Crazy Cornelius & the Magic Pills Ch. 01

INTRODUCTION & DISCLAIMER - How would you like to take a trip back in time to 1998, go to Sydney Australia and meet the Hawkins family? Well, the first two options are appealing but in real life you probably wouldn't want to meet the crazy and dysfunctional Hawkins family.

The father Alistair is an authoritarian, bigoted tyrant; the long-suffering mother Faye is completely stressed out; paranoid eldest son Brendan hides in his room and never comes out for fear of UFOs; mousy youngest daughter Erica tries to keep the peace; and then there's middle son Cornelius, a stupid and sadistic psychopath who makes it his life's work to wreak havoc both at home and in the community. Adding to the chaos is Danielle, Cornelius's sluttish and trouble-making wife, while Erica's sensible boyfriend Gavin is a frequent visitor to the Hawkins house.

With Cornelius constantly staging one crazy stunt after another and driving his angry father insane, whatever is going to happen next? Have fun meeting the Hawkins family and be very thankful they are not your family or your neighbours. Please note that this story series contains strong themes, language and violence, as well as scenes involving female characters using the toilet and having their periods, which may not be to every readers' taste. All characters and events are fictional, with any similarity to real persons living or dead coincidental and unintentional. Please enjoy, rate and comment, and look for more chapters as they appear.

*

"Are you related to Cornelius Hawkins?"

As soon as this question was delivered to Erica Hawkins in her first class on her first day of high school in 1992 by a stern, strict, middle-aged male mathematics teacher who wore an expression of horror upon his scowling face, the Year 7 student knew that things were not going to be easy for her in secondary school.

When Erica confirmed that she was indeed the younger sister of Cornelius Hawkins, the teacher indicated for her to get up, then ordered her to switch seats with a boy who had been sitting in the desk immediately in front of the teacher's desk.

The young girl meekly complied with her teacher's directions, who then stood over Erica and said, "Miss Hawkins, this is your desk and whenever you are in my mathematics class, you will sit here and nowhere else. And if you think you can act like that maniac Cornelius, or put in zero effort in class like that other brother of yours Brendan then you have another thing coming Missy. I will be watching you like a hawk, and if I catch you talking out of turn, creating any disruption, slacking off, cheating or generally acting like the little madam you clearly are, you will be right where you belong, in detention. Is that clear, Miss Hawkins?"

"Yes Sir," Erica said in her soft, timid voice, many of the class members giggling before the teacher bellowed at them to be silent.

One kid who was not laughing was the boy sitting in the desk behind Erica, Gavin Baxter, a tall, slim, athletic boy with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He hadn't met Erica Hawkins nor any of the other kids in his new Sydney high school yet. Gavin's family -- consisting of Gavin, his older sister Lisa and their parents Neil and Sandra -- had only two weeks ago moved to Sydney when Mr. Baxter got a promotion at work. So the family had sold their house in the city of Wollongong, located about two hours south of Sydney and moved to Sydney's northern suburbs.

Gavin of course was nervous about starting high school in a new place where he knew nobody, but even back in Wollongong he would have been nervous. It didn't have a good reputation, and there were stories going around that on the first day of school all the Year 7 boys would be grabbed by gangs of Year 11 and 12 students who would inflict various sadistic acts of bullying, such as flushing their heads in the toilets.

So far, Gavin had avoided getting his head flushed down the toilet on his first day of high school, but seeing what had happened to Erica made him apprehensive about what the rest of the teachers were like. And why had this teacher singled Erica out for this treatment? Erica didn't look the type to cause trouble, in fact the opposite. She was a petite girl, clad in an ill-fitting girls' summer school dress, her long light brown hair back in a pony-tail. Her brown eyes were covered by glasses and her mouth was a mess of metal dental braces. Erica's general demeanor was like that of a little church mouse, and she looked nervous and skittish, far removed from a trouble-maker.

During the rest of the day, the same pattern was repeated, Erica being asked by teachers if she was related to Cornelius Hawkins, and when it was established she was his younger sister she was made to sit at the front of the class where she could be closely supervised. Gavin was puzzled and becoming more and more interested in this girl, so when the final bell rang he introduced himself.

"Hi, I'm Gavin," he said, shaking her hand.

