Consequences Pt. 11G

"Well we would be getting off topic for this particular consultation but theoretically some of what I have read in your notes could be ascribed to some levels of autism on the spectrum but let's not go down that route yet, the evidence I've read suggests something very different so let's put that aside for discussion in a later session."

Olivia was very happy with that, she had sown the seed. She decided to give the therapist a little titbit of something that had been on her conscience for some time. She couldn't tell David because it might destroy the last remaining tenuous threads of connection. It would undermine the very basis of their relationship, the years they worked together building both a relationship and a business, but she had to get it off her chest to ease the weight of guilt that went with her whenever she was 'sane.'

So she began, "It was at one of the regular meetings of my Professional Association, an update on law and various other issues, people had come in from all over as it was an essential to keep our qualifications up to date, The first day, was the customary introductory gathering, I was tired after a long drive and didn't pay much attention except to the essential points of the talk itself, bedtime couldn't come soon enough."

"So, it's day two and I feel refreshed. I am looking around at the mixed crowd of men and women who had split off into groups of 10 or 12. In my group, there are a variety of ages and their clothing suggests a range of personalities. I am sitting next to a woman with long wavy hair and an equally long wavy dress. Her brown eyes look lively and intelligent so I attempt conversation asking where she has come from and subsequently discover her name is Sharon. I find that as well as being friendly, she is as intelligent as I guessed. On my other side is an older man, pleasant enough but his expression closed and not open to conversation, somebody who couldn't get this event over with quick enough and back to where he came from. Opposite me is my kind of eye candy, he is probably not too long qualified and I catch his eye as he is appraising me, which causes him to blush and a little tingle in my senses that I haven't had for a long while apart from with my husband. This workshop is now going to be a lot less tedious."

" Later, I go down to dinner early as I have a Facetime arranged with David, my husband, to look forward to. The table for four that I sit at is empty but I am pleased that my colleague, Sharon, from earlier joins me and gives us an opportunity for informal chat. Dinner passes quickly then just after our desert arrives the eye-candy walks our way, recognises us and stops to say hello. He says he has a task to fulfil but asks if he can join us to chat about the course, it being his first conference attendance. I look at my new found friend and she raises her eyebrows in a 'why not' way so I agree and he sits in the empty space beside me. Despite his forward approach he seems generally shy, so I introduce myself and Sharon does likewise, his name Shawn. We exchange brief conversations about the earlier workshop but I have to connect with David and say my goodbyes. Sharon asks if I will be down for a drink later, I have a change of mind and say I will; and head off to my beloved."

My Sexy man makes me feel home sick despite such a short time away. I am looking at him online, he is sitting in the bedroom with just a pair of shorts and I could eat him all up. We exchange promises to hit the bed as soon as I get back but I'm left feeling itchy. A warm bath and my favourite toy is needed and then I remember I promised to go to the bar.

"I find Sharon perched on a barstool talking to other delegates from earlier, she looks established for the evening but greets me as if relieved to have someone she would welcome as good company. I quickly sense that the others she is talking to are insisting on discussing business or the conference, essentially trying to network. She offers me a drink and I accept a G & T, thinking I might need a double later on. We chat about life in general, she is married but seems free spirited and likes to travel. Shawn reappears and comes immediately to our company, I don't mind whatsoever, he is becoming more forward which is not altogether good for my itchy feeling. He flirts with us and I sense that he has the hots for me but maybe it's because my husband left me feeling hot."

"Later, I lie in the bath as promised to myself, I can visualise David from earlier and my fingers roam to my sensitive nipples as I enjoy the heat of the water. I can visualise the time before I left home. He thought that the third climax would keep me happy until I returned home, right now it seems more like a taster for more. My fingers travel south and my favourite toy feels needed, I close my eyes visualising as my fingers scissor my clitoris and my imagination sees his tongue making long licks across and around then my fingers push inside me but I'm seeing Shawn in my imagination; is that very naughty? I wonder."

"In the morning our group finds ourselves at breakfast on the same table, we will be back in the same group for the early sessions then in the main conference room until time to go home. Sharon is very friendly and suggests we keep in touch, lets exchange details she suggests, so she and I enter on our phones. We aren't going to involve Shawn, it wouldn't be proper for married women to do so, but he takes it upon himself picking up both our phones and making the entry. Sharon looks across at me and privately says "I think we have pulled" and adds a wink to which I smile for the same reason as started my imagination overworking last night."

My recollection is interrupted by the therapist who asks, "At this point in your narrative did you have any sense of guilt or betrayal of your husband?"

I looked at him blankly, "had I been unfaithful?" It was a rhetorical question but he answered quickly.

"Perhaps!"

I must have looked at him quizzically because he continued, "Do you think that by your thoughts and intentions you had already stepped outside what society would consider as acceptable for a married woman."

He interrupted my thoughts on that question, saying that it was something to go away and think about before our next meeting.

