Cross Passage

Of course I had the visuals of the mind to contend with. Did she suck his cock with the fervor I know she has for the pleasure. I've been a party to her orgasms in the past just from doing that. She loves riding cowgirl and being plowed from behind. Did he fuck her tight ass? Did he spew his fucking nut in my woman? All the thoughts of what adulterous lovers do just aggravated the angst. Then, there were the truly important things.

I didn't want this marriage to end; I had too much time and heart investment in it to see it taken like this. Was Pryor a first time tryst or have there been a succession of men polluting my bed, maybe for years on end. That's the problem with thinking too much when the mind is idled or ransacked. Both lead to an almost Faustian bargain to set things right; to almost trade the soul to have things the way they were and therein lies the problem. I no longer knew with any surety how things were before.

One thing was certain; I would have to sit down and talk with Tammy with the clouds of ruin set aside for a moment. Her boss was fucking her in my bed while I was on sea duty and she apparently didn't see any problem with it. That was the big hurdle to get past, if possible and I didn't know if it was conceivable.

I learned later Tammy had gone to stay with her sister, the same one who rented a room from me when we first met. Tammy had kept her bungalow and when her sister's marriage disintegrated she let her move in after the previous tenants lease was up. Whether Pryor was seeing her there or not, I didn't know. That would have to wait until we talked......

There was a light rain pressing against the kitchen window overlooking the garden in the back that kept the two of us inside the constraints of what had turned to a lonely house rather than a contented home. She looked good but haggard at the same time if possible; maybe it was my imagination or desire, I don't know.

"Max, this isn't what I ever wanted. Please believe me."

"What did you want, Tammy?" I replied trying to assess her thoughts.

She didn't know how to answer that question. Hell, I couldn't fault her for that; I wouldn't know how to answer if I were in her shoes.

"Is Pryor what you want?"

She just laughed forlornly, her face a contradiction of expressions.

"Jesus, no. We can hardly work together now. It was a stupid fucking mistake, Max. One for which there is no excuse."

"Yet the two of you hooked up this week?" I was fishing but she didn't know that.

"No, Max. I broke it off completely the night I left here. I called him from the bungalow. He didn't want to agree but when I threatened to tell Sophie he shut up."

I pictured Sophie Pryor, all 200 lbs. of her, body slamming Thomas to the ground and crushing the glasses off his nose, smiling just a wee bit.

"Of the entire available dick, Tammy, why in hell take up with that fucking toad? I don't get it."

"I don't know, I really don't other than to say he kept pressuring me, reminding me how much I owed him, how I owed him for my tenure. He kept building me up, keeping me company, reminding me how lonely I was. Before long it was dinner, then it was drinks, he started taking me to his favorite hangouts. It got comfortable.

"One evening he got me drunk, carried me home and he fucked me. He didn't rape me or force me. I did it of my own free will although if I hadn't been drunk that first time it never would have happened. Nonetheless it did. We had been doing it for about a month before you came back."

"Here's the million dollar question, Tammy... You know what it is. People talk. How many were there before the peckerwood?"

If I thought she was going to hem and haw while trying to answer, I was wrong.

"Three, there were three other men before Thomas."

I wanted to be surprised but I wasn't and I was at the same time.

"Each of them was before we were married, Max, before I moved in with you and you don't know any of them. None of them still live here. They were students."

Now that surprised me but before I could respond she continued.

"I struggled with your time at sea, Max. It was damn hard for a long time but I love you and didn't let you know. At the time I just figured you were doing it occasionally in some far off place and you'd never know about it. It was years ago and to be honest, I can't lie about it. It was just physical and it really did take the edge off, maybe once a month or so while you were out. There was no romance or relationship; it was sex and that was it.

"Maybe it was being a woman living on my own with my man gone so often. When I committed to you by moving in, I ended it, until this last trip. Now, I've fucked it up, haven't I?"

I believed her and that far in the past before she moved in with me wasn't a problem although the dishonesty was still there; I had never done that to her.

