Cousin Kaitlyn the Flight Attendant

"My pleasure," said Melinda. She then turned to Kaitlyn. "So, I'll probably catch you soon then, Kaitlyn? Enjoy your break in Melbourne."

"Yes I will, and I'll probably see you late next week, we're often on the same flights," said Kaitlyn. She and Melinda embraced.

"Have a good flight," Kaitlyn and I both said as Melinda turned and headed back upstairs to get ready for the Melbourne to Brisbane flight in the late afternoon.

Kaitlyn and I walked towards the exit and the shuttle bus that would take us to the city. "So where do you live nowadays?" Kaitlyn asked as we waited in line to board it.

"In Preston, you know just north of the city?" I replied. "I really like living there, it's nice and handy for everything. How about you? Where do you live in Adelaide?"

"In Woodville," said Kaitlyn. "I'm not sure if you know where it is? It's between the West Torrens area and West Lakes, with Port Adelaide and Enfield to the north. Like with Preston, it's reasonably close to the city so nice and handy for everything. And not too far from Adelaide Airport, so another bonus."

"I have been to Adelaide twice, but only for work, I keep meaning to go for a holiday but unfortunately haven't got around to it yet," I said. "Next holiday for sure."

"Definitely worth it, Adelaide is really nice, and under-rated," said Kaitlyn, the bus pulling in at the same time. Some young men waiting in the line looked at us as we boarded, clearly thinking we were together and wondering how I was with such a glamorous flight attendant. I remembered as kids other children looking at as and wondering why I was hanging out with a skinny, dorky and awkward looking girl who wore such old-fashioned clothes, had glasses, braces and carried an asthma inhaler, and who often spoke about God and Jesus. If only they could see her now.

The bus set off for its journey to Melbourne's Southern Cross Station, and soon it was making its way through the airport and onto the Tullamarine Freeway. It was a bit hard to hold a conversation on the bus, there was a large group from China sitting near Kaitlyn and I, all talking loudly in Mandarin at about 1000 miles per hour. Whatever they were discussing must have been amusing as they laughed like a group of hyenas who had inhaled nitrogen dioxide.

With nowhere else free on the bus, Kaitlyn and I didn't have much chance of any in depth conversation on the journey back to the city. Having spent the last two weeks in Queensland, for some reason I kept expecting to see the Brisbane or Gold Coast skylines in front of me rather than the more familiar Melbourne city skyline, but of course the city in front of us was Melbourne.

I looked at the tall buildings - the silver Eureka tower, the blue Rialto Towers buildings, Bourke Place, the distinctive black Melbourne Central tower with the two antennas, the two art deco towers at the eastern end of Collins Street, Collins Place, the State Banking Centre and a large gothic tower which was the headquarters for a leading Australian bank among many others - and Kaitlyn followed my gaze.

"I fly through Melbourne all the time and I can't keep track of how much the city changes," Kaitlyn observed. "It sure is different from when I lived here."

"There's lots of changes that's for sure," I said. "Like the Docklands, that wasn't even there when you moved away to Adelaide. And Southern Cross Station was just a series of platforms and a few benches to wait for buses back in those days. Plus no Eureka Tower."

"It'll be nice to walk around the city with time to explore," said Kaitlyn. "When I've spent the night in Melbourne before it's because I'm working nights and on a layover. How about you in Queensland? I bet you had a great holiday there checking out all the sights. Queensland is so much fun."

"I did, I really loved it," I said. "It just went so fast. Even now I keep thinking, 'Was I really in Queensland just three hours ago?'"

"Good holidays always feel like that," Kaitlyn observed. "I bet you got lots of nice photos. I'd love to see them."

"Are you sure?" I asked. "Lots of people only look at other people's photos to be polite."

"I genuinely love it," Kaitlyn affirmed. "It's a bit surprising given my job, but it it's true. And with digital cameras now, you don't have to wait for your photos to be developed."

"Okay then," I said, taking my camera out of my backpack and showing my cousin the photos I had taken during my recent vacation. With the noise of the nearby passengers making any in-depth conversation impossible, it was a fun way to pass the time as the bus negotiated increasingly busy Friday afternoon traffic into the city and its destination of Southern Cross Station, where we disembarked.

The Chinese passengers went on their way, still talking at a million miles per hour and laughing like they had been administered laughing gas at a dentist, and Kaitlyn shook her head. "I think I'm fluent in Mandarin now after that."