Erica looked at the ceiling nervously, returned the handshake and responded shyly. "I'm Erica."

On the bus on the way home, Gavin had two sets of feelings. One was the feelings of a developing crush, accentuated by sitting next to Erica on the bus. The second was curiosity. What was this Cornelius like? Surely Erica's older brother couldn't be that bad? And what was the deal with the other brother, Brendan?

The bus pulled into the stop in the street where Gavin lived, and as he went to depart to his delight Erica got off too. "You live on this street too?" Gavin asked.

Erica nodded. "Yeah, just across the road." She pointed at the house with the street number 9, an average looking brick and tile house like many seen in suburban Sydney, and indeed the other cities and towns around Australia. It was much like the house that Gavin lived in with his parents and sister, only the Hawkins house had a granny flat attached to one side, a feature absent from the Baxter house.

"It's a nice house," said Gavin politely. "We live a bit further up, at number 24. We only moved in a few weeks ago."

"I thought I hadn't seen you around before," said Erica, the girl looking around herself nervously. "Well, I'd better be going."

With that, Erica turned on her heel and headed inside, opening her backpack to remove the front door keys. Gavin, while a little perturbed that Erica had shot off so quickly, turned and walked to his parents' house, the unmistakable feelings of a crush sweeping through his body as he thought about his petite, nervous, mousy little classmate and as it turned out, his neighbor too. What did the future hold?

*

Erica and Gavin stepped off the bus, holding hands and making for the Hawkins house at Number 9. It was now 1998, and six years had now gone by since they first met on their first day of high school. They were now both aged 18 turning 19 in a few months' time, and had finished high school at the end of 1997, taking their HSC exams. Now Erica and Gavin were both first year university students in nursing degrees, while holding down part time jobs. Erica worked at a sandwich shop and Gavin at a supermarket, and they were a classic example of teenage sweethearts, two young people who had found the right person at an early age and very much in love.

It was autumn in Sydney, but the weather in the New South Wales capital was tending towards summer this particular Wednesday, a warm and sunny day and therefore Erica wore a light, short-sleeved blouse and a short blue floral skirt on her petite form, white sandals on her feet. Erica's glasses, a feature from early childhood were still on her face, but the dental braces from her early adolescence were long gone.

Gavin admired his pretty girlfriend as they held hands and walked across the street, feeling so lucky to have Erica in his life and as his girlfriend. Likewise, Erica admired her handsome boyfriend, Gavin's nice fit body wearing a short-sleeved tee-shirt, jeans and trainers. He was a great boyfriend in every way; intelligent, loving and supportive.

As Erica stopped and checked the mail, she looked at the car parked to one side of the driveway. "So, Mum and Dad are at work, Cornelius's car isn't there so he must be out somewhere, but Danielle's home. Who do you think will be first to greet us? Danielle or Brendan?"

Gavin pretended to consider this. "I think maybe Danielle?" he smiled.

"Are you absolutely sure about that?" Erica asked.

"Yes, pretty sure," said Gavin. "I haven't seen Brendan in person since, I don't know when."

"I haven't seen him since just before Christmas last year," said Erica.

"Are you sure he's okay?" asked Gavin. "If he never leaves the granny flat, what happens if he gets sick or something?"

"Oh, he's there alright," said Erica. "I hear him moving around, using the vacuum cleaner and dust buster, sometimes having a shower. Other times I'll pass by and see the curtains twitching. And once a week, Brendan leaves a laundry bag of clothes and his bed linen for Mum to wash, and a list of supplies he needs for the week. We get them and leave them outside the door, and when we next look they're gone."

Gavin nodded, used to the strange situation with Erica's eldest brother. He then said, "So where did Cornelius go today?"

"A job interview from what I heard he and Mum talking about," said Erica. "But I don't think he'll get it. Cornelius doesn't want a job anyway, he's already got a full career path planned as a professional dole bludger."

"He needs money to get his car fixed," said Gavin. "I noticed the cops put a defect sticker on it."

Erica shrugged. "Cornelius doesn't give a shit about that. And calling that heap of junk Cornelius drives around in a car is being very generous in the extreme. The cops gave him a long list of defects that need fixing and fined him for driving an un-roadworthy vehicle, and he couldn't care less."