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Olivia - Looking Back again as part of consultation Two

I hadn't made up my mind about the question I was supposed to consider after the last meeting. I expected him to press me but instead he asked me to continue relating the story I had been telling.

Sharon lives in the Washington area so there was no reason why our paths should cross, but months later I received a message from her asking if we would be interested in a project in our part of the world. I replied in the positive and we arranged to meet up with her client. We offer for her to stay with us and we decide to entertain her with a visit to a restaurant. Sharon is dressed to kill and is taken with my husband who plays up to her putting on the charm. Later David leaves us chatting in our Lounge with a bottle of wine as we chat, and he heads up to bed. Sharon watches him go, not hiding that she would love to follow, the openness between us now means that we laugh as we catch each other's eyes following his butt up the stairs. We chat about guys generally and Sharon asks whether I have communicated with Shawn, to which I reply, "of course not," and she follows with, "no, neither have I." But we had a laugh about the idea and after a few too many glasses of wine we decided to send a message to him, not expecting a reply.

Much to our joint surprise, Shawn responds almost immediately, we discover that he lives about an hour away and we discuss meeting up for the next conference. We chat openly like good friends and start another bottle of wine, we ladies begin to get tipsy and risqué in our chat and demand a topless photo from Shawn and switch to live face chat. Unbelievably Shawn becomes free in his behaviour and eventually he strips down to shorts, in return he demands something similar but we aren't that drunk. However a few buttons come open on our dresses as the wine disappears and then more drink lets our principles down further until Shawn gets a decent look at nipples and his manhood responds, a nice display to keep us awake. Later David is going to be a lucky boy, so is Sharon's toy.

Olivia finds she hasn't any more to add and the Psychologist raises an eyebrow but for the moment diverts to other subjects for the remainder of their time.

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Consultation One - David and Olivia

Back at work, Olivia slips into David's office late morning for one of their 'one on one' consultations.

"Where would you like to start?" asks David.

"I'm not sure."

"We need to talk about things that we haven't touched on before."

"I think that there will be things that you won't want to hear." Olivia admits.

"You wanted to restart these talks so I guess there must be things you want to come out."

"I guess so, where shall we start?"

"Is there something around the time we started to try for a baby, what about the night of the party, was there something that happened the night you met Ana again?"

"No, it's possible but I don't remember anything more," she half lied, her mind had cast a veil over that evening that she didn't want to revisit.

"What about after we got back together and started experimenting?"

"You remember the conference, the guy I was sitting next to, I knew him, his name was Shawn. We were touching, what did you think?"

"It could have been very naughty but not easy in the conference room."

"I wanted to have him but you were always there."

He shrugged past caring. ` "Are you still in touch with him?"

"Sometimes, its business too and Sharon"

"I remember her, she looked very nice when she visited us. These days we would drag her into our bed together" they both laughed at that, a sign of many changes.

"Do you intend to get together with them again?" he asked.

"I don't know, I think it might be a good idea to talk, perhaps they can remember something I can't." Olivia had already decided that they had discussed this enough.

"Is there something you need to put right?"

She looked uncomfortable for the briefest instant. "No, but he's been strange since that last conference."

David smiled to himself.

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Life goes on. Planning to visit Florida - David

"Hi Ruth, When do you think we can go down to Florida to see Rose's project"

"I think the new Manager has settled in here, perhaps next week, maybe Tuesday onwards."

David checked his Diary, he had an appointment Tuesday. "Could you go down and settle in and I'll join you later, I have an appointment."

"You're not hoping I'll start a game already are you?"

"I'll be more than happy just to visit with my 'Mistress' but the idea is good, why don't you go down as soon as you are ready and I will leave straight after my meeting."

"Let me know when your plane lands and I'll tell you where I am." She teased

"Sounds good, see you later."

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Consultations David and Olivia Two

"Have you thought of anything more you want to talk about," asked David.

"Like I said yesterday, It's difficult to start something that I probably won't want to tell you."

"I guess we have to concentrate on the period around the beginning, is that going to be even more difficult?"

"Yes, let's talk about something else," she replied.

"How are you now, since the betrothal weekend?" He tried something different.

"I was distracted for a while but I have settled now."

"Want to talk about it?"

"It's a bit soon, maybe later."

"I have an idea, maybe you could write something down that you couldn't tell me but fill in the gaps about how you felt at the time," he tried

"Maybe." she allowed.

"I was thinking perhaps you could have a section for each period of your life, for example, before losing your virginity, between that and University. Then at University until we met, from when we met until we got married and from marriage until we decided to try for a baby,"

"I've told you that there was nothing more that was unusual during that period."

"I just want you to think about the period, like times when you might be cross with me and why, maybe other frustrations, did you feel tied down sometimes perhaps, could you recall and write down your memories?"

She thought about it and agreed with a sideways downturn of the head.

"So carrying on from the baby trying, perhaps you could write about the party when you hooked up with Ana and Peter, and then on until Daniel. Next there's your experiences during the period until the holiday, then on holiday, after holiday and so on. You probably could do a better job of it than me, split the periods up according to how you felt differently if you want." He tried to encourage her.

