Diane and the Copper

I heard the warble of the phone just as I got back to my flat after coming off early shift. I hadn't actually left until four; I had paperwork to finish before I could get away. It was Diane

"Pug! At last I've got you. Don't you ever get home?"

"Yeah, from time to time. If someone would tell the criminals to work nine to five it would help enormously." I heard her giggle softly.

"I see your dry sense of humour hasn't changed."

"No. Although some would call it a cynical sense of humour these days."

"Oh no. You were the least cynical person I knew."

"Fifteen years as a Copper will make you cynical."

"I suppose so and fourteen years of marriage will do that as well." I couldn't say anything to that. From the things that Diane had said two weeks ago I had suspected that her marriage was not all it should be. She hurried on as if she had said too much. "When can we meet? I can fill you in on more scandals of our friends and catch up with what's happening in your life."

"I have got two rest days coming up from Thursday. Shall we have Lunch?"

"That would be good. Have you lots to do on Thursday?"

"Quite a lot of washing and ironing. " I replied. "But nothing that can't be put off until Friday. Do you want to make it Thursday?"

"Sounds good."

"Where shall we go?" I asked. "I am not too knowledgeable of good places now."

"We'll go to the 'Bird in Hand'." Suggested Diane. "It's quite good there."

"Ok. Now I suspect you won't want me to pick you up at home, will you?"

"Not a good idea. Mr. Fearnly is taking his duties very seriously Do you know he is even patrolling the avenue?" I laughed, I had suspected he would. "Do you know Cedar Parade?" She went on. I did. It was a small block of shops. "Meet me there at noon."

"Will do."

"Pug?"

"Yes?"

"No uniform, please."

"It's my day off, Di." I complained.

I drove slowly down Cedar Parade. There was a Post Office at the end of the small line of shops and Diane was waiting for me there. She was wearing a rather pretty full skirted sundress in yellow and green and high-heeled strapped sandals. She took my breath away. She jumped straight into the car, and leaned across and kissed me on the cheek. She was in a good mood.

"All those years, Pug. And that was a far as we got. A kiss on the cheek."

"I treasured them Diane, floated on cloud nine. The loveliest girl in our crowd gave me a kiss on the cheek. Now that was something." She giggled.

"Was I?" Diane was fishing.

"Diane! I just said it, didn't I? I'm a Copper; you can trust Coppers to tell the truth." I turned to smile at her. "Now where's this 'Bird in Hand'?

"Go towards High Barn, and turn right up Stoke Road." I did, remembering these places as I drove along. High Barn had changed dramatically. It had once been a simple crossroad the junction named after the public house that had once been there. Now it was three lanes in every direction controlled by multiple lights. I was turning right and suddenly realised that the green was only for traffic going straight on or turning left. I hit the brake at the last moment. As luck would have it I stopped before I had conflicted with the traffic coming in the other direction, but not lucky enough to escape the interest of one of our traffic patrols. He sat in his car shaking his head at me until he realised who I was. His face immediately split into a wide grin. He would be drinking on his mates after his shift.

"Oh bugger!" I moaned. The traffic cop got the green for filter left, and as he came alongside me he slowed and his window slid down.

"These lights can be confusing Inspector Anderson, can't they?"

"It's very different since I was last here about fifteen years ago." I replied. But he wasn't interested in what I was saying, he had clocked Diane.

"Drive carefully Sir." He accelerated away.

"That will be all round the Nick when he gets off." Diane was enjoying my blushes hugely.

"Pug, you're blushing." She laughed. The light changed and I made the turn.

"Yes, and I will blush even more when I get back on duty. The comments will be flying about."

"What will they be saying?"

"Oh, just that Andy Anderson has only been here for four months and he already has a cracker of a bird in tow."

"I haven't been called a bird for years. I didn't like it then, but somehow I quite like it now. Makes me feel young again." She was quiet for a moment. I could sense that something was bubbling. "Am I a cracker, Pug?"

"You know damn well you are Diane." She smiled happily.

"It's nice to know, thank you, Pug."

I carried on driving down the Stoke Road until she told me that we were close. I saw the place as I came round a bend and slowed, turning into the car park. I parked and came round to open Diane's door.

