Death By Fucking Ch. 01

“When you touched me I was a lost cause. It has to do with your body chemistry, I think. Something in your physical makeup fits perfectly with something in my physical makeup, at least from my perspective. It’s an addiction, I guess. Whenever I’m near you this chemical attraction seems to take over from my normal self. Suddenly you’re all I can think about. I’m sorry, Deirdre. Don’t be concerned. I’m not a stalker or anything. I may appear to be obsessed with you. Shit I guess I am obsessed with you. But you never have to worry about me stepping outside of ethical boundaries. I’m telling you this because you insisted that I tell you. In a way I’m glad I told you, because someone like you deserves to hear every day of her life how incredible she is, how alluring, how attractive, how totally enchanting.“

“I won’t say another word about this. You don’t have to worry about any trouble from me. I’m a feminist, would you believe? I’m strongly opposed to sexual harassment in the workplace. Please believe me; I never intended to make you uncomfortable. I have no expectations whatsoever of you. If it’s okay with you, I would like to carry on our business as usual. I would consider it a real favor if we could just let this whole thing fade away”, I finished desperately.

Deirdre had this enigmatic look on her face. I was resigned to my fate, regardless. I had thrown myself on the mercy of the court. It was out of my hands.

“Andrew, do you realize that I’m thirty-five years old? I’m ten years older than you.”

“Deirdre, you might be a million years old. You’re ageless, timeless. You’re the Mona Lisa. You’re Cleopatra. If you lived forty thousand years ago, some Cro Magnon artisan would be carving your body into eternal stone. Plato would have considered you the perfect model of ‘woman’, the essence to which all other women must be compared and found wanting. Age means nothing with you.”

I had opened my mouth and all these words came pouring out. I didn’t think them through. These were the thoughts that had been running around my brain for three days. She asked me to say them and I said them. If nothing else ever came of it, at least I had my say.

I’m afraid that this wasn’t what Deirdre was expecting. I guess maybe she thought I had a little crush on her, and she could defuse it with a few kind words. But now she could see that this was far more serious than she had previously thought.

“Andrew, I’m just some old lady who, let’s be frank, could carry a lot of clout with your employers. Is that it? Do you think you can flatter me in order to improve your position? Well, buster, you better believe that isn’t going to happen.” I could see she was making herself angry.

“Hold on, Deirdre. You made me talk, remember? It never occurred to me that you could help me if I flattered you. I figured you could get me fired, though. That’s part of the reason that I kept my mouth shut. The rest of the reason is just that you’re way out of my league. You’re a step way up in class from me. You’re that unreachable star that people sing about. I know that to you I’m just a little kid. If you want me to be honest with you I will. I’m the best. I’m the best person working in this company. I’m the only one I know who sees where we could be going. Most of these other guys are just old farts with no vision. I like them, don’t misunderstand me. I don’t hold them in contempt, or anything. I just know that of the management group here, I’m at the top. But that is damning this company with faint praise. That’s why you guys are here. If I’m the best, we’re in trouble.”

“I’ll admit that I’ve tried to make you aware of some of my ideas about the company’s future. But they’re good ideas. And I would have told them to you regardless of my feelings for you. I would have told them to you even if you were a sixty year old black woman. It was just business, not personal.”

Deirdre seemed to be at a loss for words. She said, “Andrew, I’m a committed businesswoman. I took this job knowing that I would be working 80 to 100 hour weeks, traveling all over the country; staying in hotels; never having relationships. I don’t have relationships. I don’t have time for relationships. And I’m almost old enough to be your mother. You’re a very sweet boy. I really like you. I do. But I don’t have relationships.”

“Deirdre I already told you I have no expectations of anything from you. I’ve known all along that nothing would develop between us. You’re from an entirely different planet from me. I can’t help my body’s reaction to you. Believe me, if I could stop it I would. It’s a chemical attraction that’s beyond my ability to control. “

“It’s no fun knowing that the woman of your dreams is totally beyond your reach. I know that in a few weeks you’ll be gone. Maybe it will assuage your ego a bit knowing that somewhere there is a young man who loves you passionately and forever. But nothing is expected of you, nothing is required or requested. But let me say that there is no way you can hide behind this age thing. I know you’re busy. I know you are married to your job. I know that you went to Duke and I went to East Podunk State. Tell me those things and I’ll believe you. But don’t use age as an excuse. It just doesn’t wash.”

Deirdre actually smiled; not a little half smile, but one of those smiles that turns on some kind of switch and suddenly her eyes sparkle. When she does that I’m helpless.

“I think that it would be wise for us to try to resolve the short term situation. Our first obligation is to finish this project on time and under budget. I’m a management consultant. You’re a systems analyst, Andrew, between the two of us we should be able to come up with a solution that will make us both comfortable.”

