Curious Case of a Horseless Headman

"Ah, you give yourself away, my friend, maybe you do want her as YOUR Thomasina?" the archangel laughs heartily, "I know you like her, old man, but how long left does ye have to enjoy her?"

"A slip of the tongue, Archangel. But yes, I do have feelings towards Thomasina, ones I've never felt before." Ferdinando's red face goes a shade of purple in embarrassment.

"Love?"

"Yes," he admits, "I do believe I love her and I wish to see her free of you."

"Then she is yours, my friend, I am preparing to leave her in your care. The Maker tells me that He will allow you to see the real 'me' for a few moments before I depart this world. He tells me your may enjoy the joke but I know not what the joke is. I will not be able to speak in any way you'll understand, when I am in my true form. So if you have any questions, ask me now."

"Why is it so important that Sir Valentine be locked up and kept alive for such a short life time, when you say this battle has waged for millions of years?"

"Ha! It seems such a small thing to you and to me. It is The Divine Right of the Stuarts to reign that is the reason. The King believes he has been appointed by his Maker and so do many of his subjects."

"So the Plot was to possess the King by Satan's Son?"

"No, it is more subtle than that, the planning has been many years in the making. Satan's Child can move from body to body, but only at the point of conception. This is why group fornication forms such a large part of The Devil's Work and Ritual among his followers. We Archangels believe Satan's Child is trapped within Valentine's body, although originally I thought he had transferred to Thomasina's womb, just after The Commonwealth ended and The Stuarts' Restoration began. At that point, I acted as though Satan had turned me to the Dark again and that I had tricked The Maker into delivering me into the soul of the pregnant Thomasina. There I found no sign of Satan's Seed in the embryo of Benjamin, but the Guardian Angel present in the baby at point of birth was another powerful Archangel, who was known to me. He fought me, as he thought I was a Devil, while I knew he was an Avenging Angel, demoted by The Maker for enjoying vengeance too much."

"So how is it that this Avenging Angel was able to move from Ben to Valentine?"

"Only by the direct power of The Maker, in like manner of my move to and from Thomasina is solely in His power."

"So what has happened to the real Thomasina?"

"She is still here, but unable to control this body. I entered Thomasina's soul, under the powers of The Maker and with no obstruction by Satan, when she was 16, after the possessed Sir Valentine had impregnated her with child but I found no improper Seed present in Ben. Satan then boasted about his minor victory. He let it be known to the Angel World that he had lured The Maker's Chief Archangel into a dead end. Satan had known all along that I was The Maker's plant."

"So why did The Maker abandon you in this body, once Satan found you out?"

"To save face? Who knows? Perhaps the trapping of Valentine just now was the small victory he waited for and needed me here to coordinate. It has been an interesting experience. Be ready to catch her, Ferdinando, for I am leaving now."

Ferdinando put his arms around Thomasina, feeling her go limp as a grey cloud seeps from the tiny pores in her skin. The cloud moves away across the stream and takes form into no angel ever described in a child's catechism. It is clad in grey/green leather, eight or nine feet tall and twenty five foot long, from razor toothed beak, elongated bony head, long neck and short powerful torso through to slender swishing tail. It stands on rear legs ending in fearsome talons, resting his folded wings on the ground at the front. His intelligent eyes blink at him, his beak opening and closing, revealing serrated teeth. Now it turns, the leathery wings opening up at least thirty six feet across. A hop or two and it is airborne, just a few feet off the ground, fuelled by a few languid flaps of those massive leathery wings. Putting more energy into the flaps, the Archangel turns majestically at the end of the field and speeds towards them, only to disappear as a mist in front of his eyes.

Chapter 7. SATAN BITE

Thomasina shudders involuntarily. Ferdinando tightens his grip on the woman he knows he loves as her legs give way.

"Thank ye, Ferdinando, I am weak, not yet in control of this body."

"Worry not, my dear, my coach will take us home. You do want to come all the way home with me?"

"Aye, I wish to, until I can gather my strength, I have hid from the Archangel and The Maker for too long here, which has drained me of my power, but it was a necessary part of my plan."

"Hiding and your plan, Thomasina? I thought the Archangel was preserving you until now, as part of The Maker's Plan?"

