Damaged Goods

He seemed comfortable around me, but I took care to avoid hugging him or making him feel trapped. It was hard to get used to, I wanted to hug him and hold him and never let go every time I saw him, but I kept it to smaller things, like holding his hand and letting him sit in my lap.

My dog Misha bounded in. He was a Rottweiler/Doberman mix who was really sweet and docile, but I could imagine him looking scary considering how big he was, especially when he was excited and running up. Parker's skin somehow got even more pale.

"MISHA!" I shouted. He stopped running and looked at me curiously. Parker took the opportunity to stand behind me, ironically looking like a scared little puppy hiding behind his owner.

"Calm down boy," I told Misha. "This one is really small, so take it slow."

I turned around to Parker.

"I apologize for that. Are you scared of dogs?"

He shook his head. "No, I just wasn't expecting that."

"Misha doesn't bite, I promise. He just gets energetic sometimes and forgets his size and strength. You want to try introducing yourself to him?"

He nodded and cautiously walked to Misha. After some exploratory sniffing and petting, the two of them warmed up to each other. It was funny, Parker was so small and delicate and Misha looked like he could eat him alive, but they looked so friendly now. Misha licked Parker's hand and he giggled. It made me giggle with him.

"Damn, Parker. I didn't think anything could be cuter than my dog, but you might have Misha beat."

He blushed. He looked so fucking cute when he blushed. He looked so fucking cute no matter what he did.

I walked up and gave him a kiss, him sighing happily. His long, pretty eyelashes brushed my face and it made me warm all over.

My inhibitions lowered and I asked a question that had been on my mind.

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm a bit of a sap. I love pet names and such. Is it okay if I call you 'baby boy'?"

"Baby girl" was my favorite thing to call girlfriends, so it seemed like the natural extension for what I would call my boyfriends. But men and women work differently. Most girls wouldn't care if you called them that, but plenty of men, even the smaller ones, might find it emasculating. I needed to show respect.

Thankfully, he smiled and nodded. "Sure. I kind of like the sound of that."

I caressed his face and kissed his forehead.

"Come on, baby boy. Let's watch that movie."

We watched a comedy together, having some laughs and enjoying ourselves. I was ecstatic. Here I was, having the boy of my dreams comfortable and in my house with me. I grew to care for him so much. He was so kind and sweet, always aware of how he came off and wanting to better himself. He was smart, too. He'd tell me about what he was working on with Kaleb, and he seemed so genuinely interested in computer modeling and prototyping and all that other geeky stuff. It made him light up.

The more we interacted, the more beautiful I found him. I'm like a five: totally average, completely forgettable. But when Parker told me I was handsome, he meant it. He was attracted to me just like I was attracted to him. Never had the beginning of a new relationship felt so right before. I suspected that I was starting to fall for him.

The movie ended and we sat in a comfortable silence. Absentmindedly I reached over and put my arm around his shoulder. I hummed happily, but a moment later I realized that he wouldn't like it and I pulled away.

I must have let too much of my disappointment show in my expression, because Parker's eyes widened.

"No, Scott, please don't give me that look!"

"Don't worry about it, baby. It's just me being needy, that's all."

To my shock, he shook his head like I just said the most disheartening thing ever.

"No, no, no! I like you. I like you a lot. I don't want you to be afraid to touch me or hold me."

"But you said—"

"That was a lie!" I could see his eyes get shiny. I had no idea why things were so emotional all of a sudden. "I love being held! It's just that when you did it that time it brought up some bad memories. I shouldn't have pushed you off like that. Now I know that you would never hurt me. Please, hug me! Don't let me get away!"

Holy shit. That was the most emotion he had ever let spill out of him at once. I was able to piece together that Parker normally kept his feelings to himself. Maybe he just didn't want to bother anyone. But he trusted me enough to lay everything out for me.

I held out my arms and he ran into my embrace. I wrapped myself around him and tried to fill the hug with all the tenderness and affection I felt for the boy. I petted his hair and held him protectively. I heard his voice a few moments after.

"Scott," he sniffled. "The bad memories are starting to come back."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No!" he cried, probably louder than he intended to. "I just need something to distract me. Talk to me, please."

I stroked him and started talking without really thinking.

