Denial and Acceptance Pt. 02

This is part two of a longer, slower burn, series. I'd recommend you read the first chapter to familiarize yourself with the story. No sex in this chapter.

Ake -

Dan took the hand I had extended to shake and pulled me into a hug. I was surprised, but secretly delighted. I was infatuated with the man the moment he walked into my office. Kind eyes, reasonably fit, if showing the years he'd earned.

And he smells good, too.

Hell, within the first few minutes of meeting him I'd confessed I was going on a date and I didn't tell ANY of my patients anything of my personal life. I suppose talking about going on a date wasn't too personal to the Americans, but we don't talk of such things to strangers where I'm from.

As he walked out with his riding jacket in one arm and his helmet hanging from his hand, I knew I was going to miss seeing him come to my office. I hadn't realized I was staring at the door he'd left through until I heard Katie at my shoulder.

"Careful doc. My gaydar was calm around that one."

I rolled my eyes. She'd delighted in teasing me since the first time she caught me making eyes at the man who'd just left.

"It's harmless. I doubt I'll see him again."

"And if you do?"

I sighed. "Then we will be friends, I suppose."

"Will that be enough?"

Any other time, and any other person and I might have had to remind them of my personal boundaries. But I'd known Katie since before I'd started this office. We met just after I finished med school and was finishing my clinical rotation. She'd been an administrator at the hospital I was working in and we'd hit it off immediately.

Her gaydar must have been exceptional to have pegged me so early. I'll admit I'm short and petite, and I do tend to carry my hair long, but I hadn't then. Clearly I was giving off some signals since she was quick to mention her then girlfriend.

We became fast friends and she would soon introduce me to the woman who I would partner with to open this clinic. It was, in fact, her now wife, Dr. Mila Halsen.

"When does Mila get back?" I tried changing the subject.

"Three days, and don't change the subject. Just take care, ok? I love you Ake, but I'd rather not have you on my couch, drinking, while I've got a new baby in the house."

I nudged her shoulder with my own. "Ok, I'll forget he exists."

"Oh no, I mean, if you're on the couch, you're potentially soothing a fussy baby instead of drinking." She nudged my shoulder as I had done to her. We walked back toward her desk where she sat down with a contented sigh, unconsciously rubbing her swollen belly.

"I don't think I'll make it to the couch. Neither of us thinks he's anything but straight."

"But you wouldn't mind if he wasn't, right?"

"Well, no, I of course not. But wishing won't make it so."

"I thought he looked like your type."

"I do not have a type!"

"Oh? What about that carpenter that was in here with the back injury. Mark? Or what about the guy that blew out his shoulder playing baseball?"

"Chris."

"Yes, Chris. Or what about the accountant with the sprained ankle from...squash?"

"Handball. And so what?"

"So...they all looked like Dan. Middle aged, decent shape. Handsome."

"You think he's handsome?"

"I'm not blind, Ake. Gay, but not blind."

I sighed. "Well, be that as it may, Dan clearly isn't gay, but he still seemed like a really good person. I haven't enjoyed working with someone as much as I have him. I know I shouldn't want to have to see my patients considering what I do, but I'm a little sad I probably won't see him again."

"Why not?"

"His treatment is finished."

"Well, true, but you two talked, right? Surely you know enough about him to find him again if you wanted to see him again."

"I could never! The information provided by our patients is not to be used outside this facility, you know that."

Katie rolled her eyes. "I've been a medical administrator for nine years, I know the rules as well as you do, probably better. I'm not saying pull his file and get his address. I'm saying maybe you run into him at a park he may have mentioned, or at a lake he likes to camp at. You both like the same things, right?"

"Sure, but there are dozens of trails to ride, and I'm not sure where he plays soccer."

"Didn't he mention his team?"

"Yes, The Ravens."

Katie pulled out her phone and after a few moments of typing, she turned it to face him. On her screen was the website for the local adult rec league schedule for Dan's team, The Ravens.

"Katie...as much as I enjoyed spending time with Dan, I don't feel comfortable just showing up like that. It pushes the boundaries of the oaths I swore enough that it wouldn't be right."