How women can change gears like that is a mystery to me. I’m here pouring my heart out to her and she wants to talk business. I guess it’s her way of re-establishing boundaries.

I didn’t know what the fuck she was thinking. I said, “I don’t have a clue. If you can come up with some way that we can work more smoothly together, I’m all for it.”

She nodded her head. “Good. Because I do have a possible solution we might try. I hope you don’t find me too blunt, Andrew, but it is fairly obvious to anyone that you’ve spent the entire week in a state of shall I say tenseness. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man as tense as you; and certainly not for as long as you’ve been tense, if you know what I mean.”

I’m afraid I did know what she meant. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to respond to that. I mean, how do you apologize for that sort of thing? Sorry, Ms. Martin that I’ve had a hard-on for you for three days in a row. I figure she has one of two possible responses to my constantly engorged dick. One: she might think I am a sex maniac who goes through life in a constant state of arousal no matter what. Two: maybe she realizes that my condition was directly caused by her. How would a woman respond, knowing a man finds her constantly arousing? She might be disgusted. But then again, a hard-on is the sincerest form of flattery. Maybe it doesn’t hurt her ego to know that she has it in her to make a 25 year old man almost crazy with lust. This might have a certain appeal to her. I resolved that henceforth I was going to be totally honest with Deirdre. I wouldn’t hold things back for fear of whatever. I probably will only get one shot at this, and damn it, I’ve got to go for it.

“Can I be open with you Andrew? You’ve been honest with me and I truly appreciate it. I can’t be in a relationship. You know that. I never become involved, even a little involved, with my customers. That’s just bad business practice. The possibilities for conflict of interest are endless. That’s a major consideration. But at least as important, is that we need to get this project done. We can’t be distracted by sexual tension. “

I could see where this was going. “So, what are you trying to tell me? You’re saying that I should masturbate to relieve the tension? Well honey, I’ve jerked off ten times in the last two days. It doesn’t do any good. As soon as you get close to me I have no control over how my body responds. It responds on its own. It doesn’t ask me what I think of the situation. I’m only along for the ride.”

“Don’t get testy, sweetie. I wouldn’t ask you to masturbate, and frankly I’ve already received more information on your masturbatory life than I care to know. I’ll tell you some unpleasant truths about myself. I never date. Never! I haven’t been with a man in almost three years. I miss it desperately, but I don’t have time for relationships. It’s true. I’m alone in strange motels more often than not. How hard would it be to walk down to the bar, pick up some lonely businessman, and work off some tension? That’s not who I am. Perhaps you will consider it prudish, but I don’t do one night stands. I’ve never had sex with a man I wasn’t at least a little in love with. It’s not prudery, really. I just don’t enjoy sex without love. If I need to let off some of my tension, well I can do that very well for myself. “

“But now we’re in this situation where you are suffering from this condition, and I feel obligated to help relieve your suffering. What I’m saying is: how would you feel about relieving that tension the old fashioned way?” Her face maintained that even keel smile as if she were asking me if I wanted a doughnut.

I on the other hand, knew that my mouth was wide open. I slammed it shut before flies flew in.

I finally found words. “Old fashioned way? Old fashioned way!! Yes, I would be more than willing to attempt to relieve the tension the old fashioned way. Did you just say that, or was I imaging things?”

Deirdre reached across the table and took my hand. God, her hand in mine was so hot it felt like a China syndrome meltdown. It could have burnt its way to the center of the earth. She began speaking softly, wistfully telling me about her feelings.

“Honey, I took this job and I never looked back. My eyes were open. I knew what I was getting in to. But I do miss a man. You’ve touched me somehow. It’s been a long time since I felt attracted to a man. You seem to think this is all one sided. It isn’t. I’m not offering myself as some sacrifice on the alter of good consulting in order to make our group effort improve. Frankly I could stand to get laid. And I like you. I like you a lot. So maybe we can give each other something. I’ve never made anyone an offer like this before. Are you willing, or are you still wallowing in your inferiority complex fantasy?”

What was I supposed to say? “Yes! Of course! I’ll accept any scrap that falls from your table. I’ll hate myself in the morning, but this thing is out of my control.”

“Okay, then. Pick me up at my hotel tonight at 7 o’clock. We’ll have dinner and then we’ll attempt to relieve your tension. Are you okay with that, Andrew?”

“Absolutely. Whatever you want. Your every wish is my command.”

Deirdre smiled and said, “In that case, my command is that you relax and we get back to work.” As if.