"Nay, Briant, Thomasina, the child who was born into this body disappeared long ago. I began within Valentine Albury, but in impregnating Thomasina with a man child as a decoy, I occupied this body through Valentine's semen. I knew The Maker would check out the foetus growing as Benjamin fforde and would find no trace of me there. I was intending to allow Thomasina to mate a couple of years down the line and grow a female child, but then the Archangel entered us before I was strong enough to fight him off. I hid here in this shell, remaining still and quiet, unnoticed by all, until now when the Archangel departed."

"So, if you are the Child of Satan, who is in possession of Valentine?"

"No, Briant, I am no Satan's Child, I am Satan himself. I am as old as this universe.I was banished to Hell, never to leave it, but I found a way out through my semen. Valentine has the Seed of Satan within him, but he is also merely a decoy. I am Satan himself waiting inside this female body, so I can release Satan's Egg for fertilisation by any Man, even you, Briant. Once I am fully in charge of this body — and already I am feeling my way into the process — I will have you ravish this body with your seed to fertilize my Egg. I will beat The Maker at His own game. The Son of God may have had his followers, but who would not follow the irresistible Daughter of Satan, who will be designed to be the most beautiful woman in the world?"

"Fertilise your Egg? No, I would never do that, because I—"

"Because you love the body of this woman, of course you do, Briant. I knew your mortal human body would fall in love with Thomasina, as soon as I turned on her womanly charms. The Archangel didn't know how to flirt with you but I did. You have already fallen in love with her and you will impregnate her once I have assumed full control and made her cycle ready to mate successfully. Satan's Child would be our beautiful girl child and my plan is that the child will marry the new prince, James Francis Edward Stuart and become Queen. Lord Albury I have in place at the Palace will guarantee that through Lady Arabella as King James' mistress."

"Your plan will never—"

"I'll leave this mortal shell when Thomasina dies, perhaps in childbirth would not be too soon to depart. And when you die, Briant, which by the look and age of you will be soon, as a reward for your aid, I will give you eternal life as one of my Devils from Hell. Then perhaps you could possess a twin brother to my granddaughter issues by my daughter and King James Francis Edward Stuart. Our grandson or daughter will become King, you could be my incestuous King or Queen, like the Egyptian Pharaohs of old. We could become eternal lovers, for generation after generation. In such guises, oh what eternal mischief we would weave!"

Without hesitation, Ferdinando bends his head and bites Thomasina/Satan in the neck, hard enough to draw blood but not drain the woman. Weakened by the departure of the Archangel, Thomasina or Satan are unable to oppose the bite.

"Ow! That hurt, Briant!" Satan cries, "I mean, I am not complaining, I enjoy a little bit of rough love as much as any normal devil does, but this is hardly the place to share our passion. No, we should indulge our carnal pleasures in front of a roaring fire — that is clearly my favoured coupling area! Also, here come the return of your servants—"

"The servants will protect us, Satan, while we sleep through the night and day to come as we return to my own manor. The curtains will be drawn, as the sun will soon burn off tomorrow morning's mist and we cannot endure the bright sunlight for long. Rumours of my total destruction from the sun are exaggerated, as people need to feel safe from me, thinking I cannot roam during the day, but the sun of this planet does burn me ... does not burn us, so the wigs, face-paint—"

"What have you done to me, Briant? I feel so ... strange," the woman in front of him declares, threatening to swoon unless Ferdinando holds her tight to him.

"I long believed that I was one of The Maker's failed experiments, a Vampire, my dear Satan. I failed to recognise The Maker's purpose in creating me, the first and for so long the only Vampire on this world, until I infected you, sweetheart. I was forced from my inception to feed on blood. But blood is highly nutritious, so one feed every seventy years or so suffices to renew my body, almost like living life afresh."

"We are now Vampires?" Her voice is still Satan's in tone, and Ferdinando's disappointment shows in his face.

Ferdinando mutters, "I had hoped that Thomasina would be strong enough, knowing the depth of my love for her, but her girly voice in my head is no longer my constant companion of these last few days."

"Thomasina is buried deep in this body and is of no consequence in our future, Briant. I know she has talked to you, I sensed it even though I know not what you discuss, but she is but a child of nineteen and is no match for me. I cannot fathom your claim that we are Vampires, they are naught but a myth. I am an immortal within a mortal, once she dies I will be free."