Katie put her phone back in her pocket and nodded. "You're right, of course."

"Why do you care so much about this anyway. You said he wasn't gay."

"Well, no, I guess not. But I love the idea of this story so much! This reluctant courtship of a straight man that turns out to be maybe not so straight and it all becomes a wonderful gay romance!"

"You've been watching those sappy movies your wife doesn't like, haven't you?"

"Don't change the subject!"

Any further conversation was interrupted by the phone ringing.

"Performance Physical Therapy, how may I help you?"

I checked my watch and saw it was shortly after three. Dan was my last appointment and it was Friday. It was time to start the weekend a little early. I normally would finish the day wrapping up any patient paperwork, but decided to come in early on Monday, and just start my weekend now.

I told Katie to text me if anything came up and she just waved me off as she talked to someone on the phone. I had ridden my own motorcycle that day, and happily hopped on board the perky enduro. It maybe wasn't the best bike to ride around town as it was designed more for off road, but it was still my preferred method of travel.

One thing Katie said did stick with me. Throwing the luggage on the bike and going for an overnight ride this weekend seemed like a great idea. Getting away from the small city would be a good change of pace and I hadn't been camping in a few weeks.

I rode the short twenty minutes to the duplex I'd found in what used to be a rather quiet neighborhood. The housing market started booming shortly after I purchased and the once small neighborhood now seemed to be in constant development. But at least I had my own garage, if small, a driveway, and a yard in back of the two-story duplex.

After parking the bike and hanging the helmet on the bike's mirror, I took my riding jacket off and left it on the bike's seat. I considered for a moment just throwing the gear on the bike and heading out immediately, but decided instead to leave the next afternoon. I was in no rush.

My half of the duplex was a modest 1,200 square feet. The living room was reasonably sized and open to the dining area. Off to the right of the main entrance was the large open kitchen that I'd remodeled mostly by myself. I paid to have the plumbing and electrical work done, but that was mostly to stay in code for when I wanted to sell. The fact was, I grew up working for my father in a cabinet shop, as cliché as that may sound. But I felt drawn to helping athletes after dealing with my own injuries and subsequent recovery. I wasn't able to make my furniture since I didn't have a workshop, but I was certainly able to install them and handle the bulk of the remodel work. I spent plenty of time on youtube for a few of the tasks, though.

I loved his kitchen, now. I rarely used the dining table and opted instead to sit at the counter that wrapped around three sides of the kitchen. Two deep stainless steel sinks were placed under the window, and a large 6-burner gas stove was nestled against the wall. I loved that stove and had essentially designed the kitchen around it. But tonight it would have to stay unused. I was too tired to deal with a full meal, as much as I enjoyed preparing them.

I walked into the house from the garage, kicking off my boots and leaving them next to the other shoes by the entrance. I hung the keys up on a dedicated hook next to some other jackets and walked into the kitchen. I pulled out a beer from the fridge, opened it and took a drink, savoring the cold brew as it washed down my throat. I set it on the island in the kitchen and began putting together a quick dinner. Some leftover chicken was cut up into small pieces and a salad was thrown together. A drizzle of balsamic dressing and I carried it and my open beer to the bar.

I ate my meal slowly, thinking about Dan more than I wanted to. I knew the attraction was innocent enough, and was resigned to the fact that it likely wouldn't go beyond a schoolboy crush. But I still smiled at the memory of feeling those muscles beneath my fingers. It hadn't taken much restraint not to grope the man since I wasn't willing to risk my medical license, but I couldn't deny the desire to pull those tight boxers down and...

Ok, I am going to have to think of something else!

I washed the dishes and went back out to the garage to attach the Giant Loop luggage system to the bike. Into that went a lightweight tent, sleeping pad and down sleeping bag. In another bag I threw in a camp stove, pot, and utensils for cooking. I decided to head to my favorite lake the following night and knew there was a possibility of catching fish. I tossed in a collapsible fishing pole and a few extra bits with it. As a last resort, I threw in a freeze dried camp meal, just in case.