"You are the kindest, sweetest, most beautiful person I've ever met. You drive me crazy. I love talking to you, I love looking at you, I love kissing you, and I love holding you. You're my little baby boy, Parker. I'll protect you, I promise."

Now I wanted to kick myself in the face. How fucking creepy, how clingy must I sound to him? We hadn't even been dating a month! He must want to run away from me. God, I found the perfect person for me, then I have to be an idiot and scare him off.

"Wow, Scott," he said, his voice sounding like it came from miles away. "Do you really mean that? Thank you so much."

Wait...what?

"I never thought a guy would say those things to me. That feels so good. Please, keep going."

That was the last response I expected. When I looked down at him, he was smiling. He had tears going down his face, but he was smiling. His eyes sparkled like little emeralds.

I fell head over heels in love with Parker, right then and there.

I kissed his eyelids and cheeks, cupping his face and brushing the tears away with my thumbs.

"Oh, my baby boy! You're so cute! You're an angel! Cry for me, Parker. Let it all go. You're safe here."

He wept and I let myself say every stupid, clichéd thing I had ever thought about a girl or boy I was with but never said because I wasn't sure if they would like it. But Parker was into it. He wanted it!

"You're such a sweet little boy. I want to hug and hold and protect you forever. You're so precious, baby. Thank you for being in my life."

For the first time, I felt like I could lose the filter and say everything I was feeling without judgment. Well, everything except for "I love you," that is. It was better for the both of us if I saved that for at least a little later.

I cooed at Parker like he was a child or a puppy for quite a bit. He brought himself down and looked at me with such joy. He planted a kiss on my lips.

"Thank you so much, Scott. That helped me more than you know. I'm so lucky to have you as my boyfriend."

I had thought of us as boyfriends for a while at that point, but that was the first time he said that word out loud.

"That was a lot. I have some issues, I know. I'm sor—" he cut himself off. He paused a bit, then continued. "Thank you for helping me."

I kissed him. "Anything for my baby boy."

He nuzzled my neck. "I don't want this feeling to end. I want us to be naked together. I want us to sleep in the same bed."

I glanced at the clock. 9:32. Earlier than I would normally go to bed, especially on a Friday night, but the notion was so compelling I couldn't have cared less. "What are we waiting for, then?"

I brought him to my bathroom. I gently washed his face and brushed his teeth for him. Afterwards, I led him to the bedroom and told him to wait and text his brother while I locked up.

When I was done, I came back to him and took off all my clothes. I'm not really proud of my body. I have skinny arms, too much body hair, and a little flab in some areas. My cock is okay though, almost six inches and cut. Despite my insecurities, Parker didn't seem to care in the slightest.

I stripped him down, revealing the perfect body. He was so soft and cute. He had freckles all around his legs and back and shoulders and ass. He was hairless except for a couple pubes and pit hairs. His cock was only about four inches, if that! I was scared I was going to start drooling and growling like a wild animal.

"You're perfect, baby!"

"Not as perfect as you, Scott."

I pulled him into my arms and held him close. Misha hopped on the bed and got on top of the covers behind me.

Drowsiness overtook my body in record time. I fell asleep, snuggling with my two boys.

*****

Things were going so well. I was so happy.

Scott and I had been dating for almost a month, and he was so incredible. He was sweet and tender and made me feel loved. We advanced to handjobs and oral sex. His dick was magnificent, and when I could first take him down my throat, I was so happy I almost cried. He loved eating me out and sucking my tiny little cock.

We hadn't had sex yet. I think he wanted to take things slow with me, and as much as I trusted him, I was happy that he didn't push things in that direction right away.

Even so, it felt like enough time had passed, and his twenty-seventh birthday was coming up. I wanted to be his gift. I wanted my willing body to be the best birthday present he'd ever received.

Because of that, I asked Kaleb in private if Scott had any kinks that I didn't know about. The two of them had been best friends for many years, so it probably came up at some point. It was one of the most awkward conversations I'd ever had. He told me what little he knew and I planned to put the information to good use.

Still, we had things to do beforehand. Dinner was going to be a double date with Kaleb and his wife Annie, making it the first time I would meet her. She was so nice, treating me like a friend after just meeting me. Even a guy as gay as myself could tell she was beautiful, too. She had blonde hair that was shoulder length and framed her face. Annie was curvy and tall and a perfect female specimen.

