Diaries of a Dark Princess, Pt. 02

"What?"

"That's the fourth time you've gone on about your tod- your pen- your genitalia. Do you actually expect me to believe that you have some sort of...I don't know what! A magic penis?"

"Well I don't want to brag."

"You do not have a magic penis." He just grinned at me, oozing a smugness that made me want to smack him. "You don't." When he continued to grin I said, "Fine then- let me see it. Let me see it so that I may laugh at your sad, pathetic claim!"

He made a show of thinking my order through. "I don't know if that's a good idea, Miss Princess. Girls that see my todger tend to get all funny-like. They aren't usually the same after."

I rose to my full height, full of righteous wrath. "I am an Imperial Princess of the Dark Empire, heir to the greatest power that has ever lived and mighty mistress of the arcane arts- I do not fear your tod- the penis of a decidedly dullard peasant! Now, pull your pants down so that I may commence sneering to full effect!"

"As you wish," he said, and pushed down the drawstring trousers he was wearing and then-

It was

It was just

It was indescribable. Impossible to capture in simple words what was so striking, so singular, so mesmerizing about the way his taunt, flat stomach descended in a perfect V into a mass of curly blonde hair, just a touch darker than that on his head, contrasting so shockingly with his dark, tanned skin; before erupting into a beautiful and smooth column of flesh, long and thick and proud, hanging down insolently in the manner of a sleeping seductive predator- confident in its mastery of its surroundings- that is content to rest at the moment but at any moment may, at the faintest sniff of prey, spring to vigorous action, pining down some meek, yielding thing and having its way with it; pure in form but for a series of swirling, hypnotic patterns that looked more like exotic tattoos of some great conquering king of old than birthmarks; capped by a bulbous head that seemed to stare blindly into the very depths of my soul like a lidless eye of flame; framed by two great sacks of flesh, no doubt filled to the brim with oceans of fabulously fertile seed, straining to be unleashed upon some defenseless womb-

...indescribable.

"Miss Princess?"

I blinked and looked around me. With a shock of horror I had realised that I had dropped to my knees, my eyes barely inches away from his- his- I must have gotten closer to stare at the birthmarks. With a yelp I rose, backing away until I felt the metal of the cell door against my back. I opened my mouth to speak and eventually manage to snap out- "Put your trousers back on!"

He nodded and- far, far too slowly for my liking- pulled his pants up to hide that- that- he put his pants on. And then he grinned, as though we had been sharing a joke together! "Now then Miss Princess, don't be pouting at me like that. I did warn you!"

"I'm not pouting!" I snarled, mortified to realise that there was drool on my chin. "I'm angry- horrified- by your rude peasant ways! Are you so witless that you can't realise that I was joking when I told you to show me?" All of which I said in withering tones of rebuke without a single squeak or stammer!

He just nodded. "I reckon you fancy imperial types must have different sorts of humour then. Tell you what, Miss Princess- next time you tell me to show you my todger, I'll be sure to laugh."

"That will never happen!" I promised him with all of my heart. "At any rate your clearly clownish buffoonery has distracted me from your story. Please continue with your breathtakingly bizarre fantasy about being a demigod!"

***

Alright then," he said. "Well, as I said, my da was asking my mum about my general heroing stuff. 'What other heroic traits does mine get have?'

Mum paused- probably thinking about all of my Very Heroic Traits. Eventually she said, 'He's very nice.'

'Nice?'

'Nice. And he gets on well with everyone.'

'That's it?' said my da. 'He's meant to be a great Hero! The prophecies foretold that he would Conquer the forces of Evil with his Mighty Blade and his Pure Heart! Is he not trained in tactics?'

'He thinks a trebuchet is a type of duck.'

'Skilled in arms?'

'Too gentle. He once wept for three hours after killing a chicken.'

'Is he versed in astrology and alchemy?'

'He once burned a pot of water.'

'Clever? Subtle? Intellectually gifted?'

'Erm', said Mum, which was honestly a little bit hurtful. 'Look, like I said he's got a talent for making friends. And talking girls out of their clothes. And he's big and strong, even if he's not the most classically heroic type.'