After work I stopped at home, showered and changed, then made my way to Deirdre’s hotel. I called her cell on the way and she was waiting in the lobby when I arrived. Deirdre is always lovely, but tonight was the first time I had seen her in something other than a business suit.

I stood with my mouth opened, taking in the beauty of the woman before I was able to croak out “You look lovely tonight”.

Deirdre smiled that smile that ignites a beacon in her eyes and stepped forward to take my arm. Her hotel was in the center of town so we strolled a couple of blocks to one of my favorite haunts, a small Japanese restaurant that served exquisite food in an atmosphere that suggested Japan but didn’t hit you over the head with it. Deirdre had sushi and assured me it was very good. I’m not a sushi kind of guy, but was pleased she liked it. I prefer my food cooked. Whatever, we had a wonderful time, with an attentive but unobtrusive waiter. We drank sake and I reveled in the chance to sit quietly with Deirdre outside the office and just talk.

There was still tension there. When she reached out to take my arm when I met her at her hotel, my dick sprang to life and stayed that way through the entire evening. She does that to me. It’s just something I’ve got to get used to, I guess.

I loved talking to her over dinner, but was getting very impatient by the time the waiter had asked if we were interested in desert. She looked over the desert menu for a second, then looked me in the eye as she said to the waiter, “No thank you. We have something else planned for desert tonight.”

When the waiter brought the check I didn’t give him a chance to leave me with the bill and then pick it up later. The money was flying from my pocket and Deirdre and I were flying down the sidewalk almost immediately. I was practically dragging her back to her hotel. I was desperate for her.

We were barely into her room when I pushed her against the wall and kissed her for the very first time. I wanted it to be a tender loving kiss; a kiss to convey the depth of my feelings for Deirdre. But I couldn’t do it that way. My tongue plunged down her throat. My body pressed against hers, my hands roaming. I began to ravage her. I worked at removing her clothes. I couldn’t get them off fast enough.

In my dreams my lovemaking with Deirdre was gentle, adoring, romantic. I would hold her lovely face in my hands and kiss those sweet lips. Reality changed everything.

I had her naked. I finally got a chance to see her lovely nudity. But I barely noticed. I was tearing my own clothes off so fast I’m lucky they are still intact. I had to have her. I had to have her right now!

I hurried her to her bed, laid her down. She reached to me with welcoming arms. I wanted to hold her and whisper sweet nothings into her ears. I wanted to slowly explore her body from top to bottom. I wanted this to be an experience she could never forget. That’s what I wanted.

Instead I practically raped her. My cock found her center and forced itself into her. I was out of my mind. I fucked that beautiful woman. I was brutal. I pulled out, plunged in. Harder and harder I drove. She just laid there and took it. I could see I was overwhelming her. I wanted to slow down and take it easy. I wanted to. I couldn’t. I hammered into her over and over again. It was a driving, plundering, thoughtless taking of her.

I was like the first australopithecine male who discovered pair bonding. I was possessing her with my cock, marking her with my seed. I was shouting from my soul that this woman belongs to me and nobody else!

I was hammering my cock into her helpless pussy, brutally assaulting this bewitching creature. She tried to protest initially. I heard her say, “No, wait. Ouch, it hurts. No. No. Oh my God! Oh my God. Oh God! Oh GOD!”

Soon she stopped talking and seemed to grunt each time my cock slammed into her. She seemed to be screaming from time to time, I’m not sure. Then she was just making noises that didn’t seem to mean anything, little gurgling sounds coming from deep within her throat.

I have no idea how long this lasted. My penis was like a piece of steel. I fucked her and fucked her and fucked her; harder and harder and harder. Suddenly a bolt shot through my like an electrical shock. My dick swelled within me and I was hosing the inside of Deirdre’s pussy with my seed, pumping time and again, deep within her. I was screaming. Deirdre was screaming. It was primal lust.

Then it was over. I slowly came to my senses. I was lying on top of Deirdre. She had her eyes open, looking off to the side of the room, saying nothing, appearing to be dazed. I suddenly realized that I had blown it. I had the opportunity of a lifetime handed to me and I let my raw lust overcome my common sense.

I was very upset. I tried to explain it to her. “Deirdre, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that to you. I dreamed of making love to you, tenderly, lovingly. I had no intention of fucking your brains out. I’m sorry, Deirdre. God, I hope I didn’t hurt you. Are you all right?”

I think Deirdre suddenly realized that I was talking to her. “What? Am I all right? Certainly I’m all right. Why shouldn’t I be?”

“Deirdre, I’m sorry for being so rough, for ignoring your needs. I’ve always been a considerate lover. Something came over me tonight. I’m not like that. Won’t you tell me what you’re thinking?”

“Why, Andrew, I’m not thinking anything. I have no brains.”

And then she laughed.