Dear Joan

Dear Joan,

We really do need to talk about our future. I know because are you away in a war zone for another eight months and that I'm supposed to do this face-to-face on skype, but I really can't face you right now.

We always knew when you signed up for the military that you would certainly be called up for duty in an area of conflict, as a trauma and primary care surgeon that was inevitable. We were both aware that you would be away on deployment for about sixteen months of your three year term of service but you knew the experience gained would really move your career on by a decade in terms of Emergency Room surgery experience.

I may have painted a rosy picture of service in the Army Medical Corps but my own Medical Corps service was completed when I was still a single man. You were still at medical college and we hadn't even known each other, other than sharing a couple of minor surgeries together.

Now that we have been a happily married couple for four years, I found over the first few months of your absence on deployment that I really missed you, and our wonderfully fulfilling lovemaking. I increased my work hours at the hospital to help me cope with the loneliness and the resulting sexual frustration. All the staff at the hospital have been so supportive, so much so that as time went by I found that I have fallen out of love with you, Joan, and I now love another so completely that we must bring our marriage to an end.

I know this news is coming as a bit of a shock to you, but you must have noticed how cool I have appeared to be in our weekly half-hour Skype sessions, and if I could have possibly been able to announce this to you in person, I would have gladly done so.

I know you are safe in a military compound far from the UIDs and patrol ambushes, otherwise I wouldn't be making this declaration until you got home safely. I've filed for a "no fault" divorce and sending you the papers by registered mail. I am hurrying this along as, and I hope you will regard this by being the usual perfectly understanding selfless person you are, but I would like to be married again by the time my son or daughter is born .. it might even be twins, what joy!

Joan, dear, dear Joan, I think we made a great couple during our six wonderful years together, two as lovers and four as husband and wife. I hope, despite this little hiccough in our lives that we can go on and be happy and fruitful in our separate ways and still remain firm friends.

Your loving husband,

John Wendell Miller III, MD

***

Not so dear anymore Jack Wendell, you utter fucking bastard,

So, you missed me so much that rather than use your hand to rub one out when you needed to, you had to resort to filling your desperate need by getting some whore ass pussy wrapped around you no-doubt diseased dick instead? And you go so far thinking with your dick that you knock her up as well?

Yeah, well, Jack "The Dipper", your letter wasn't quite the fucking surprise to me that you thought it was. I heard from good friends at the hospital a week ago that you had skanked out with that pneumatic silicone-filled fucking bitch Vonny Sikorsky, you know, the nurse from Triage, the one whose common knowledge outside Personnel is that she's already on two strikes on her file for sucking patients' dicks!

Really, Jack, you sank as low that snake shit skank? And you made your sordid little affair so fucking obvious that you knew I'd find out before I returned so you took the weasel shit way out before I got back from the desert and kicked a boot full of Asian sand so far up your filthy dirt box as I can reach with a well-aimed kick that you'd be chewing grit for a week.

Well, it looks like your timing was perfect, Jack "The Unzipper", because I'm being invalided out early, with a flesh wound. I may've been in a compound, but the fucking insurgents round here regard our defences as a challenge. I'm wounded, but armed and fucking dangerous.

Your loving Ex,

Captain Joan Smith, MD, AMC