The four of us had a blast, laughing and eating and toasting for Scott's birthday. It was a little awkward that since I was still underage, I had to clink soda against their wine and beer. Like I didn't already have enough reason to feel like a child among adults. Thankfully, Scott found a way to spin it into a positive.

"I'm happy that Parker isn't drinking tonight," he said, a few beers deep. "He can be the designated driver if it comes to it."

Thankfully he did not get quite drunk enough to make it imperative that I drive. Even so, he was buzzed, so I was the one who drove the two of us back to my apartment when dinner was over and we said goodbye to Kaleb and Annie.

Matt was off on a hot date with Rachel. Those two had gone out a couple times already, though they weren't as serious as Scott and I were. I hoped they were having a good time.

Once we were inside, I got on my tiptoes and kissed him.

"Happy birthday, Scott."

He smiled. "Thanks, baby. This has been the best birthday of my life."

"Whoa, man. You're saying that like it's over already. There's still time for some fun."

He wiggled his eyebrows at me. "Ooh, what kind of fun?"

I winked. "That's for me to know and for you to find out. Do you want something to eat first?"

"No way, you tricky little rascal. Show me now!"

I laughed. "As you wish. Go get settled in the bed and I'll prepare the surprise."

It only took a few moments to get things ready in the bathroom. I had practiced a little beforehand so I wouldn't keep him waiting. When I was done, I looked myself in the mirror. I felt a little silly, but if what Kaleb said was true Scott would eat it up.

"Are you ready, honey?" I called amorously through the door.

"Get in here, boy!" He yelled playfully.

I took a deep breath and walked inside my bedroom.

Scott gaped when he saw me. "Holy fucking shit..."

When I had asked about Scott earlier, Kaleb raised his eyebrows.

"Why would you ask me and not Scott?"

"I want it to be a surprise. Is there anything you could tell me?"

He looked uncomfortable, but not nearly as much as I was.

"It's not like we shared girls or jerked off together, so I wouldn't know much more than you do. I know his tastes in women, but that probably won't help."

Kaleb thought for a moment.

"Honestly, I can only really think of one thing. He throws around the word 'femboy' sometimes. I'm sure it's a porn term, but I have no interest in looking it up. That's about it."

I thanked him. He really didn't have to help me out, but he did and I was appreciative.

As expected, "femboy" meant exactly what it sounded like: feminine boys. I was pretty damn feminine already, so unless I wanted to get in drag it didn't look like I had many options. But then I looked at some of the videos and noticed a couple recurring themes.

For whatever reason, many of the femboys had clothes covering their legs, be it pantyhose or thigh-high boots or even socks. I kind of thought that legs were part of a feminine body, but that didn't seem to necessarily be the case. There were also arm coverings, too, like arm warmers or long gloves. I didn't get the appeal, but decided to try out the look and see how Scott responded to it. I remembered him telling me a few times that he loved my long eyelashes, too. I could work with that.

I bought striped socks that went all the way up to my thighs and matching arm warmers that doubled as fingerless gloves so they wouldn't slide around. I also purchased some mascara that boasted of being waterproof, smudge-proof, and sex-proof. One coat had my top and bottom lashes looking way darker and longer.

I was nervous, because I had no clue if Scott would even like it, but if he didn't, I'd just take it off. I wanted tonight to be the night we had sex. The night I told him I loved him.

Early signs were good. He looked blown away. I tried swaying my hips in a sensual, feminine manner and he got a hungry look. It was working! He thought it was sexy!

I put my pinkie in my mouth. "You like what you see? I want to be a good little femboy for my man."

I could see his penis jerk to life from my words. I felt more confident.

Getting on my hands and knees, I crawled to the bed, taking care to stick my ass in the air.

"I'm ready, Scott," I purred. "Please fuck me."

He grinned. "I never knew that my baby boy could be such a slut. Holy fuck, you're sexy. Get up here."

I climbed on the bed and he ran his hands all around my body.

"Your body is so perfect. You're prettier than any model or porn star."

I stretched and adjusted myself like a cat.

"All this is your birthday gift. Have your way with me."

