Darkest Before Dawn

"You have feelings for me." Patrick reached out to touch her shoulder. A gesture meant to comfort. He knew how deeply her emotions ran. The link between them could help or hinder. In this particular moment it carved a deep gulf between them. One he wasn't sure he wanted to bridge. She cared for him. On the surface, Janine seemed so superficial. All designer clothes, makeup and expensive perfumes, the best money could buy. But, inside, she was so fragile, so tender, and so terrified of him. Not of his fangs, but of his how badly he could hurt her in other ways.

"You could do better," he huffed. Sliding his hand up her shoulder, his fingers gently stroking the bare skin at the base of her neck. His voice filled with deep regret for this woman who could give so much. "I have nothing to offer you."

Janine twisted out from under his touch, her skin burning from the contact. "Your heart, can you give me that? It's all I really want." There was no need to hide the truth of her feelings for him. He already knew. And they hung in the air like a dark cloud between them.

"I haven't one left to give. It died with her." He lowered his hand, clenching it in a fist. He wouldn't try to touch Janine again. He couldn't bear the hurt she was feeling inside. Hurt she felt because of him.

Tears welled up in Janine's eyes. She didn't try to stop their stinging flow. She shook her head fervently, "No, you just don't want to take the risk. I'm human, and we both know what that means." She chuckled from the sudden realization. "You're more afraid of me than I ever could be of you. I may be afraid of what I feel. But you, you're terrified to feel anything at all. Pathetic." She pushed her way past Patrick desperate to get some fresh air and distance. A gasp escaped her lips as he reached out, grabbing her wrist in his steely grip.

"No." Patrick pulled Janine close to him. He wasn't gentle with her, bruising the flesh under his fingertips. She needed to understand what he was. What he was capable of and exactly why she needed to keep away. "I know what's best for you and it's not me."

"Stop it, you're hurting me!" Janine cried out, twisting her wrist frantically in his grip. She dug her heels in to the soft dirt of the barn floor, trying to fight against his pull on her body. He drew her closer and closer. Close enough to see the flash of determination in his eyes. She drew back her hand. Prepared to deliver a hard slap to his cheek. Crying out as he caught her hand before it could make contact and crushed her against his chest.

Patrick lowered his mouth to Janine's, sucking the scream out of her throat. He smelled her fear, pungent and harsh in his nose. Her body was tense and trembling, wriggling for freedom, pressed against him. He would do whatever was necessary to keep her at arms length. And keep her safe from him. He thrusted his tongue deep inside of her mouth, exploring its rich depths. Hissing in pain at her teeth clamped down, biting on his tender flesh. He gasped releasing her. Pushing her away in horror at the realization of what she'd just done.

Janine's breath whooshed out of her chest. Knees unable to support her weight, she fell to the floor. Her mind and body were reeling. She hadn't meant to push him so hard, to provoke him, She was trying to wake him up. And make him feel again. She gasped at the rich flavor of his blood in her mouth. It was sweet and rich, a decadent mix of tastes, not metallic, like her own. She hadn't realized that she had bitten him hard enough to break the flesh on his tongue. She resisted the urge to swallow it down, forcing herself to spit it out on the barn floor. But, it was too late. She had swallowed just the tiniest bit. That sample was enough. She cried out in agony as her body convulsed. "Patrick!"

"Shit!" Patrick gasped, rushing to Janine's side to still her flailing limbs. He scooped her up into his arms and smoothed her hair back away from her face. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do this to you." He swallowed hard, fighting tears laced with regret and worry. Her cries of pain as his blood did its work on her human body were damning in his hears.

"It was just a few drops." He stroked her pain-contorted features gently with his fingers. "It will be over soon. I promise." He rocked her jerking body, cradling her. Hating himself all the more. He was bad, bad for her.

Janine struggled for breath, teeth chattering from the frost creeping up her limbs. "It hurts," she cried out in a gasp. His blood wouldn't turn her. But, the taste of his power on her tongue was enough to turn her world on its end. His blood took root in her body, seizing cell by cell, working its way into the very root of her being.

"Shh, I know."

