the fluid in one swallow. His eyes watered but because of the alcohol, not because of me. That made it possible for me to rise and take a seat across from him.

"Can I try to explain, Ken? Would you at least let me tell you why?" I felt he should hear that I didn't stop loving him and that I never felt anything for Drake at all. I wanted to tell him that.

"I don't really care why you did it, Meg. The fact was that the first time you did it, our marriage was over. I knew who you were when I asked you to marry me. And I knew that men desired you but I always told myself that you chose me and that was enough for me. But it wasn't. I needed to know that you would always choose me, not just sometimes. But you didn't and it doesn't matter to me why. I don't care any more. I've had time to come to grips with your cheating and I've been able to convince myself that I can get by without you.

"All it took was a few pictures of what the two of you did and that was enough to tear my heart right out of my chest. I felt his hands grip my heart as he gripped you and then he tore it out with his treatment of you. My love died when I saw that you enjoyed what he did and how he treated you. It disappeared when I realized it wasn't the first time."

I tried to say something, anything, to make him see that what he imagined wasn't what happened! I tried to tell him that Drake was nothing more than a sex toy that I used to give me something that I didn't want from my husband and the man I loved. I screamed at him, I reached for him, I got down on my knees and begged him, but he turned away from me. He ignored my pleas, my cries, my prayers. He refused to acknowledge me and I finally just stopped. I sank down onto a chair and put my head down on my crossed arms and wept. I didn't hear him leave.

When I finally lifted my head and looked around, all I saw was an envelope laying on the table in front of me. On top of the envelope was his wedding ring. The diamond-cut gold surface winked back at me as I took it in my fingers and held it up to the light. Such a beautiful thing to signal the end of something else that had been so beautiful. I knew what was inside the envelope and it was hours later before I opened it. I read it carelessly and signed it in the places he had highlighted. I found later it was a very fair settlement. I never doubted it.

I finished my documentary. It was no problem since the divorce took very little of my time. Of course Ken handled everything. He never spoke to me again except in the presence of our attorneys. My documentary was shown and it was very successful and the news was that I was an up and coming director. Maybe I could have been but I didn't follow up on that first success.

Once the divorce was final, I quit the station and moved away to the Midwest somewhere. It really doesn't matter where. I found a job with a small local station and I did the news, the weather and some journalistic reporting. Because of my competence, I was soon made managing director and I took care of everything. I was very well known around the area and several articles wondered at someone as beautiful as me in a small market like this. I smiled as I read them, knowing that they were right to wonder. But I had no desire to change my location. I liked it where I was.

Every evening as I prepared to leave, I turned the duty over to the night manager and told her not to call me for any reason other than a nuclear attack on the US. Anything else was a no-call. She understood and so far, had never called me. That's why I kept her around. Actually, most of what we ran after midnight was movies and documentaries. We even ran mine once that I knew of.

When I left work, my routine was pretty much the same. I would go home to a lonely apartment and spend the evening eating a tasteless microwave meal while watching mindless TV until I fell asleep. But once or twice a month, I would go out. On those nights, I left work and drove my car fifty miles to the north or south, or to the east or west and to one of the clubs that I often frequented. I parked and walked inside and took a seat at the bar. I ordered a burger and a Virgin Mary and waited. It wasn't long before he took a seat next to me and ordered a beer. He was one of those nameless men who frequented bars like this and looked for women like me.

I see it in his eyes as I take a drink from my glass. I smile inwardly, and enter into a conversation with him since he's sitting here beside me. It's a conversation I've had many times and probably will again. I just wish he was someone else, someone I would rather be talking to. But he's here and that one isn't. In fact, he won't be here tonight or any night. But this one is so my conversation goes something like this.

"OK, I know what you're going to say so don't bother. Sure, I know what I look like and you're wondering. Just don't! My name's Meg, and I'm here for some fun and that's all you need to know. And if you think you can find someone better, be my guest. Until then, you're pretty cute and I might just like to spend some time with you. If you play your cards right, you might get lucky! Care to try?"

He did, of course and we're on our way to a motel. Just another nameless guy and another cheap room. For another night, I won't be alone and I'll be his submissive slut until we're both exhausted. He'll be able to tell his buddies that he scored with that gorgeous lady on Channel 9, and then try to convince them he's not lying. In the meantime, I can go home to an empty bed and an even more empty life. A life with as much sex as I want but without the love that I gave away.

I thought my beauty could buy me anything. Surprise! I still think back to when I thought that only good things happened to me because of my beauty. I learned early that there were no bad consequences to getting my way because of the gifts that God gave me. How stupid I was to believe that! Consequences are not always good.

Consequences can be a bitch!