"Oh, I plan to!"

He used his mouth to worship my exposed skin. I was able to realize what the purpose of the leg and arm coverings were: just wearing them made me feel more naked than if I were actually nude. I felt so exposed, so slutty, so...sexy. The clothes added way more femininity to my body than I was expecting, but I don't have tits or a pussy. I was a boy, but one feminine vamp of a boy. I was starting to really get into it.

He turned me over and ate my ass like a starving man.

"Oh yeah, eat my pussy! Make it all wet!" He took a little bite and it made me arch my back. "That feels so fucking good! Bite me! Eat me alive!"

He flipped me over again and worked his way up, using his mouth on my perineum, then my balls, my cock, my navel, my nipples, and my neck before finally getting to the face.

"You're such a beautiful boy."

He sighed, and I could smell some alcohol on his breath.

That sensation flipped some kind of switch inside me. The clothes, the makeup, the way he was looming over me, everything instantly felt wrong. The scent brought me right back to that night. I could hear that voice again.

Oh yes, you're a sissy little faggot boy if I ever saw one. Fuck yeah! Take my real man cock, bitch!

I screamed.

"RANDY, NO! GET OFF OF ME!"

I writhed away as Scott almost jumped off.

"Baby! What's wrong? Who's Randy? Please, talk to me!"

I couldn't speak. It felt like my throat was full of wet cement. Tears welled up in my eyes.

Without a word he grabbed me and pulled me into a hug.

"It's okay, Parker. Nothing is ever going to hurt you again. I'll always be right here."

I didn't just cry. I had a panic attack, one of the worst I've ever gotten. I was sobbing, hyperventilating.

"Is this something serious? Do you need to get anything?" Scott must have thought I was going into shock or having a heart attack or something like that.

I opened my mouth and all that came out was squeaking. I shook my head and burrowed deeper into him. All I could ever do at times like this was try to calm down and wait for things to pass.

Scott petted and kissed my hair. He didn't croon and purr at me, he just held me like I was his most prized possession. I was shaking, heaving, and he never loosened his grip on me even a little. I felt like he became a barrier, keeping me safe. He could protect me from anything.

Anything, that is, except for what I had lodged in my own head.

I had no idea how long it took for the panic attack to end. The anxiety just slowly lessened and I was able to bring myself down.

"You feeling better, baby boy?" he asked.

I nodded. Scott kissed the tip of my nose.

"I'm guessing something brought back more bad memories."

I nodded again, forcing myself to speak.

"I didn't know it was this bad." I felt so ashamed. I thought I had gotten past this with him, but no. I was still so broken.

Tonight was supposed to be all about him, but I ruined everything yet again. There was no way "thank you" was going to cut it this time.

"Scott, I'm so sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm fine with you touching me, really, but something just happened."

"It's okay, baby. I'll help you through this however I can. I love you, Parker."

I felt a few more tears. That was the first time he said it.

"I love you t-too, Scott."

We kissed. He stroked my cheek so lovingly.

"I should probably tell you what happened with Randy."

"Well, do you want to talk about it right now, or do you feel like you have to?"

That was a direct, honest question, so I thought about it and gave an honest answer.

"I don't want to talk in depth about it right now."

"Then you don't have to, Parker. I think right now you need some sleep."

Scott stood and actually lifted me up, carrying me in his arms to the bathroom. I looked at my face in the mirror. My eyes were puffy and red from crying and despite the claims made by the mascara, it had run a bit, making me look like a raccoon.

My boyfriend set me down on the counter. He took off my socks and gloves, cleaned my face, and brushed my teeth. I felt like a child being tended to by a doting parent. Scott carried me to my room and actually tucked me in.

"Get some rest, baby boy. Don't wait for me. I couldn't sleep if I tried right now. I'll get in bed with you later."

I nodded.

"I love you so much, Scott."

"And I love you, too, my sweet, fragile little boy."

"But I don't want to be so fragile. I don't want this to keep happening."

He sat down and put his hand on mine.

"I hate seeing you in such distress, but in a way, I kind of like how delicate you are, how vulnerable you let yourself be around me. It makes me feel like you trust me. It makes me feel like I can take care of you."

He kissed my forehead.

"I'll always love you, Parker. Now sleep."