I was traveling light since it was just overnight, and only a couple hours away. I checked the battery on my Spot emergency GPS communicator, a necessity since I'd be heading into the wilderness on my own. That was probably good enough for getting ready for the trip. It really was a rather quick ride and I'd be close enough to town if it all went to shit.

I shut off the lights and decided to relax with another beer and something on TV. My last thoughts before I fell asleep on the couch were wondering what Dan was doing.

I twitched awake some few hours later. I did have another TV in my bedroom, but found myself drifting off to sleep on this couch more often than I was willing to admit. I checked my phone and saw it was a little after 1 AM. I switched off the TV, turned off the lights and walked upstairs past the guest room to my bedroom.

I stripped my work clothes and tossed them in a hamper. I decided to sleep in just the thong I was already wearing. I did often sleep nude, but I also liked how sexy the thong made me feel.

After brushing my teeth, I plugged my phone in and quickly fell back to sleep.

Dan -

I felt great when I woke up that Saturday morning. I had already texted a couple teammates to let them know I'd be there for the game on Sunday evening, which brought some relief as they were apparently struggling to find a backup goalkeeper. As much as I was looking forward to playing, I was also looking forward to a ride in the mountains.

The weather had cleared and was supposed to be good for the weekend, so I decided to change my plans from a day ride to a campsite. I mounted my aluminum panniers on the luggage racks. They were already filled with all the necessary camping gear. A camp chair and dry bag were strapped to the seat behind me, also already filled with a selection of equipment that would see me through any number of situations.

The only thing I didn't know was where I wanted to go camping. My normal spot would be busy and I hadn't made a reservation for a camp spot. Most of the other places I knew would likely be busy as well. I pulled up a campsite app and thumbed around the map until I found a place I hadn't been that wasn't too far away, was on a lake, and seemed to be remote enough that it was often rarely used, if the reviews were reliable. It sounded perfect.

I put the coordinates into the bike's GPS and donned the rest of my riding gear. Boots, pants, jacket, ear plugs, buff, helmet and gloves. I rolled the 890 out of the garage, fired it up and closed the garage door. Just over an hour later, I was turning off the main road onto a single-lane dirt road that would lead me to my campsite for the evening.

The road was somewhat typical of most forest service roads in the area. It was relatively worn down, but clearly not in regular use. I'd passed two cars that had parked along a stream, and had to pull over to allow a truck to pass me coming the other way. I was loving the new dirt tires I'd put on the bike, and was twisting more heavily on the throttle than I previously would have.

Another hour or so later, my GPS indicated I'd reached the turnoff to the lake. Sure enough, after just a few more minutes of riding, the trail opened up to a rather sublime view of the lake. It was bigger than I expected, and wondered if there were any fish in it and regretted not bringing my equipment, but I did have plenty of food, regardless.

There was a trail that led at least partially along the lake, so I followed it until I saw what would be a perfect spot. There was a small clearing in some trees, and two of them looked perfectly spaced for my hammock tent and, best of all, a ring of rocks for a fire pit. I turned the bike around in the small space and began setting up camp. The hammock was specifically made for camping as it had a built in bug net and included a rain fly. I hung both of them from the trees, added the down quilts I brought, set up my chair and started gathering wood for a fire.

I opened the dry bag I'd strapped to the bike and pulled out a soft-sided cooler that was just large enough to hold a six-pack of beer. It was one of the few items I was willing to make room for, especially on these short trips. I cracked a cold beer, settled into my chair in front of the small fire I had going, and relaxed while looking out across the water. This view with a setting sun was promising to be spectacular.

I'd finished the first beer and had just grabbed a second when I heard another motorcycle. This wasn't completely unexpected. Good weather over the weekend would bring any number of riders out, especially to a spot as remote as this one.

It sounded like the rider had turned the opposite way around the lake as I heard the engine get quieter instead of louder. It cut off within a couple minutes, so I assumed they'd found a spot on the opposite side of the lake.

When day turned to dusk, I dug a light jacket out of one of the panniers and scooted the chair a bit closer to the fire. The sky turned orange and red as the sun set and I was reminded, at least partly, why I loved camping so much. I got some water out and poured it into a pot. I rearranged a couple of the rocks so they would support the pot over some coals.