"So what's going to happen about the car?" Gavin asked.

Again, Erica shrugged. "I don't know, I'll leave it to my brother to sort out. I think the best thing they can do is chuck the car in the crusher, preferably with Cornelius still inside it."

Gavin laughed. "You said it Erica, not me. Actually though, I think Danielle would have more to worry about if she got stopped by the police in her car." He and Erica looked at Danielle's car, a more recent V6 car from about 1993 or 1994. It was in far better shape than Cornelius's car, not that that was difficult, but there was just something about it. Gavin thought back to when two of he and Erica's friends who were very much into cars saw the vehicle and looked at it more thoroughly.

"Tony and Gino are right, that used to be two cars," said Gavin.

"Yeah, I wouldn't put it past Danielle to buy a rebirth," said Erica.

"Did she ever say where she got the car?"

Erica shook her head. "No, she was very tight-lipped, said some bloke from Gosford her brother knows sold it to her. She'll probably act all innocent if the police ever find out about it and start asking questions, but she would have known. She's not known as 'Dodgy Danielle' for nothing. Plus she's married to Cornelius, which says a lot."

Gavin and Erica were nearly at the front door, and Gavin paused. "Are you sure your Dad's not home?"

Erica laughed lightly. "No, he's definitely at work, he was grumbling about it all morning before he left. You can relax, he's not going to come out and get you."

Gavin shook his head. "He still doesn't like me. I mean, your Mum lets me call her Faye rather than Mrs. Hawkins, but with your Dad it's always Mr. Hawkins or Sir, never Alistair. And the way he looks at me, it's like one false move and he'll kill me."

"I wouldn't take it personally, he's always like that," said Erica. "Plus Cornelius drives him nuts, as you well know."

"I still have nightmares about the first time I met your father," said Gavin. His mind took him back to 1992, and where he and Erica had caught the bus home after school. He and Erica were just saying goodbye, when from inside the Hawkins house there came a male voice shouting as loudly as Gavin had ever heard.

"You are nothing but a mooching, manipulative and evil old bag!" roared the man before there came a loud bang, presumably from whoever was shouting slamming his hand against something.

Erica looked afraid, putting her fingers in her mouth, something that Gavin had noticed was a habit if she was nervous. "That's my Dad."

"And you are nothing but a useless disappointment Alistair, just like your brother and just like your two sisters," screeched an elderly lady from inside the house, her voice something like a cockatoo. "Your late father and I should have dropped all of you at the orphanage and replaced you with black kids, they would probably have been better kids than you."

Erica looked even more nervous. "And that's my Granny, Dad's mother."

"And I almost wish I was fucking black because if I was then you couldn't be my mother!" roared her son in response before the front door slammed open and out stormed a very tall, muscular man with a black beard and a furious expression on his countenance complaining about the 'stupid old witch.' His expression grew even more furious as he noticed his pre-teen daughter talking to a boy he did not know. If a saltwater crocodile had emerged from the house and ran at him, Gavin could not be more terrified.

"Where are those brothers of yours?" Mr. Hawkins had demanded of his nervous daughter, who cowered in his presence.

"I don't know, Dad," Erica had stammered.

"Congratulations Erica, that makes you even more stupid and useless than I thought," said Mr. Hawkins, before he turned his attention to Gavin. "Who are you?"

"That's Gavin, my friend from school," Erica had stammered.

Alistair Hawkins had seemed most unimpressed. "You get your skinny little arse inside the house and to your room right now Erica, and you're grounded," he had said to his daughter before addressing Gavin. "And as for you, piss off kid and don't ever let me see you hanging around my daughter again."

Gavin had felt terrified as he walked down the street to his own house. Erica was having a hard time of it at school, kids shunning and rejecting her as a 'space cadet', the 'weird girl' from the fucked up family and subjecting her to terrible physical, verbal and psychological bullying on a daily basis. The bullies were both male and female, and students older, the same age and younger. Erica was teased, threatened, ridiculed, terrorized, pranked, punched, slapped, shoved, kicked, tripped, had her hair pulled, had water and food thrown at her, got thrown into a wheelie bin, had her locker vandalized with offensive graffiti, had the strap of her bra snapped against her back and was harassed even when she went to the toilet or had her period, other kids taking her supply of pads out of her bag and teasing her.

