tagSci-Fi & FantasyCuthbert and the Cleric Ch. 01

Cuthbert and the Cleric Ch. 01


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Meet Cuthbert. Niles Cuthbert, marksman and professional letdown. He let down his family when he ran away at age 12 to join the Fighter's Guild, and he let them down when puberty showed that he would never amount to a frontline mercenary. He was too lanky, too uncoordinated with the sword, and had no mind to even be one of their tacticians, so after four years of failing to meet any of their standards they settled for making him clean the stables. It was only out of sheer boredom when the guild was away on adventures that Cuthbert discovered a minor natural talent lay in the bow and arrow, so after two years of dogged determination he became proficient enough with the bow to steal it and set off and make a name for himself.

And, naturally, he was a letdown to himself. After almost dying to a few rats in someone's basement because he didn't have the clearance to easily shoot any arrows, he spent his last coin on healer's fees and some chainmail and was lowered to shooting crows off statues for table scraps. Cuthbert needed a job, but every posting on the notice board would have easily killed him and no adventuring group wanted a fighter who couldn't fight.

And then he had the good fortune--from a certain point of view--to run into the cleric.

He hadn't sought her out, of course, hers was just another face in the crowd he was ready to ignore and be ignored by, but they had both reached up to grab the same notice and Cuthbert was hungry enough to be a bit confrontational. He snatched the notice out of her hand but stopped when he got a good look at her: clearly from some far-off land, she had auburn hair, freckles, bright blue eyes, and a button nose, but despite her being a foreigner in the western kingdom what caught his attention was her attire. She was wearing a heavy gambeson, quartered in blood red and soft gold colors, with a stylized vertical infinity sign as the sigil on her left breast. That meant she was a cleric of the goddess Freyja, a mysterious order composed entirely of women and surrounded by all manner of horrible rumors. He didn't know what was real and what was hearsay, but all the rumors had in common was that you did not want to get on a disciple's bad side. Cuthbert started to stammer an apology, but she cut him off.

"Hi! I'm Madeline Ziri. Well, not really, but everyone calls me Maddie." She stuck out a hand for a handshake. "What's yours?"

"Uh... Cuthbert," he responded, trying not to wince as she took his hand in a surprisingly crushing grip for a vigorous shake.

She waited a beat, clearly hoping he would give her a cute nickname, and when he didn't she continued unabated. "Well hi, Cuthbert! I was just looking for a simple quest to take for lodging money... most towns at least have one Daughter of Freyja I can stay with, but this is okay."

It was a pleasant surprise that she hadn't tried to smite him where he stood, but Cuthbert's rumbling stomach wasn't interested in niceties. "Sorry to to hear that, but I need this one. You can take that other notice for an exorcism."

To his surprise, the cleric sheepishly looked away and said, "Normally I would, but I've been traveling alone so long that I'm not at his best right now. Freyja is a goddess of love and companionship, so isolation doesn't suit us. Hey! Why don't we work together? It'll be fun."

Cuthbert sighed and looked at the paper, it was a job to stop some mercenaries that were making a scene at the tavern on a nightly basis. Only 10 copper for a reward, but there was no way he could take on a band of mercenaries by himself. "You don't even know how I'd be of any help."

"Aww, I can see it in you, I'm good with people. Now come on!" Ziri grabbed his wrist with that iron grip and practically dragged Cuthbert to his very first job as an adventuring group. The Winking Pilgrim was an appropriately dingy tavern for the dingy township of Cridfell, dimly lit and smelling of mildew as the crusty old guard drank their memories away. The overweight barkeep gave the notice a glance, told us to wait about an hour, and promptly ignored them for paying customers. They talked for an hour--or rather, Ziri talked about Freyja while Cuthbert nodded and watched the door. The party started right around sundown, when the door slammed open and a mountain of a man strode in with the grotesque head of a harpy strung over his shoulder. He slapped it on the counter, splashing blood everywhere and loudly proclaiming to the room that he had personally slain three of the creatures for two gold each so he was clearly going to have the best drinks and food in the tavern. Ziri let out a breath to brace herself and said, "Yep, that's the guy. I'll to talk to him, okay?"