Patrick's voice was low and soothing, easing the chill that burned through her. She lost herself in his arms as his warmth permeated her frozen body. Finally, it was over. The pain receded and she was more of herself again. She exhaled and relaxed in his embrace. She shared his thoughts, if just for a few seconds. She would never doubt his feelings for her again. He cared for her regardless of what he said or wanted to believe. She knew his passion, his fear, and his regret, so thick it choked her. "I.."

She was about to say she never realized how deeply his feelings ran. Clouded by so many layers of doubt and shame. Confused by who he was and who she was. Denying what they might be together, because it was too hard to let go and take a risk.

Lying in the crook of his arms, staring up at his face, she saw him. Not who she thought he was. But, the real him, the Patrick that excited and terrified her, the man, she couldn't any longer hide her feelings from. Grappling with the intensity of his raw emotions, laid bare and open for her. Knowing wasn't enough. That taste was just an appetizer. There was so much more to him than she ever would have guessed. And she wanted it all. The good and the bad. The devil and the saint. If she thought she was in love with him before. She was in so deeply now, there was no getting out.

He kissed Janine lightly on the forehead. No point in lying to one another now. That tiny glimpse into his gray matter had been all it took. He couldn't hide from her. "Don't."

He lifted Janine gently in his arms and carefully made his way across the paddock to the house. He was grateful that the farmhouse was dark and empty. He wouldn't have to face Lucien. At least not right now. Not when he couldn't face the reality of him reflected in her eyes. She was right. He was afraid...terrified...of her. She had all of the power and he was nothing. Defenseless.

Just inside the kitchen door, he sat Janine on her feet. Lips pursed with so many things to say, none of them right. None of them adequate for the emotions turned inside out, churning like a storm inside of him. He did the only thing he could. The only defense he had left. He turned and ran.

Chapter 30

Robbie hesitated, frowning. The traffic was bumper to bumper on the streets surrounding the college. Happy grads and families stuffed into mini vans and sedans filtered onto the roads, making an unruly mass of traffic and bodies. "It is a nice day, why don't we go down to The Grub Pub and eat there? The restaurant is only a block away and the walk will do us good after all that sitting."

Her mom wasn't exactly dressed for a mile hike in her high heels and pencil cut skirt. And her dad, sweated like a linebacker during playoffs in his stiff, starched dress shirt. He'd already ditched the suit coat and tie, draping them over his broad forearm. Their car was probably parked in no-man's land at the edge of campus. No closer than hers. And they looked a bit wilted from the heat.

Most people would prefer a more luxurious setting for their graduation dinner than the bar's meager seating. She'd just be happy to get off her feet. And to sit down someplace with her parents where they could talk without risking her dad having the "Big One" right there on the sidewalk. Her parents shrugged, nodding in indifferently to whatever she wanted. Robbie slid off her heels, padding barefoot on the sidewalk. Careful not to step in any stray bits of chewed gum or whatever gunk might be on the concrete, she walked between her mom and dad to the pub.

Robbie's favorite eatery was simple. Decorated in black and gold, the colors of her now Alma Matter. The darkly paneled walls covered with college memorabilia and snapshots stretched up to twenty-foot high ceilings. Luckily, since classes were out and the classier restaurants were within a five-minute drive from campus, the place was quiet and the atmosphere relaxed. She had an announcement to make. The sooner she got it over with the sooner her parents could come to terms with the fact that she wasn't moving back home.

Her parents had always been supportive of her. She knew they didn't agree with her choice of majors, preferring that she had chosen business management instead. But, they had supported her nonetheless. Her father, breaking the silence, initiated the conversation. "I got a new flavor of ice cream debuting this season," he said in between grateful gulps of iced tea.

"Grape," Danielle chimed in. "You would never believe this. But, it's purple. Positively Barney purple, the kids are gonna eat it up." She took a sip of ice tea, eyeing Robbie over the rim, gauging her reaction. Her daughter was being unusually quiet, studying the menu instead of voicing an opinion.

Robbie shuttered. Purple ice cream. Over the years, she had been the family's official taste tester and had had her share of less than desirable flavor sampling. She smiled, faking her approval. Wondering if the flavor would be as big as a hit as her parents hoped.