"No myth Satan, we — you and I — are now Vampires. I was the Vampire and usually I bite to completely drain and kill my victims. I never had any desire to perpetuate my uniqueness, no pathological urge to pass on my genes. But, through my gentle bite on your lovely swan neck, I have started to turn you into such a creature. I had hoped I would be speaking to my dear Thomasina, though I fear now that the one I love within you is lost! She is quiet in my head at last, so I address you, Satan. We, you and I, are Vampires and know this, Vampires are immortal and they can never die. May may be immortal, but you are trapped for eternity. You can never leave this body through death and go back to your Hell, leaving your Devils leaderless and with no Devilish Plan to follow. There will be no 'Son of Satan' walking the earth, no 'Daughter of Satan' either, no Satanic ritual fucking of Kings or Queens."

"You cannot be immortal, only Archangels and Angels, Devils and I are —"

"Why do you think my 'predecessors' as WitchFinder Generals' were always my 'grandfathers', with my 'fathers' in between declared as farmers or nonentities. My fathers never actually existed, except for fictitious entries in the registers of my home parish. My 'predecessors' were always me and I have always been old, as old as the Archangel who was your co-possessor. You know, Satan, that the Archangel was once my brother flying reptile, though he never recognised me in this evolved form that I have become."

"But I've only ever heard of Vampires, as legends." Satan squeals.

"I was always Vampire singular, there was only one, me. I kept myself hidden well, just like you have, Satan. I hide quietly among our food source and thereby have endured. Being immortal, time means little to me, just the cycle of ageing until I need to feed on living blood again. Being a Judge I have a ready supply of victims for whenever I choose to renew my body. I was here, Satan, on that very first Judgement Day, when this world was seared with fire and the sun blotted out by sulphur and dust for between half a century and a century."

"What nonsense is this? You are just a public servant of the Stuart Crown, a human!" Satan/Thomasina cries as his body grows weaker as Ferdinando's injected blood from his infected bite works its subtle magic on every cell in her body.

"I was here when The Maker banished you to your Hell, Satan. I saw the few flying reptiles saved as Chosen Archangels and spared by The Maker before being sent to do his bidding on other worlds, for other experiments in His Master Plan. All around me those arrogant giant reptiles who ruled this rock perished, their souls carted off to who knows what Purgatory where. Not for you or I, I thought, no sanctuary of Paradise, only eternal hunger and thirst. I was left here alone. The Maker's Voice echoing in my bony cranium, the sulphuric acid rain burned my wings to dust. But I couldn't die, I had been turned immortal, but I still felt the constant pain of the ravages of time and the constant hunger to feed."

"But I am the Lord of Darkness and destruction, the equal of The Maker, this is supposed to be the scene of my Eternal Triumph through the Divine Right of the Stuart Crown!"

"No longer, Satan, now you are merely a host to a Vampire."

"How long have you been a Vampire, Briant, since that first Judgement Day?" Satan croaked, falling to her knees.

"Aye. Sixty million years. I starved at first, under those impenetrable clouds while mortal beings, giant reptiles, burned around me in the fires of The Maker's retribution, until I could barely move. I thought I died a thousand deaths, in those early centuries, I shrivelled up with dehydration until my skin peeled off my wasted muscles but still I didn't die. Nothing could kill me."

"Why are you here then, and why in this human form?" Satan asks.

"Ah, it was a process of elimination," Ferdinando laughed humourlessly, "I ate roasted carrion at first, until even the rancid remains were gone, picked clean, yet they provided little sustenance to my new Vampiric form. I still wasted away and I knew not what I needed to do. Then one day I fed on the blood of a live but tiny mouselike creature that ventured out from its hiding place and suddenly I was reborn. I was a young foetus, tiny, but invigorated, reaching maturity in weeks as a giant mouse. I ate and ate, becoming a helpless foetus each time I drank a mouse's blood. I grew up and consumed the blood of another. They were easy to catch. Time passed and each time I was reborn I began to look like a mouse. Then I had other appetites that developed as well as hunger, so I even fucked them, I was insatiable."

"As am I usually in human form, I fucked for fun all the time," Satan sighed regrettably, "but I had to suppress my constant urges these last 21 years, as Archangels have no such desires."