Cuthbert was more than happy to let the cleric be confrontational, and for a second it seemed to be working. She seemed to be giving him a lecture, but when the mercenary shouted something about her being his entertainment for the night and grabbed her on the ass some protective instinct he wasn't even aware of took over Cuthbert and he rushed over to give the man a shove. When he turned his direction he got his first up-close look and immediately recognized him: Marcellus, one of the top men in the local Fighter's Guild and an absolute barbarian of a fighter. And he recognized the wannabe-fighter, too. "Little Connie? Is that you? Why, we thought one o' the horses ate 'cha! Guess he can surprise th'boss by bringing you back for a court martial, might even get t'pawn your stuff." Marcellus grabbed Cuthbert by the scruff of his tunic and threw him bodily into the street, and he stayed down. He learned with this ilk long ago that not being an interesting target usually meant they got bored of you faster.

Cuthbert looked up to see Marcellus' drunk, Neanderthal face grinning down at him, but a challenging shout was issued from inside the tavern. It was Ziri, who strode outside wielding a hand-and-a-half warhammer with one flat face and one that ended in a curved spike. "The marksman's with me," she said, all giggly demeanor gone and replaced with a stone cold determination. Marcellus started to say something about getting to her next, but before he could finish the slurred thought Ziri swung her arm in a backwards windmill, slamming the flat end of the hammer into the man's testicles so hard even Cuthbert felt bad for him. Ziri loomed over the downed mercenary, held up the notice, and said, "Marcellus, you are not to trouble this establishment of The Winking Pilgrim again, lest we end your life."

Cuthbert scrambled to his feet, grabbed the notice, and for good measure balled it up and forced it into Marcellus' mouth. Ziri laughed, her good nature back, and clapped him on the shoulder. "Good one, partner. Now I think there's a whole platter left over we deserve as a down payment. Let's celebrate!"

~s~ He didn't know if it was the potent drink or the fact that his belly was full for the first time in months, but Cuthbert was so happy he took the celebration idea to heart. They drank, they sang, they very possibly caused a bigger scene than the one they were hired to stop, and by the end of the night they had the entire tavern following along in some half-remembered song about a wizard's knobby staff. The barkeep even offered his very last room to them for free, and Cuthbert was more than willing to let the cleric take it while he slept in the stables again but she hugged him around the waist and insisted that her new partner not sleep outside. He hadn't been able to tell through the gambeson, but when she hugged me it became immediately apparent that the woman had curves to die for so he didn't fight much when she pulled him along with her.

The room itself was small, but it had a warm bed and privacy, and the second the door was closed Ziri grabbed the back of Cuthbert's neck and pulled him down for a kiss. A full, wet, drunken kiss filled with a compassion he had never felt from anyone, immediately sending Cuthbert into a state of nearly painful arousal. She looked up at him with hazel eyes--gods, they were beautiful--and said, "Thank you for helping me, Cuthbert. Let me show you how a Daughter of Freyja appreciates her partner."

Without taking her eyes off his, Ziri reached down and quickly untied the drawstrings on his trousers, allowing her to reach inside and pull out his raging manhood. "Ooo, bigger than I expected," she giggled, giving his shaft a tentative stroke that sent shivers all over the marksman's body. He had been in such a funk that he stopped bothering to even masturbate, so he was completely backed up and ready to pop at her slightest touch. Ziri could tell this and let go, guiding him to sit down on the bed while she removed her gambeson and kneeled down on the floor. Some tiny fraction of his mind that that wasn't drunk or horny was telling me that all this was too good to be true, but that voice was drowned out by the sight of the cleric.

She was marveling at his cock, stroking it with just the tip of one finger while it twitched and dribbled precum. "Such a pretty little thing," Ziri sighed to herself before looking up at Cuthbert with a devilish grin. "I bet you'd like me to stop teasing, mmm?" All he could manage was a whimper, so while keeping her eyes locked with his Ziri lowered her head and swallowed his cock.

How he didn't immediately cum, Cuthbert will never know. He could feel his glans bobbing into the back of her throat, and despite the gagging and tears Ziri never looked away from him. She held that position for a moment, the gentle squeezing of her gag reflex almost becoming a comfort before she started to move her head. She came all the way up, stopping to lick the precum off the tip before diving back down to the base in long, slow strokes while her tongue worked the entire shaft.

Ziri was prepared to take her time, but the technique was so perfect that he barely lasted a few strokes before Cuthbert's body convulsed in a rocking orgasm. Easily one of of the best he'd ever had, and when his vision cleared he saw Ziri still diligently sucking on the head. She grinned at him, tilted her head back, and swallowed the entire load, tracing a line down her throat and humming with satisfaction. "Oh yes, it has been far too long for me. And such a big serving, too! How generous of you, Cuthbert."