Through all this Gavin was Erica's one true friend, they always had lunch together and rode the bus to and from school, and he was the only kid in her classes who would come to her defense against her tormentors, often ending up in fights with boys. Gavin would stand up for Erica where he could, such as putting a stop to other kids taking Erica's books and homework and throwing them around and playing keep-off with her glasses or lunch. Unfortunately he couldn't do much for Erica when she was bullied by other girls in the female change rooms or the girls' toilets.

Given Erica was having such a rough time at high school, Gavin hoped her home life was happier but having met her older brother Cornelius he doubted it. Born in 1975, four years before Erica who like Gavin was born in 1979, Cornelius at this stage was in Year 11. At times Gavin found it hard to believe that Cornelius actually existed and that he was allowed to live in the community, but obviously he was real and not subject to any mental health orders.

Gavin had never met anyone quite like Cornelius, he was just a lunatic; a complete and absolute fruit loop, driving teachers and other students insane with his antics. He was of no help to his younger sister in her struggles with bullies, and in fact would just humiliate her more, like teasing her about having a boyfriend when she and Gavin were together. He would also embarrass her in other ways, such as when Erica was away sick from school one day Cornelius thought it would be a good idea to tell everyone that the reason Erica was unable to come to school was because she had diarrhea, something the poor girl obviously didn't want everyone to know but thanks to her brother, everyone did.

One might have thought that Cornelius might have been a target for bullies too given his weirdness, but because of his height -- he stood well over six feet tall -- and that he was an insane nutcase who definitely had the crazy eyes, other kids were afraid of him. On one occasion some bad tempered fat boy in Year 9 did stand up to Cornelius, but ended up wishing he hadn't as the kid ended up in a bush full of bees, stung over 20 times and having to be carted off to the hospital in an ambulance.

The school sent the ambulance bill to Cornelius's parents, and Gavin hated to think what would happen when Alistair Hawkins found out about it. The next day Cornelius attended high school with a massive black eye, and the vague and somewhat unconvincing explanation that he had 'walked into a door'.

As for Gavin, he found himself in Alistair Hawkins' bad books numerous times over his friendship with Erica, and on one occasion Alistair had turned up at his parents' house and barged in there like a rhinoceros, ranting and raving and carrying on about how he wanted Mr. and Mrs. Baxter to ban their no-good son from hanging around his daughter.

Always very diplomatic, Mr. and Mrs. Baxter actually managed to get Mr. Hawkins calmed down and convince him that his daughter having a male friend wasn't a bad thing, and that Gavin was a good kid. Mr. Hawkins wasn't very happy about the situation and while never liking Gavin despite the boy's best efforts eventually grudgingly accepted Gavin as a friend of his daughter, and as the two kids got older and reached their mid-teens, as her boyfriend.

Entering the house, Gavin thought about things that had changed and things that hadn't changed since he first met Erica. One obvious thing was the occupancy of the granny flat. Previously, it had served its literal purpose of what a granny flat was for -- a home for granny, in this case Erica's paternal grandmother who moved in after she was widowed.

Gavin's first impression of the woman was correct. Granny Hawkins was not a nice old lady, and the way she and her long-dead husband addressed her two adult sons and daughters -- mainly calling them useless, hopeless and disappointments -- showed why Alistair, his brother and sisters were such bad tempered and disagreeable people. The four siblings shipped Granny off into care when she finally went round the bend, and now she was living out her final days in a nursing home out near Manly, drooling into a polystyrene cup while confined to a wheelchair, watching cars go up and down the road all day, pointing and grinning at any automobiles she liked the look of.

Now the curtains of the granny flat were fully drawn and the windows closed. It was like that all the time, summer, spring, autumn or winter, in wet, mild, cold, hot and humid weather or whether it was still or windy. And the occupant who now occupied the granny flat -- Erica's oldest brother Brendan -- would not have it any other way.

Brendan, born in 1974 and tall like Cornelius and Alistair, unlike many oldest children was not assertive and high-achieving. He tried his best as a boy, but was not academic, pretty ordinary at sports, wasn't into outdoor activities like camping or fishing, nor did he have any musical or artistic ability. Shy, introverted and unassertive, Brendan was a source of great disappointment to his father.