"Thank you. Pug. You were the only gentleman around all those years ago, and you haven't lost your touch." I held her hand as she got out of the car, giving me a glimpse of stocking top as she did. I was astounded. All women wear pantyhose these days, don't they? Diane must have known of the exposure and took her time pulling her skirt down. She smiled knowingly.

We walked towards the pub.

"Why did you say Andy Anderson then?" I was off in dreamland thinking of Diane wearing stockings, just stockings and at first couldn't work out the reference.

"Oh! I have always been known in the job as Andy Anderson. You know how I felt about my name. So when I joined and they were looking for a nick-name for me I told them that I answered to Andy and that stuck."

"Do you want me to call you Andy?"

"No Diane. When you called me Pug it brought back so many good memories of when we all went out together as a crowd. You were one of the very few who knew my real name. You knew how sensitive I was and made sure that everyone called me Pug. I was always grateful to you for that." We entered the pub and Diane suggested that we went straight into the Dining area.

"We can have a drink and look at the menu." She chose a seat in the window. As we sat down she looked up at me. "Do you still have that problem with drink, Pug?"

"Fancy you remembering that. Yes I am still afflicted."

"You would be surprised about what I remember." She smiled that knowing smile that women seemed to have perfected. The waitress came and gave us menus and asked if we wanted anything to drink. I raised my eyebrows at Diane and she asked the waitress for a glass of white wine. I ordered my usual. Sparkling mineral water with a slice of lemon, but no ice. When the bottle has been kept in a cool cabinet I can't see the reason for putting ice in, but they always do. As the waitress left Diane reached across the table and took my hand.

"It feels so good to be here with you, Pug. All those years and I never thought I would see you again." She took her hand back as the waitress brought our drinks. We lifted our glasses and silently toasted each other.

"Pug! Why did we never get together?" I was well aware of why we didn't.

"Temerity on my part I suppose. You were the prize, all the lads wanted to go out with you, believe me I wanted that as well but I could never summon the courage to ask. Then it seemed that you were never without a boyfriend when I was without a girlfriend, or vice versa. Anyway, I knew I had little chance with you."

"Yes I can remember the convention. You never went after another girl's boyfriend or another boy's girlfriend." She looked me in the eyes. "You had more chance than all of the others, if only you had pushed harder. I only joined your circle because of you." I was dumbfounded. She let me get over the shock then asked slyly.

"Was I the prize, Pug?"

"Stop fishing, Diane." She laughed delightfully.

"Well the convention was bloody stupid." She sounded a little angry. "If we had got together perhaps we would still be together, and my life would have been a bit better than it has been." Our food arrived saving us from getting into deep waters. I thought that Diane was being a little too honest with me. She had said enough for me to understand that her marriage was hollow. She needed reassurance when I complimented her, as if somewhere along the way she had lost confidence. It was time to say things about the police force and marriage.

"The Police Force is not particularly conducive to long relationships. The divorce rate amongst Coppers is very high." She took notice of my comment, but not in the way it was intended.

"Yes. You said you were married?" I nodded. "What happened?" I took a deep breath.

"Too many long hours when Shirley was alone at home. My coming home so wound up that I wasn't capable of civilised conversation. Missing important events, anniversaries, birthdays, the meals out we had planned and the like because I was doing compulsory overtime. Oh and the idea that one day I would go to work and not come home again except in a coffin. Just about everything you need to make a marriage work. She got fed up, and I don't blame her, told me she wanted out and we got divorced. It's a good job we didn't have any kids." Diane was sympathetic.

"But you didn't cheat? " I shook my head. "Well at least your wife knew that you were doing something worthwhile. I have almost the same situation, an absent husband pretty well every evening, but mine is out chasing skirt." I wasn't totally surprised with her comment; after all she had been dropping hints quite a lot

"I can't believe that. Surely no man would be out looking for dross, when he has gold at home." Diane's countenance changed from sorrow to happiness, the brilliant smile shone once more.

"Pug! You are so good for me. You boost my confidence, and you, my Pug, are not so shy now. Is the job still like that? I mean long hours."

"For the lads on the ground it is. At my rank it is better. We still do the shifts so that can interfere with your social plans a little but I don't get stuck too much with extra duties."

"So seeing me from time to time would be possible?" That shook me, where was Diane going with this?

"Well I suppose so." That was all I could say for the moment. I had to do some thinking though.