"Heh. You're welcome, Ziri."

The cleric closed her eyes and sighed, clearly taking pleasure from his voice. "Mmm, say my name again."

Cuthbert leaned forward a bit, trying to be sexy. "Ziri, that was amazing."

She kissed him again, only this time he noticed the kiss was much harder, and when she pulled away her eyes had a ravenous hunger he hadn't seen before. "Cuthbert, I need more. Please, please give me more."

"I'd love to, Ziri, but I don't think I can go again so soon. But I could at least eat--"

"Oh yes you can!" The cleric playfully pushed Cuthbert onto his back, pulled his pants down, and began working his flaccid penis with a sweet-smelling oil she pulled out of some pocket. "Don't worry, Freyja teaches us many secrets to pleasure. Now breathe deep." He did, confused but willing, and yelped when a sudden pressure wiggled into his asshole. She was fingering him! Cuthbert tried to push her off, but the wench pinned him down with that deceptive strength of hers. "Trust me, Cuthbert! Just relax!" He wasn't interested in relaxing anymore, but suddenly his back arched and an involuntary moan escaped his lips. Ziri had pressed against something inside him that was sending out waves of pleasure throughout his body with a shocking intensity, and she was clearly enjoying herself.

"There's your prostate! And so sensitive, I love it!" he looked down to see Ziri with a triumphant smile on her face while she fingered his ass with one hand and stroked his now fully-erect member with the other. He was almost scared of how good it felt. Satisfied, the maiden pulled him up to his feet and got on the bed herself, pulling down her trousers just a bit to present a full, plump mound and a pair of wonderful curves for hips. "Now I need you to fuck his pussy, and fuck it deep. Please, Cuthbert!"

He was only too happy to oblige, and his member slid into her like a familiar glove that elicited a happy moan from Ziri. The actual sex was brief but intense, his fingers digging into her soft waist hard enough to leave welts and their rhythmic grunting loud enough to wake the dead. He wanted to make sure he was satisfying Ziri as thoroughly as she was for him, but he couldn't stop thrusting long enough to think of any special tricks and she never stopped moaning to ask. They fucked for a few minutes without changing from the doggy style position, and as he was nearing his limit the cleric stood up and twisted her head around to give Cuthbert a sloppy kiss as they both came together. Actually cumming inside a woman felt so good that his legs buckled and he fell over Ziri, but any panic he felt was erased when she burst into laughter. The cleric helped him to his feet and they both finally finished getting undressed before flopping into bed and passing out.

Cuthbert awoke the next morning to a killer hangover and a tangle of soft flesh on his chest. It took a second, but when the memories of the night before came trickling back he broke into a wide smile. Money, food, sex with a beautiful woman, last night almost made the past few years of misery totally worth it. And it was all thanks to the cleric snoring gently on top of him right now. The marksman quietly nudged her her to the side so he could finally look at her entirety in a new, sober light: a slope of hills and valleys traced Ziri's curves down her body, from the shoulders framing perky tits to the dip of her hourglass waist, coming back up for luscious thighs and--

"Oh holy shit!" he shouted, knocking himself out of bed and rocking the cleric awake with a fist held ready in the air.

"Freyja's tits, what's wrong!?"

"The sex last night!" he wailed, finally realizing what he had done. "I hadn't taken an infertility potion. Oh damnit, I am so sorry!"

"Don't worry about it, Cuthbert! I told you, I have full control over that, courtesy of Freyja," Ziri said, gently guiding him back onto the bed. Cuthbert tried to think back to the tavern stakeout, she had said something about body control but he hadn't been listening.

He dug his head into his hands, but Ziri pushed them aside to straddle his lap and droop her forearms on his shoulders. "Take a breath, it's okay. Besides, you can't say you didn't have fun last night." From the way she was sitting all he could see were those supple breasts and her warm smile, and despite everything he started to grow hard again. "Yeah, I thought so. And there's so many more things he could show you, if you'd let me. Did you like it when I played with your ass?"

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but yeah. I really did. What was that?"

Ziri grinned and pecked him on the cheek. "That was your prostate, sweetie. A magical button that's the secret to a man's true sexual pleasure, and I must say you reacted better to it for a first try than any man I've seen. You got so hard with just one finger, I can hardly imagine how you'd react to some of my other skills... Oh!" She suddenly hopped up and turned her back to Cuthbert, rummaging in a pack while he admired the view of her plump rump. Successful, she turned around to present what seemed like a limp artificial phallus, a set of pale pink dick and balls with a knob where a person's pelvis would be. She reached down and slipped the knob into her pussy, sighing as it attached itself to her and the dick twitched to half-mast.