I also laughed. "I think I am too."

Kaitlyn and I exited the station and onto Spencer Street, the two of us looking an odd pair. My cousin looked so smart, professional and pretty in her flight attendant uniform, me looking a bit shabby next to her dressed in a tee-shirt, shorts and sneakers.

"So where to first?" I asked.

"I'm booked into a hotel near Swanston Street, so how about I check in first and drop off my things, then we can get the train back to your place to drop your things off?"

"Sounds good to me," I said, Kaitlyn and I crossing the road and up busy Bourke Street. It was a bit of a walk, but with Kaitlyn wearing flat-heeled shoes as part of her uniform and me running shoes, it wasn't bad for us. There were trams running up Bourke Street, but all were crowded and with Kaitlyn and I both carrying bags it wouldn't have been very practical to board one.

When we reached Elizabeth Street and were waiting to cross, I looked up at the Melbourne Central Tower and an idea crossed my mind. "Hey Kaitlyn, how about instead of staying a hotel you stay with me instead?"

Kaitlyn smiled. "Thanks Darren, that's a nice offer but I wouldn't want to impose."

"You wouldn't be imposing, I'd be very happy to have you staying at my place," I said.

Kaitlyn shook her head. "Thanks again Darren I really appreciate it, but I've already pre-paid for the hotel and I wouldn't get a refund, especially now at such short notice. But we'll still be able to catch up over this weekend, I promise."

I nodded in agreement, knowing that it would be hard for Kaitlyn to change plans at the last moment like this and anyway, maybe she already had plans that didn't involve me. "If the hotel turns out to be lousy and there's mice and rats running around or mold in your bathroom, the offer's still open."

"I don't think so, I've stayed there before during layovers and when I'm here for training and it's a great hotel. They even have a rooftop pool where you can see the whole city skyline. Also thought by now there might be a Mrs. Smith and a couple of junior versions, and that your wife might not be too happy about you walking through the door, 'Hi honey I'm home, I've got a surprise for you!' and in walks a flight attendant."

I laughed. "No, don't worry, there's no Mrs. Smith and no kids. If I was married and had a family, I don't think my wife would have been too happy about me jetting off to Queensland for a two week vacation while she stayed home and took care of the children."

"Good point," said Kaitlyn. She then asked. "How about Sheree and Trent? Or Uncle Richard and Aunty Jean's kids? Do they have any children of their own now?"

I nodded. "Yes, Sheree has a daughter and a baby son. Trent doesn't yet, but he's engaged so probably he will in a few years. As for our cousins, Lucy and Paul each have a son and daughter like Sheree, and the youngest Stacy is expecting her first."

Kaitlyn looked very pleased. "Oh that's great, lots of nieces and nephews," she said, before clarifying her statement. "Well, not really, but when you're an only child like me you never get to be an aunt or an uncle, so we tend to count our cousins' kids as nieces or nephews."

As we walked through the Bourke Street Mall, which bustled with people given it was a late Friday afternoon I could see Kaitlyn was a bit distracting to some people. One older gentleman nearly wandered into Swanston Street and into the path of a tram after admiring the pretty flight attendant, while some boys from a high school were clearly impressed by my cousin, the girls with them telling them to take photos as they would last longer.

Having established that I was single, I then asked Kaitlyn. I doubted she was given married with kids of her own given how she was spending this weekend and wore no wedding band on her left ring finger, but there was always the chance that she had been married. "How about you, if you don't mind my asking? Are you married, do you have any children?"

Kaitlyn shook her head and answered completely deadpan. "No, not married, no children. I live with two men."

I stopped short, finding it hard to believe that Kaitlyn would be in a polygamous relationship with two men, and didn't really know what to say. "Well, um, that's great ..."

Kaitlyn laughed. "Darren relax, I was just kidding around. Yes, I do share a house with two men, but they're gay. I'm their straight female friend, or fag hag if you like. You really thought I lived with two men that way?"

I laughed and felt reassured. "No of course not, I just you know, was a bit surprised ..." I also tried to keep my surprise about Kaitlyn saying that she shared a house with two gay men under wraps. What had happened to the 13-14 year old Kaitlyn in the early 1990s, who had invited me to go along to her church to pray that homosexuals would renounce their sinful ways? Now she was referencing herself as a fag hag? Things sure had changed in more ways I could have imagined.