"Yeah, we've set the official kick off to start a week from now. So far, with the Spring Planting Festival, business has been steady. But, when the heat sets in we'll have them lining up. We wanted to give you time to get your dorm room packed and settled back in your old room before we rolled out our new product line," Robert said, eyeing Robbie eagerly.

Robbie had spent every summer and every evening after school in the family's ice cream shop ever since she had been tall enough to see over the counter. What's the Scoop? was a hometown summertime tradition. This would be her first summer away from home. The first time she'd missed the busy ice cream season in her life. Struggling, she tried to find the words to break it to them gently.

Robbie explained that she was staying in the city and was planning to take summer classes. She had a job lined up at the college library. She tried to make it sound glamorous. Actually, she was going to be earning slightly more than minimum wage and have the responsibility of doing little more than shelving books. It wasn't much as jobs went. But, it was a start. She loved libraries, the smell of the books, all the titles, authors, and subjects. She reveled in the dewy decimal system, order in a world of chaos. She liked ice cream too. Always would. But, it was time for her to stretch her wings and venture out on her own.

All in all they took the news pretty well. "Well," her father said rubbing the reddish brown stubble on his chin. "John Mark is going to take the news pretty hard. He was really hoping to get to spend some time with you," he teased, ignoring the not to subtle kick from the toe of Robbie's shoe from under the table.

He and Danielle had been expecting the news. Parents knew when their kid was ready to fly from the nest and settle on their own branch. They'd done their job and gotten her through twelve years of compulsory education and four additional years of college. She was twenty-one, almost twenty-two. And as much as they'd miss the free labor at the ice cream shop, they wanted their baby girl to be happy.

John Mark was a gangly, greasy haired, string bean of what she defined as a "kid", even though they were the same age. He had had suffered from a chronic crush on her since the first grade. Her parents loved to rib her about him every chance they got. Her dad especially liked to get a jab in here and there. Primarily because he knew there was no way in hell John Mark was ever going to be a son-in-law.

Robbie had broken the news expecting a fight. An argument over the reasons why she just had to be home for the summer. Her parents just nodded in acceptance and placed their orders when the waitress came to the table. It was a little scary finally cutting the apron strings and realizing that no matter what the world handed out to her, she was on her own to deal with it.

"Since we're on the subject of boys...," Robbie smirked at the eager light in her mom's eyes. Her baby blues were lit up like a Christmas tree at the prospect of planning a summer wedding and at all the grandchildren she hoped to spoil rotten. Robbie held up her hand to silence her mother. Shaking her head no. No boy talk at the dinner table, especially in front of her dad. She grinned at her father's nod of approval in total agreement with her. Overruled, her mom sprinkled some sweetener into her tea, noisily clanking the spoon against the glass as she stirred.

"Are you going to be staying in the dorms?" Robert asked. He hadn't liked Robbie going away to college in the first place. Had cost them a fortune and a second mortgage on the house to send her to the university in the rotting heart of the city instead of the local vo-tech where she could have stayed at home for free and earned a good old-fashioned business degree instead of majoring in something completely useless like library science. Who did that? Apparently, his daughter did. Although he was proud of his baby girl, he worried about exactly where that four-year degree in nothing useful would take her.

Robbie knew her dad was going to balk at her reply. She took a deep breath and answered, bracing herself for his disapproval. She had rented a small apartment not too far from campus. The apartment was little more than a shoebox. Of course, it was over priced and cramped like most apartments around. But, it was hers, her first apartment. "Well, you are almost twenty-two," he begrudgingly grumbled in reply.

After dinner, she sighed a sigh of relief. She had survived the grilling and gotten her parents to accept her declaration of independence. Unwillingly, they had given their blessing. She was a full-fledged adult now, not just legally, but in the eyes of her parents, which to her was much, much more important.

Hugs and kisses were passed around like candy at Halloween as Robbie and her parents prepared to part company. She fought against the sting of tears that stung the corners of her eyes. For four-years she'd been dreaming about this day, where she'd break out on her own and start her life. A bit terrified by the prospect that she was on her own, she grabbed her mother, squeezing her gently, and said, "Love you, mom."

Who was she kidding? She'd always need these two, her mom and her dad. No matter if she were fifty with grandchildren of her own, she'd always need them. Her father hoisted her up high in a bear hug and squeezed the air out of her lungs. She rasped out an "I love you, Daddy," as he sat her feet on the pavement.