The cleric sat back down on his lap and said, "This is the greatest gift Freyja gives us, the ability to please and be pleased in every way." Ziri was clearly getting aroused as she spoke, her hips started to grind ever so slightly and he looked down to see that both of them were now fully hard. Her dick was rubbing against his as her hips moved, and to his own surprise he didn't try to stop her or move away, he wanted her to keep going. The cleric placed a hand on his neck to get Cuthbert's attention and she kissed him again, but this time was different. Not filled with drunken recklessness or ravenous hunger, Ziri kissed the marksman slow and deep, flicking her tongue in his mouth as they tasted every part of each other.

It was the best kiss he had ever experienced, but he started when her other hand started to stroke his cock. "Hey, look at me," the cleric said, her voice soft but commanding. Her hazel eyes were staring lasers into his, and her breath quickened a step as she gripped both of their members in one hand and started to jerk them simultaneously. "I want to show you my skills, Cuthbert. I like you, and I can please you in ways you wouldn't believe, ways that men can only dream of. You'll see stars, hear Freyja's song, and I promise it will change your life forever."

"Do I have to join your religion?" It was nearly impossible to concentrate with her tugging at Cuthbert, but that possibility stood out. Everyone in his family had been followers of Pelor, as humans are wont to do, and even though he never fully embraced the concept changing deities still would've felt oddly wrong.

Ziri scoffed and said, "No, nothing like that. Just travel with me, trust me, be my companion and I'll be yours. So, do you want me?"

"Y-yes," was all he could manage to respond. Cuthbert had a white-knuckle grip on Ziri's thighs as he tried to not cum, but her heaving breath and piercing stare wasn't making things easier.

"Say you want me."

"I w-want you, Ziri!"

The cleric smiled and quickened the pace. "Good boy. Oh, I am going to have so much fun with you!" He groaned as he felt the pressure starting to build. "No! Not yet. I want you to cum with me, Cuthbert, please hold on!" She was panting now and he could swear her eyes were glowing slightly, and he almost managed to hold out for another minute before he reached his limit. With animalistic grunts they both came together, globs of pearly seed splashing all over both of their chests while they shared a look of dumbstruck pleasure.

Ziri scooped up every drop she could in one hand, looking at the mess like a fine art piece before she slowly licked each finger clean. "Mmm, we taste wonderful together," she said with a wink, standing up and stretching to show off her curves in the morning sunlight before she pulled the magical phallus out with a pop. "Tell you what, Cuthbert, we have enough copper for two tickets to that big trade city to the south, Ightwood. We can find some real adventures there, but as a send off to your old life I want to make tonight extra special for you. So go out and don't come back to the room until sundown, okay? Now shoo."


He almost didn't come back. Once he had put some distance from Ziri's curves and pheromones, Cuthbert's mind cleared and he sat down on a river bank for a real long contemplation of what he had just gotten tangled in. Would his pa be disappointed of what he had done, and what he had agreed to do? Then again, he had always been disappointed in his decisions, so the better question was whether or not he was disappointed in himself. Does this make him gay? Is that a worse fate than slowly dying of exposure in this no-name town? Is being with Ziri actually a bad thing at all, or is he just worrying about the unknown? Once you looked past the strange religious sex, she really was a beautiful woman with a contagiously positive outlook, so maybe getting involved with her would do good things for the marksman. In the end he decided that anything was better than staying here, so heart thudding in his chest he went back to the tavern to face his new life.

Ziri was already there, of course, and had been waiting for her partner for some time. She had changed out of the battle garb and was wearing a very suggestive satin robe, yet rather than being surrounded by would-be lovers every man in the tavern was admiring her from afar. Guess she had already told them off. "Cuthbert! I was starting to worry you weren't going to show. Sit, sit." She pulled out two goblets as he got comfortable, they were elaborate gold pieces decorated with all manner of curves and symbols he didn't recognize that she then filled with a drink from her own wine skin. It was a deep bloody red, and when she handed him a goblet he could smell heavy notes of strawberry. "Now this is our special wine, brewed only by my sisters in the order. We use it for all sorts of things, but tonight we are celebrating a new beginning and a new partnership. Cheers!"

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