My Da sighed and his antlers went low. He turned to me and said, 'Do thy comprehend thine duty?'

'No, not really,' I admitted.

'Go and defeat the Dark Empire and bring about a prophesized age of fertility and plenty.'

'How?' said I.

'I don't know, figure something out.' He turned to Mum. 'This one's a bit useless- let's get started on the next one.'

Mum walked up to me. 'I wish there was some other way," she said. 'I wish that you could just live a happy life here with me and give me...well, all of the grandchildren in the world, which actually I think you've probably already done. But you have a Destiny and so you have to go out there and seek your fortune. Listen to me, my son. Just- remember my advice, will you? No matter what else happens, try to remember my advice and that should see you safe and in good hands. Can you do that?'

'Sure,' said I. And she hugged me again.

'I'm always saying- be Nice to People and They'll be Nice Back to You. I just know it.' And then she handed me a bundle with some food and some extra clothes and told me I had to leave. And I walked out of the hidden temple and went on my way. I knew she was really upset because I heard her moaning off in the distance after a bit."

***

"Just- just like that? They sent you away just like that?" I asked him in that cell. It had grown hot, hot enough that I had loosened the bodice of my gown. I admit I had been a little distracted- it turned out every time I blinked I could still see the after-image of his- thingy, which wasn't helping much with my ability to focus. He was still shirtless, his muscles gleaming with sweat. He nodded, his stupid handsome face creasing in simple sorrow. I nearly laughed in his face but then I remembered his words earlier- A Problem Shared is a Problem Half-Solved- and I said instead, "I too understand the burden of high expectations."

"Oh?" He looked genuinely interested.

"Of course. As part of the bloodline of the Dark God- which is, you remember, an actual divine bloodline and not made up like yours- it falls upon myself or my descendants to fulfill an ancient prophecy. I mean, a real one."

"Mine is real."

I sighed. "Well, let's see. One prophecy states that someone from the blood of the Dark God- that's my family- will one day conquer the world with our cunning and our treachery. The other states that you're going to conquer us with your mighty blade and pure heart. Obviously both prophecies can't be true. Considering that you're sitting here in this cell without a weapon in sight, considering that our mighty armies are a mere month away from sweeping down and wiping out your Alliance, don't you think that our prophecy has a better chance of being realized?"

"Oh." He actually looked so despondent that I felt a felt a twinge of regret that such a simple, harmless creature should have been lied to. What had his idiot parents thought, sending him to challenge the might of the Empire? But then the shaved ape just shrugged and said, "I'm sure it'll be alright in the end."

"Seriously?" I laughed. "Sitting in my cell utterly under my power, your pathetic alliance soon to be crushed underfoot- and you say that everything will be alright?"

"Yop. You see, it'll sort itself out. Just like I was telling the nice cat lady."

"Shandra?"

"Yop. She's very nice." He grinned in a way that sent a tingle of fear down my spine. "She's really worried about you, you know."

"What?"

"We talked about you a lot," he continued. "She's really very sweet, actually. Always talking about how she's worried about how much pressure you're under, what with all your secret invasion plans and- wait, what's the problem?"

I had risen, my hands balled into fists, rage flooding my being. How dare she? How dare that awful little traitor! Telling the enemy about me! Samuel said quickly, "Now don't be getting upset there, Miss Princess. She didn't tell me anything more than what you already just did."

I blinked. I hadn't- I hadn't told him much, had I? I'd just tried to lull him into a fake sense of security while sharing some unimportant details about my father and my sister and our plans-

Oh, by the Black Blasphemous Deities.

Clearly this man was far more- well, not clever, but perhaps cunning in a low peasant way than I had originally imagined. I scowled. "You think this is a victory, foul hero? All you have done is ensure Shadra's doom! Reflect on that while you rot in your cell."

"Now don't be upset, Miss Dark Princess," said the conniving schemer. "She meant well. And besides, my mum always says You Should Only Punish People with Love in your Heart. That way you don't do anything foolish."