Robbie felt a pang of loneliness, standing at the edge of a remote parking lot at the most deserted part of campus. Watching the car's tail lights disappear into the dullness of day's last light. The walk back to the dorm was a lonely one. Absent-mindedly Robbie kicked at a rock watching it bounce and roll down the nearly deserted sidewalk. She shook off a chill and pushed the nagging feeling that had been gnawing at her brain since she watched her parents pull away. She felt as if she were saying goodbye to them for the last time. But, that couldn't be true. Her parents would live for years and years. Her grandmother had lived to be one hundred and two. Statistically speaking, her parents would be around for a long, long time.

Chapter 31

Danielle stifled a yawn and rested her head on Robert's shoulder. "Thank heavens, we're almost home." The car slowed at the end of the ramp, easing her weary body forward against the seatbelt. Her shoes, abandoned somewhere around the mile sixty-seven marker, shifted on the floorboard. The day had been happy, but so exhausting. Bittersweet. Letting Robbie go to follow her own path had been harder than she anticipated.

Robert exhaled a deep sigh and inched the rental caddie to a stop. He thought, earlier this morning that maybe-"HA"- maybe after graduation he'd drive Danielle down to their old make out spot and put the luxurious backseat to good use. He was too goddamned tired to think about it now. Every bone in his body ached. He should have known his wife would have other plans for that backseat. It was loaded, positively stuffed all the way up into the back windshield with bags and bags of stuff. "Did you have to encourage her?"

Danielle sat up and placed a hand to her chest, batting her lashes at her husband in innocence. "I did no such thing." After dinner with Robbie, there was still daylight in the western sky. Ok, so maybe she had spent a bit more than she anticipated. But, starting out on your own was expensive. And there was so much that Robbie needed for her new apartment. Besides, yeah, their retirement savings were dismally small, but they couldn't exactly take it with them. What was the harm in a little splurge here and there?

"You bought out every store in town," Robert grumbled at his wife. The wallet in his back pocket was still smoldering from overuse. That was a hell of a lot of ice cream they'd have to sell this season to replace the moths with money. They weren't rich and although Danielle was well aware of that fact, her good intentions were going to drive them straight to the poor house.

"I was just trying to make good use of our time. You know, with the economy and all, it made sense to go shopping while we were in the city. Gas prices are so high these days." Robert constantly worried about money. Things were a little slimmer these days, but by no means were they destitute. Sympathetically, she patted his arm and snuggled in against him as closely as the seatbelt would allow. He was grumbling to be grumbling and it had nothing to do with her or the money she spent. Well, it did. But, it wasn't really his issue. Robbie all grown up and moving out on her own, that was his real issue. He'd be a bear for weeks until he worked through it in that man cave he called a brain.

Robert drummed his fingers on the steering wheel while he waited for the light to turn green. "How many rolls of toilet paper and dish towels does she need? She doesn't. You're encouraging her." He pressed on the gas gingerly when the light turned. Inching out onto the highway slowly, just a little paranoid about the semis that sped up and down the highway running the light. "And who is that new silk blouse for?"

"I am not encouraging her. I want our little girl home as much as you do. But, if she truly has made up her mind about getting her own place, I want her to have everything she needs to get started." Danielle was ahead of Robert, by a long shot. Living at home wouldn't exactly encourage a steady stream of would be husbands for Robbie to choose from. And in the city, her daughter would have a much broader selection than she would back here tending the counter at the shop. Although, Danielle wasn't about to mention any of that to her husband, just yet.

Danielle mentally tallied up the receipts from their shopping spree and cringed. "The blouse was a good deal, practically a steal," she murmured defensively. Ok, so not every purchase on the list was for Robbie. But, then again, Robert already guessed that.

"I don't think it's a good idea for her to be in the city living alone. Damn rogues are everywhere." Robert gritted his teeth as a monster truck sped past them, on the double yellow line around a curve, in a cloud of black exhaust fumes. He eased up on the gas. Hoping Mack, the sheriff, was on duty tonight and at his favorite place to hang out, waiting for idiots to speed around the curve, right behind the welcome sign to town.