The conversation changed as we ate our meals. Diane brought me up to date on more of what our old friends were doing, those that hadn't moved away. One item of great interest was about Jacky. Jacky was the plain girl of the group. To compensate she had a personality that would light any room and the wickedest tongue. I recall an incident when we were all meeting at a pub. Jacky came in late, and stopped all conversation in the bar when she declared loudly. "Don't let the bottom fall out of your world, take Enos, (a well known laxative) and let the world fall out of your bottom!" It goes without saying that we were asked to leave. Beyond that she was possessed of the most gorgeous tight little Bum any girl had ever been blessed with. Now, according to Diane, she owned and was running one of the Wine Bars in the town, it was called 'Jacqui R's'. When Diane told me that she watched my face until the penny dropped. She saw the moment that understanding came to me. I laughed and she joined in with the laughter. (Authors note. To our friends across the pond. In the UK Ass is spelt arse and the 'r' is pronounced.) What she said next astounded me.

"On Friday and Saturday nights, when she behind the bar, Jacky will wear one of those caterers' aprons in black. The thing is Pug, that underneath it she wears a T shirt and panties." I looked puzzled, and then Diane explained. "Just a T shirt and delicate lace panties." My face must have been a picture, and she giggled. "Oh Pug. The look on your face." I grinned back.

"Well I think I shall have to go there."

"You must make a point of ordering a drink from the lower shelves." Again I was perplexed.

"Why?"

"Because as she bends down the sides of the apron part, and..." Mischievously she left the rest to my imagination.

"Bloody hell!" I exploded. Diane nodded.

"She keeps all the most expensive drinks on the lower shelves." I started to laugh as I understood the ploy. With my 'man' hat on I could see the attractiveness of the situation, but with my police hat on, I wondered if we were looking at a case of indecent exposure. There were no complaints on file otherwise I would be aware. Then I rationalised, if Jacky was wearing panties, then no one would see more of her than if she were wearing a bikini bottom. I still had to go and see though. What man wouldn't? I told Diane what I was thinking. She summed it up pithily.

"It's not a case of indecent exposure, more a case of decent exposure, knowing how all the girls would have killed for a bum like hers." I got that look from her. "Yes you must go; Jacky will be so pleased to see you. Not as much as I was, but still pleased."

It was getting on for two o' clock when we left the 'Bird in Hand'. As we neared the car I flipped the button to unlock the doors and opened the passenger door for Diane. She didn't get in immediately. Instead as I held the door she moved up close and kissed me on the lips. Her tongue flirted just a little but I didn't open my mouth, much as I wanted to. The kiss ended and she stepped back to look at my face. She gave a weak smile possibly thinking she could have offended me.

"Wasn't that better than a kiss on the cheek?"

"Yes Diane, much better. But possibly inappropriate."

"Why?"

"You are a married woman. That was more than a friendly kiss." She nodded.

"Yes, Pug, it was. I was letting you know that I want to get close to you. I wondered if you would want that which my husband doesn't." She looked sad. "You always treated me well, you never made suggestive remarks. I was Diane to you; all the others called me Di, which I hated. You looked at me when we talked, not at my chest. Was that part of your shyness? Why Pug? Why didn't you look at my breasts? I wouldn't have minded; at least it would have let me know that you liked me as much as I liked you. I still want you to look at them, even see and touch them." I cleared my throat.

"Yes Diane. I did and do." I said hoarsely. "But that was then, when we were young. Now it is different. It is nothing to do with being a Copper, it is me. If you were not married, I would take you back to my flat now and would make love to you all afternoon, evening and night. But you are married, and I will not come between husband and wife."

"Even when the husband is not interested in the wife?"

"Even then." There were tears just glistening at the corners of her beautiful green eyes. It tore me apart.

"Damn you Pug. I have embarrassed myself, and you stand there an upright, priggish, self-righteous bastard. Perhaps you have been in the Police Force too long to understand what real life is all about. How could you possibly understand? My husband doesn't want me. Oh yes he did at first, he wanted to be the guy that got Diane between the sheets, so he could brag about it. Let all his mates know that he was the Man. But Terry had to keep winning. He went after any bit of stuff that took his fancy, just so he could let everyone know that he was still the Man. He was the Stud. It was the same with his jobs. Oh he could sell, but when he got one job sorted he had to move on, another challenge, another conquest. That left me alone at home, unfulfilled and humiliated. Then when I saw you again I started thinking of the one man who I knew would never dishonour me. The man who would stay faithful. I shouldn't be angry with you Pug, because you have acted as I would want you to act if I were your wife. I am angry with myself for being such a stupid cow." The tears flowed easily now, and I found my handkerchief, offered it to Diane, then took her in my arms. Her body shook.