I spluttered. "With Love in Your- no. I will waste no more time on you and your ridiculous stories of Green Gods and prophecies- not when there is a traitor to punish!" I stormed out of the cell and turned to deliver one last damning judgement- "And- and your todger is nothing special! In fact it's very plain!"

Then I shut and locked the cell door and turned. Shadra stood there, eyes wide and all at once I recognized it as the expression of the guilty. How had I missed it before? I did not speak to her then- merely gestured for her to follow me as I strode like an executioner's procession through the Palace secret hallway.

As I walked I contemplated on what sort of punishment to inflict upon my errant little minion. Should I dispose of her? It would hardly be an uncommon or inappropriate act for me to do so. Her life had been forfeit five years ago and besides, she knew too many of my secrets to merely exile or dismiss. And yet I would lose a useful servant. On the other hand, corporal punishment might end up creating a dangerous assassin with a grudge towards her mistress- that was how aunty Trecharia had gone. What to do? I confess it was difficult to think; my conversation with the Samu- the prisoner had put me off balance and I kept seeing his exposed tod- genitals when I blinked.

And then I remembered the peasant's words- You Should Only Punish People with Love in your Heart. Ugh! Such a saccharine, trite phrase, but it did give me an idea. Suddenly I realized what I needed to do to punish Shadra without losing her loyalty. A way to assert my authority while keeping her at my side.

And so it was that upon reaching my bedroom and indulging in the usual sweep for assassins, poison bedsheets, mutant spider-snakes etc. etc. etc. I turned to her and said, "Strip." Shadra blinked as though struggling to understand what I was saying. And so I snarled, "Have you become so disloyal that you don't understand simple commands anymore? I wish you to strip down so that I may adequately respond to your actions today." I raised one eyebrow. "Or did you think I wouldn't notice?"

My words had a most potent effect on her! She quivered, her ears pulled back, her tail still. "You- you said I should make him comfortable."

"Oh did I? Well, I suppose I might reward," I said, my voice thick with sarcasm, "your dedication to my service! Now strip!"

Shadra licked her lips. "After all these years," she said. "I dreamt- but I thought it would never happen."

Bah! Did she think herself immune to punishment due to her long years of service? Bah! Bah I say! Nothing could assuage my awful wrath! Indeed, just at the sight of her tugging off her leathers to reveal her sleek, lithe body filled me with a beautiful sense of rightness; as though the dark gods themselves were whispering hot promises into my ear.

Soon enough she divested herself of her leathers and underclothes and stood there naked before my fury. Maybe it was the fact that the idiots great todg- painfully plain genitals were still seared into my brain but there was something about the sight of my talented minion- standing there, utterly naked, to attention...I felt some strange stirrings within my soul. To better calm myself I made a point of inspecting her, circling her as she stood stock still. She was small, as befit a thief; lithe and toned, with pert breasts and slim hips. As I circled her- her tail nearly brushing against my hips- I found the contrast between her sparse curves and light muscles and my own far more elegant and voluptuous curves to be... interesting. Indeed for a moment I wondered just how different her body would feel if I were to reach out and run my hands over her. Would her small little breasts be just as soft as my own? Would her muscular-

I must have been a little distracted for some reason because the next thing I knew the naughty kit- evil traitor was staring into my eyes and asking in a voice that was far too soft and breathy for a trained assassin, "Are you alright?"

"Yes!" I snapped back into reality in a heartbeat and redoubled my scowl in a way that made her tremble adorab- sexil- tremble in her fur. "Now- on the bed you impudent cat!" And she scurred up on the bed like her very life depended on it. She arched her back a little, causing her toned ass to raise in the air, her fail flickering back and forth and once again I found myself oddly entranced by the sight; the two tanned globes, topped by a flickering tail, and the dark cleft in between them...