"So Thomasina hasn't had sex all that time?"

"No. The Archangel wasn't interested, I couldn't give myself away and Thomasina the girl was completely out of it."

"Well, I became a handsome mouse and I was in demand. It turns out that on regeneration, after drinking fresh blood, you gradually transform into what you eat. I often say, 'Ye are what ye eat' and it is so true. After 70 years, when the clouds cleared and the sun came out, my mouse-like skin could barely tolerate it. I burned, but when I fed my fill with live blood, I was reborn, and as such changed, but renewed. The mouse-like creatures gradually evolved and I evolved alongside them, in fact I helped shaped their evolution until they dominate this planet. I still have inexplicable sexual urges but have suppressed them these last few centuries, believing them to be a form of torture for The Maker's amusement, and have not been attracted to anyone ... until now."

"So if you can be reborn, and are immortal, then how can I affect you? We could fuck, have lots of devil babies and our grandson or granddaughter gets to be a Stuart King or Queen with the Divine Right to Rule, so with a mighty empire behind me I take over the world. I win here and The Maker loses, and Judgement Day comes with the final reckoning of souls and I will have the clear majority. You can still endure in the new regime, Briant."

"That is where it affects me. This is why I no longer look like the Archangel as I once did. I'm made in Man's image, but only because I made Man this way, I bred them from those first rodents into the humankind you see today. I love them, particularly their taste. Before I became bored with it, I once ravished them constantly, but never became a father, never in sixty million years of constant fucking, not one pregnancy, planned or otherwise. Now I cannot permit you to destroy them, nor can you move on by dying or give birth to a child and try again, because we are both barren, as The Maker planned. That was The Maker's design. Satan, you are now trapped in this body as a Vampire; there are now two of us on this world, I am no longer unique, and you have lost the Battle."

"No!" Satan cried. "But what of Thomasina? If I mate, I can leave this shell through the baby and you can have her back, fuck her to your heart's content. I promise I'll leave you both alone."

"Too late, Satan. Thomasina agreed to this when we last spoke moments ago before she went quiet. I love her and confessed everything to her, what creature I was, how I feed on a single live human being once every 70 years and retire to the little farm in my isolated manor far from here, where my servants have looked after me since I first adopted that tiny mouselike family and bred them as pets, developed them into what they are today. In the early days I allowed many to escape. Now none of them want to, they consider me family, they love and protect me during my continual 70 year cycle."

"I can leave you," Satan insisted, "I'll find another lover to impregnate me now I am rid of the Archangel, but ... what is happening to me? I am growing weaker, and falling asleep? ... Satan never sleeps!"

"Your body is changing, Satan. Soon you will sleep in this body, for a week, maybe more, as this is your first time. Your body will dry up and soon resemble a chrysalis, as our new body is being formed within that shell. As adults we may resemble mammals but we are Vampires, we're not the product of any womb, we have no umbillicus, and we shrivel into a husk as small as a foetus as we sleep and change through the next lifecycle."

"I can feel it happening." Satan moaned, "No!"

"You will wake up in a week or so and be removed from the dry, dead husk as a helpless baby child, with all your memories intact, as will I, to be nursemaided by my adopted family. We will enjoy growing up and playing together, cared for by the loving Hannah, granddaughter of Anna, my former housekeeper. Then I will go to Oxford, or Cambridge, or maybe St. Andrew's this time, pass my exams with honour and once more rise to the top of the chancery. My tame pet Vicar in my home manor will enter both our rebirths as distant cousins and then record our eventual marriage in the parish register. I think we'll modernise the spellings, and I will be Cornelius Bryant this time around, how would you like to be Constance Ford at your christening, my dear wife-to-be?"

"No, I will not. I refuse to cooperate!" Satan screams.

"Shut up Satan, you don't have any say in this, I am talking to Thomasina, to the new Constance. I know she's there within, taking over while I kept you fully engaged while she assumed control. In fact I don't want to hear another word from you, Satan!"

"So, I am trapped in here forever?" Satan says quietly, apparently resigned to his fate, "I feel my ovaries are melting."

"What immortal being needs internal reproductive organs, Satan? You still have that unnecessary weakness, I wonder if that was The Maker's design, to weaken you with temptations of the flesh, like he has with me?"