Kaitlyn got out her phone and brought up a picture of herself posed with her two gay housemates taken at Glenelg. "This is Luke, he's a flight attendant like me and this is his partner Andy."

"Is Andy also a flight attendant?" I asked.

Kaitlyn giggled. "Talk about making assumptions Darren. Do you think all male flight attendants are gay or something?"

"No, no, it's not that, I just thought you might all work together or something," I stammered.

"It's okay, lots of people think that," said Kaitlyn. "But it's not true. There's some gay male flight attendants in our company, but they're not all like that. In fact, I work with a twin brother and sister who are both flight attendants. The boy twin, he's perfectly straight and married with two kids, but his sister who is a real girly girl, she's a lesbian. Her girlfriend often meets her after work."

"That's amazing," I said, as we continued our journey up Swanston Street towards the hotel. "So what does your friend Andy do?"

"Strictly 9 to 5, as an accountant," said Kaitlyn. "It works well, because Luke and I obviously work shifts and can be away much of the time, and Andy is there to take care of things at the house, like the pets and the garden. Plus he's considerate when we're sleeping after night shifts on the red eye flights."

"I'm an accountant too," I said.

"I can believe that, you were always so good at maths when we were kids," said Kaitlyn. "So where do you work?"

"For a company down in South Melbourne," I said. "It's really great, an easy commute by train and tram every day and its right near the markets and lake, so for lunch I can go to the market on days they're open or go jogging around Albert Park Lake if I feel energetic."

"Andy takes his love of accounting to extremes," said Kaitlyn. "One time we went to the football, and Andy was so happy that the final scores were 13.13 to 9.9, everything balanced like a perfect ledger."

I laughed. "I'm not that bad. And I didn't know you liked football now?" I remembered our family taking Kaitlyn to a football game when she was aged about 12, but it hadn't gone very well.

"Yes, Luke, Andy and I love football, we go to games all the time, we have season tickets," said Kaitlyn. "We enjoy the games, but the three of us always debate which of the players in their tight football shorts are the best looking."

We had now reached the hotel where Kaitlyn was staying, and we went into the lobby. "I'll just check in and take my things up to my room, and then we'll go to your place."

I waited in the hotel lobby as Kaitlyn checked in, went up to her room in the lift and then returned still dressed in her work uniform, now carrying only her purse over her shoulder. Exiting the lobby, Kaitlyn and I walked down Swanston Street through the busy afternoon to the iconic Flinders Street Station. The Melbourne afternoon was getting increasingly cloudy and the next train that would take us to Preston wasn't leaving for another 10 minutes, so we went a short way to the Princes Bridge. This provided us with a great view of the Yarra River, and Kaitlyn and I admired the sights of Southbank and the CBD, the Eureka Tower dominating the skyline on the Southern bank, the Rialto on the Northern bank.

"This is always a favorite spot of mine in Melbourne," said Kaitlyn, as a slight breeze came up. "You can't beat this view."

"I come through here all the time, and I love it too," I said, Kaitlyn and I checking out other sights visible from this position, such as the Arts Center Spire just up on St. Kilda Road and across the bridge the Melbourne Cricket Ground. Trams glided by the whole time, adding to the beauty of the area.

Walking back to Flinders Street, I took out my card to go through the gates and the machine beeped loudly, not letting me pass through. Puzzled, I looked down and realized my mistake. I wasn't using my Victorian public transport card, but the one I had been using in Queensland.

"You sort of get into a habit," I said, laughing along with Kaitlyn as I scanned the correct card successfully this time. "How about you? Have you got a card for Melbourne?"

Kaitlyn smiled and pulled from her purse a small folder containing eight public transport cards, one for each of the six states and two territories in Australia. "Travelling so much around Australia its best to be prepared," she said, scanning herself through and the two of us catching the train that would take us to Preston.

It was a very crowded train ride given so many people were leaving school and work, and Kaitlyn and I had to stand for the journey that took us through Jolimont, Richmond and Collingwood and into the northern suburbs and our destination of Preston. Disembarking, I said to Kaitlyn, "My place isn't too far from here."

From there we walked the 1.5 kilometer journey to my house, which was a two bedroom, one bathroom unit in a block of twelve fully detached home units, chatting about the hotel where Kaitlyn was staying in the city and seeing a plane from Kaitlyn's airline flying overhead.