Gradually the tears dried and her shaking stopped.

"I'm so sorry, Diane. No, I didn't know how Terry was, although I never really liked him, and didn't think he was good enough for you. That was probably because I was jealous." She raised her head, blinking away the last few droplets of tears. A small smile flickered around her lips.

"You were jealous?"

"Yes. I was. Diane I was crazy about you and I still am." That little smile on her lips widened and a spark of hope shone in her eyes. "Are you sure that Terry is seeing other women?"

"Oh yes. He was a very active man in bed for the first two years of our marriage. He hasn't wanted me now for more than six months, and before that it was just once or twice a month. He used to come home and take a shower, but it doesn't hide the remnants of perfume, which wasn't mine. For the past six months he hasn't even shared our bed, he sleeps in the spare room."

"Why don't you divorce him?"

"Pride amongst other things I suppose. My parents warned me against marrying him. My friends did as well, but I wouldn't listen, I knew best. Huh!" I think that before this got any further a long talk was required. For me the answers were obvious, either reconcile or get divorced. I favoured the second option for her, but the first option had to be explored to see if there was a possibility.

"Come on, get in the car. I'll drop you back at Cedar Parade."

"I suppose now that you won't want to see me again?" Diane was tearful again.

"Not at all. Do you think there is any chance that you and Terry could reconcile?"

"How can we? When he is never home enough to talk with me?" She shrugged her shoulders. "Besides I doubt that I would want to reconcile with him. He has hurt me too much."

"So the alternative is divorce." She nodded sadly.

"I suppose so. But it may not be possible."

"Why?"

"Things and suchlike, I can't explain them really." I was confused now and Diane was obviously embarrassed.

"I don't understand, Diane. You say he spends little time with you, that he is out womanising. How could there be any reason not to divorce him?" Diane remained quiet. I was certain that there was something she hadn't told me. Pushing at this moment wouldn't help. It would have to wait until Diane was prepared to talk.

CHAPTER THREE

The next day was also a rest day, so I decided to wander down the High Street and check out 'Jacqui R's'. I found it tucked away in one of the side streets, if my memory was correct it used to be the 'Black Lion'. I pushed the door and entered. Immediately a young man wielding a broom called to me.

"We're not open." Being a Copper has certain benefits. I pulled out my Warrant Card and asked him if Jacky was on the premises. I shouldn't have used the Warrant Card, not on personal business, but I was sure that no one would complain.

"Yeah, she's in the back." He didn't ask who was calling, the card was sufficient introduction. A couple of minutes later Jacky came into the bar. The expression on her face was angry until she recognised me.

"Pug!" She flew round the bar and threw herself at me.

"You Bugger. Tom said it was the Police." She stepped back. "Let me look at you. God you're a sight for sore eyes. How long has it been? When did you get back? Oh shit! It's good to see you. Coffee?" Without waiting for any answers to any of the questions she called to Tom, the young man. "Get us a couple of cups of coffee will you Tom? Oh and Tom, he may be a copper but first of all he is my friend, yeah I know some really disreputable people, he comes in whenever he wants. Ok?"

We did the catch up bit, and as usual with Jacky it was the dirt that she recounted, who was doing what, which way and with whom. She got enough of my history to be going on with, and then quietly told me.

"Diane's in trouble, Pug. Terry is chasing tarts all over the place. He even had the gall to bring one in here. I put a stop to that, bloody quick too. There's something else as well, but I can't get to the bottom of it. She needs you Pug. You're the only one who can put her life back together." I didn't say anything, I was sure that Diane hadn't told her I was back in Sutton, I needed confirmation that Terry was cheating, and that Diane saw me as the man she wanted in her life. Jacky's next comment said it all. "She always liked you, Pug. She was always dragging us to places she thought you would be. You didn't see it though. Fine bloody copper you are! You couldn't see the clues that were staring you in the face." I could remember that. Diane was always around, but I thought she was with a bloke. Jacky explained.