Desperately Seeking Susan-Any Susan


"Thank you but, what I mean to say is, with it being Valentine's Day, the day for love and romance, would your mother like to have me as a boyfriend?"

"As a boyfriend? You with my Mom?"

Suddenly the black cloud that darkened A. Susan's face, after being rejected, foretold her readiness to launch a first strike attack. Definitely, if he could read anything, he could read that look.

"Gees, A. Susan, suddenly, you're not so pretty, when you're angry. With your wrinkled brow and when you narrow your eyes like that, you'd scare my dog. What's that face you're making? Actually, forget about my dog, you're scaring me."

"My name," she said in the way that Sidney Poitier said 'They call me Mr. Tibbs,' in the Heat of the Night, "is Alexandria."

"I'm sorry, A. Susan, but you'll never do. I was really hoping to find a girlfriend named Susan, a nice woman with a pleasant disposition and a good sense of humor. You're close, but no cigar. By your description of her alone, I'd really be more interested in your mother than in you, if you don't mind. Do you think you can give me your mother's telephone number or, if you'd be so kind, could you give her my phone number? By the way, with it being Valentine's Day, what color roses does she--"

"Get the Hell out of here, you weirdo, before I call for security."

"Well, if you're going to act like that, then for sure, I don't want anything to do with you or your mother. If the daughter is that bad, like daughter like mother, is what I say. Sorry to have bothered you, A. Susan. Maybe I'll take a walk around the Mall, before hitting the supermarket, looking for Susan," he said to himself out loud. "Good-bye, A. Susan, and Happy Valentine's Day."

"Fuck off, weirdo."


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