"Tammy, it's the current situation that bothers me. Pryor set up housekeeping in my fucking bed and I need some time to get over that if I can. If I can't well, I don't know."

The tears started now and I handed her a tissue. After a long pause she continued.

"I know. That's why I'm doing something I really didn't want to do. I'm going to accept a six month fellowship at the University in Vancouver. It gets me away from Pryor and I don't have to give up my position and tenure at Charleston. They are sending somebody here in my place."

"That was quick. You made that decision before we even talked."

"I had not said anything before because I wasn't going to do it. Things have changed now, haven't they?"

"Yes, unfortunately. You know I'm coming up on my thirty years and had some decisions to make. This complicates that, obviously."

She didn't say anything but I could read the pained acknowledgement.

"Oh, and I should have told you earlier. Dave Hoff is getting remarried next month and I plan on attending. He's marrying Tracy's sister Torre of all people. I didn't see that coming. If you are still here, I can set aside our problems for a bit if you are interested."

I tossed that out there to give her the opportunity but it really didn't matter.

"I wish I had known. I'll be in Vancouver by the end of the month. Perhaps that would be best in any event, Max."

We left off with that and exchanged a painful hug before she headed back to West Ashley. Dave was my old Henry's House acquaintance and I suppose the antics of drinking buddies don't always carry over into the status of old family friends. Besides, she was probably right...

Tammy flew out to Vancouver a week after our discussion. We did have dinner the night before she left but things remained pretty much as they were; we were unofficially separating to give each of us the space needed. I didn't make any demands and she didn't offer any.

I think it's the last point that caused the most concern. Both of us enjoy a robust sex life when we are together. Our professional separations for up to ten weeks always seemed to stoke the fires of passion when we reunited. We'd cocoon through the weekend and come up for food and drink only to return to our unbridled lusts. Could I go six months without? Of course I could but would I even want to knowing my estranged wife was off on her own in her new cosmopolitan adventure? I suppose much would depend on what decisions we came to in the coming weeks and months. We'd either die as a couple or find some way back...

I flew into DFW the night before and waited until morning to drive up to the scene of Dave's sentencing as I called it when I talked with my old friend to congratulate him. It was an easy drive up Rt. 75 and crossing the Red River into Oklahoma allowed me to cross off another state on my visit or pass through list.

"Max, come over here with me. I want you to meet some good people." Dave was grinning broadly with his new bride at his side and I followed both of them to the congregating crowd at dockside. I had formally met most of them at the wedding.

"So this is the Captain?" An interesting young woman asked in general.

"Max, this is Winona, Winona Gustophsen." He introduced me to his new/old in-laws and a charming woman named Susan whom I had met previously in Charleston and surprisingly his ex-wife Tracy, the sister of the new wife, was there with her new beau. I thought that would have been awkward but they had apparently made their peace.

Somehow I ended up being paired with Winona into the evening although I was also cognizant of being several years older than she. It didn't matter; she taught me to two-step before the night was out and we had a grand time.

I'd love to say I fucked the little minx but I was the perfect gentleman throughout and we parted as fun company and no more. I got the feeling she might have wanted to add a sea faring captain to her conquests but I also had Tammy on my mind as well. It wouldn't have been right in my mind. Nonetheless it was a fine temptation if that was what it was.

The happy couple left for their honeymoon and I pointed myself south towards Texas hill country and down into San Antonio to spend a few days. I had visited the city years ago and never found the opportunity to return. A friend pulled some strings and got me a three night stay at the Menger Hotel next door to the Alamo downtown.

This was what I had hoped Tammy and I would have been able to do when I retired; travel the country and visit places like this. I sat at the old storied bar at the Menger listening to the tales of Teddy Roosevelt running his horse right up to the bar and a hundred other old Texas Ranger stories the barkeep must have practiced a thousand times. Before the night was out I poured myself upstairs and did it all over again the next evening.

In a week I was readying myself for another port call with the burdens of an uncertain marriage and decisions I couldn't make.