It- it was impudence! Obviously impudence that led her to bare her ass at me, as though tempting me to bury my- waving her ass in my face! My righteous fury swelled inside me, making me tremble in turn as though feverish. I stalked over to her, letting the sensations simmer. It was hot and the gown was constricting- and far too impractical for what I had in mind. I undid the front, opening it up to my navel. She turned, and her eyes travelled down like a hot lance of flame, slithering down my neck, lingering on the swell of my beasts and then past my stomach... I felt a strange surge of panic and coughed- turning it halfway into a meaningful clearing of my throat and a raising of an eyebrow. She obediently turned back to face away from me.

"I don't have time to give you something elaborate," I said in a dangerous growl. She purred in distress as I ran one finger along her rump. "So I suppose I will have to improvise." I rose to straddle the bed, my groin nearly touching that round, hard curve-

And then my hand dropped and slammed into her ass.

She gave a yowl of shock as her body shook. I laughed as her body took the force. "Thank me for my mercy, you naughty little kitten!"

"Thank you!" she said in breathless tones. "Oh thank-"

My second strike landed and she yowled again. She turned around to stare at me as though- as though struggling to believe this was happening. I sneered, hand raised for the next blow. "Have you already forgotten your commands?"

"Thank you," this time delivered in soft, almost worshipful tones. "Oh, thank-"

Another blow; another yowl. She closed her eyes and shuddered- in pain, no doubt- as she said, "Thank you!"

Another blow, as I felt something coalesce in my stomach. Something tangled and hot and glorious; something that had been brewing since I woke in the morning. I barely heard her thank-you as I raised my hand again.

The fifth blow slapped on her other cheek. I was aware that my hand ached from the stinging impact against her muscular flesh but it was a distant thing against the roar of the flames in my head and my body. She murmured her thanks, hands clutching the sheets.

The sixth blow had her panting her thanks, eyes half-lidded as she twitched and twisted on the sheets. Seven and her hips were writhing, rolling in a strange hypnotic pattern. I was aware I was panting too, sweat pouring off my skin. My gown had fallen down to my belly, my breasts wobbling as I raised my hand afresh.

Blow eight and she couldn't thank me any more; just moan and yowl incoherently. It didn't matter; I didn't care. All that mattered was asserting my dominance; that, and the way Shadra writhed on the bed, her twisting curves filling my world.

Nine blows as I felt like I was on the cusp of something, something immense, something that pulsed inside my whole body, something that was glorious and terrifying at the same time-

And then the tenth blow landed and Shadra screamed, twitching as her hips thrust back and forth, one hand moving to grip her modest breasts. The image of Samuel's todger flashed before my eyes and I felt the tension inside me rise and rise and rise, hovering on the very balance-

And then fade, ever so slowly, as though I had drawn myself to the very tip of a great peak but found myself unable to make that final ascent. She turned around to stare at me and I was suddenly aware of how I looked; my pale skin sweaty, my gown pushed down to my hips, my breasts heaving with exertion, my hair messy, my eyes wild.

That wouldn't do. No, there was no way that I could go to all this effort to assert my dominance and then lose it just like that. And so I sauntered up to her and bent low to murmur in her ear, "You belong to me, little kitten. Don't ever forget that."

She peered up at me with adoring eyes and whispered, "Always."

"And are you going to be naughty from now on?"

"Only if you want me to be," she said.

I rose, easing my gown back onto my shoulders. "Now go and think very hard about what just happened."

She eased herself of bed, walking over to her clothes on shaky legs. "Do you- do you want me to help you?"

I blinked. I don't bother with maids after the incident involving the evil dolls and had learned how to take care of my own preparations for sleep. "No- no, I will see you in the morning."

She dressed, occasionally throwing glances in my direction as though uncertain, before slipping out of the room like a shadow. I stripped myself out of the gown, lay down on the bed and closed my eyes. Then I picked you up, diary, and commenced writing.

Well! As I said it has been a most confusing day but all's well that ends well, I suppose. I have confounded my mad sister, exposed the duplicitous hero and put my treacherous minion in her place. I can still feel that wonderful swell of satisfaction in my body, like a sweet hunger for more- clearly the result of my victories. No doubt I will have a dreamless sleep tonight!

I mean, so long as I can get the image of that ridiculous todger out of my mind...