May 29, 2006

There comes a time when one realizes that their formative education was flawed. I have known this for years when I realized that the smell of natural armpits was a sexual turn-on for me and not repulsive as common knowledge would have us believe.

Since that revelation, that our American sensitivities actually go against what we should naturally enjoy – including sex, I have found like-minded friends and acquaintances bold enuf to admit that they too like these things we were educated against.

So, where are our limits when we throw out the old common knowledge? Well, it seems to be very personal and perhaps influenced by accepted cultural norms. Such as, most Americans still cling to the belief that the smell emitted by our underarms denotes poor hygiene and that it smells bad. Whereas, many Europeans and particularly the French share my view that underarm odors are exciting and alluring and happen on any clean underarm that is left in its natural state.

This brings us to another value judgment – what is clean? The aforementioned French have been known to not bathe every day, nor change their underwear daily. According to a 1998 official government survey in France, 53 percent of French people fail to take a daily bath or shower, one in six men wear the same underwear for three days or longer and only 30 percent use deodorant. Now, as most of America goes EWWW after reading that, I and a very small minority wishfully think France is where we should be.

Daily bathing is a fairly recent construct in our society. Nineteenth Century Europeans and Americans managed to bathe once a week (or even less) and mostly survived. Personally I enjoy a daily hot bath – it relaxes me, but on an occasional weekend when I am alone I've gone three days without hitting the tub or shower. Sometimes it takes the third day before I even get a discernable odor, perhaps becoming anosmic to the smell like a lot of French. But, it is proof that daily bathing is not necessary and we can survive without it. Another American myth debunked.

Likewise, I have worn the same tighty-whities for more than one day, like 40 percent of Frenchmen. In fact, like some 15 percent of Frenchmen, I have worn my briefs for three days, changing when the urine drops are noticeable on front. (I am very meticulous cleaning my ass – no bike tracks in my skivvies.) So, I guess some of us have joined the French Revolution in asserting, "If it don't stink, don't wash it."

And if it do stink, lick it. Just a little reference to my enjoyment of licking armpits that have a natural odor and no aluminum chlorhydrate in them. That will take me to the real disgusting stuff that inspired me to write this piece.

Recently, I had a revelation while taking a leak. We have been told since childhood to wash our hands after "using the toilet." OK, I can see a possible health benefit of not spreading hepatitis-A after wiping your ass, but why wash our hands after taking a leak. This revelation was prompted by hanging out with a bunch of gay men and realizing that any one of them would have put my dick in their mouth as is, including if it had a drop of piss on the tip. So, begs the question, why wash my hands?

Likewise with women, who usually have more juicy parts to touch down there than do men. I remember my first time going down on a girl, an impulsive act on a hot July day when I pulled down the front of her panties and stuck my tongue into the sweaty dampness of her pubes and found her moist clit. I was under the influence of total sexual excitement at the time, so touching her smelly, nasty parts with my tongue seemed the right thing to do. And I'm still here; it didn't kill me. So again the question arises, why wash your hands after pissing, knowing that people have survived after licking all the sweaty parts you touched with your hand, and even survived that little bitter drop of piss hanging at your urethra?

Most guys cite the "3-second rule" (or 5 or more depending how gross they are) when eating something that has fallen on the floor. Most women I've asked won't eat anything off the floor even if it could be retrieved after one second. Depending on my assessment of the floor, I will usually pick dry food up and eat it, as will most guys. When I get aghast looks from others I simply tell them, if they knew where my tongue has been they'd understand. Yes, in my lifetime of intimacy, I have licked EVERY inch of the human body (and a few inches inside) of both genders.

Which brings us back to that handwashing thing after using the toilet, maybe even after wiping your ass. I don't think all the gay men who put me in this mindset would lick my anus, but a sizeable number of them would. I've been there, done that to guys and girls over the years. Sort of play it by nose whether you stick your tongue into every crack, but if the excitement is intense enuf and the asshole cute enuf I've rimmed away oblivious to hygiene. (Oh yeah, I've also been vaccinated for hepatitis-A).

Again, I ask, where are our limits when we throw out the old common knowledge of hygiene? I have gone counter to all the things taught me in childhood and have survived quite a few years in the process.

Not only have I licked smelly feet, armpits, genitals and buttholes, I've even stuck my tongue inside other peoples' spitty mouths and survived – happily. Disgusting when you think about it, but quite compulsive at the time of doing it.

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