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Nearly six months later...

The eastward passage was 14 days in when we approached the lights of the gantry cranes along the riverside quay at Bremerhaven. With mostly calm seas the journey was uneventful but for one stop at sea where the engineers made a quick repair to an aft section of the main shaft.

The Molly Seine would be in port for six days on this stop; we were waiting for the last third of a parts order for BorgWarner to arrive dockside before we could depart. The extra three days gave me a chance to give the most of the crew leave to spend time doing whatever a crew does for three days of liberty. I didn't have to guess; most of them would find respite in the bottom of several empty mugs and the comfort of as much port city pussy as they could muster up. A small number of them might find themselves in the dispensary mid voyage but that would be between themselves and Doc.

"Captain Bunyon, perhaps you would care to join me for dinner this evening?" The tall distinguished gentleman asked me after we had finished our customs review.

Denis Toller was the master of several hats and roles, chief being the Director of the Bremerhaven port operations. When the most powerful man in port asks you to join him for dinner, that's what you do. We ended up at the Seute Deern along with his daughter, a fortyish dark eyed beauty named Kirsten.

"Max, do you ever take passengers when you make your crossings?" Kirsten asked me.

"I had a couple young college students make a cross passage last summer out of New York to Southampton. They thought it would make a grand adventure but I suspect it became rather boring for them after the first couple days. We don't have elegant staterooms and nightly entertainment unless you consider the poker games among the crew to be entertaining."

The twinkle in her eye revealed her adventurous spirit and I sensed she'd make her own entertainment if necessary.

"I used to fly to New York regularly with my former husband and I remember looking down trying to see any ships on the water and I never could see them... too high I suppose. I've always wanted to make that kind of journey just for the adventure."

I knew on shipboard she'd cause quite a stir among many of the crew. I could catch her bosom rising and falling with each breath of her excited recollections. A full breasted, beautiful woman like her could serve as an unnecessary distraction for a crew of 15 souls out to sea but regardless she struck me as someone who could handle the attention.

"Well, Ms. Kirsten, if you ever decide you want to kill 12 days or more crossing the cold Atlantic, let me know and we'll book passage into one of the staterooms. I think we've got a few boxes taking up space but give me some notice and we'll make it cozy." I couldn't help but chuckle.

Director Toller just laughed and warned that I might have extended an invitation to regret...

The Molly Seine was refueled and bulkheads secure when the harbor master guided us out of port. 6,250 containers were in the hold and topside when my engineer turned up the prop and headed us out into the North Sea.

When we departed there was a winter storm pushing off the northeast U.S. coast on a track to take it over Iceland and the home office gave us the go ahead to proceed. By the time we hit the English Channel off Guernsey the storm had shifted east putting it directly in our northerly track across the 'pond'. A front had developed above Greenland and was pushing southward which in turn made predicting the eastward drift of the storm difficult. The home office made the decision for us; we'd port in Portsmouth and be back out as soon as conditions improved...

Roger Chaffee sat across from me as the barmaid brought a fresh round of ales and a couple shots of whiskey to the table. I met him the first time when I was a 1st Mate and he was 1st Officer on a Maersk containership out of Southampton in 2002. His first wife had left him a couple years earlier and he had become quite the ladies' man.

I'll never forget the astonishment on his face when I turned down his invitation to share in the lustful delights of two college coeds from the states on their English summer adventure. Both of them were primed for a night of debauchery and had chosen the two of us for the experience. I flashed my ring at him and he just grinned while squeezing the abundant breast of the girl on his lap.

"Jesus, mate, are you sure?"

I was sure; the image of Tammy obliterated any carnal pleasure I might have gained from the escapade. It didn't matter. Roger disappeared up the stairs with both girls, one on each arm and I didn't see him again until the afternoon of the next day. He couldn't erase the grin off his face all the way to the docks if he had to.

"So, is she gone for good?" He asked me.

I had told him the story of the return trip and my discoveries and her last six months in Vancouver. I might have left out the pain or most of it but any discerning man could see it etched on my face.