While I waited for the water to boil, I found myself on Instagram scrolling through my feed. I snapped a photo of the sunset across the lake and posted it to my own feed with the caption, "Just stumbled on what might be my new favorite lake to camp near". Before I thought about what I was doing, I had searched for, found Dr. Kepler's Instagram, and had submitted a request to follow the private account.

I just sat there and stared at my phone for a minute. What had I done? Why? It would have been one thing if he had a public page and I could just see what he'd been up to. But submitting a request? Was that ok? Was it ethical? I mean, he wasn't my primary care doctor, but he was one of my doctors. Sort of. Maybe. Should I undo the request?

I turned the screen off and tossed my phone into my hammock. I would ignore it and pretend none of that happened. I'd let future me deal with it. The water was boiling, so I removed the pot and carefully poured the water into the pouch of freeze dried camp food I'd brought. While it waited, I finished another beer and had grabbed a fourth when I decided the food was ready. It wasn't an amazing meal, but I've been doing this long enough to know which meals to bring, so it wasn't bad. The beer certainly helped.

I relieved myself next to a tree a little ways away from camp, and by the time I crawled into the hammock, the fire was down to it's last few coals and there was a definite chill in the air. I wasn't sure if the sun or my middle-aged bladder would get me out of bed first, but for that to happen, I needed to fall asleep. That, it turned out, was the easy part. I'm not sure I finished getting settled before I drifted off.

Ake -

The ride up to my lake, as I considered it since I've seen three people there in the two years I've been going, was pleasant. The bike wasn't great on the asphalt road getting there, but once I turned off on the dirt, all those years of riding dirt bikes while growing up came back to me. I sped past two cars that were parked near a stream, and quickly ripped up the gravel road to the turnoff to the lake.

I spied what looked like a fresh motorcycle track and wondered if another rider was camping at the lake. I turned off to the right and followed what was barely more than a foot path to what I considered the perfect camping spot. A nice large flat clearing with enough trees to huddle under that I could use them to hang a large twelve by twelve nylon tarp that I could just fit both the bike and my tent under, so skipped putting the rain fly on the tent. At least this way I could also get a glimpse of any stars through the mosquito netting.

The rest of the evening went exactly as I'd hoped. I caught two small trout that I decided to cook directly over some coals. I whittled some sticks and skewered the cleaned and gutted fish. I propped them over the fire. I sat on a log that I'd found on one of my previous visits to this spot.

The rest of the evening was spent enjoying the fresh fish, sipping some fine aged whiskey from a flask I'd brought, and just enjoying the quiet and mountain air. I regretted not bringing a light jacket since it meant I had to wear the much heavier riding jacket for warmth.

Some time after the sun had set and the coals had died down, I decided to climb into the tent and read from my kindle before going to sleep. I pulled out my phone to set an alarm and saw a notice that I had a follow request on instagram. I opened the account and there was Dan's face.

I clicked "accept" without thinking, and immediately began stalking his feed. It was filled with exactly what I thought it would be. Pictures of him with friends and probably family. Pictures of him playing soccer, including some rather dramatic photos of him diving through the air while playing goalkeeper. I idly wondered who took those photos as I kept scrolling through. Then I saw the last picture he posted.

He was also out camping somewhere, and that view looked very familiar. I sat up when I realized he was here at the same lake!

I laughed at loud at the odds of that happening. We both rode motorcycles, both camped, and though I don't recall ever running into anyone that matched his description on any of the rides I'd been on. Yet somehow, after just meeting a month ago, here we were, separated by just a small body of water.

I followed his own feed and fell asleep with a smile on my face.

The next morning, I took a couple photos of my view of the lake, but didn't post anything right away. I struggled with whether I should go visit his campsite or not. Part of me longed to see him again, but the more realistic part of me knew it would probably be best if we remained friends from a distance.

I packed up camp and loaded everything on the bike, geared up, and was soon riding back out toward the road. Normally I'd stick around and start slowly, but I just couldn't deal with the fact that Dan was so close. I kept telling myself it didn't mean anything and found myself arguing just as vehemently that it had to mean something!