"We can keep it completely secret, you don't even have to show me, the main thing I think is to draw out the things that you felt angry about, especially with me or situations where you felt powerless and then the things you feel guilty over."

"It might take me a long time to remember."

"Do you want to do it randomly or period by period or you could do it by type of event?" He reached around to a drawer and pulled out a fresh notebook and handed it to her. "Why don't you start by identifying periods that were significant to you and allocate a few pages for each one."

Gradually this became an interesting project for Olivia, deciding on the periods gave her much to think about without stress. Then, after initially finding some easy, there were periods locked away that began to test her and her notes slowed down as she closed her eyes to think. David suggested she could use a comfy seat if it might help but she declined. Eventually, she appeared to reach a blockage so he proposed a break and then she could make a fresh start, filling in the framework she had created thus far. This seemed to be a good idea to her, so Olivia turned back to the early years and began.

Occasionally Olivia gave a little smile at the corner of her mouth as she wrote something. "That looks like something you might want to tell me about," David suggested.

"Maybe, but I want to get things down while I'm thinking," she replied sensibly.

It was hard to decide when Olivia should end the session and then he realised that it was best she carried on as long as she wanted so he turned to work. Two hours passed as she worked for long periods and then stopped, closed her eyes, and appeared to be reliving the past, then got back to writing. He fetched her coffee and then lunch, trying not to stop her flow. He started to wonder just how much there was and eventually couldn't resist asking "Is that all bad things or guilt?" She shook her head, no its events of all kinds, I am trying to put together my life. "That's fantastic" he enthused.

He was going out to see a client, he got up to go and he tried to think what the appropriate 'goodbye' should be, in the past they had usually embraced. Today he received a perfunctory meaningless kiss on the cheek that he found strange. "Will you take your notebook with you or secure it in the safe?"

"I'll carry it with me".

"Ok I have an appointment I'll see you later."

"Maybe, I have an appointment myself tonight," she responded, almost like a retaliation.

He gave her a questioning look but didn't follow up with words.

On his way home he wondered about Olivia's recent behaviour, it was amazingly controlled and that led him to wonder if she had given up her apartment or was living in the old house. He drove back past the first but there were no lights on, he wandered around the back but there was nothing to suggest who was living there.

Consultations David and Olivia Three

"How is your notebook going, did you get any more done last night?"

"No, shall I do that again today?" she moved past the question.

"Is there anything to tell me that I should know?" I looked her directly in the eyes.

"No, the life I am recalling is fairly mundane at the moment" she lied trying to hold his eyes with hers, the feel of betraying him gnawing at her insides all the while.

He changed the subject to work without giving her time to think."

"Would you like to get involved in the development side of work that's going on?" For a moment she tried to make a connection before she caught on. Then her eyes brightened at the question.

"What did you have in mind?"

"I am looking to create a network so that people who travel can have an overall membership and get priority booking. I'm thinking we should even have some kind of landing strip or Helicopter pad," I went on describing the upmarket idea I had and I could sense she was enthusiastic.

"Have you created a plan yet?"

"No, I haven't had a chance yet."

"Would you like me to?"

"I'd love it, I was thinking of setting up a development team with Ruth and Rachel, let me know how you feel about being involved and what you would like to do?"

I watched as Olivia took in what I was suggesting. I wanted her on that team but it had to be her that showed interest, I was so unsure of how the future was going to be for her and my instincts told me she was lying about her future plans.

As I mused over the possibilities I saw her brighten before me, I didn't want to distract her from what she was here for. "How about you do an hour in your notebook and then we discuss the development future afterwards." She visibly dulled at that idea, so I suggested, "OK, what about we spend an hour on development first and then you work on your notebook?" She gave me a big smile and I wondered if she would actually get any notebook work done that day.

We left at the same time that day and I got a peck on the cheek. I had no rights one way or another but I was beginning to wonder if she had come to terms with ours . I stopped at a shop on the way home to delay a while then I drove past the apartment, there was no sign of her car, so I drove on to our house and it wasn't there either. I waited a while down the street before hunger took over and I rang the retreat to see if I would need to pick up something on my way home. Was I becoming obsessed again? 'probably' I thought, I would have to try harder to stop.

Olivia didn't come into the office on Thursday so I cracked on with background research for the Florida site. Rachel and I took lunch together at the bar and it was nice to get a decent kiss afterwards.

Consultations David and Olivia Four

I wanted to know what kept Olivia out of the office on Thursday but didn't want to ask, so I made some inane comment about her love life keeping her away. Realistically I thought it was possible she was seeing Angela or a Doctor or a hundred and one other things so I had to trust as I had done before that she wasn't doing something that could get out of control. When she came in I thought I saw signs of a little bump and I asked to feel it, she seemed pleased that I wanted to. "Are you getting check-ups and scans etc?"