"I don't know, Roger. I talk with her usually every week or so for a few minutes; we agreed at the onset that would be appropriate but since I haven't seen her since she left I really don't know."

"Do you want her back?"

Well, there it was; the big money question. When we sat at our kitchen table back on Anson Street I would have immediately said yes, of course I want her back. I still do but at what cost? She's had six months to churn through as many lovers as she desired, if any; same with me although there have been none. I didn't know with her. I didn't think there were any before and what did I know then?

"That's a hard question, my man. You'll have to ask me that after she returns to Charleston, if she does."

We sat longer and enjoyed the beer and the small crowd. A couple of the middle aged women made a lot of small talk with us and I suppose we might have pursued the prize but the baggage we both carried dampened that notion.

Roger was seeing a woman serious and by now he had pretty much sown the oats and reserved his vigor for the woman he intended to make his bride. She was a stout English woman from the north, handsome in that womanly manner and if a seafaring man can define love, she was it for him. As for myself I had the hand and a vivid imagination although I should admit that the temptations have always been there. I just forestalled acting upon them as long as I thought there was some hope of reconciliation.

The next morning heavy rain was pelting the bridge when I relieved my 2nd Officer of the watch. The storm had indeed pushed further east and winds were picking up in the Channel. The longshoremen shut down the gantry cranes by mid-morning and most of the activity dockside came to a stop.

"We are taking on a tariff passenger, apparently, sir." My steward informed me after the crew had finished securing additional tie-downs. "She'll be boarding as soon as the storm breaks and we're cleared for departure."

That was unwelcome news given the timing; I was sure the ships galley had not prepared for a fee paying passenger and we'd have to clear the additional stateroom to make way.

"You said 'she'? Where did she arrive from?" I asked recalling my dinner conversation from previous nights.

"Exeter, sir"

The steward went about the business of preparing for a passenger and I returned to my duties as the storm played itself out over the next few hours. By early evening we were placed in the que to depart, hopefully by early morning.

"Our passenger, Ms. Siever, has boarded, sir, and the 1st Mate has seen her to her quarters. Shall I set up a Captain's table for 9PM sir?"

Our custom when we have a passenger, whether fee or not, is to have a meeting soon after boarding and before departure to go over several regulations and expectations as well as complete a safety orientation. A containership is a dangerous environment and the safety and wellbeing of all crew and passengers is of paramount importance.

"Yes, please. Set it up in the board off my stateroom and have both 1st and 2nd Officers in attendance."

Custom and tradition being what they were, I changed into my dress blacks and set my master's cap on straight and turned the latch to enter the board.

"Why Capt. Max, what a stunning impression you make!" She energetically smiled before me, her large breasts lifting on her chest with the exclamation.

"Ms. Siever?" I asked momentarily taken in surprise.

"My former husband's name... Toller-Siever actually; I never changed it back after the divorce."

Kirsten Toller-Siever had obviously captured the charms of my two officers prior to my entry as both could hardly keep the smiles off their faces. They had completed the safety orientation and reviewed the no-go-do-not-ever-never restrictions of where she could venture shipboard. Next up was my performance as ship's master.

"So, Kirsten, how did you happen to make this trip? We're a good ways from Bremerhaven."

"Oh it's a great story, Max! I told Papa I was serious about making a voyage and by the time I decided to do it right then you had already left port. Then I heard about the storm and he told me you had to put in here. The only airport I could get a flight into was Exeter and now, here I am! I called him after I had already left so there was no stopping me. Well, your home office wasn't going to let me at first but I told them I could get here twelve hours before departure and they were OK with it especially after I name dropped Papa for good measure!"

I had to clear my throat with a subtle cough as I cast a disapproving glance at my officers who were obviously amused at Ms. Kirsten's familiarity.

"I'm sure it was a difficult journey, ma'am, with the storm and all. I hope our accommodations here will be sufficient. If I knew you were coming, I'd-"