Opening the front door, I allowed Kaitlyn to enter the house then took my main bag in. "It's a nice place, really neat and tidy," Kaitlyn observed.

"Thanks, I did a bit of a tidy up before I left," I said. We went into the kitchen where an advertising flyer that I had brought in from my mailbox the morning I left but forgot to put in the recycling was still sitting on the bench. It made me feel again like I had never been away in the first place.

"So, how about I give you the grand tour?" I suggested. "One of the shortest guided tours in history."

Kaitlyn laughed. "Thanks Darren, that's really kind but there's only one place I want to visit in your house at the moment, and that's your toilet. Could you please point me in the general direction?"

"Sure Kaitlyn, down the hall there, second on your left."

"Thanks Darren." My cousin turned on her heel and headed for the toilet, me hearing her close and lock the door. While Kaitlyn was in there I made a start of unpacking my bag. It was very quiet in the house, aside from the sound of the kitchen clock ticking and the intermittent sounds of Kaitlyn unwinding toilet paper from the roll. I suddenly remembered I hadn't been since the Gold Coast, and the need to pee filled my bladder. After about five minutes Kaitlyn flushed the toilet and I heard her wash her hands in the bathroom, and when she emerged she joined me in my bedroom.

"You'll feel right back on holidays with those," Kaitlyn said, indicating two landscape pictures on the wall, one of the Brisbane skyline, the other of the Gold Coast skyline.

"Yes, I got them at a market last year," I said. "I've got two more prints like them in the living room, one of Sydney and one of Melbourne."

"They're really nice, I'll go and check them out," said Kaitlyn.

"I'll be with you soon, I need to go to the toilet now," I said.

I went into the toilet and closed the door, while Kaitlyn went into the living room. I pulled down the front of my shorts and my underpants to release my penis to pee, but my mind was filled with the images of Kaitlyn adjusting her panties through her skirt and I found myself speculating upon things a man should never speculate upon his cousin. What color knickers was Kaitlyn wearing? What design of panties did Kaitlyn wear? Was she wearing tights or pantyhose, or was she wearing stockings which would show the flesh of her upper thighs between the tops of these leggings and her knickers? When she had been to the toilet just then, had she pulled her panties down to her thighs, to her knees or down around her ankles?

These perverted questions about my own cousin's knickers would of course never be answered, but it didn't stop blood flowing to my groin giving me a full-blown erection and preventing me from peeing. I tried to think about other things that weren't sexy, and failed dismally, thinking more and more about how hot Kaitlyn looked in her flight attendant uniform. I tried not to think of Kaitlyn but then thought about her hot co-worker Melinda, and Melinda's hot cousin at the Gold Coast apartment complex Belinda, so that didn't help either for obvious reasons.

Finally, I managed to think about an upcoming conference at work about Australian accounting standards, and this did the trick, my erection subsiding and finally allowing me to pee. And the delay was serendipitous. I had been so distracted by my thoughts about my cousin that I had forgotten to do something essential. When Kaitlyn had been to the loo she had put the toilet lid down when she flushed, and I had forgotten to lift it up. If I had peed straight away, there would have been piss everywhere and very embarrassing especially with Kaitlyn at the house with me.

Disaster averted, I peed and after flushing the toilet, washed my hands and reprimanded myself for thinking unnatural thoughts about my cousin. If I was going to go around fantasizing about girls' knickers, I should be fantasizing about Melinda's knickers or Belinda's knickers, not my first cousin Kaitlyn's knickers. Going back into the living room, I saw Kaitlyn waiting for me, sitting on the couch texting on her phone.

"Would you like a tea or coffee?" I asked her.

"Coffee please," said Kaitlyn, me heading into the kitchen to make two cups. Obviously being away for two weeks I didn't have fresh milk in the refrigerator, but did have some UHT milk that I had placed in there before I got back.

"Would you like a hand in there?" came Kaitlyn's voice.

"Oh, no thanks, I should be right," I said. "Anyway, you probably would like a break from serving tea and coffee given your job."

"That's true," said Kaitlyn. "I had one guy the other day want tea and coffee, mixed up together in the same cup would you believe?"

"You're kidding?" I asked.

.

"No, but on the list of weird things I've had passengers ask for that wouldn't even make the top forty."